Thank You, Swine Flu!
April 27, 2009 Posted in Buzz
According to every single headline I’ve seen this morning, it seems that there is an outbreak of something called the Swine Flu. I don’t really know what it is (or what pigs have against us…besides the fact that we only like them for their fatty and delicious goodness), but my finger started hurting last night and I can only assume I have caught it.
Schools and businesses are being closed because of this sitch, and people from NY to Chicago are walking around town with SARS masks on.
But while the rest of the world is freaking out, I couldn’t be happier.
Seriously, schools and businesses are closing? Holla back, y’all. This swine flu is the perfect excuse for just about anything this week and I plan to milk it for all it’s worth:
“Sorry, teach, can’t make it to class today. Wouldn’t wanna catch the swine flu!”
“I could go to the gym. Or I could stay home and not take any risks catching the swine flu off that Stairmaster.”
“I hear binge drinking is GREAT for protecting myself against the swine flu.”
“No, you should really come home with me. My bed (and va jay jay) is the safest place to be right now.”
This is the best news I’ve heard since I found out Ugly Betty was coming back for another season. I’m not leaving the house all week; I have to do whatever I can to stay safe. So than you, Miss Piggy and friends. And stay safe out there, people.
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Linda says:
Mon, 27th Apr 200910:46 am
Yeah, possible pandemics are just loads of fun.
Sean says:
Mon, 27th Apr 200912:32 pm
Just read the Scottish news: – Two people that live just 5 minutes away from me have the Swine Flu. Exciting :]
Lucy says:
Mon, 27th Apr 20092:22 pm
It is fucking hilarious that over 140-some people have JUST died because of it! Thank god you're having buckets of fun, 'cause I know some people aren't having quite as much fun IN THEIR GRAVES!
bitch.
D. says:
Tue, 28th Apr 20097:48 am
This is in horrible taste. Not sure about swine flu, but your sense of humor is pretty diseased.
Common Cents says:
Tue, 28th Apr 200910:49 am
…Maybe if some of you and your parents would keep your pants on and stop overpopulating the world shit like this wouldn't happen….but that won't happen and you better just get used to shit like this because as you continue to pump out kids at a record pace these pandemics will continue…blah blah blah…you'll never understand…plus its too late now anyhow…
KP says:
Wed, 29th Apr 20092:02 pm
I am so tempted to write something as horrible to you as what you have written. But, put simply and kindly, you should be ashamed of yourself and I hope you don't come to regret your callous immaturity when this now imminent pandemic infects more people as it certainly will–even killing some of them.
And have you thought about people who have no choice to stay home? Hard working parents trying to get by in this economy who can't go to work because their children's schools have closed? Have you thought about what an insult it is to your own parents that you treat the expensive education they spend their money on with such disdain?
Turn off reality TV and turn on the news, Buffy.
Theresa says:
Thu, 30th Apr 20091:08 pm
You are pathetic. Glad you are laughing it up while others' loved ones are rotting in their graves. And I would find it surprising if any loser would wanna stick his genitalia in your skanky, herpetic va jay jay, you slut.
Tom says:
Fri, 1st May 20096:44 pm
You people should all grow a sense of humor! Terrible things happpen all the time and we humans deal with it, in part, by making jokes. God gave us the laugh for a reason. Use it you satanist!
Funny Dave says:
Fri, 1st May 200910:59 pm
Funny t-shirts on swine flu! Yes, swine flu is a sad thing, and we all want to see it stopped, but heh, you still need to be able to keep a happy spirit no matter what.
Check em out:
http://www.davesdailydose.com/?s=swine+flu
D. says:
Sat, 2nd May 20094:48 am
Somehow, Tom, I doubt you'd find this quite so funny if you had swine flu.
pruthy says:
Sat, 2nd May 20095:05 pm
give me a break. it's a joke for a reason okay. this is an ENTERTAINMENT website to ENTERTAIN people. so take the stick out ur butts and just deal. go to another site if you want but making these comments aren't gonna do anything.
Funny Dave says:
Sat, 2nd May 20099:45 pm
You folks are taking swine flu way too seriously. REGULAR old normal flu has killed way more people this year than swine flu has. This is just media hysterics. It is not a pandemic, and no matter what, people need to lighten up.
Tom says:
Sun, 3rd May 200912:23 pm
D. On what do you base your statement about what I might think? You dont know me at all. The universe is much larger than you are. God made swine flu and you as well. In some ways the swine flu virus is our brother. We are both DNA based systems. An ET might not be able to tell that there is any difference between a human as stupid as you seem to be and a virus, other than that you are, I assume, much larger. P.s. Why do you hide behind an initial?