Is It Possible to be Too Single?

sleeping I’ve been single for a really, really long time. Like, super long. Super duper long. I’ll put it to you plainly: the last time I had a BF, Jordin Sparks was still competing on American Idol.

Yeah.

Not that I mind being single – I have actually gotten quite used to it – I just worry that spending so much time depending on myself and myself only has sorta made me….too single.

I don’t remember what it’s like to be in a relationship anymore; to answer to someone else, to plan around someone else, to make decisions with someone else. I sleep in the middle of my bed – and I hog all the pillows. I spend my evenings with takeout food and TLC reality shows that no guy would ever watch. I sometimes go days without washing my hair and months without getting a wax. I devote any and all time to hanging out with my friends. I take out my own garbage and buy my own drinks.

I change my own flat tires.

I enjoy being a truly independent woman, but I am starting to wonder if all that “I can do it”-ness is preventing me from finding someone. If my contentedness is preventing me from actually getting out there and bringin’ home a boy. Well, a boyfriend. I have gotten quite good at just bringing home a boy.

A friend recently told me (drunk at 3 a.m., mind you) that the key to getting a guy is playing the damsel in distress. Not in all aspects of your life, but in some. Her weapon is a lack of car; she always needs the guy to drive, so he feels good taking care of her. And guys keep lining up to give this girl a ride (pun not intended)..

Even Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker, would agree (and not when she’s drunk at 3 a.m.). Guys need to be guys and they need to feel needed. They may admire a woman who can do it all herself, but it steps on their manly toes a bit when she does.

The fact that I’ve done it all myself for the past few years, then, may be the reason its been so long. I’m so used to being out of a relationship that I may be preventing myself from getting into one.

I think I’m officially too single. Is that possible?

Stephanie says:
Thu, 23rd Apr 20091:13 pm

I know exactly how you feel. I find myself doing things when a guy offers, because I have been single forever. I even do it to my guy friends. I wish there was away to fix it.

Lauren - University of Michigan says:
Thu, 23rd Apr 20091:15 pm

My guy friends yell at me. They are like “Let me carry the bag” and I’m always like, “No, I got it.”

Then tehy grab it from me and say, “JUST LET SOMEONE HELP YOU.”

I need help. Mentally.

D. says:
Thu, 23rd Apr 20091:42 pm

Haha, Lauren…People are always offering to help carry my bags too, I’m always lugging around this giant backpack in addition to my regular (huge, oversized) bag. I prefer to carry my own stuff all the time, it drives everyone I know crazy.

Matt says:
Thu, 23rd Apr 20092:25 pm

Speaking from a male perspective, maybe not. Personally, I like a girl who is independent and not entirely dependent on a relationship or their significant other. That said, the key to a guy’s heart is making him know he is wanted and helpful in some way. And for some, that may be having the guy carry or fix things, but other times it may have to be on an intellectual or emotional level. Just a thought.

rach says:
Thu, 23rd Apr 20092:36 pm

i know what you mean. i was single all throughout college and i liked it. i got to figure myself out without burdening someone else with my growing pains. now that i’m in the “real world” i have more time to be with someone. its that whole, it happens when you least expect it thing. but i dont think you can be “too single” you’ll be a better partner because of it.

sugardaddydating says:
Thu, 23rd Apr 20093:49 pm

I guess we are all similar in the estate of being single, men or women.

I enjoyed being single too, Doing whatever I wanted to do, going to sleep at the time I wanted too, hanging with friends as long as I wanted too. That’s great, at one point I realized that I wanted to be like this forever.

But now no way, I got over that and now though I got limited somehow with my freedom I still enjoy my life.

Then go for it…)))

Wendy says:
Thu, 23rd Apr 20094:11 pm

No. Your independence is just a property of who you are [and what's not to love about not having to rely on anyone for anything?], and anybody who is going to be worth your time will appreciate that about you.

Dorothy says:
Thu, 23rd Apr 20095:58 pm

Your only as single as you want to be…and at the end of the day if your having a blast then what does it matter?

Stephanie says:
Fri, 24th Apr 20091:11 pm

That is so true. Guys do need to feel needed. A lot of people don’t realize that these days.

I’m single too, though, and I’d have to say that if you’re happy being single, don’t change a thing. If not (for any girls out there), then do something about it.

Joe the Drunk says:
Sat, 25th Apr 20098:50 am

What’s the problem here?
Why can’t you be single and still live a little?
And what’s the difference between the college girl who keeps her legs crossed but opens them when she wants to and the filthy fuckpigs who whore around college campuses all the time in the year 2009?

Shayla says:
Sun, 26th Apr 200912:24 pm

ugh! I’m totally that girl.
Seriously, haven’t been in a proper relationship for almost 2 years. It sucks. I know it’s something about me – I mean, I’m fairly attractive. Okay, a LOT more attractive than some girls, I’ll be honest.
But it’s obviously a personality thing when it comes to dating.

I can easily attract guys but my problem is staying neutral like that; ive been out of a relationship for so long that every time someone comes along i get superduper attached and the whole debacle starts again…

i just hope i can work out what’s stopping “things” from becoming “relationships.”
Good Luck to you!

Anya D Night says:
Mon, 27th Apr 20092:34 pm

screw. that. My boyfriend always says he loves me because I don’t need him and still want him, the moment he gets upset that I’m not damsel-y enough, I am booking the first flight to Singlesville and you and I can hang out and drink and take out trash together, hairy legs and all.

Maybe it isn’t your independence that’s bad, but the guys you’re meeting? Or how you meet them?

Jane says:
Wed, 29th Apr 20098:46 am

You’re not too single, you’re independent, and in the best of ways! I can’t stand the sort of girl (or guy) that needs to be in a relationship to make it. Plus, you said you’re content, and I say that being content is the true goal, not being taken. If you want a relationship, maybe you could start pursuing one more actively, but it’s not as if there’s anything wrong with your behavior now just because you don’t have one.
Independence and the ability to make yourself happy without needing to rely on someone else to feel okay is a fantastic thing, and it’s something that not that many girls have. Never sacrifice it just to find some dude.

kitch says:
Wed, 29th Apr 20098:08 pm

i am like you, but probably single for more years than you have been. i am not sad about being single, too. in fact, i enjoy it and am ready to be single for the rest of my life.

Rachel says:
Fri, 1st May 200912:30 am

I think there is definitely such a thing as being too single. I’m almost 25, and I’ve never had a boyfriend. EVER. I’m the epitome of being too single. The last date I had was my sophomore year of college when (I believe) Fantasia was on American Idol. I find myself resenting the girls I know who somehow manage to go from one relationship to another, like they are trading in last year’s pair of jeans. But I don’t think my independence and self-sufficiency are the reason I am single. I attribute it more to social awkwardness and lack of confidence. Those are my reasons, I’m sure that other serial singles have different ones. I am just now learning that there is nothing wrong with me for being single and independent, which has helped me accept my life of singledom,though I’d still like to join the world of coupledom.

kiki says:
Fri, 1st May 200911:34 am

i HATE being single.

e says:
Fri, 1st May 20097:32 pm

are you fat?

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17 Comments		Posted in Relationships
		Tags: boyfriend, couple, damsel in distress, Friends, manly, millionaire matchmaker, patti stanger, relationship, single, single status, TLC

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