TLC: The Scary Channel

True fact: I went years without cable.  And I never complained.  But, as soon as I was old enough to babysit, I would put the kids to bed and turn on the TV and embrace the goodness of TLC. Those were the glory days of The Learning Channel, because it’s gone downhill since then.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are still some shows I’ll watch.  After all, I am a self-diagnosed What Not to Wear addict, and, like many other College Candy writers, I adore Jon & Kate Plus 8.  Not to mention I now dress up while grocery shopping, all because of Take Home Chef, Curtis Stone.  This sexy Aussie can ambush me and make me dinner anytime.

But, it ends there.  Lately, I can’t even watch show previews on TLC, because even they freak me out.  The Learning Channel either needs an overhaul (starting with this guy), or a new name.  Our suggestion: The Scary Channel (dun dun dun).

Now TLC, I do have to thank you for one thing.  Some of your shows are cheap birth control.  I mean, 18 Kids and Counting makes me want to join a convent and never have sex again!  While I adore Jon & Kate Plus 8, you should have stopped there, because the multiple birth/Brangelina’s competition shows now take up the majority of your scheduling time.

But then we have the pedophile’s wet dream, Toddlers & Tiaras. There is nothing scarier than a mom reliving her youth by putting lipstick on a 2-year-old. Yes I know these pageant moms exist, but I don’t want to see their doll-like children paraded around on screen. Doing sexy poses. In bikinis. (I feel icky.)

Then we have the medical mystery shows which really freak me out.  First, there’s the My Shocking Story series, featuring the half-man, half-tree; then there’s the multitude of Half-ton (insert descriptor) shows.  And let us not forget the show, “Woman With Half a Body.” Interesting? Yes. While I ate dinner? No thanks.

The scariest of all – and the one making me reconsider my cable package – is April’s all new, “I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant” series. Seriously? WTF, TLC? Why?