Sexy Time: Blame It On The L-L-L-LUBE

lubeDerrick* and I used to have great sex. We were both passionate, experimental, and great in bed (hey, confidence is a turn-on, right?). But lately we have been in a rut, and I blame it on lube.

But, you say, artificial lubricant is great for drunk sex, or extremely long sex, or sex with someone extremely well endowed, because it keeps you from drying out and damaging your goodies. Yes, lube is great in these situations. My problem with lube is that, for us, it has become a replacement for foreplay.

And that is not okay.

The first time it happened I was hanging out at Derrick’s after a long day at work and very tired. He wanted sex, but I was feeling lazy and just wanted to play Sudoku on my phone. “Please,” he begged, “just let me put it in; I’ll get lube, you don’t have to do anything, you can even keep playing Sudoku.” This offer was too tempting to pass up; imagine telling my girls later that I played Sudoku while having sex! I didn’t expect good sex, but figured it would be worth it just for the funny story. He put lube on and went at it. I ended up putting down the phone half-way through and getting a little into it, but it still wasn’t very good.

The next time it happened I was slightly tipsy and, again, very tired. Again he begged – please just let him use lube and slide in, I didn’t have to do anything. And again I agreed. This time though, I REALLY didn’t do anything. I didn’t get into it and neither of us enjoyed it. He finally stopped and we both agreed that it had been a terrible idea.

A few days later, I walked into my boyfriend’s house energized and ready for some good sex at long last. But as I staredt my strip tease he told me he was tired from work and too “beat” for any foreplay. And then I heard those three awful words: “Just get lube.”

And I did, because I understood where he was coming from.

But the sex was bad. Again. And our entire sex life started going down the lube tube. This stuff may look innocent, but it just takes all the fun out of sex.  Who needs romance or foreplay when you can squeeze it out of a bottle?  Lube has turned sex into a mechanical function (stick penis in, pull penis out, repeat until bored) rather than the fun, passionate encounter we used to look forward to.

I am doing anything I can to quit the lube – chugging coffee after work, investing in some new lingerie, and jumping the BF’s bones the minute he gets into my room.  I am going to have sex the way I should, dammit – with passion and heat and no artificial lubricant!

*Name changed to protect privacy.



  1. Diane says:

    Wow, this is SO true. I never thought of it like this before, but I had the exact same problem with my ex. Then again, it’s not really fair to blame it on the lube–at least for us, there was a much deeper psychological problem about why we just wanted to slick up and go, skipping the intimacy of getting geared up to the act.

  2. Casey says:

    I NEVER use lube, and this is why. If you're not wet enough for sex, or to continue sex, you probably shouldn't be doing it at that time anyway. Lack of natural lube means lack of interest and lack of interest means boring sex. Enough boring sex leads to a crappy relationship. Just not worth it to me.

  3. Lauren - University of Michigan says:

    I never really considered that. Down with lube!

  4. kaylee says:

    i have the flavored lube, which of course makes you want to use a little foreplay (strawberries not too bad..i prefer the real taste).. especially if your man’s package tastes really sweet =) my bf and i use it to enhance foreplay and sex rather than skipping hte foreplay. we like to tease each other a lot, so foreplay doesnt really get skipped, sometimes it just get shortened because one of us cant take it or i know that my body will stop self lubing… yeah, it gets annoying that im effected by so many factors on drying out… but i just look at it as the sex being really AWESOME.

  5. leah says:

    I don't agree that lack of natural lube means lack of interest. Sometimes it just gets dry down there and there isn't anything on can do about it, so lube can help you out in that department.

  6. Erin says:

    I'm kind of having this same problem. My current boyfriend is a lot larger down there than what I am used to and it really hurts sometimes. Even at times when I'm wet, it can still be painful. I've always been weird about buying lube though for some reason. I guess now I know the truth. Looks like I'll be sticking to spit!

  7. Kelly - Simmons Coll says:

    Ladies, just to clear up- I have no problem with lube when you need it. I'll never have drunk sex without it! I'm just annoyed because it had become a replacement for foreplay for me. Well, it was… I finally put my foot down and got the good sex back, haha.

    Kaylee- flavored lube is a good idea! Maybe I'll invest in some.

  8. tightie says:

    some time you just need the lube…

  9. Casey says:

    Well maybe it's just me then, but I only get dry if i get turned off or if we've been at it for an extremely long time, and I just can't do it anymore, and in those cases I either don't have sex (if I'm turned off) or I stop having sex and finish him orally (if I get exhausted and dry). I didn't mean to insinuate that when you get dry DURING sex it was a lack of interest, I definitely didn't finish that thought. Sorry.

  10. Emily says:

    Your natural lubricant is only designed to last for about three minutes, so lube can be a good idea…

  11. claire says:

    ok seroiusly…i had a bf that would do this ALLLLL the time and when i opened my mouth about it it caused a huge arguement. not only is it so uncomfortable but it kinda makes u feel crappy. but hey… least he grabbed the KY and didnt just spit on his hand

  12. Jenn says:

    Always have LUBE!! Nothing wrong with having a little just in case go to all types there

  13. Serena says:

    Girls- the lube isn't the problem. It's having a boyfriend.

  14. Jolene says:

    My boyf and I use lube all the time, even when I'm wet just because it feels better. And we have awesome sex! Plus, if you're using condoms, lube helps them not break! :)

  15. Jay says:

    idk…certain medications dry you up down there and sometimes lube is necessary even if you're waaay turned on…esp if he's big ;)

  16. Alice says:

    Am I the only one HORRIFIED by this story?? "Just lie there and I'll put it in, you can even keep playing sudoku"? The phrase that comes to mind begins with a euphemism for "semen" and ends in "bucket" :(

    This guy sounds like a misogynistic ass with zero self-control. Why are you catering to his every whim?

  17. Thomas says:

    The other nice thing about lube is that it helps a bit with soreness. At least, my ex and I could go a lot longer with lube than without. Lube is simply a better lubricant than the natural stuff. Seems obvious.

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