The Hills: Cowboy Montag Moseys Into Town

Upon meeting Heidi’s dad on last night’s episode of The Hills, I expected a little more from MTV. For instance, I expected a scene out of some sort of Western movie where Mr. Montag walks through swinging saloon doors, gives Spencer a look and then does some fancy moves with the gun in his holster as a tumbleweed blows by.

Instead I got some BS brunch at a Hollywood eatery where Spencer tripped over his words as he attempted to impress the Cowboy. Words that Heidi’s dad most definitely did not understand. So, Cowboy Montag, if you are reading this right now, I’d like to take this opportunity to translate that mumbo jumbo that came out of Pretty Boy Pratt’s mouth so maybe you can stop this wedding before it happens. Oh wait…. Well, at least you’ll know what he was talking about.

What Spencer Said: “So I say to this guy, ‘you’d really do this?’ and he gets in my face and he’s like, ‘yeah, you know, what are you gonna do?’ and that’s when I, you know, massaged his face a little bit… lightly.”

What That Means: “I punched someone for telling Heidi I was doing something wrong. And I’m an a$$hole. Please don’t shoot me.”

But the Cowboy doesn’t shoot him (aw shucks!); instead, he gives him permission to marry Heidi. Could it be that he actually likes Spencer (yeah right), or is it more likely that he wants Heidi to stop tarnishing the pure “Montag” name and start ruining someone else’s legacy?

Spencer doesn’t want anyone to change their minds so he off and runs to get Heidi a ring. A giant ring.
A ring that weighs more than the girl (even with that giant weave and those duck lips). A ring that he could obviously afford with that great job of his. Oh, he doesn’t have a job? So Heidi’s engaged/married to MTV? Sounds about right.

Not that I saw the engagement coming. I mean, I had no idea those two even got married! I wish they covered this couple a bit more. It’s just hard when they hate the media so much.  When Spencer took Heidi to the top of the ferris wheel I was kinda hoping for a double dive into the cement below.
Especially after Heidi called him SPENCEY.

Too bad all I got was a marriage proposal.

Oh yeah, other things happened this episode, too. Lauren fired Steph from her job, and while she looked like she was upset (or trying really hard to seem that way), Steph was far more concerned with the guy from the White Tie Affair to really focus on anything job-related. And good job MTV for the smooth band placement in the episode. Is this the next hot band we’re supposed to fall in love with?

Perhaps they’ll be playing at the Speidi wedding. How romantic.