Overheard: Soberest of Sober

By John

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Guy reading a paper)

Guy: Oh, geez. Things are changing. We could be Southern Canada. We could be Far-Northern Venezuela.

(Guys, eying a car.)

Guy 1: You got any adhesive? Krazy glue or something?

Guy 2: Got some duct tape in the house.

Guy 1: Nah, I can’t use duct tape, I’ll look like I’m from around here.

(Girl, sitting outside a bar, talking with friends.)

Girl: Every single guy in that bar has a gross mustache. Even the ones who don’t.

(Guy on a bus, yelling into his phone.)

Guy: I’m not wearing the orange jacket! I hate PVC! No. Absolutely not! I’ll look ridiculous. I’m going with the checkered.

(Girl, standing in a grocery store aisle.)

Girl: You know, if Apple Jacks did taste like apples, it’d be f***ing weird.

(Guy, running up to a girl.)

Guy: Hey, yo! Yo, are you the girl I saw dancing in the parking lot yesterday?

(Two guys, talking at library workstations.)

Guy: Me and my girlfriend are gonna be getting crazy this weekend. We got my mom’s van. We are gonna need to censor, like, an entire 48 hours.

(Girl, stumbling into a bar.)

Girl: Hello! I have a ten pixel digital camera! I am here to fix everything!

(Girl talking on the phone in a restaurant lobby.)

Girl: No, he’s not coming. He’s pregnant. I mean, you know, metaphorically.

(Guys on a couch.)

Guy 1: How’s Nick doing?

Guy 2: Nick’s in the other room. He’s getting smothered to death by ladies.

Guy 1: Should we help him out?

Guy 2: We should be so jealous.