Comments on: Miss Manners: Break Up Etiquette

By: Grace

Grace — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 15:26:36 +0000

We broke up with my boyfriend two years ago then suddenly he begun sending me messages. I told him the truth that we should not go so fast because I was hurt. After sometime he said we are to be friends with no strings attached and that he will invite me for dinner and if possible I would do the same and after anything that will come out of that will be with consent. What does that imply?

By: Phil

Phil — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 16:56:25 +0000

One more key point – don't leave false hopes, by suggesting "we can still be friends, can't we?" If you don't intend to have anything more to do with the person, then say that.

By: Angela

Angela — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 05:05:28 +0000

I am happy to say (well relatively happy, breaking up with someone isn't any easier for the breaker than the breakee, it's painful for both sides) that in all the relationships where I've been the one to end it, I have done it honestly to the guy's face. I've never cheated on anyone, because I've been cheated on and I'm quite determined not to inflict that betrayal upon anyone else. I've never said "It's not you, it's me", or "I hope we can still be friends" or any of the other lame, stereotypical, fuzzy excuses a lot of people use to "cushion the blow". On the other hand, I haven't said anything like "You're not good enough" or "You suck! Go away". I hope I showed those guys whatever respect they deserved and just told them the honest (but tactful) truth. It wasn't a rule I read somewhere when I was young (I've done it face to face since I started having 'relationships' in jr. high), it just naturally occurred to me that it seemed better to tell someone in person…and I can say it does go better that way. Even though it's painful, at least there's closure and both of you can hopefully walk away with a little bit of dignity intact. Of course I agree with the abuse thing… that's a completely different situation altogether.

By: Lea

Lea — Wed, 27 May 2009 18:54:45 +0000

Oy, yes on this. I got dumped a couple weeks ago and he called me to do it. After I had seen him a couple hours before and he said I should come and a visit him (super positive). It was weird. And I was kinda drunk at the time, he didn't realize it though. He does live 45 minutes away, but I drove out there to drop my brother off at the airport the next day. I got 'I know it's cliche but it's really true, it's not you it's me' 'I'm not mature enough for a long distance relationship' (I'm going to be leaving state end of the summer) and 'I love you like a friend' I loved him not platonicly so it kinda sucked.

By: G

Tue, 12 May 2009 15:54:15 +0000

My boyfriend called me at work one day to break things off. Oh, did I mention we were together for four years!! That’s what I call a coward. Not only was he leaving me, but he became a stepfather to my kids, and left me with debts that we accumulated together. Guess who’s left carrying the bag?
Yeah, a call on the phone, while you are at work and have to hold in your pain and tears, completely sucks!!

By: khoa nguyen

khoa nguyen — Sat, 09 May 2009 00:11:32 +0000

Only a kind-heart and smart girl do this (the advice). Because when she determine to break up ,she does not care what the guy think and how hurt he is cuz at that time she already have fun with someone else.

All of the thing you recommend not to do;my girl do it all at once to me.

I enjoy reading your post.

Thanks

By: E

Fri, 08 May 2009 23:18:59 +0000

God, how I wish my last girlfriend could've read this. She broke up with me through a text message after 3 and 1/2 years. She used the excuse that she just wouldn't have been able to do it face-to-face, which I think is pretty much BS. She just wanted to spare herself the discomfort of breaking my heart and having to look at me while doing so. She was dating a new guy 2 weeks later, and that ripped a whole new hole in my self-confidence. I hope some people out there take this advice to heart. Breakups are pretty much always painful for one or both parties involved, but it doesn't have to be made worse than it already is by showing such a lack of regard for someone's feelings.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 06 May 2009 23:57:35 +0000

Phone breakups are NOT okay! At all! In person only! (Unless of course the abuse thing, then the person you're breaking up with doesn't deserve respect.)

By: Jessica

Jessica — Wed, 06 May 2009 22:55:32 +0000

Also calling on the phone (not texting!!!) works for some people, because at least for me, no matter who's doing the breaking up I'll be crying hysterically within 30 seconds and I don't need to be somewhere in public where I have to walk around with tears streaming down my face.

By: Tori

Tori — Wed, 06 May 2009 21:52:41 +0000

Agreed, but one correction: If the person is abusive or you think they WILL be abusive, you have the right to not break up in person. It's better if you just cut it off ASAP and not put yourself in danger. (Or if you do decide to break up in person, don't do it in a completely private place, like his/your house. Go somewhere semi-private, like a park.)