I Want You to Want Me

April 8, 2009 Posted in Relationships, Sex

[I am writing this post anonymously for two reasons:

1. Because I don't want my friends to know how often I watch Oprah (daily) and how much I love her and
2. Because I'm not sure I need the whole world (read: future employers) knowing a lot about my life between the sheets.]

Last week Oprah had an episode discussing sex, sexual attraction and the things women want when it comes to doin’ the dirty. The episode as a whole was fascinating – did you know there is an equation for figuring out how hot someone is?? – but one point that really stuck out to me was the discussion of sexual desire.

A group of women sat down to talk about all things sex and one of them mentioned her love of being dominated by a man. She told the story of her hottest hookup, which involved a man at the bar pushing her into the bathroom and kissing her passionately against the wall. Now, to most people that sounds like a “grab the pepper spray” kind of moment, but to me it sounded hot. I mean, come on, that’s passion. That’s heat.

That’s really effing sexy.

She went on to say that the reason it was so memorable was not because of what he did, but the fact that he wanted to do it at all. It was the fact that she was wanted that badly that made the whole thing such a turn on.

And I couldn’t agree more. Ever since Samantha slept her way through New York on Sex and the City, women have been taking charge of their sexuality and doing the same. And while we all tell the world that we love being able to have sex with no strings attached, or just enjoy a good roll in the sack, I think what women really like about this whole thing is the validation they are getting from the experiences.

I can honestly say that of the last 5 guys I’ve slept with, I really only enjoyed two of them. The other three were just so-so and one even gave me a pretty awful UTI (after acting like a jackhammer…for three minutes). But I still keep going back for more. Why would I ever seek out a one-night stand if there was no happy ending?

Because there is – just not in the bed.

At the end of the day (or early the next morning when I’m walking home in my heels) it is never the sex that gives me the thrill – it is knowing that these guys wanted to take me home and get me naked in the first place. The thrill comes from the fact that we can barely make it out of the cab before they start untying my shirt. It is when they tell me how hot I am as soon as we hit the bed.

For me, hooking up has little to do with the actual process and all to do with the knowledge that someone can’t keep their hands off me. Sure, sex is great (well, usually…), but I truly believe that it is knowing someone wants you that is the greatest part of all.

Do you agree? Share your thoughts below…

2664615 CommentsI+Want+You+to+Want+Me2009-04-08+19%3A00%3A47Anonymous on "I Want You to Want Me"

Princess says:
Wed, 8th Apr 200910:57 am

I'm going anonymous here because 1. I don't want to be judged by people I know who might stumble upon this, and 2. It feels pretty weird to be saying all these when I'm in a relationship.

I know what you are saying. The actual deed wouldn't feel like anything at all because you are not in love with the person. I'd like to think that sex is only truly meaningful when you are in love, but sex can be pure fun too if it's no strings attached.

The fact that you're so hot it turns the guy so much that he couldn't wait any moment to pull you out of the club, is enough to stop you from reconsidering if you should go home with this guy, provided you find him attractive and eff-able in the first place.

Can't say this is good advice for every girl out there, but if you agree to this, there's no shame at all. It's just evolutionary psychology, baby.

belle says:
Wed, 8th Apr 200911:00 am

If this is true, then why wouldn't you be satisfied with just being a tease? I have no problem with one-night stands but if all you are looking for is being wanted wouldn't that urge be satisfied by just seeing how much he pursued you without actually going through with the jackhammer UTI-getting? Personally, when I have sex, it's because I want to have sex and it's hot because we can't keep our hands off each other and we're both good at it;) I can get the "wanted" attention just by walking down the street…

Toni says:
Wed, 8th Apr 200912:22 pm

I totally agree with this. My boyfriend often likes to get down to business. But I am not into it unless he makes me feel like he desires me. Otherwise I mind as well be a sex toy.

I love to feel wanted and special even if it is just for a few min. before sex.

Ricki- University of says:
Wed, 8th Apr 20095:14 pm

Oh I totally agree with this one.

Not that sex isn't really fun, but there's sex, and then there's sex with the guy who has been persuing you at the bar all night and you know wants you.

tightie says:
Wed, 8th Apr 200910:00 pm

All this talk about sex, c’mon now…

http://tightie.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/in_the_ass/

Patrice says:
Sat, 11th Apr 20098:26 pm

I think its both. I love the validation of knowing someone actually wanted to sleep with me, but I enjoy the actual act of hooking up a lot, too. It's a toss up I guess…

sauerkraut says:
Sun, 12th Apr 20096:51 pm

Can I text you sometime? Buy you a drink… or 12?

A.G. says:
Tue, 14th Apr 20096:55 am

I think it would be hot if the guy was my boyfriend but i don't find it hot that a stranger pushes me up against the wall in the bar. that's a rape fantasy. LOL….

anon. girl says:
Tue, 14th Apr 20097:27 pm

hmm..yeah i just recently actually lost my virginity on a one night stand, which followed and preceded a couple other first time promiscuous acts..i'm a little of a late bloomer, but i know what i'm doing. either way, i agree..i don't know why i did what i did, and i did catch some shit from some people for doing that, but ya know what…i liked being wanted, and i just realized that that's why i did it. basically, i like that you want me, and i want to please you for making me feel wanted and beautiful, and i like the fact that i can please you…as f'd up as that may sound…?!?

Zoe says:
Tue, 14th Apr 20099:24 pm

I really do agree with this. It has been a while since I've had a one night stand because I've been in a relationship for a long time. It was really fun to hook up with guys that I knew were dying to have sex with me, but the sex itself wasn't usually the best. I think that there is always a certain thrill with the first time you have sex with someone, especially when they can't hold themself from you. That being said, I would take sex with the man I love over anything else. And the best part is when you can still feel that crazy desire with someone you love.

Berth says:
Tue, 25th Aug 20093:24 am

I've been married for 16 years and was recently looked at like a piece of meat. It was flattering and felt nice but a little creepy. But s3x is definitely hotter with my wife than with any of my old hook-ups.

Chels says:
Wed, 9th Sep 20092:57 pm

Wow, I agree with this 110%. Sex can be good. Sex can be great. But knowing that you are undeniably desirable beats it all. And to belle: Being a tease can be satisfying sometimes, but seeing the face of a guy as soon as he takes your top off or as soon as he goes inside of you is way more satisfying.

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