Thank God You Aren’t This Crazy…Or Are You?

crazy_woman-copyYou’ve done some crazy things in your love lifetime:

Sleeping with your cell phone near your head as you wait for that boy to call.
Googling him to find out his interests…and then getting interested in professional hot dog eating yourself.
Eating only half of your burger when you could have eaten the whole thing and the fries so he didn’t think you were a heffer.

We get it. No biggie. Especially when you compare yourself to the real crazies out there:

The Sperm Jacker recently warned their readers to beware of this crazy woman. The sperm-jacker is a woman who has neglected having children to focus on her career. When she starts to hear her biological clock ticking, she decides it is time to get pregnant. She goes out to a bar to find a man who will (seemingly) be able to provide for offspring, beds him, and then “accidently on purpose” gets pregnant.

The Marriage Trapper
We all know who this girl is – she wants her boyfriend to commit and his bachelor-ass doesn’t want to. Solution: get pregnant. This girl will get off the pill behind her boyfriend’s back or poke holes in his condoms when he’s not looking in order to get pregnant and force him to marry her. Some women go to even more desperate measures (yes, it does get more desperate than that!), and have sex with someone else to get pregnant and claim it’s their boyfriends. Too bad that plan didn’t work out so well for this woman, whose boyfriend had had a vasectomy that she didn’t know about.

The Circumsizer
In ancient times, police would punish thieves by cutting off their hands. Now, women punish cheaters by cutting off their penises. The punishment fits the crime, right? This woman and this woman think so.

The (Statutory) Rapist
There is no man quite as sexy as a 13-year-old pre-pubescent boy, right? Can I get a “Ew gross!”? Maybe these women aren’t satisfied in their adult relationships, or maybe they have a thing for acne, but there are a lot of women out there falling head over heels for those middle school boys. This fox news article summarizes a few of the cases.

The Stalker
This women is obsessive and jealous. When she is with someone, she knows where they are at all times. She reads his email and checks his Facebook/MySpace/Twitter. She browses his text messages and call log daily. After the break up, she continues to stalk. She keeps reading the email. She will show up in places she knows he will be, just to see who he is with. If he blocks her on Facebook, she will used a friend’s account to keep tabs. An user reports his experience with this crazy woman here.

What do you think? Do these crazies make you feel better or worse?
Even more, do you see yourself turning into one of these!?



  1. Casey says:

    My boyfriends sister in law is "The marriage trapper" My BF's brother is HOT! He looks like a 6'3 version of Tom Cruise. After highschool he broke up with his perfect girlfriend and started "dating" (read, hooking up with) this girl that looked like an early 90's hooker, complete with tramp stamp. She told him she was on the pill and then stopped taking it when she found out he was going to break up with her. (her MOTHER actually told her to baby trap him because that's what she had done with her father) So she did, and he married her 4 years later, and then a year after they were married she did it again, as if having more kids that they can't afford (they lived with her parents for 5 years) will somehow keep him around. There is so much drama from this story I can't even write it all so I'll stop there.

  2. Melanie says:

    My mom was a 'sperm jacker.' I don't really see what's wrong with it – she wanted a second baby (me) after her husband died, but not a man, so she went out and slept with a guy to get pregnant. She never contacted him again, and I have no idea who he is. I don't really see what the big deal is as long as the woman never asks for the dude to financially support a family he didn't want. It's the same theory as using a sperm donation, but more organic, and aren't we all about organic now?

  3. criolle johnny says:

    It's "heifer", not "heffer". Uss yer spel cheker!

    … and Melanie, does a man have a right to know he has a child?

    Try banging your head on the desk while repeating "It's not about ME"! There are three people involved, you, the father and the child.

    Your response shows that your mother was only thinking of what SHE wanted.

    "A woman without a man is like a from with out a bicycle". Right. Ask a six year old girl if she'd rather have a bicycle or a father.

    It's not about you. Other people are involved, they also have rights. If you'd quit looking at your reflection in the pond long enough, you might see that.


  4. […] -The types of women out there who are totally ruining it for the average girl -Important presentation: How to fake your own death (funny) -A porno all about Twitter, starring […]

  5. […] College Candy breaks down the five different types of female crazy. […]

  6. […] May 23, 2009 at 3:04 pm (collegecandy, life) (women, crazy, crazy women, boyfriend, crazy woman, relationships, sex, sperm jacker, circumcision, castration, stalker, stalking, statuatory rape, manipulate, manipulative women, manipulative woman, pregnancy, pregnant, marriage, baby) Read my breakdown of 5 types of crazy women over at collegecandy. […]

  7. Christina says:


    who would want a baby that bad?

  8. evil of some women says:

    well it just goes to show that there are a lot of truly EVIL women out there and of course society naturally portrays the man to be the bad one. Just as how just as how there are bad men,there are bad women! Guys should be careful about the girl they're with because to get a good "kind pure hearted" girl who is good looking is really hard to find,unless u get her young and train/teach her..but there isn't only sperm jackers there's also "wedding diggers"- the whole purpose is just to get a wedding…

    For the marriage trapper-if she does that to me i Wouldn't even think about marrying her,i would Dump her and leave her right there! she'll just be trapping herself! i'm not the kinda guy that'll sport around with some BIG belly chick/sagging woman(pregnant women are a turn-off} afterwards and act like if she's a super's either you take your birth control and look good with figure but betray my trust…i dump you!simply put.

    for the circumciser- i would hunt you down and murder you brutally..female genital mutilation style(it's justified for this}…and wipe out your entire family, Hitler style…slowly but surely…fire with fire!

    all that being said, ground rules must be stated early in the relationship and guys must know what they want in a girl,if she doesn't want to abide by your views,move think!!

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