I’m Not Crazy, Just Crushing
I’d like to consider myself a fairly sane person. I wear clothing, avoid drama, and know nothing about voo doo. I don’t have a secret alias, or an imaginary friend, or a meth problem. No skeletons in my closet, just a bulging IKEA shoe rack and a gallon-sized refill of Febreze.
Decidedly not crazy.
Yet for some reason, whenever a particularly witty, charming, attractive male glides into the picture, my so-called sanity gets a little shaky. Suddenly, I find myself Googling his name at 2AM, skimming news briefs about what appears to be a highlight-filled yet short-lived high school soccer career. I’m not crazy, I rationalize; I simply want to be informed.
We’ve all been there. Or at least I hope we’ve all been there, because I really don’t want to be the only one who creeps like this. Guys I like just make me a little bit of a nutter. Fingers crossed these apply to you too.
The Google-Facebook-Twitter Stalk
It’s so easy. So tempting. And so very anonymous. He’ll never know that you scanned his public profile, comparing your music tastes and reveling in your mutual distaste for bumper stickers. He likes Death Cab and working out and has the same birthday as your Aunt Linda! It must be destiny. And although I’m not a big fan of this Twitter business, I’m pretty sure constant updates on your crush’s well-being in real time could be fairly intriguing. Calvin is brushing his teeth. He must be hygienic. Calvin is reading for Poli Sci. You always had a thing for nerds. Calvin basically wants to BE Flava Flav. Well… maybe he’ll give you a cute nickname. Like Hoops.
The I-Didn’t-Know-Your-Last-Class-Got-Out-At-3:50-I’m-Just-Cutting-Through-The-Arts-and-Science-Building-To-Get-To-The-Bookstore Move
Nothing is quite as Disney Channel Original Movie as the not-so-surprised run-in. Oh! I didn’t expect to see you here! I’m just meeting a friend. On a Wednesday. You know, during a passing period. Wearing skinny jeans and a clingy American Apparel V-neck when I usually just rough it in my Target-brand track shorts. But that’s so funny that I ran into you. It’s not like I’ve been intently studying the vending machine down the hall for the past seven minutes so I appear to have a purpose for loitering outside your lecture hall. Want a Gardetto?
The Drag-Half-Your-Friends-To-His-Frat/Party/Acapella Concert Tactic
After deciding that maybe telling your girls it’s a white trash themed event when it’s really semi-formal is a little too cutthroat (hey, whatever makes you look cute in comparison), you enlist a small posse to accompany you to his social setting of choice. Once there, you laugh loudly, take pictures, dance like a video extra, and essentially let that love interest know that you are hilarious, photogenic, and Sasha Fierce 2.0. It’s probably best that you rely on the look, look away eye contact. It’s a classic, and not THAT creepy. Right? Right. Bonus points for flirting with other guys, because that’s obviously a perfectly logical way to win him over.
Okay, so this crazy in love deal can’t be just me. What’s the most ridiculous, potentially embarrassing thing you’ve done in the name of crushing? “Check yes or no” notes? Personalized tee-shirts?