Overheard: Balmy Eighties

By John

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Guy, stalking around office, exasperated.)

Guy: And nobody here knows what a cloaca is? Seriously? You guys need to get out more.

(Two girls at a dining hall table.)

Girl 1: It’s not like that. If you put anything in a crust, it’s a pie. That’s a pie.

Girl 2: What about cheesecake? Cheesecake has a crust.

Girl 1: No it doesn’t.

Girl 2: Have you ever had cheesecake? Have you even seen a cheesecake? This is a problem, like, for us. For you and me.

(Guy, bothering another guy outside a door.)

Guy 1: No, dude, no, that’s not cool.

Guy 2: C’mon, man. I gotta be your guest. Just for like, thirty seconds. You gotta let me be your guest, c’mon.

Guy 1: No! That’s stupid! Crazy!

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: Okay, what’s the office rule? No drinking? Or was it two people… only two people? Oh. Two people have to be sober. Okay, I’ll be there in a minute.

(Girl, reading paper, incredulous.)

Girl: Six shots? Over fifteen hundred calories? What are you shooting, Kahlua?

Girl 2: Pure chocolate fudge.

Girl 3: Deep-fried fudge-flavored lard.

(A guy slams his hands down on a table.)

Guy: No! Your life sucks because you couldn’t do a barrel roll!

(Guy, in line at Starbucks.)

Guy: Okay, not to hate on my boss, you know. No offense. But she’s an idiot, she gets distracted, she’s loud, she has no sense of humor and I can’t stand working with her. She makes my job so much harder than it should be. No offense.

(Guy, talking to a girl.)

Girl: They had those four-liter things. You want that?

Guy: Jeez. Four liters of wine. Why don’t we stop measuring in liters and start measuring in ‘how many couches I’m gonna light on fire.’

(Two guys in dining hall.)

Guy 1: Check it out. Steroid burger.

Guy 2: What?

Guy 1 (Completely seriously): Steroid burger. Like, with steroids.

(Submitted from a reader: Two girls reading a sign.)

Girl 1: What is EasyMac

Girl 2: A really easy Mac computer