The Doctor is In: How Much Sex Is Enough?

Talking sex with your doctor isn’t always easy. Whether you are afraid she or he will judge you,  you just don’t feel comfortable sharing the intimate details of your life between the sheets, or you can’t think straight with a speculum between your legs, many people get tight lipped in the doctor’s office. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have questions.

After so many of you wrote in to ask Dr. Lissa Rankin questions during CollegeCandy’s STD Awareness Day, we thought we’d bring her back more regularly. So, every Thursday she will be answering your questions. The ones you couldn’t ask your doctor in person and didn’t really trust the Yahoo community to answer for you. Just leave your questions in the comments, or send em over to us. (We’ll keep it all anonymous for you.) Dr. Lissa will answer anything – really, anything – about sex and other lady things. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: How Much Sex Is Enough Sex?

A: So many people worry that they’re not having enough sex- or that they’re having too much.  Take two people getting it on with the same frequency – twice per week.  One may be completely frustrated because she wishes she was doin’ the bump daily. The other may be resenting the pressure from her partner and wish she could scale it back to once a month.  Truth is, we’re all SO different.

So What’s “Normal?”
According to the Kinsey Institute, 18-29 year olds have sex an average of 112 times per year, 30-39 year olds an average of 86 times per year, and 40-49 year olds an average of 69 times per year.

Is There Such a Thing as Too Much Sex?
Absolutely. If sex or masturbation are leading you to miss school or work, causing you to fall behind in your responsibilities, or damaging your relationships, you may have a problem.  Other behaviors associated with sexual addiction include multiple affairs (cheating on your partner), multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands, consistent use of pornography, unsafe sex , frequent phone or computer sex (cybersex),  prostitution or use of prostitutes, exhibitionism, obsessive dating through personal ads or the internet, voyeurism, stalking, sexual harassment, or rape.  If this sounds like you, there are treatment programs such as the twelve step program Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) to help people with sexual addictions.

What I Think
If you and your partner are both happy, it’s enough. Nuff said.  If one of you is dissatisfied, it bears exploration, because those seeds of discontent breed trouble ahead in your relationship.  Can you talk to your partner about it? I know sex is hard to discuss, but can you touch base periodically and check in?  If you and your partner disagree about sexual frequency, can you make compromises?  So often we make assumptions about our partners that simply aren’t true.  Maybe you wish you could have sex twice a week, but your partner only wants it every other week.  Maybe you assume your partner just isn’t that sexual, when in truth, your partner just doesn’t always want to put in the hour-long ordeal of loads of foreplay.  What if you could just have a quickie every now and then- just to tie you over?  Would you be willing to sacrifice quality for quantity?  Or is it all about quality- and quantity be damned?

It can be challenging to find the balance between fulfilling your sexual needs, meeting the needs of your  partner,  having autonomy over how much sex you have, and keeping up with your other responsibilities.  As long as you and your partner are content, no one’s getting hurt, you’re protecting your body, and sex isn’t getting in the way of the rest of your life, there’s no need to worry about how much sex everyone else is having.  Many people are completely happy abstaining, and others get in on like rabbits.  Just be safe, pay attention to your intuition, and don’t stress about everyone else.  If you’re happy, safe, and healthy, it’s enough.

[Check out Dr. Lissa at www.owningpink.com]