I’m Not Crazy, Just Crushing

April 18, 2009 3:00 pm     Posted in Relationships  Kiki - University of Missouri g+ page

crush1I’d like to consider myself a fairly sane person. I wear clothing, avoid drama, and know nothing about voo doo. I don’t have a secret alias, or an imaginary friend, or a meth problem. No skeletons in my closet, just a bulging IKEA shoe rack and a gallon-sized refill of Febreze.


By Kiki

Decidedly not crazy.

Yet for some reason, whenever a particularly witty, charming, attractive male glides into the picture, my so-called sanity gets a little shaky. Suddenly, I find myself Googling his name at 2AM, skimming news briefs about what appears to be a highlight-filled yet short-lived high school soccer career. I’m not crazy, I rationalize; I simply want to be informed.

We’ve all been there. Or at least I hope we’ve all been there, because I really don’t want to be the only one who creeps like this. Guys I like just make me a little bit of a nutter. Fingers crossed these apply to you too.

The Google-Facebook-Twitter Stalk

It’s so easy. So tempting. And so very anonymous. He’ll never know that you scanned his public profile, comparing your music tastes and reveling in your mutual distaste for bumper stickers. He likes Death Cab and working out and has the same birthday as your Aunt Linda! It must be destiny. And although I’m not a big fan of this Twitter business, I’m pretty sure constant updates on your crush’s well-being in real time could be fairly intriguing. Calvin is brushing his teeth. He must be hygienic. Calvin is reading for Poli Sci. You always had a thing for nerds. Calvin basically wants to BE Flava Flav. Well… maybe he’ll give you a cute nickname. Like Hoops.

The I-Didn’t-Know-Your-Last-Class-Got-Out-At-3:50-I’m-Just-Cutting-Through-The-Arts-and-Science-Building-To-Get-To-The-Bookstore Move

Nothing is quite as Disney Channel Original Movie as the not-so-surprised run-in. Oh! I didn’t expect to see you here! I’m just meeting a friend. On a Wednesday. You know, during a passing period. Wearing skinny jeans and a clingy American Apparel V-neck when I usually just rough it in my Target-brand track shorts. But that’s so funny that I ran into you. It’s not like I’ve been intently studying the vending machine down the hall for the past seven minutes so I appear to have a purpose for loitering outside your lecture hall. Want a Gardetto?

The Drag-Half-Your-Friends-To-His-Frat/Party/Acapella Concert Tactic

After deciding that maybe telling your girls it’s a white trash themed event when it’s really semi-formal is a little too cutthroat (hey, whatever makes you look cute in comparison), you enlist a small posse to accompany you to his social setting of choice. Once there, you laugh loudly, take pictures, dance like a video extra, and essentially let that love interest know that you are hilarious, photogenic, and Sasha Fierce 2.0. It’s probably best that you rely on the look, look away eye contact. It’s a classic, and not THAT creepy. Right? Right. Bonus points for flirting with other guys, because that’s obviously a perfectly logical way to win him over.

Okay, so this crazy in love deal can’t be just me. What’s the most ridiculous, potentially embarrassing thing you’ve done in the name of crushing? “Check yes or no” notes? Personalized tee-shirts?

17 Comments on "I’m Not Crazy, Just Crushing"

  1. Sara says:
    Sat, 18th Apr 200910:38 am 

    Ah well Thursday I was coming back to my apartment after happy hour with friends when I spotted the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. I was on the phone with my Dad so I couldn't really flirt, but he was smiling at me and did the "how you doin?" thing. I walked back to my place, got off the phone and thought I don't want to have a stupid missed connection on craigslist. Fueled with my liquid courage, I fixed my makeup and headed back out in hopes of seeing him again. I didn't see him, but his friend saw me and told me his friend thought I was beautiful and to hold on while he went in to get him.. So I waited and he came out, we talked for a while and exchanged numbers. I guess it was all worth it.

    And geez that was longer than I intended. haha

  2. Samantha says:
    Sat, 18th Apr 200911:07 am 

    Sara, you are awesome. Congrats on it working out! I am more like Kiki, I have done every single thing on this list, and often, not much more. Flirting with other guys… why do I do this? Google stalking… why don't I just talk to him? Accidental run-in… why don't I just say something? Sigh.

  3. Kris says:
    Sat, 18th Apr 200912:25 pm 

    Gah! Kiki I so know what you're talking about. also, what about watching the quad from the window of your dorm room to see when his IM lacrosse games are going on so you can not-so-subtly sunbathe while he's playing?

  4. smilessss says:
    Sat, 18th Apr 20091:34 pm 

    I have definitely done this. Thank goodness to know that I'm not the only one — and people think I'm crazy.

    Accidental run-ins and facebook stalking. I admire from faraway.

  5. C says:
    Sat, 18th Apr 20092:21 pm 

    "Suddenly, I find myself Googling his name at 2AM, skimming news briefs about what appears to be a highlight-filled yet short-lived high school soccer career. I’m not crazy, I rationalize; I simply want to be informed."

    I am so glad I'm not the only one who does this!

  6. Olivia says:
    Sat, 18th Apr 20097:29 pm 

    I am totally guilty of the fb stalking sometimes.

  7. Amy says:
    Sat, 18th Apr 20098:38 pm 

    Facebook stalking is quite effective lol. You can tell a lot about the person from the applications they have on their page, their photos and their wall posts =)

  8. Sarah says:
    Sat, 18th Apr 20099:54 pm 

    Definitely guilty on the facebook stalking. its pretty addicting

  9. Lynda says:
    Sun, 19th Apr 20094:56 am 

    I think its really funny

  10. Fran says:
    Sun, 19th Apr 20094:17 pm 

    Oh, I'm just like that! That's why I hate private facebook profiles… boring!

  11. Amanda says:
    Fri, 24th Apr 200912:43 pm 

    This is hilarious and totally accurate (especially loved the bit about googling their sports careers)

  12. S says:
    Tue, 28th Apr 20093:29 pm 

    SO TRUE.

  13. Cs says:
    Mon, 30th Nov 200910:01 pm 

    I'm in love with my best friend, but I don't know what to say or do. I'm always on facebook hoping he'll log on and we can chat. I always pull up his number to text him, but then chicken out. Shawn is perfect for me. Smart, funny, sweet, a real gentleman. He has a bit of a track record, but all the girls dumped him! I just wish he would ask me out.

  14. Sassy Anne says:
    Tue, 15th Dec 20091:06 pm 

    This is so true, it's untrue :D love it!

  15. Tonii says:
    Sat, 6th Feb 20104:51 am 

    haha, love (or infatuation) turns the best of us into lunatics! And I dare you to find a girl who HASN'T facebook stalked a guy. even once. by accident. It's very effective.

  16. LUVJAROMHYDE says:
    Wed, 15th Jun 20117:53 am 

    I really like my friend… but he has a crush. Hes everything I hope for. Smart, Cute, Funny, blond, blue eyes… such an angel. One day I found that my bf (girl) liked him too. I was heartbroken. now theres only 7 days left 4 school. what am I gonna do ?! I WANT TO TELL HIM I LIKE HIM. but I'm scared that when I do he'll tel me he doesn't. I don't even have the nerve to talk to him, I'll never be his girlfriend. :(

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