Got The Munchies? These Snacks Will Kill You

May 8, 2009 - 3:00 pm By Caroline - Duke

drunk.jpg

You goin’ out tonight? Gonna hit the town and celebrate that final final? You gonna get so drunk that the only thing on your mind at the end of the night is gooey, cheesy and totally bad for you?

Me too!

But before you a make poor decision that involves you and the delivery places you clearly have on speed dial, read on. There are some snacks out there that are just not worth eating, no matter how many Vodka Red Bulls you’ve downed in honor of the end of History 240. Things you will regret more in the morning than last weekend’s romp with the History 240 T.A. Assuming all that fat and grease doesn’t prevent you from making it to the morning…

Domino’s Bread Bowl Pasta.
dominos-breadbowls-240
Not sure why you would want to eat this, as it both looks and sounds nauseating. But in case your taste buds aren’t satisfied with noodles alone and they long for a massive tub of soggy bread to soak up all the caloric goodness, just remember… NOT TO LISTEN TO THEM! No really– stay far, far away from this god-awful, heart-attack inducing concoction. I mean, who really needs to eat the bowl!? The giant serving of cheesy, creamy, fatty pasta isn’t enought?

It’s just gross. End of story.

Pizza Hut’s P’zone Pizza.
feaPZoneLg
Described as: “Over a pound of toppings and cheese baked into a folded pizza crust!” I’m pretty sure that translates to: “Over a pound of extra fat stuffed into a pair of skinny jeans!”

Taco-Bell’s Nachos BellGrande.
TacoBellNachosBellGrande

Any food item with the word “grande” in it should most likely (as in, most definitely) be avoided. Unless it’s from Starbucks. You may think it’s not so bad – it’s  prepared with reduced fat sour cream! – but don’t be fooled. Low fat toppings or not,with 760 calories and 1300 mg of sodium (60% of your daily value of salt packed into one snack….er….fourthmeal!) this is a baaaad late night choice.

KFC Chicken and Biscuit Bowl.
bowls_biscuit-1
(I think I just puked). Imagine of the four unhealthiest food items: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, cheese, and biscuits. Now pile them on top of one another, smother the stuff in gravy, and whad’ya get? Something you should probably never eat.

Pizza Hut’s Stuffed Crust Pizzas.
sigStuffedCrustLg
If pizza itself isn’t a bad enough choice for curing (or provoking) the munchies, try pizza with extra cheese literally “stuffed” into the crust. The pie is apparently packed with melted cheese in the crust “so that the last bite is as good as the first.” Yea…so the last bite is as good, and fatty, as the first one. Two (of those very small Pizza Hut) slices have 800 calories. And if that wasn’t harmful enough, just imagine those grease burns you’ll get when that sh*t drips down your arms. Probably not the best choice during bikini season. Or ever.

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39 Comments on "Got The Munchies? These Snacks Will Kill You"

  1. Jillian says:
    Fri, 8th May 20094:20 pm 

    The writing style of this whole article is completely condescending. The author makes it sound like she, herself, would never even consider eating anything of the foods written about.

    The article presents a repellent bourgeois view that is subliminally disparaging of the people who would eat fast food, who most often happen to be of a lower socioeconomic segment. Some people don’t have a choice in the calorie content of their foods because of their limited economic flexibility.

    And besides, when you’re 12 shots in, I’m positive you won’t be worrying about the calories. And it just tastes too goddamn good.

  2. Lauren - University of Michigan says:
    Fri, 8th May 20094:32 pm 

    Someone needs a chill pill. I mean, seriously, lay off the Haterade. This article is not any sort of op-ed in the Times about social issues. It’s a compilation of gross food.

  3. Leese says:
    Fri, 8th May 20094:47 pm 

    Can we try and remember that pretty much everything is fine in moderation? I mean yeah these portion sizes are out of control, but if you’re not eating it for every single meal, it’s not going to kill you. There are not “good” foods or “bad” foods. It’s all about balance. Chill out.

  4. kim says:
    Fri, 8th May 20094:56 pm 

    I agree with Jillian. This article is so ridiculous, dripping with sarcasim! It’s like a sketch out of SNL.

  5. snarktastic says:
    Fri, 8th May 20095:03 pm 

    jillian used a thesaurus for her response, she’s so cool.

    of course this shit is bad for you – does anyone not actually know that? you can get remotely healthy things at fast food places, too.

  6. Emily says:
    Fri, 8th May 20095:11 pm 

    I disagree with all of you. The article is hysterical in part because it’s so true — eating this sort of stuff (no let me fix that, producing and selling this sort of stuff to the public) is insulting and destructive. If you want to drink till you’re 12 shots in and stuff your face with fat, I wish you luck finding any scintilla of self-esteem. Rich people eat as much fast food, maybe more, as poor kids. You can throw that argument at just about anything, but it’s misinformed and inaccurate.

  7. Abigail says:
    Fri, 8th May 20095:17 pm 

    Are you anorexic??? Cause it sounds like you have a fear of foods….

  8. Oli says:
    Fri, 8th May 20095:27 pm 

    I am not sure what bothers me more, the fact that someone/someonezzz out their actually made these “recipes” or the fact that a large number of people out their must actually eat them.

    What should we put in a bread bowl!?—more bread.

    oye.

  9. Winnie says:
    Fri, 8th May 20096:09 pm 

    I feel the same way you do about the foods!

    But I can’t turn down stuffed crust lolol

  10. beth says:
    Fri, 8th May 20096:46 pm 

    …yeah- if you’re already 12 shots in, who the hell cares what you eat- you’re effed already. Besides, that’s the perfect time to eat all that stuff… you’re just gonna puke it up anyway with all that alcohol.

    Nobody really cares about your self-righteous views on food… and I would assume that anybody reading this blog is not eating this stuff on a daily basis anyway…

    For some reason I pictured you hunched over one of those bread/pasta bowls scarfing it down as you wrote this ridiculous article. The quickest way to make someone assume you have an eating disorder is vilifying food like this.

    I’d rather dive into a KFC chicken bowl after two hours of MMA than get e-coli or salmonella from organic bean sprouts (ooh.. I think I just puked a little).

  11. Sally says:
    Fri, 8th May 20098:01 pm 

    I don’t get why so many of you are angry at the writer. Seems misplaced to me. Get a life. She’s not self-righteous, she’s a great reporter who found all this junky stuff out there and put out a warning. She’s funny and helpful — sure got ME laughing! And I HATE beans or anything that has the word legume near it. But the alternative is not to plop my (yes, well-toned) butt down at Pizza Hut and imbibe fattening food that makes my body work quadruple-time just to digest it and my heart pound harder in 30 years, or even now! Not all people who eat healthy are anorexic! Some actually respect their bodies and themselves.

  12. Kallen says:
    Fri, 8th May 20098:17 pm 

    I might have enjoyed this article if the writer actually mentioned any facts behind her reasoning. As it is, she only spoke briefly of facts in two of the descriptions, and the rest of the article was her giving her own opinion about these foods. Obviously a lot of foods aren’t good for you, but we would rather know why than get an article full of a girl going “eeew”.

  13. Casey says:
    Fri, 8th May 20098:55 pm 

    Hey, ladies? I think that she was (kind of) joking around….

  14. Lisa says:
    Sat, 9th May 200912:37 am 

    I think the tone is too condescending in this article. Yeah…those foods arent good for you…but seriously….they taste good. Everyone’s got their priorities. If weighing 90 lbs is one of yours, dont hate on the rest of us.

  15. Katie says:
    Sat, 9th May 200912:49 am 

    I think it’s kind of ironic for me that the Domino’s bread bowl pasta is on the list b/c I just tried it for the first time tonite. I was kind of skeptical at first, but after eating it, it ranks above dining hall food (which is the rough equivalent of prison food at my school) and below eating in an actual restaurant. So I think it’s in an acceptable range of grossness/goodness, for Domino’s at least lol. The portion of pasta isn’t that overwhelming, and I only took 3 bites of the crust, so hopefully I’ll be okay o_0.

  16. Alluv says:
    Sat, 9th May 20091:33 am 

    Most of this stuff is carbs!!! Gotta love them!!! Even though the author is kinda just stating her opinion and we shouldn’t be eating this type of food for every meal, it is okay to indulge every once in awhile, and especially if you are an athlete, like a swimmer or soccer player, the carbs might do you some good the night before a meet/game! Eat what you want, and balance out your life is my motto!!

  17. ladydragon says:
    Sat, 9th May 200912:08 pm 

    how bout jus dwnin a short goblet of veggie-juice if y’r
    worri’d bout all the fat??? n a bare broil’d chik-patti (no bread)..

  18. amanda says:
    Sat, 9th May 200911:41 pm 

    This article was in the “haha” section.
    calm down.

  19. Jeff says:
    Sun, 10th May 20091:51 pm 

    wow this just akes e want to quit eating at any yum corp place like pizza hut taco bell KFC long john silver and i alllready dont eat at doainos

  20. Kelsey says:
    Mon, 11th May 20091:11 pm 

    LOL wow everyone definitely needs to chill out. The author’s just warning you of the not-so-healthy foods that people will tend to grab when completely hammered drunk. If you think the tone is condescending, perhaps think that its that way for a reason! She’s trying to help you avoid eating foods that could crater an entire week’s workout. It’s perfect, funny, and extremely well written. And to Jillian, please calm down. Overcompensating on vocabulary to mask insecurity or an overall lack of substance in your argument isn’t a good idea.

  21. Casey says:
    Mon, 11th May 20092:43 pm 

    I LOVE KFC mashed potato bowls! And P’zones and stuffed crust pizza! They taste AMAZING! Of course I don’t eat them all the time, they are a rare occasion when I haven’t had much time to eat that day and need to grab something fast. But I’m a size 2 (and no I don’t have a fast metabolism) As long as you work out regularly, and eat a majority of healthy food then you can indulge in whatever the hell you want every now and again. Of course this stuff isn’t good FOR you, but it sure tastes delicious.

    Actually I think it’s kind of ridiculous all the comments saying this stuff is disgusting. It’s only disgusting if you eat it every day for breakfast lunch and dinner, (ok maybe a little less) otherwise, it’s really not THAT bad.

  22. Shea says:
    Mon, 11th May 20093:00 pm 

    I love how after everyone says “chill out” they definitally go off and state their own opinion with a not so chilled out tone… way to be hypocrites guys haha.

  23. Shea says:
    Mon, 11th May 20093:01 pm 

    && I defintitally agree with Kallen & Beth!

  24. Liz says:
    Mon, 11th May 20094:45 pm 

    I work for the hut, wow so much hate why? I say drink a V8 and munch on!

  25. nerf says:
    Mon, 11th May 20098:08 pm 

    bread bowl=yeast infection heaven.

  26. GS says:
    Mon, 11th May 200910:25 pm 

    I would eat the nacho bell… hell, I love the nacho bell!!

  27. Alyx says:
    Tue, 12th May 20094:01 pm 

    All right, this one’s for Sally. Just because people eat this shit doesn’t mean they’re not healthy or don’t have “well-toned butts” like yourself. Don’t sit there and accuse people who eat stuff like this of not caring about their bodies. I eat healthy most of the time, but come on, everyone needs a piece or five of stuffed crust. Especially when they’re drunk. So lay off the insults. It IS possible to still be healthy and eat this stuff. Just don’t eat it every meal of the day, you dumbass.

  28. Hannah says:
    Wed, 13th May 200912:55 am 

    Apart from the claims of socioeconomic elitism made earlier in this chain of comments, this food is disgusting. Even if your financial bracket places constraints on your food budget, it shouldn’t prompt ANYONE to go out and buy Bread Bowl Pasta things. I mean, honestly, pasta is basically the cheapest food that you can purchase, so buying it from a fast food place isn’t fiscally wise anyway.
    Also….this is funny, mostly because I too have almost vomited in response to the pasta bread bowl commercials, as well as during p’zone commercials. Especially, when p’zones are heralded as containing a pound full of ingredients. I mean, as good of an idea as THAT sounds like, no thanks.

  29. Claire says:
    Wed, 13th May 20093:31 pm 

    Great reporter?! She’s not a reporter, for one. She’s a blogger, and a bad one. I can’t think of a single college girl that ISN’T able to churn out blobs of shallow, air-puffed crap like this.

  30. AmandaISU says:
    Thu, 14th May 20094:43 pm 

    haha calm down everyone. relax. it’s just food.

  31. SJ says:
    Fri, 15th May 200912:20 pm 

    That food is disgusting. I can’t believe the first one. You can’t buy that in the UK.
    Thinking that this shit masquerading as food is gross, doesn’t make you anorexic. Ew!

  32. Christine says:
    Sat, 16th May 200912:36 pm 

    Seriously people, this is a blog post not a front page article in the Times. This stuff is supposed to be kinda silly, funny and based on opinion- if it wasn’t would you still be reading it? Don’t attack the author just because you don’t like her opinion.

    Also, Get a life

  33. Trisiana says:
    Sun, 17th May 20094:27 pm 

    The comments on this post are more hilarious than the actual post. Does the post sound sarcastic and condescending? Yes, yes it does, but does it claim any sort of superiority or knowledge on the topic? Not really. It’s an internet page about food that the writer thinks is gross. It’s an opinion and slight attack on a choice of food that the author finds disgusting. Also, it’s a humorous internet article.

    An internet opinion.

    Even on legitimate websites it’s still the internet and points of humor may be lost in translation (from spoken to written). I highly doubt anyone was hoping for a discussion on the poor quality of food available to lower income families. If so, it would have been brought up previously.

    S.N.A.F.U. in your humorous article? It’s more likely than you think.

  34. Trisiana says:
    Sun, 17th May 20094:28 pm 

    Oh, and did no one notice the number of shots?

    Gross food vs. number of shots? I’d still go with neither.

  35. rewindtoforward says:
    Sun, 17th May 20096:20 pm 

    I totally agree with this article. It’s disgusting the kinds of foods that are being sold. No wonder teenage obesity is becoming an epidemic. Ugh, it’s horrible how much money and business these fast food chains make. Really though, who’d want to eat any of that? I feel like throwing up just LOOKING at those photos.

  36. Ghostfire says:
    Tue, 19th May 20092:50 pm 

    lol, the stupid little girl who wrote this is a retard. I bet you just LOVE McDonalds salad don’t you? Please, go eat the nearest pile of grass because that’s about as much taste as you have. Your opinion is just plain out wrong. You’re not attractive, that I’m positive of. Probably some fat girl who thinks she’s pretty…lol, you’re ugly and you have poor taste! God, what a subhumanoid you are…

  37. michelle says:
    Fri, 22nd May 20096:48 pm 

    oh god how i want that pizza haha.

    i could use the pounds!

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