He Had a Girlfriend…And I Hooked Up With Him Anyway

Lainey says:
Sat, 10th Jan 20092:21 am 

It is always up to the woman to put the brakes on stop, when it comes to having sex with a man. In today’s promiscuous society, where you use the word “hooking up” which is really a disguised meaning for what is actually a “one night stand” or a casual sex fling.

It appears to me that you were not able to make a rationale decision at the time you went home with him, because you were already in an intoxicated state with too much alcohol in your system. As a result of being intoxicated, your defenses were down and your thinking was clouded and so you vacillated back and forth on whether or not you should go with the original agenda of having a casual hook up with the man, in the hopes of perhaps grabbing his attention for someone more serious down the road; or scram and get out of the house knowing full well that he had a serious girlfriend already?

Men are programmed through their DNA to use 2 dating strategies – the dad or cad strategy. The “dad” strategy is where they have a wife or a steady girlfriend, one they intend to marry and then on the side, seek out casual flings with willing women for quick sex with no commitments. However, while the men feel that it is okay for them to cheat and they wouldn’t tell their steady girlfriend about their cheating, they would be angry and probably break up with the steady mate if they thought she was cheating on him. This is because unconsciously in the primal brain, men are always fearful that they will be raising someone else’s offspring and investing their time and resources to producing children that are not theirs. Therefore, when they first meet you they size you up immediately and determine whether you will be long term marriage material, casual sex/one night stand material or a short-term dating only.

Both males and females are using the same brain our ancestors used 30,000 years ago. In spite of the sexual revolution and the strong women’s movement, men still think the same and there are double standards. While men can have sex easily without feeling an emotional connection to a woman, most women are not happy with having a relationship with a commitment. Even when a woman goes to a bar and seeks out male company and goes home with a man she never knew before, in the back of her mind she is always hoping that perhaps she will be such a thrill for him, that he will want to see her again. This is not realistic, and you are only setting yourself up for disappointment.

A wise woman knows that men are by nature hunters and when they go to these singles bars – they are on the hunt for their prey i.e. women. Believe what your mother told you, if you can milk the cow for free – why buy it? Men lose interest in women that too easily drop their drawers for them. They desire women that demand their respect and want to be courted before they give their goodies away to them. As horny as you may be, get the relationship on your terms and let the guy get to know you and cherish you for the beautiful and sincere woman you are – but never hook up with a guy on a one night stand for any reason. You will never see him again and he will never consider you to be long term relationship material. It’s a fact.

Now, I hear some women say that all men expect sex or they will go to another who will give it to them etc. etc. But I can tell you from experience that this is not the case. Men are fascinated by creatures they cannot conquer right away and who they cannot control. I remember meeting a my husband in a restaurant after work, sitting in a nearby table and talking to me and my girlfriends across the table back and forth. The whole group ended up joining tables and continued to chat until it was about 7:30 P.M. and it was time for me to go home. Marc asked me if he could have lunch with me sometime? I said, “Maybe” and walked away. He was very handsome and quite a catch for he had loads of money and girls hung all over him. I knew that all these guys at our table were looking to get laid, as most men are and so I wasn’t going to put myself in this position. Marc found out what my phone number was from my girlfriend and pursued to me to no end. I didn’t rush into the sack with him and he wasn’t the center of my world and only interest. We later married after he courted me and I had the time to evaluate his suitability as a long term, loving partner. So, remember when you tell a guy “no” or even use the word “maybe? as I did, the chase is on. My husband later told me and his friends that what motivated him to chase me was that I said “maybe” as far as lunch was concerned and acted intelligently and was a good conversationalist – but wasn’t interested and didn’t chase him. Listen to your Jewish mom about men – she’s right. The women’s movement has not changed how men operate and I see so many women get hurt in the “mating game” when in reality, they want marriage and a relationship, not casual sex with strangers. It takes a man about 13 times to see you and talk to you before he begins to get attached – so don’t rush into the sex thing and quit hooking up with strangers. You’ll be happier in the long run and go to a place where business people go after work – not to night clubs. They are better places to meet quality men, the right after work crowd.