11 Things You Can’t Get Away With In The Real World

If there’s one thing we all know (but often try to deny), it’s that college is basically it’s own little universe. It’s that beer-drinking, bar-hopping, Cliff Notes-reading, coffee-chugging “safe haven” between the comfort of your parent’s home and that place everybody calls “the real world.” And unfortunately, we all know that “real world” is much less exciting than MTV moguls would lead us to believe.

As a senior, I’ve finally realized one very important thing: College is awesome. And there’s quite a lot of sh*t you can get away with here that just isn’t gonna fly once you graduate. For example:

1. Mid day naps. Unless you decide to hightail your pretty bum down to Mexico or start your own company or something, midday siestas are generally not in the typical workin’ girl schedule. Oh, how I love the five hour breaks in between my classes.

2. Threesomes. Unless you want to end up like Charlotte in SATC, watching your dude getting’ frisky and feelin’ up some rando-girl while you stand awkwardly on the sidelines, I think threesomes are definitely better explored pre-graduation. I think almost everybody has at least one wild hookup story (that may or may not involve multiple partners) by the time they leave college. And that’s where those kind of explorations should probably stay. In college.

3. All nighters and Adderall binges. I’m pretty sure it’s not “adultlike” to stay up all night, downing cups of coffee and caffeine pills (or whatever your all-nighter drug of choice may be) to finish whatever crazy task your boss asks of you. Purple bruise-like bags under your eyes will never be sexy. Especially for an early morning meeting.

4. Pizza diets. Depending on where you live, life’s little luxuries, like one dollar slices on Monday nights, might not be at your disposal the way they are now. Nor should they be. You will be an adult and should be eating real food. Like steak or something.

5. The Uggs and North Face uniform. Or any variation, such as: Victoria’s Secret PINK collection from head-to-toe, matching college sweatshirts and sweatpants, etc. Real jobs require real clothes.

6. Tuesday bar hopping. I’ve already accepted that life is probably going to suck hardcore without one dollar cherry bombs on Tuesday night. I try to tell myself that I might be able to pull off being a member of the “Tuesday Crew” every once in awhile for the first few years after graduation. Or at least until I start to resemble my mother who gets a four day hangover after sipping half a glass of wine…spritzer.

7. Sleeping on random couches. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve done it. Quite a few times. …Without realizing it until the next morning. In the “real world,” I’m pretty sure people take stock of who is in their house when three a.m. rolls around. Maybe.

8. Meal plans. As much as college cafeteria food sucks, I think I’m really gonna miss late night mozzarella cheese stick feasts courtesy of Mom and Pops. In the “real world,” you can’t just go into some fancy sushi restaurant with your co-workers and hand the waiter your college ID and wave him off.

9. Making out with your best girl friends at bars and parties. In the “real world,” it’s no longer socially acceptable to grab your girlfriend’s face at the bar (..or you know, your company’s holiday party) and scream, “Let’s make out!” at the top of your lungs before proceeding to play tongue-tackle in front of a crowd. Unless you’re a total Debbie…as in, desperate. Or dumb. (Thanks, Paris!)

10. Peeing in public places. In college, it’s normally (but not always!) kosher to pop a squat in the backyard at a party when the b-room runs of out T.P. In the “real world,” you’ll get arrested and labeled a sex offender before you can even empty your bladder.

11. Posting party photos on Facebook. This basically goes without saying. Once you graduate (hell, maybe even before then nowadays), don’t even THINK about posting that pic of you on the toilet throwing the peace sign. And, just to make sure you have all your bases covered, you’ll probably want to invest in an external hard drive so you can save all your old faves from undergrad and delete all incriminating photos off the internets forever.

Anything else you can think of that just can’t happen in the real world but is totally fine in college?