The Doctor is In: How Much Sex Is Enough?

college-girl-and-sex-1.jpgTalking sex with your doctor isn’t always easy. Whether you are afraid she or he will judge you,  you just don’t feel comfortable sharing the intimate details of your life between the sheets, or you can’t think straight with a speculum between your legs, many people get tight lipped in the doctor’s office. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have questions.

After so many of you wrote in to ask Dr. Lissa Rankin questions during CollegeCandy’s STD Awareness Day, we thought we’d bring her back more regularly. So, every Thursday she will be answering your questions. The ones you couldn’t ask your doctor in person and didn’t really trust the Yahoo community to answer for you. Just leave your questions in the comments, or send em over to us. (We’ll keep it all anonymous for you.) Dr. Lissa will answer anything – really, anything – about sex and other lady things. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: How Much Sex Is Enough Sex?

A: So many people worry that they’re not having enough sex- or that they’re having too much.  Take two people getting it on with the same frequency – twice per week.  One may be completely frustrated because she wishes she was doin’ the bump daily. The other may be resenting the pressure from her partner and wish she could scale it back to once a month.  Truth is, we’re all SO different.

So What’s “Normal?”
According to the Kinsey Institute, 18-29 year olds have sex an average of 112 times per year, 30-39 year olds an average of 86 times per year, and 40-49 year olds an average of 69 times per year.

Is There Such a Thing as Too Much Sex?

Absolutely. If sex or masturbation are leading you to miss school or work, causing you to fall behind in your responsibilities, or damaging your relationships, you may have a problem.  Other behaviors associated with sexual addiction include multiple affairs (cheating on your partner), multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands, consistent use of pornography, unsafe sex , frequent phone or computer sex (cybersex),  prostitution or use of prostitutes, exhibitionism, obsessive dating through personal ads or the internet, voyeurism, stalking, sexual harassment, or rape.  If this sounds like you, there are treatment programs such as the twelve step program Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) to help people with sexual addictions.

What I Think
If you and your partner are both happy, it’s enough. Nuff said.  If one of you is dissatisfied, it bears exploration, because those seeds of discontent breed trouble ahead in your relationship.  Can you talk to your partner about it? I know sex is hard to discuss, but can you touch base periodically and check in?  If you and your partner disagree about sexual frequency, can you make compromises?  So often we make assumptions about our partners that simply aren’t true.  Maybe you wish you could have sex twice a week, but your partner only wants it every other week.  Maybe you assume your partner just isn’t that sexual, when in truth, your partner just doesn’t always want to put in the hour-long ordeal of loads of foreplay.  What if you could just have a quickie every now and then- just to tie you over?  Would you be willing to sacrifice quality for quantity?  Or is it all about quality- and quantity be damned?

It can be challenging to find the balance between fulfilling your sexual needs, meeting the needs of your  partner,  having autonomy over how much sex you have, and keeping up with your other responsibilities.  As long as you and your partner are content, no one’s getting hurt, you’re protecting your body, and sex isn’t getting in the way of the rest of your life, there’s no need to worry about how much sex everyone else is having.  Many people are completely happy abstaining, and others get in on like rabbits.  Just be safe, pay attention to your intuition, and don’t stress about everyone else.  If you’re happy, safe, and healthy, it’s enough.

[Check out Dr. Lissa at]



    1. Kingsley Okpare says:

      Well I Love sex but I am not married, I have this boyfriend who insist We must have sex anythime we see, We are having problem now because he wants me to get pregnant for him before he comes see my Parents what do I do cos I live him

      1. elisa says:

        you are dumb. you need to have your boy friend needs to meet your parents whether you are pregnant or not and whether you are married or not. If he gets you pregnant you will have him in your life until your child dies. even then he will be there. you better just becarful. I am 19 almost 20 and my son is almost 1 he is the best thing that has happened to me and i am happily married to his father. we discussed having the baby in about two years not a year go. my mom was sixteen when she had me and three different men knocked her up and two ditched her and now she suffers from the abusing they did and what her daughter she cannot see thinks of her. my grandma was 18 and the night before she had my dad her baby daddy bought her a plain ticket to go back to washington and never see him again. my cousin baby daddy was in the military over 21 when she was 15 and she got prego and is just now getting her life started 4 children later and she is 21. her baby daddy left her and has never seen his son. you better watch out. do not get stuck in that situation. because it will and can easily happen to you.

    2. Lia says:

      Kingsley Okpare are you serious? 'Get pregnant for him'? A child is a lifelong commitment and he expects you to be preggers before he's even met your folks?! Dude wants some guaranteed grip on your life so when your parents meet this loser, they won't encourage you to ditch him if you're knocked up. Sex is great but your bf sounds like a horny control freak. DO NOT let this fool impregnate you. Do you want to get married soon? Does he? Do you have a good steady pay check? Does he? Do you currently have a lifelong commitment (I didn't say do you WANT one, I said do you HAVE one cause a baby IS ONE. And it doesn't guarantee your relationship, it just guarantees that you'll never be rid of him entirely if he drops you), are you living together and for how long, has he EVER cheated on you, what are his exact reasons for the pregnancy clause, what's his relationship like with his parents- these are all questions you need to review thoroughly and then run away from this dude. And please read 'The Complete A**hole's Guide to Handling Chicks'- I think you might spot several of your exes. Good luck and stay on the pill.

    3. vikash says:

      sir, my penic is very loose,thin,sort.

      plz give me advise

    4. NedNoD says:

      I'm female. I'm usually the one initiating sex with my husband. A lot of people find this weird, but I like it 3-4 times a week, hell, if it was twice daily I'd be content. But sex isn't everything and it's nice to put on some clothes and go outside and, you know, be seen, and not every date night needs to end with sex, but strip jenga is so much fun when you're bored, horny-but not quite in the mood yet. Takes a while, and it gets competitive, but it's laughs for the both of you.

    5. CC says:

      Well my boyfriend and I have sex 2-3 times a day. I'm very content with that. I couldn't imagine going a week with out it.

    6. sue says:

      my boyfirend and i have been together for a long time and he want sex eveyday, no amount of sex is ever enough for him. what should i do?

      1. sunny says:

        hiiiiiiii sue,i am an army man. my wife want sex at least three times in a day. when i am on leave i give three or four time sex. she is sooo much happy and love me lot. actually i like only one time in a one day.but for her happiness i did it and i am happy

    7. fluffy says:

      hey hi there can anyone help me with my problem… im 23 and everytime me and bf were having sex i cannot reach the climax, it feels like im gonna pee and dont know what wrong. my bf dont know that i dont release the climax… that he might get offended. thanks mail me

      1. Elisa says:

        He is a guy therefore he has watched porn and has been in sex ed. That pee is your cum your body says weather or not you are going to pee or cum. just like guys do.

      2. qwerty says:

        you don't need to pee, you're a squirter, meaning you ejactulate during orgasm, don't worry, what comes out is not urine, it is a mixture of sugar and hormones. just relax and let it happen, if you try and hold back the need to pee you hold back your orgasm.

    8. Kevo says:

      I love this discussion

    9. danielle says:

      ok me and my boyfriend have sex 2-3 times a day… i mean i love the sex… but is that to much? and when we have sex i sometimes have pain on the right side of my vagina around entry… and sometimes i get pain in my stomach when in doggy style.. do u have any suggestions?

    10. tricia samaroo says:

      hi am been married for 12 years. my husband is 35 and an 31 lately i find sex has gone out of our life. hes always tired or stress we have sex about once a week can u helpme please.

    11. Gwen says:


      I'm on here for the exact same reason. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now and we have sex 2-4 times a day every day of the week. I love having sex with him but I started having pain in the right side of my vagina about a month ago during entry. We can't keep our hands off each other and now it's to the point where I feel so bruised even sitting down hard hurts and the pain is overriding the pleasure for the whole experience. I also get stomach cramps for a day or two when we have sex from behind. I hope they respond to me here cause I'm really starting to worry if I should go to the Doctor about this or not.

    12. Jamie says:

      My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We have sex until we are completely worn out or it starts hurting me. (3-6 times a day) We don't always see each other everyday but we've kind of figured out that when it starts hurting me its because a)it needs to be lubricated

      b)from doing it rough it gives you rug burn

      While I was at the doctor's office she said she noticed irritation on the inside of my vagina and offered to prescribe a cream to heal it. I passed because you can easily get infections in that area. Just give yourself time to heal.

    13. Sezzynena says:

      Hey there well i am 19 years old, i been in a current relationship for 9months now and my sex life is great. We do have sex Everyday about 2-3 a day. To me is kind of getting to me like an usual thing and same thing over and over. After we have sex i have crampins . Is dat normal? And sometime a little spot of bleeding when urinating. I need advice asap tanks:)

    14. Brandi Graham says:

      I went to the dr for stomach pain during sex, and an exam was done. I had cervical pollyps, ovarian cysts, and fibroids. All ti which cause pain, and dangerous if not treated prompt or properly. Dont play with your health. If it hurts theres a reason.

    15. […] The Doctor is in: How much sex is enough? – College Candy […]

    16. Krista says:

      I'm younger than most people on here and me and my boyfriend have sex about once or twice a week. But I never have orgasms. Is this normal and is there anything I can do to help? Message me.

      1. you are do sex whit me

    17. dimples says:

      I have been with my bf for 13 years.. I am a 31 year old female, and when we first started our relationship,we had sex every hour. Now im just not into it. Is this normal?

      1. ,ark says:

        wow, sex every hour……thats awesome-getting busy…..

    18. thomas says:

      i get laid alot. sometimes two or three women a day and not less than once a day. its all casual. i love sex but i feel like im stretching myself too thin or that since im having so much sex with different women, all clean btw, that its making me not as good. and im good. i cant cum unless she does and sometimes that gets old. i want to slow down but i dont at the same time. im 30. what are the physiological implications minus stds for having so much sex? what are your suggestions?

    19. Scott says:

      First off I’m18 years old and have been in a relationship about a year now and get to see my gf only on the weekends at which point we have sex 15
      times or more and I have had two previous relationships similar because of my “talent” as I’m told. I also give advice to many ppl and will now do the same here.
      To answer multiple questions:
      Vikash Type more clearly and explain what it is you want to know.
      Sue You need to talk to him and tell him that sex isn’t that big to you ad it is to him and that you would rather be less frequent using facts such aether fact that a little patience will really rile u up for that next time if he is worth ur time he will understand
      Krista Yes it is sadly very normal for women to not have orgasms going off of assumptions what you could definitely benefit from is more adventure in the bedroom including toys ribbed condoms flavored gel and a little more foreplay to get those sweet spots really sensitive for the main course
      Dimples After thirteen years of the same person sex will become monotonous he’ll I’m 18 and some of my relationships became monotonous in weeks! You could greatly benefit from the advice that I gave to Krista as well
      Thomas What other problems could there be ? Look above! Monotony is going to be one of ur biggest problems along with the fact that after a long weekend sometimes I have trouble getting in the game it is just skin I would not be surprised to see some ED in the future not to mention the more partners you have the less being with someone monogamously will appeal to you and will create massive bedroom issues so cool it down man you ain’t even close to old but those prime family man years are ticking away!

    20. izzy says:

      I’m 35 I have 4 children3 with previous relationship I have been with my boyfriend for 3 yrs and our baby is 18 mths. We only recently moved in together and he is doing my head in with sex every morning he wakes me up hands in my pj bottoms and mastabates all the time even next to me while he thinks I’m sleeping. I hate it I hate sex I hate being poked and proded. He then gets the right hump if I say no, but he gets his way anyway I feel like his sex toy. I’m going to leave if he carrys on

      1. TaTa says:

        I know the feeling! My husband was in a motorcycle accident 5 years ago and every since then, he wants to have sex every day!! More than once if he can get it up! It makes me sick! I should of been a nun, I could go without sex the rest of my life and be OK with it! I feel your pain, I feel more like a sex toy than a wife. Good luck!

    21. dibo says:

      i’m 23 and me and ma boyfriend do alot of sex like 4 times or more a day and this this i been having some stomach pains and my vagina is kindo painful on the intrance and this is worrying me.

      1. Lily says:

        You're just sore. Try just once a day.

    22. How Often Should You Have Sex To Conceive says:

      You are so cool! I don’t think I’ve read through anything like this before. So good to discover somebody with a few genuine thoughts on this subject matter. Really.. thanks for starting this up. This website is something that is required on the web, someone with a little originality!

    23. rajnish says:

      i fall within 2 or 3 minute at the time of sex tel me how much time should be limit of sex and tel me the way by which i could increase my sex power at the time of sex

    24. Markos says:

      Hi all great thread . Im a 28 yr old. Male and i have sex with

      My g/f 1 to 2 times a day . If i had the time for more i would . My girlfreind is. Complaning that we have sex to much so i only get it at a night most times. But she is still complaning that its to much and it tires her out she tries to get away with it any Chance she gets . I personaly think its very healthy is there anything i can do to increse her sex drive the foreplay is good we have , anything else ?

      1. unsure says:

        Idk, I'm 26 and my bf is 30. I want it at the least once to 4 or 5 times a day. But he says its too much. What kind of a guy says its too much? We do it twice a week. Its not enough for me. Is there something wrong with me? Are women not suppose to want it that much?

      2. Guru says:

        There is no problem for wanting that much. Though 4-5 times a day could most definitely get in the way of duties and responsibility, honestly if I could get it 1-2 times a day I would be one happy gentleman. Im lucky if I can seduce my lover into the hay once a week. Sigh, the libido was strong in her when we first met… She has gotten so lazy and rarely leaves her computer. So no, in my opinion having that kind of sex drive is healthy, as long as it doesn't become obsessive or out of hand.

    25. jaskola says:

      i am sex time my water is fast going wat know do

    26. Lithium says:

      I’m a 19 year old and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for like 5months now..I usually see him weekends cause I’m a student at University and he works..we have sex more than 10times in a weekend to an extant that its painful when I urinate and I bleed alil sometimes I get pains when we have sex that normal?he says I shouldn’t tell him I’m sore cause that’s not true

      1. garry says:

        you should get yourself checked for a UTI. getting them frequently can damage your reproductive system, also your kidneys.

      2. USMAN says:

        am also 19 yaers old and doing M.B.A i have 6 inch dick if u want contact me

    27. Jessie Lynn says:

      Just curious. I'm 26 and my partner is 23. I don't think it's a bad thing but lately I've been questioning it. My partner and I have been together for a year now. Exclusive and all. He use to have multiple sex partners, at the same time (We've both been tested so, no worries there.) and jokes about being addicted to sex. Now I am questioning me. I've always been the "long term relationship" type. I've always had very high standards for safety and protection too. However, I'm just as sexually active as he is. We have sex at least 2-3 times a day sometimes it can get up to around 8 or 9 times. It doesn't interrupt school, work, or any of our responsibilities, but it does interrupt our sleep. To the point where one of us will wake the other if the mood strikes, and we don't get to sleep until early hours of the morning, only to be up by 7am. We've tried going to "bed" early so we can fall asleep early, but that doesn't really work at all. We'll sooner stay in and watch netflix, than actually date, just in case the "mood strikes". Though we do go out and have dates, we're no shut-ins. I'm quite content with the way things are, but at the same time, I am worrying if too much sex can actually be unhealthy. I mean as far as being a sex addict goes, none of those "symptoms" listed fit myself, and currently none except for maybe the use of porn fit my partner. There's no pressure to have sex, we don't do it during my time of the month cause it just freaks me out, and there are nights were neither of us really want to do it. He'll pout and whimper sometimes if I don't want to, but I really see it as nothing cause it doesn't start a fight, he doesn't get upset, and he'll just go masturbate. So really what I am wondering is, could both of us be addicted to sex, and is it healthy that we are like this even though both of us are content?

    28. Harley nicole says:

      Im 16 and pregnant, me and my boyfriend are still having sex. Will it hurt the baby?

      1. USMAN says:

        no its good for u

    29. ERFLARIS says:

      I am 37 years, and my Wife Abt 29 yrs, we are married almost 9 yrs, My Libido is Very high i cannot sleep without sex every days or least 5 times a week, My Wife has very less Drive, and some vocation we fight each other a lot, for he least once ot twise a week is ok, but my issue is that i cannot sleep without it, do any medicin that can reduce my sex drive i dont want to spoil our relation, some time our fight ends up with discussion on separation, i am confused on this please need advice,

    30. ERFLARIS says:

      I am 37 years, and my Wife Abt 29 yrs, we are married almost 9 yrs, My Libido is Very high i cannot sleep without sex every days or least 5 times a week, My Wife has very less Drive, and some vocation we fight each other a lot, for her least once or twice a week is ok, but my issue is that i cannot sleep without it, do any medicine that can reduce my sex drive i don’t want to spoil our relation, some time our fight ends up with discussion on separation, i am confused, please need advice,

    31. Samson says:

      I am 72 and my girlfriend is 15
      We have sex every day and sometimes more often ….. it all depends on how quick I can recover.
      She loves sex and would like it more often but I have my limitations.
      I taught her everything she knows and she has no inhibitions. She will try any kiond of sex.
      I'm going to die happy

    32. nickie says:

      I have been with my boyfriend 2 month I like sex but he said to much sex cause a infection is that true please help me.thank u

    33. misz says:

      I’m 22 and my husband is 24 we been married six years we have a child before we had a child we would have sex anytime anywhere but when I had my son we had sex once every month but recently the last week we been having three time’s a day sex he goes to work and to the gym the problem is he recently told he is feeling exhausted can that be true I always thought a man always wanted sex so I don’t know to stop or what please help

    34. Raylene says:

      Me and my man live together he works i work we used to have sex ask the time now twice a week if I’m lucky and i don’t know how to tell him i want more i try to hunt it i swear he wouldn’t care if i was sleeping naked he’s always tried cuz he works then lives on his video game and then just falls asleep lately i sleep in just my bra and pants but that don’t work either ugh

    35. rocky says:

      I’m having sex once week. Its an agreement. I struggle to orgasm, but love sex always.. I’m always wet and ready. But often I get the urge to urinate, and am wondering why, and what I can do to help me orgasm.


    36. Stephanie says:

      I'm trying to figure out if its normal for me and my husband to have sex 3-5times a day ..

    37. Chezere says:

      I am 20 and my boyfriend is 21 and he says he likes when we sometimes don’t have sex or he’s tired of having sex we maybe have sex once or twice a week we are in our 20’s at our sexual peaks we shouldn’t be having sex issues at this age he should be wanting to have sex with me all the time it makes me feel unwanted that he says he doesn’t want it all the time and sometimes he will get soft while we are having sex and I end up blaming myself

    38. Grace says:

      Iam 18 and my bf likes humping me so plz tell me what to do his trying to always have sex

    39. sexboy says:

      i m 28 yrs i had sex with my gf 34 yrs last 3 days 16 times at last i m unable to relax is this ok to have sex with older one. i love sex so i can continue with or not.
      ? please reply


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