Overheard: Movin’ Out

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(At a Starbucks.)

Girl: So this is the only gin joint in town, huh?

Barista: No. This is a Starbucks.

(Two guys on move-out day, carrying cases of beer.)

Guy 1: Man, we’re gonna fill up an entire recycling bin.

RA, poking head out of room: Excuse me?

Guy 2: No, don’t worry, it’s okay. These are full of urine.

(Guy, in a bookstore cafe.)

Guy: Agh, this isn’t iced coffee. This is … nice coffee. And by that I mean not-nice coffee.

(In a sociology class.)

Professor: I know I say all these bad things about corporations, but I’m telling you – I’m not a Communist!

(Two guys, in front of a computer.)

Guy 1: So wait, who gets out alive?

Guy 2: Well, not No-Legs. He’s probably screwed.

(Girl, leaving a party.)

Girl: Picking people up should be an Olympic sport. I’d be the equivalent of, like, a 13-year old Chinese gymnast.

(Two guys, at the gym.)

Guy 1: Okay. What should I do now?

Guy 2: Well, that depends. Where don’t you hurt yet?

Guy 1: My penis. I’m kidding. Well, not really.

(Guys in the hallway, one with a grocery bag.)

Guy 1: They’re doing a food collection in the lobby.

Guy 2: Oh, cool. Do they take mold?

(Two girls in front of a mirror.)

Girl 1: My chin is huge.

Girl 2: No, that’s just a bad angle. Turn a bit. You don’t even notice it!

Girl 1: You’re looking at the back of my head.

(Girl, walking down the street.)

Girl: Any homeless people around? I got extra teeth in my head!

(Three guys at a dance.)

Guy 1: Yo, check out the guy in the khakis and New Balance. That’s rough.

Guy 2: Yeah. Like, I don’t want to watch, but I have to, you know?

Guy 3: Mm, yup. That’s my little brother for you.

(A woman sitting in the corner booth of a diner.)

Woman:  I came home, and someone replaced all the squirrels in my yard with chipmunks! Overnight! They’re way cuter, I guess, but maybe I should call somebody.