Miss Manners: House Guest Cheat Sheet

April 8, 2009 5:00 pm     Posted in Reality  Vivian - Rutgers University g+ page

sleepover_intro


By Vivian

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

I love sleepovers. They are always so reminiscent of fifth grade slumber parties when, for one whole night, you and your BFF would stay up eating sundaes and talking about your favorite N*Sync member (<3 Lance).

Anyway, I still love sleepovers. Only now there are no sundaes (because we all know what happens when we scarf down a pound of ice cream at midnight), my beloved Lance is gay (in hindsight, I probably should have seen that coming), and the friend sleeping over part usually lasts waayyyy longer than just one night. Sometimes, the friend stays for weeks and instead of it being the super fun party you remembered, it kind of… sucks. I can’t complain though, I’ve done it myself – once I spent the entire summer at a friend’s while my house was being remodeled. So given the response to my last cheat sheet, I’ve decided to make another one: Miss Manner’s guide to being a good house guest…

Always clean up after yourself: If you even have to be asked to clean up after yourself, you probably aren’t being the best house guest. This is very simple rule: if you make a mess, clean it.

Offer to do chores: Yes, you may be the guest, but if the hosts are kind enough to let you stay rent-free, try to show your gratitude by offering to buy groceries or do the dishes. Even if they decline, at least they’ll know that you’re not just a lazy freeloader. It’s the thought that counts.

Don’t have visitors over without asking: While some hosts are generally okay with you having a friend over, it is always wise to clear it with them first. This is especially true if you are planning on having someone over at a weird hour (booty call) or if you wanted to invite someone to dinner (prep-time needed).

Always leave a note if you plan on staying out/not coming home: It might suck always having to answer to someone during your stay, but if you plan on sleeping at your bf’s for the night, remember to tell your hosts so that they don’t worry.

Don’t talk excessively on the land line: You have to be very careful about this one. I know it’s hard to believe but not everyone has unlimited calling and the host might not be so happy with her $500 phone bill. Watch out for long distance calling too. I once vacationed at a friend’s house in Texas and a bout of homesickness caused me to constantly call my parents- in NY! Boy, did I learn my lesson when her father came home steaming mad with the phone bill.

Replace anything you finish: If you use up the host’s [juice/lotion/conditioner/paper/ink/etc.], it is common house guest courtesy to replace it immediately, even if you bought it to begin with.

Don’t go too heavy on the water/electricity: Some people are generally more careful with how they use their electricity and water. Try not to run up their utility bills by taking hour-long showers or leaving a multitude of unnecessary lights on, especially if you know that your hosts have gone green. Actually, even if they aren’t into the whole conservation thing, you should still keep in mind that after you leave they’ll be the ones paying the bill.

Integrate yourself into the host’s schedule: If you know that the host has a strict rule about 11 pm bedtimes, then don’t fight it. Do not listen to music on full blast while they are trying to sleep. Do not talk on the phone until four in the morning. If you truly cannot stand their erratic schedule, try to work out a compromise. But under no circumstances should you b*tch and complain that they are being unreasonable. I hate to break it to ya, but as long as you are under their roof, you abide by their rules.

Last, always remember that you are a guest: Remember to be gracious – they are, after all, letting you stay in their home. I’m not saying you have to pay them (though I often feel obliged to leave something equal in value to a stay at a hotel if I stay especially long), but always let them know that you appreciate their kindness. If anything, offer to reciprocate the favor by opening up your home to them in the future.

Is there anything I forgot to add? Remind me in the comments section!

18 Comments on "Miss Manners: House Guest Cheat Sheet"

  1. maddie says:
    Wed, 8th Apr 200912:07 pm 

    these are good. i am frequently surprised by the number of people i run into who have no sense about these very basic etiquette rules

  2. Matt says:
    Wed, 8th Apr 20092:59 pm 

    Depending on the circumstances, some kind of thank you is also important. Either a note or a small note is always appreciated by your or friend's parents.

  3. Ash says:
    Wed, 8th Apr 20097:41 pm 

    I'm glad you decided to post this. I think they're good rules whether it's an extended stay or even just having a friend over to visit. My friends think it's normal to leave there dishes on the floor by the sofa after they're done and then leave at the end of the night. I hate that! I just wish everyone would have common courtesy and just treat others and their homes with respect.

    Thanks for this!

  4. liz says:
    Thu, 9th Apr 20093:57 pm 

    wash your own clothes unless they offer to do it.

  5. ss says:
    Thu, 21st May 200910:02 am 

    When I had a house guest I had to fix her plate and everything else. She even sat with my husband the whole time and I felt like a slave.My question is this Was I suspose to fix her plate etc or should she have gotten up and fixed her own.
    Thanks

  6. Vivian - Rutgers Uni says:
    Thu, 28th May 20096:45 pm 

    Hey ss- Sorry, I know I'm getting back to you a little late but I have an answer to your question. You wanted to know whether or not you should have served your houseguest food and the answer is yes, you should have. I know it sucks having to do all the work (especially since you're already offering up your home), but as the host, it's the polite thing to do. However, if we're speaking manners here, she (your guest) should have offered to help you at the very least. While some hosts object any type of help, simply offering is often enough to show your graciousness. I hope that answers your question and I also hope your next houstguests will show better taste. – MM

  7. Tiara says:
    Wed, 10th Jun 20096:44 pm 

    What I really want to know is how to get rid of uninvited, unwanted house guests… politely or otherwise (hah)!

  8. Nolongeracceptinghou says:
    Tue, 20th Oct 200912:25 pm 

    I recently had a friend, who stayed over with her family (a husband and 3 kids) at my house for THREE WEEKS, although the plan was to stay for 3-4 days. No gift, no dinner, nothing was given as a courtesy/gratitude, and not only that, I am now stuck with huge electricity and water bills. Needless to say, this makes me no longer want to host anyone, especially the entire family in my two bedroom house.

  9. mel says:
    Mon, 11th Jan 20104:17 pm 

    I have some old time friends who have been retired since 1979. I am older and still working ( 70 years old and counting)

    My problem is these close friends are beginning to become a pain. They just left after staying one week and as always the wife loves to read and does so with out ever, ever offering a hand to do anything. Her husband does normally go to the grocery store, fix a meal, and clean up sometimes after my wife and I have prepared great set down meals. This guest leaves the room it we turn on a TV program she does not like, we always watch what she wants. When we play card games she seldom will play unless it is a game she suggests. Lights, music, are also different than our normal schedule. I feel like an intruder in my own house.

    This is believed to be taking place up and down Hwy 5 at other friends and family for many years.

    Is this normal? What do We say to not make them mad? What would you do?

    More information: yesterday we went to a movie that she picked even the time. After the movie she she suggested we go to an early dinner and I would not let her spouse pay the bill. I did say that we would prefer to have some help when we get together. RESULT: they packed up and left one day early.

  10. Bewildered says:
    Mon, 8th Feb 201011:45 pm 

    Help me please. Long story short…. my husband has invited his large family of 14 to visit and stay with us for 10 days! He never consulted or shared with me til I got the vm from his obnoxious sister! I try, and like to believe I am a good host, but 10 days of 14 ppl in my 2 bedroom home? Ranging in age from 80yrs young to 3mons old!! I’m nerve wracked something fierce, but certainly can’t turn them away w/o hurt along the way. There is concern of space, lifestyle of so many and of course expense. I am so beside myself and they will be here in less than a week! (I only became aware 3 days ago) Advice please!

  11. Carol says:
    Tue, 8th Jun 201012:11 pm 

    A woman and I have been invited to accompany a woman on her time share week in Aruba. Should we offer to pay for all her meals out all week?

    Thanks.

  12. Elle says:
    Sat, 7th May 201110:07 pm 

    we're in college. a friend recently got kicked out of his parents house and is surfing my couch. how do i get him to clean up after himself? especially his dog's turds in the yard…

  13. jerry says:
    Thu, 7th Jul 201110:24 am 

    Don't drive off with your host's coffee mug. Drink the coffee before you leave the house!

  14. Krista says:
    Tue, 24th Apr 201212:13 am 

    Dardik. “We should treat the body well and keep it in as good shape as poblssie. That’s part of the philosophical idea of it.”Вкратце евреям нельзя татуировать себя, это идёт из религии.

  15. debbie says:
    Thu, 12th Jul 20127:04 am 

    a inlaw of the opposite sex (male) visited my home and walked around half naked how do I tell him to put all his clothes on

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