“Why Don’t You Ever Just Want To Cuddle?!”

Lucy says:
Sun, 5th Apr 20098:14 am 

God, it depends on how low it is! But I think that's better than having a guy harrass you every two seconds for some vag time.

Conyee says:
Sun, 5th Apr 20098:41 am 

It's awful! Haha, I'm in the same boat and we've had lots of problems because of it. I doubt my sex drive is freakishly high but because I face rejection regularly, I pay so much more attention to it. And it sucks because no matter how many times you try to reassure yourself, you always think it's because he's not into you anymore.

I think anytime people don't sync up, there will always be trouble, whether it's the guy or the girl that's more horny.

Ryu says:
Sun, 5th Apr 20098:43 am 

No way. My last boyfriend and I basically broke up because of his lower sex drive. My current boyfriend matches mine, and I couldn't be happier.

Diane says:
Sun, 5th Apr 20099:36 am 

I lived with a guy who, I thought, had a lower sex drive than mine. That was bad enough, but after we broke up, it turned out we were both taking care of ourselves in secret. Massive communication failure, and not a good situation at all. I realize now that even if the problem had just been that I wanted more than he did, it wouldn't have worked in the long run. But libido can change so much over a lifetime (and men & women peak at different ages, they say), so how could you ever really know if it will be like that always?

Gwenivere says:
Sun, 5th Apr 200910:34 am 

This is exactly how my sexual relationship is with my fiance, word for word. He constantly wants to just cuddle. I always thought there was something wrong with me (I wasn't pretty enough, wasn't good in bed, too kinky, too loud, etc…) He would just always say that I was crazy and our sex life was fine, that he just liked being with me more than having sex like rabbits everyday. I got tired of trying to come up with creative new ways to get into his pants. After I accepted that my sex drive was just hbigher than his, everything is fine now. I can take care it of myself. The only other problem is the fact that he wants to cuddle ALL THE TIME. There is something as too much of a good thing…

Kelly says:
Sun, 5th Apr 200910:41 am 

That would be a major point of friction on the relationship if my boyfriend and I had different sex drives. Ours are pretty much the same and I get very thrown off if we don't have sex as much as we usually do (work, exams, writing papers, etc).

Laura says:
Sun, 5th Apr 20097:20 pm 

I'm glad that it's not just me and my boyfriend! It's so hard to accept that it's not me. I have a roommate who has these problems too and we commiserate often. What makes it worse is that trying to talk to my boyfriend makes it worse and we get in fights about me "putting on the moves" too often. Argh. Hasn't he heard of compromise?

Ben says:
Mon, 6th Apr 20092:58 am 

Gwenivere, try to think about it from his perspective. He would rather be emotionally close than physically close. Animals have sex all the time. But animals do not ‘just cuddle,’ because cuddling is a greater emotional expression of love, where as sex is an instinctual urge, like eating or sleeping. This is not to say that sex cannot be an expression of love, but that the main purpose of sex is reproduction. He also may see YOU as someone who wants to have sex “ALL THE TIME”. There is something as too much of a good thing…

Sarah says:
Mon, 6th Apr 20096:52 am 

Ugh…This is almost me and my bf. I think we both want sex a whole lot more than we get it, but we're so alike and insecure that we don't come on to each other until we just can't stand it anymore.

Michael says:
Mon, 6th Apr 200912:09 pm 

Sex helps you fall asleep satisfied and blissful. Who wouldn't want to make habit of that recipe?

meli says:
Mon, 6th Apr 20096:35 pm 

I'm in one sista. To add to this mine will only go down-town MAYBE like once a semester. It makes and it hard to stay faithful.

Kim says:
Thu, 9th Apr 200911:27 am 

I put up with this exact same situation for almost two years before I broke up with my last boyfriend, and his lack of libido was a major contributing factor. The fact is, when the guy never initiates, it makes the girl feel inadequate and undesirable. What really bothered me was the judgemental nature of his response when I'd try to talk to him about it. (I'm sensing it here in the phrase, "Why don't you ever…") In my case, I still think my ex thought there was something wrong with ME for wanting to have sex. As a girl (and, admit it, girls are, to a certain extent, raised to believe they aren't sexual creatures), I found myself fighting the feeling that there WAS something wrong with me. There wasn't, and isn't. It just wasn't right. Sex is too emotionally-loaded and life is too short to spend time obsessing over why that one guy doesn't want you when there are lots of guys out there who will, and will really make you feel it. I say move on.

Ted says:
Tue, 28th Apr 20097:47 pm 

So being a guy with a "low" sex drive like your boyfriend I have run into this same problem with my girlfriend. First off I apologize for the way we are. But it seriously is something we can't help. I know a lot of mine is caused from stress from school, work, family, friends etc… Sometimes we just want to relax its not that we don't find our girlfriends attractive or sexy or that we never want to have sex again sometimes we are just turned off at that moment in time. I say try talking to him or just try again a little later cause realistically our mood will change pretty quick.

Allie Terag says:
Fri, 22nd May 20099:00 am 

OMG YES.

My boyfriend NEVER wants to play when I do! I hate it! Its always "I'm too stressed" or "we don't have enough time" or (Here's my favorite) "I don't like to play unless I'm in bed about to go to sleep". When I'm in bed about to go to sleep, I want to go to sleep. Playing should begin BEFORE I'm half asleep or its just not going to happen at all for me. Then he's all like 'well, what am I supposed to do? Get myself off?' and I'm like "well, you should have thought about that half an hour ago when I offered."

TEI says:
Tue, 30th Jun 20095:06 pm 

I guess very few girls care about being a virgin. How disappointing is it that they can't wait. Being unfaithful is a bad thing. Shouldn't a person only have one VERY faithful MATE for their life?

Ashley says:
Mon, 3rd Aug 200911:33 pm 

I am in that exact situation now. We've been together for about a year and a half & until about last month, we've both had very high libidos. But, we decided to have a threesome with one of my close friends, and now we NEVER have sex. It's really quite frustrating, especially since we live together. I love the kid to death, but it's killing me.

Ashley says:
Mon, 3rd Aug 200911:36 pm 

@Gwenivere: My boyfriend does the SAME THING. I'm always trying to get in his pants and he just stops me & makes me cuddle with him because "he's tired" or "we'll do it tomorrow," which is complete BS. :[

Eric says:
Fri, 14th Aug 200910:10 pm 

After reading these reponses, I am so pissed off right now. My girlfriend has a much lower libido than I do. It's not that I mind cuddle time or just holding her when we watch a movie, but come on. A guy's got needs. To read about all these women who want it but the guy "isn't in the mood"… Seriously? WTF? For me, it would be a dream come true to hear my GF say she was in the mood without me needing to initiate it.

It does make you feel like there's something wrong with you. You can't get shot down all the time and feel good about yourself.

Sad GF says:
Sun, 6th Sep 20098:08 am 

@TEI.. i am a virgin, i came here because i am trying to figure out why guys dont understand the art of compromise. i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we used to cuddle and have our fun together all the time until about 6 months. then, what he says is "just the way he is" came out, and now i have a boyfriend who is everything i wanted, minus ANY kind of romantic affection. i dont get it. maybe a couple times a month we will mess around but we never cuddle, he is miserable when i try and cuddle with him, he says it is because it feels uncomfortable. when it comes to his wants, i am always down for what he has always wanted, and trust me he enjoys it!! i just dont understand. i am always trying to make him happy. but one little thing, cuddling (EVEN WHILE WATCHING TV.. even once a week!!!) would be soooo nice for me. i miss it. i feel like ive been tricked. he made me think he was super affectionate in the beginning and now ive fallen in love with absolutely everything about him except for this one thing. idk what to do or if there is anyway anyone thinks i could change this!!! i dont want to break up with him or find someone new like ive seen some people say. everything else about us is great, we have fun together and he is my best friend. and ive talked to him about this, but it seems like when i tell him he shuts down and becomes confused at why i need the affection and feels like i am this insecure little girl. its not a good feeling. and it makes me cry a lot and i know nobody wants a girlfriend who cries for what she wants, but this is the only thing, and its a huge part of my personality to be affectionate. i dont know why or how he was able to be so affectionate in the beginning. i am going crazy.

Sad GF says:
Sun, 6th Sep 20098:11 am 

by affectionate i mean sexually as well as cuddly.

E. Blink says:
Sun, 15th Nov 20091:01 pm 

My ex was crazier about anal than plain sex.

And for me it hurt like hell!

Still, he'd constantly beg me for it.

If I said no he'd simply break out the old 'if you love me you'd let me' thing.

Natalie says:
Mon, 16th Nov 20094:31 am 

I've been dating this guys for a few weeks now, and we have not had sex yet. Twice, we'd both been moving things along. We'd get really close and I'd go for his pants, and he actually told me he was "too tired to do anything"…I don't feel rejected or insecure about this, but it's such a disappointment that we haven't even had sex once yet…Stress from work and family definitely contribute, and the fact that he's a bit older than I am, but DANG I'm still young!! I feel like a rapist.

Justin says:
Fri, 20th Nov 200910:46 pm 

Weird. My girlfriend was a virgin and so was I but I had a really high sex drive for some reason. I would get really hard erections when I was around her and turn into an animal lol. She refused sex so many times and I just said "As you wish, you know I'll always love you' thankfully we have so much in common we're best friends.
Time after time we'd get closer to having sex and the anticipation was killing me. She even admitted she wanted to have sex but wanted to stay a virgin, but either of us would initiate foreplay and then end up w the conclusion that..were both really sexy!
Eventually the lust was overwhelming at one point and we ripped eachothers clothes off and started screwing.. She pinned me
to the bed an began to hump me relentlessly..then She started crying and didn't explain. I felt so bad now all we do is cuddle, but for some reason I really really like cuddling. My sex drive is under control, I think with my heart not w my penis lol.. I don't feel dissatisfied or anything. I don't want her to feel guilty or bad, and I don't want it to be all physical… Though it is very nice and we do satisfy eachother very well..Theres nothig wrong w being w someone you're attracted to but Ithink if your relationship relies on sex you don't know what love is. Sex is good but if the guy gets his penis chopped off one day are you gonna leave him?

Justin says:
Fri, 20th Nov 200910:50 pm 

I enjoy cuddling so much.. Me and my girl lay together under the blankets and caress eachother, we look eachother in the eyes and kiss.. I tell her I love her, she says she loves me.. We both get in our pajamas and cuddle up w a bowl of popcorn to watch a movie most nights or we just nap. Lol sometimes she lays on my back when I'm sleeping <3 ooo I miss her soo much! But Ill see her tommorow! Yes! I sooo in love!

Justin says:
Fri, 20th Nov 200910:58 pm 

Hey sad gf, alot of guys pretend to be something at first and then once they're w a girl they end up showing their true colors. If this guy doesn't like cuddling he's probably insecure bc ppl really like hugs even if they don't like to admit it. And if it makes u cry u need to tell him "Listen you bastard! I like cuddling so be a F'in boyfriend and treat me like a woman! I love you ery much and I feel close to you and I want your affrction so stop being so damn cold you're upsetting me!' If he doesn't like cuddling and he isn't ok w u being a virgin he may end up just being your friend bc that's basically what u are, lol best friends. Gfs and bfs cuddle and kiss and hug and nap together it's perfectly normal, you've done nothing wrong and there's nothing wrong w crying u don't have to stunt your emotions tocmake someone happy. U don't seen that unreasonable or immature or anything u points point. You didn't do anything wrong by crying

Justin says:
Fri, 20th Nov 200911:04 pm 

Oh yeah and sad gf I just noticed u said he doesn't understand why you need affection and he thinks you're immature. That's bs! I don't know what kind of machismo thing he's on but that's not caring about your feelings at all. It enrages me when I see these guys who are completely oblivious to a womans feelings!! >=( I'm 6'4 190lbs of lean muscle mass and I can grow a full beard, my voice is deeper than most guys I can kick anyones ass and I can still cuddle w my gf and call her my muffin and my little marshmallow and my cutie butt fluffy cuteness, my little angel

Colin says:
Sat, 27th Feb 20109:59 pm 

Yeah…I've been with my gf three years and we'll go threw periods where we'll mess around 3 times a week but thats the max ever. Even since we've started to have sex the last year it's like once a week. She's pretty insecure b/c her bf in high school (5 years ago) cheated on her a lot. Anyways I'm really not sure what to do anymore…It's been a problem the entire relationship. I just want to like every other day or so…I'm also 22, 6ft blue eyes, 175, a marathon runner and lift weights 24/7 90% b/c I enjoy it the last 10 b/c I hope that it'll just turn her on more. Nothing seems to help. We have messed around maybe 3 times a month for the last year. I'm not sure what I to do anymore I just get annoyed and go sleep on the coach b/c feel like if I get mad at her about it I'm being a horrible person b/c she thinks that's all I want from her…when it's not. Anyways I guess I'm just trying to fight either accepting it, or moving on b/c it would be extremely naive to think that she will change. I guess she just has a low sex drive.

moreno_rio says:
Tue, 20th Apr 20109:44 pm 

hahahahahah

I wish my girl were like you!

I always want it but she….nheeee

idk if she wants me enough…but she still with me….

so idk…we have to findo other partners

Joseph says:
Thu, 9th Sep 20109:06 pm 

I love to cuddle and if i had my way i would cuddle with my girlfriend all the time, but she is the exact opposite she pushes me away when i just try to hold her…its really frustrating because sometimes a guy just want to hold his girlfriend….and as far as sex goes, she wants to save herself, i respect her so i dont make her do anything she doesnt want (even though sometimes we both wish we could just go all the way) i love my girlfriend a hell of a lot and would do anything for her, i just wish she would want to cuddle and do more sweet things like that

Abdulla says:
Wed, 25th May 20111:40 am 

Your mob: