10 Things Old Ladies SHOULDN’T Be Doing

May 18, 2009     Posted in Buzz

preggersMeet Elizabeth Adeney:  she’s a successful business woman in her mid-60s, working and living in Britain.  Ms. Adeney is a divorcee and well respected by her friends and associates, so one must ask, “What makes her special?”


By Katie

Well folks, she’s preggers.  At 66, Elizabeth Adeney is set to be Britain’s oldest woman to give birth, beating the previous record holder by a whopping nine years.  Um, gross?

Stories like this are destined to send shivers down your spine and flash disturbing images of your mother and/or grandmother doing similar things before your eyes.  There are things that we just don’t want to see old (not older, old) ladies doing and getting knocked up is definitely one of them.

Here is a list of 10 more things that old ladies definitely SHOULDN’T be doing:

1.  Having Sex: Worse than just talking about sex, the fact that old ladies have sex is just plain awful.  Just think of the wrinkles and folds and floppiness…oh gawd.  Curse the day when pharmaceutical companies decided that it was okay for old people to get it on.  Curse it!

2.  Wearing Mini-Skirts (or any variation on that fashion): Hey, if you’ve got the legs, show ‘em off.  Just realize that they have an expiration date and it’s usually around the age of 40 (unless you’re one of the lovely ladies on Sex and the City).  Old ladies be warned.

3.  Talking About Sex: Nothing is worse than the moment your  mom sits you down to explain the “facts of life” to you.  Oh wait, unless it’s your grandmother or some other older lady…and she’s talking about her personal experiences. Welcome to way-past-the-point of blissful ignorance.

4.  Posing Nude: I’m having trouble even justifying the fact that old ladies have to be naked at all, much less reveling in it and making other people watch (you hear that, Janice Dickinson?!).  I can’t even to begin to describe my revulsion.

5.  Dancing (anything but the waltz): A waltz between old people is fine, precious even.  However, a club?  No, thanks.  If my mom feels a groove thing coming on, I hope she would get herself to a gym and spin it out there instead of heading down to a hot club and shakin’ it on the dance floor.

6.  Using Slang: Slang is a possession of the youth culture and, guess what?  We don’t like to share.  When old ladies try to use the words and phrases from our generation, it just sounds wrong.  No one wants to make plans to meet granny for lunch and have her respond with, “Fo Shizzle, Nizzle.” That’s not even cool anymore, grams!

7. Enhancing Their Assets: Let’s face it – wrinkles and a push-up bra are a toxic combination.  No matter how far those suckers fall, grandma just better let ‘em hang, ’cause I am so not down for seeing any part of your 70-year-old knockers.

8. Wearing Bikinis: A family vacation at the beach or what-have-you is cute.  Including grandma in the vacation is even more quaint.  However, when grandma packs her new thong bikini?  Vacation just got real.  Too real.

9.  Shopping at Victoria’s Secret: Everything in that store is going to lead to flirting, dancing, sex, or other activities restricted to young hotties like ourselves.  No old ladies allowed. (See above. Yes, all of it.)

10. Facebookin’: Getting status updates from my friends every five minutes is enough; I don’t need to see what some old lady is cooking for dinner (at 4 pm), or all the pictures she has from her latest reunion with the grandkids. Stay off Facebook, old people. That’s ours!

43 Comments on "10 Things Old Ladies SHOULDN’T Be Doing"

  1. Kristen says:
    Mon, 18th May 200910:21 am 

    The fact that you are considering women who are older than 40 to be old is absolutely ridiculous. As a nurse who works with people of all ages, I can assure you that 40 is nowhere near old. Neither is 50, or even 60.

    Now is it healthy to have a baby at 66? No. But it's not our place to judge what someone does based on age. People who are 50 aren't allowed to buy underwear at Victoria's Secret without being judged? Give me a break.

    I'm sure this was meant to be half serious, half joke, but it really just makes you sound ridiculous.

  2. Casey says:
    Mon, 18th May 200910:25 am 

    I agree with Kristen 100%. I know this was supposed to be a joke, but come on, it was in horrible taste.

  3. Lauren - University says:
    Mon, 18th May 200910:49 am 

    OMG. Get over yourselves. Perhaps some laughter is in order. And, in case you haven't noticed, this is a website for college girls. Who like to laugh. If you are over 40 or offended, go to IVillage or something.

  4. Twin XL says:
    Mon, 18th May 200911:20 am 

    Sorry, but this was kinda funny.

    http://www.twinxlbedding.com

  5. Tory says:
    Mon, 18th May 200911:59 am 

    Someday you will be an "old lady", you know. If older women want to be sexy and have fun, I don't have a problem with it. They're not bothering me. Discrimination is unfair. Show the oldies some love!

  6. kristen says:
    Mon, 18th May 200911:59 am 

    I'm not over 40, and have no problem laughing at myself, or something that is actually funny. But thanks for the advice

  7. Khun Emma says:
    Mon, 18th May 200912:38 pm 

    If this is intent to be a joke, it is a very bad taste one indeed.

  8. vanessa says:
    Mon, 18th May 200912:42 pm 

    i'm 20 years old and i can say i hope i'm still having sex after 40. even 60. are old people not supposed to have fun? i hope this was a joke.

  9. Mel says:
    Mon, 18th May 20091:48 pm 

    This was a rude post. Sex is great exercise, no matter what your age. The fact that she used IV treatments instead of doing it traditionally, means your examples do not even apply to her case. 60 is the new 40, get over yourself.

  10. Jess says:
    Mon, 18th May 20092:20 pm 

    I get that this is supposed to be funny/satirical, but you completely missed the mark. Your comments were over the line and just cruel and condescending. Seriously, you give the impression that once people are past a certain age, they should move out of the way for us young people to have fun..like we'd all prefer them to just check themselves into nursing homes or make themselves useful by making dinner.

  11. criolle johnny says:
    Mon, 18th May 20092:22 pm 

    You're just jealous 'cus the older women are better lovers.

  12. KS says:
    Mon, 18th May 20093:30 pm 

    "Old" women aren't supposed to be having sex? Well, in that case, I hope someone comes up to you on your 40th birthday and reminds you that your sex life (if you even had one to begin with) is effectively over. Enjoy the second half of your life celibate.

  13. Kay says:
    Mon, 18th May 20093:47 pm 

    I agree with most of the other commenters here. Gosh, did you learn nothing from the Golden Girls?

  14. sauerkraut says:
    Mon, 18th May 20095:34 pm 

    yanno…this is riotous. stop the complaining.

    I dunno about a 60-y.o. having a baby but if she wants to hook up with a man, why not? As for 40-y.o. women having sex, isn't the female libido supposed to peak at some point between 45 and 50?

    Let's look at some of these… pretty funny, all of them. Especially the thong thing… good lord! Spandex should be on here, too, cuz not much is worst than seeing Rosie O'Donnell or Rosanne Barr at the beach in hot pink spandex!

    Keep 'em on coming… and the rest of youse… go have a beer and chill.

    meow

    http://run4chocolate.wordpress.com

  15. Jenna says:
    Mon, 18th May 20095:52 pm 

    I think this article is funny if you think of "old" as 70+.

    I work at Victoria's Secret, and I once had to fit an 80-year-old woman in a bra. It was…an interesting sight. I had nightmares. It was almost as bad as the time my ninth-grade, 65-year-old history teacher came in to buy lingerie.

  16. Casey says:
    Mon, 18th May 20097:29 pm 

    Ha ha Jenna! I worked at VS for 6 months and somehow avoided ever fitting anyone (I was a register girl anyway) but I always saw the looks on my co-workers faces when they had to fit old ladies. I felt bad for them. But I love VS underwear/bras/etc. and I wouldn't want to deprive anyone (no matter how old) of wearing the most comfortable (and affordable) undergarments out there.

  17. Lisa says:
    Mon, 18th May 20098:14 pm 

    While a couple of them were funny…wearing bikinis/mini skirts, etc…a lot of it was just rude in a very unfunny way. I can take a joke (and I'm only 21 so its not like i'm offended as a member of the group being insulted here…) but this was inappropriate. I hope to be dancing, wearing sexy underwear, having sex, and keeping up with the times when I'm old. And if an older woman feels comfortable posing nude I think that's GREAT. Old people are still people. This article reeks of snobbery.

  18. Nikaya says:
    Mon, 18th May 20099:08 pm 

    I think the emphasis here is on "college girls" based on Katie's flailing (and failing) attempt at humor. Nuff said. She's clearly an idiot who believes she's going to stay a "hottie" forever. How naive. Perhaps the most grievous error is that she thought her piece would entertain someone other than herself.

    Truth: gravity works. You're clearly too vapid to understand Newton's Law, but you will inescapably experience it sooner than you think. And when you do, I hope some teenage t*at as ignorant as you are rams her arrogance in your face and belittles you for things completely beyond your control, such as aging.

    I am 40, and as a professional ballet dancer and yoga instructor, I'd bet than unless you're on the college soccer or swim team, I am in better shape than you'll ever be.

    You're also thinking the college boys are giving you the best goods to be had. Too bad you'll miss how great sex is when you're >/= 40. Then again, anything to get you out of the gene pool would be a gift the human race; therefore please cling to your narrow-minded belief system.

    And on a side note regarding the disgust/trauma you feel when "old ladies" expose their bodies… my mother was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. She's 75. Providing care for her includes bathing her, changing her, etc., and seeing some things I'd rather not. But I think she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I only hope I look as great as she does when I am her age. And I hope she never encounters ANYONE LIKE YOU as she is cared for in her final stages.

  19. Nokomis says:
    Tue, 19th May 200912:23 am 

    Okay….so I don't want to think about old ladies having sex….but when I'm an old lady (and I mean a REALLY old lady) I hope I still roll around in the sheets regularly. :)

  20. sukihollands says:
    Tue, 19th May 20095:54 am 

    i know! i feel VERY aawkward round oldie i just cant help them thinking that i might be at puberty!

  21. eastlakecounty says:
    Tue, 19th May 20099:40 am 

    Wow. What the hell happened to third wave feminism? Why are you so threatened by aging women? Why on earth are you writing entire blog entries about aging bodies?

    @Nikaya: "And when you do, I hope some teenage t*at as ignorant as you are rams her arrogance in your face and belittles you for things completely beyond your control, such as aging." ROFLMAO. Bravo to you and to your mom for raising a great daughter. Blessings to you both.

  22. chellereigh says:
    Tue, 19th May 200912:42 pm 

    Uh… gosh. One one hand: More power to her/them!! On the other: It does depend, doesn't it?

  23. jaquana27 says:
    Tue, 19th May 20093:29 pm 

    I am 20 and what's worse than seeing old people do this is someone who has nothing better to write about, some are funny but babe beauty is fleeting and if you take so much pride in your youth you will probably be one of those old ladies, who wishes she were young again and doing everything on this list.

  24. Ayla says:
    Wed, 20th May 20098:56 pm 

    Good luck with your 40th birthday ritual seppuku, then…

  25. Emma says:
    Sat, 23rd May 20096:03 pm 

    katie- you are disgusting. I hope to god I'm not sponge-bathing you one day……ew.

  26. Steve says:
    Sun, 24th May 20097:26 am 

    Ok, regardless of whether you think this was distasteful or not, none of you can deny the fact that the idea of a woman that age, having a child, and/or doing any of the activities that "young hot girls" do, is something that we all wish to never see or hear about. When we are older, I hope we will have the good sense to not do any of those activities, to the knowledge of the public.

  27. Me says:
    Wed, 27th May 200912:54 pm 

    Wow. I can't believe people got so riled up about this. Most of these things are inappropriate for older women to be doing. I sure hope I don't see my mom or grandma wearing a mini-skirt dancing in the club. Gross.

  28. Talia. says:
    Wed, 27th May 20094:04 pm 

    you may reconsider this when you're 40, haha

  29. Becca- Clarion Unive says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20096:24 pm 

    You saying women over 40 shouldn't be allowed to do these things is similar to things I've heard because I'm overweight. Every woman deserves to feel beautiful and loved and wanted, and I've seen some stunning photos of naked women who are over 40.

    I love CC, but some of the articles are a bit overly judgmental.

  30. D says:
    Thu, 11th Jun 20095:51 am 

    They're over 60 years old. Throw 'em in a home. We don't wanna see them.

  31. greg says:
    Sun, 23rd Aug 200911:31 am 

    its alrite,if they dont want to grow old.if u are out there stil feeling energetic hola at me..

    greggreen009@yahoo.com

  32. greg says:
    Sun, 23rd Aug 200911:34 am 

    age is a things of d mind.

  33. coolbitch says:
    Wed, 5th May 20105:43 am 

    Old ladies are gross.

  34. coolbitch says:
    Wed, 5th May 20105:44 am 

    ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER ANUS BURGER

  35. Yo' Momma says:
    Tue, 25th May 201012:13 pm 

    First of all, I love that I get to follow "Coolbitch," who was insistent upon letting you know of his (or her) passion for Anus Burger. That makes me feel nice. Second, I love your blog. Hi-larity.

  36. natalie says:
    Thu, 17th Mar 20114:16 pm 

    I am 86 years young and adored by my handsome young friend–for my wit , humor, good looks, the way I look in my bikini and for my money. You should be so lucky.

  37. JILLIAN, AGE 48 says:
    Wed, 30th Mar 20113:02 am 

    funny tng is…Im sure the cheeky little girl who posted about the crimes of "older women"…has had a lesson or two taught to her already!! What's the matter sweet cheeks, did your young stud learn how much more fun it is to be with a real woman with experience? Don't worry, you will get there someday. Then perhaps you wont have to try so hard anymore…you know…w/ facebook and V>SECRET!! Oh and by the way, the jealousy eases up w maturity, confidence, and exp as well. GOOD LUCK UNTIL THEN!! LOL!!!!!!!

  38. Jinger says:
    Wed, 30th Mar 20118:43 am 

    Some of these rules are a bit harsh. Just remember that if you are lucky, one day you will be an older lady(:

  39. Maryellen Baylis says:
    Tue, 14th Feb 201211:47 pm 

    What an ass. There are many attractive women over 40 and just as many "gross" under 40's Beauty doesn't have an expiry date. If you are lucky you will grow old but it will probably come with a major life crisis . Withbyour attitude when you hit middleage youvwill be the biggest jerk on the block… Your sovpathetic! Unlike fine wine idiots like you don't improve with age.

Tell us what you're thinking...