Sexy Time: Love Stoned


April 20th, 2009.
A day for “relaxing,” eating, and…hooking up?

Surprisingly, stoned sex is one of the things on many girls’4/20 to-“do” lists that they just haven’t gotten around to. Before you jump right in this Monday, however, I thought I would do a little research and analysis for ya. Here’s what I would imagine, and what I have learned, could go wrong during some blazed boo-tay.

Cotton mouth kisses – Now this is one thing many girls have had the displeasure of experiencing. Unless you plan ahead and strategically place a 32 oz. Nalgene of water next to your bed, you may be in for a sticky situation. Think about it – kissing doesn’t really work that well without the spit.

Distractions – I don’t know about you, but anything can catch my attention and keep it for some time, even when I’m sober. Last weekend, for instance, my friend told me that she didn’t move her eyes off the TV when Titanic was on – while she was making out with her boyfriend. Throw a little hashish into the mix, and what is happening south of the border is the last thing on your mind. First thing:  the cookie dough in the refrigerator.

Awkward maneuvers – Think of all of the awkward things you’ve done during random hook-ups. Now add all of them together and multiply by 2,000, and viola! you have stoned sex. Obviously the degree of awkwardness depends on how comfortable you are with the person and where the hook-up takes place. His bedroom? Ok. The middle of a movie theatre parking lot after seeing Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D? Not so much.

Food attraction – Sometimes eating is just more pleasurable than sex. The other night, for example, my friend Jade sacrificed her hook-up for a Cadbury Cream Egg. You may not admit it now, but I know all of you would have done the exact same thing.

“Just laying there” – Admit it – you know you can be prettyyy lazy after smoking a bowl or two. If somebody asks you if you want to hook up, you’d probably say something along the lines of “I’m down like a clown, Charlie Brown.” But if somebody tells you to get on top, you’d probably just roll over and grunt like a wild boar. Of course you’d let the guy still go for it, but you know he can’t expect anything more from you than inaudible, barely-sexy murmurs.

Now, according to some, stoned sex can have its benefits. I’m in no way condoning sex while under the influence of illicit drugs, but here are what the experts have to say about the subject. Also, if you have some extra time, I encourage you to check out Chapter 13 of the book “On Being Stoned” by Charles T. Tart, Ph.D. He actually took the time to conduct legit studies about the effects of stoned sex. It’s amazing – who knew somebody could actually have that much free time?

– 9% to 31% of Stoned Sex-ers reported feeling “…much closer mental contact with my partner; it is much more a union of souls as well as bodies.” Apparently, this occurs most frequently among college-educated users. Wassupppp.
– 6% to 28% say that “Sexual orgasms [have] new qualities, pleasurable qualities, when stoned.” According to the article, it often takes “a strong level of intoxication” to reach this effect. Probably the first and only book I’ll ever read that tells me to smoke more weed.
– Other various experiences include such statements as “…face of another…will change even as I watch it”; “surfaces rougher…graininess forms interesting patterns…”, and, in the authors words: “One woman can become another woman, many women, all women. Woman.”

What I wanna know is 1) what part of the human body would be rough and grainy during sex and 2) who laced your pot with peyote?



    1. Cristina-Michigan St says:

      Oh my god I love this article.

    2. chelle says:

      hmm while i'm lazy as hell when i smoke,if my dude is willing to do all work, the orgasms i have when i'm high are out of this world. for me it works wonders in the sex department.

    3. Me says:

      Most of my sex is normally stoned, be it one party or both, but it is always with the same guy. So, while it can be awkward at points [cotton mouth, dazing out, forgetting we're fucking and falling asleep,] it is usually better. But then I get too sleepy, and it ruins my buzz.

    4. jerry says:

      i want to meet this girl chelle. ill bang wit u and smoke the biggest blunt of kine budz with u!!!!!

    5. LucyInTheSky says:

      I get so giggly when I'm high that sex becomes the most hilariously awkward thing I've ever done. It's OK with a boyfriend, but I don't think I could do it randomly… people tend to get offended when you can't stop laughing in bed.

    6. V says:

      My first hookup up with my current bf was stoned. he thought I was good then and then he had me sober and now he thinks i’m more than amazing. ;D

    7. MM says:

      Sex with cotton mouth is the worst, I tried to give head to a guy with it and I had to pull back every couple minutes to try to generate more spit… so gross!

    8. Amy says:

      Haha, this article was well said. Santa Cruz is the mecca of contact highs, but also a ton of awkward turtles and moments when you try to combine a nug and motor function together. "It's a tough task indeed, but it's only a little weed.."

    9. Casey says:

      I absolutely LOVE stoned sex! It's amazing! You can feel every little nerve down there. And pot makes a lot of people really horny.

    10. meghan says:

      Weed doesn't make me horny, but if the guy I'm with starts touching me I become turned on very quickly! Stoned sex definitely feels great, but not only is there cotton mouth– a lot of girls get dry "down there" too, the reason being that smoking weed dries out your mucus membranes (which is why your eyes get red). Make sure to have some lube on hand. Or get both stoned AND drunk.

    11. Alma says:

      uh yea…i don't smoke. I rather drink and do it…smoking ehh…not my thing.

    12. Janelle says:

      Stoned sex is AMAZING! but i cant be too high cuz then i just want to sleep. The perfect amount makes you feel everymove your guy makes. Me and my guy were totally connected on a whole new level when we had love stoned sex…try it!

    13. Aislinn says:

      Seriously? I need to know that guys guy.

    14. […] awesome. But you know what’s even better? Stoned sex! And according to the lovely ladies of, the high-hook-up is topping the list of many girls’ 420-to-do lists. Luckily for us all, […]

    15. tightie says:

      How about stoned and doing this!

    16. Casey says:

      oh another thing, being high makes you (well at least me) more adventurous. So we try so many new things when we do it high. And embarrassing positions (like the frog style or whatever) aren't so embarrassing, or at least you're just too into it (or high) to care.

    17. Khrystin says:

      Hahah I love this! The first time I hooked up with my current boyfriend I had smoked so much weed and I was on my way downtown and I fell asleep on his stomach. Luckily he didn't judge me cause he was just as high as I was/ However last night we did it really high and we did the dirty for 8 hours. It was amazing. So I vote yes for a threesome with maryjane ; )

    18. kae says:

      hahaha. funniest thing thus far. i've got a 32 oz nalgene bottle sitting next to me. i didn't smoke for 4/20, but still enjoyed this for future reference if the situation ever comes up:)

    19. mrawzors says:

      Man, stoned sex = 1208528 times better than drunk sex, as far as I'm concerned. Everything you pointed out is true (especially the eating part, omg). But, I mean, if you're having sex with your boyfriend, and you're both stoned, I don't think all of that is really a problem, mostly because he'll probably by on the same wave-length. My 4th best fuck was while I was stoned (and the first 3 were while I was sober). If you're into it then you get reeeaaally into it.

    20. bliss says:

      Stoned sex =Longer Sex for me ;)& BF

      i dont remember all my drunk sex before i knew it i had passed out.My first couple of times i got high i wouldnt know what to do so i would just fall asleep lol.

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