Overheard: Best Believe It

By John

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Two guys, wearing baseball caps, jeans and ties.)

Guy 1: I love your tie, man. I can’t get knots like that. It never works for me.

Guy 2: Thanks.

Guy 1: I’m really jealous, dude. I wish I could be you. Or at least I wish we were better friends.

(Two girls at a picnic table.)

Girl 1:  That’s awkward.

Girl 2:  What?

Girl 1:  My roommate just texted me. She said she saw my butt last night. I don’t know what that means. 

(Guy, exasperated.)

Guy: It was like, hi Mom and Dad! And they were like, we’re dressing up like French police officers, we’ll say hi to you later! And then I had to take their picture.

(Guy talking on his cell phone.)

Guy: And then – oh my god, seriously, best part of the night – a two gallon jug of whey protein. Totally f***ing serious.

(Two guys.)

Guy 1: Guess what?

Guy 2: What.

Guy 1: I jizzed on a boat.

Guy 2: I hate you.

(A girl and a guy, waiting in an office hallway.)

Girl: I can’t go in there. Everyone else brought their unicorn!

(At night, two dripping wet guys with nerf guns running through a parking lot.)

Guy: Okay, I got him, I think he’s dead! Let’s go set off that car alarm!

(A girl on her cell phone during class.)

Girl: I don’t care! That’s the new dress code. Same outfit every day. It gets smelly, whatever, not my problem.

(From a CC reader: A girl and two guys, eating after work.)

Guy 1: I just ate the skin off this chicken, and you know how puppies smell? That’s what it tasted like

Guy 2: That’s disgusting.

Guy 1: Nahh, I’m not saying that, I like how puppies smell. I just don’t want to eat them.

(A guy, talking to a group of people outside.)

Guy: So… I had some pants. Last night, I had some pants. Anyone seen those pants? Anybody? Help me out, people.

(Girls outside, smoking.)

Girl:  So the radiator burns were finally starting to feel better, things were looking up, and then I bought some maternity pants.  Not my fault.