Celebretard Showdown: Miley Cyrus vs. Lindsay Lohan

May 22, 2009 12:00 pm     Posted in Entertainment, HaHa  Amanda g+ page

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By Amanda

When I was in middle school and I had to choose between two boys who wanted to take me to the 7th grade dance, my mom told me to make a list. (Mind you, that was the last time I ever had 2 boys fighting over me…) After noting that one of the boys had far more cons (like picking his nose…and eating it), I had my answer. Since then, I’ve used lists to make all of my difficult life decisions: beer or vodka, Kris Allen or Adam Lambert, flats or wedges…

And now: which celeb is worse for the future of society.

This week’s showdown is between two ladies who are tainting our youth, one racy photo at a time: Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus. Who is wreaking more havoc? Let’s break it down:

Disney Career

Miley Cyrus, or should I say Hannah Montana, was abducted into the Disney cult at the young age of rwelve. With a hit TV show, spin-off movie, and record deal, I’m not sure if Miley will be hanging up that hideous blond wig any time soon.

Lindsay Lohan, also paid her Disney dues, starring in The Parent Trap, Life Size, Freaky Friday, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, and Herbie Fully Loaded. Sadly, the freckles faded (or perhaps were spray tanned over) and Lindsay broke her ties to Disney to pursue other acting gigs

Point: Miley Cyrus. Maybe it’s time Miley moved on to bigger and better things (it’s not like all those Disney movies did Lindsay any good, anyway). Besides, that whole double persona thing confuses the crap out of me.

Racy Pics

Miley Cyrus started small with some provocative bff pics, you know, just sharing a gummy worm with the bestie, eating lollipops, and rolling around on the ground together. But that was just the beginning. Soon after, Miley was jonesing for more Lolita love and stripped down to her skivvies. I like to refer to these as the panty pics, because, for God knows what reason, Miley decided to hold a photo sesh in her underwear (Myspace style). Of course the pictures leaked. I’ve been saving the best for last, because for her grand finale, Miley graced the cover of Vanity Fair in nothing but a sheet. Everybody on Team Miley lost their sh*t and denied any involvement in the decision. Hey, she ‘s just being Miley, right?

Lindsay Lohan posed for her Vanity Fair cover in a little white bikini. She waited to reveal her bits a few pages in a la Marilyn Monroe. The whole thing wasn’t terribly scandalous, but don’t you worry, there’s plenty more scandal in Lindsay’s photo past. First, I have two words for you: Fire Crotch. Seemed like Lindsay had something to prove after that little nick name became public. Then there were the  Vanessa Minnilo Knife Pictures.  But who am I to judge, I’m sure it was just your average house party when the knife play got a little out of control. Oh, and how could we forget when Lindsay passed out in that car?! God bless the paparazzi for capturing that gleaming moment in Lindsay’s life.

Point: Lindsay Lohan. A vag flash, knife pic and passing out drunk on camera? The only way Miley could top that is if someone got a shot of her in a threesome with the Jonas Brothers…and all of T.I.’s guns.

Role Model

Miley Cyrus likes to talk about her good morals. This could be great as far as being a role model. Who doesn’t want someone with strong moral values and an awesome work ethic to give kids someone to look up to? Unfortunately, Miley has been a little hypocritical as far as those morals go. Just look at the photo evidence if you don’t believe me.

Lindsay Lohan had a very public lesbian relationship with Samantha Ronson. This could have been a great opportunity for Lindsay to step up as a role model for the gay community and break some of the stereotypes associated with lesbians and bisexuals. Lindsay didn’t really come through, though. There was more focus on the negative instead of the positive in that relationship; drug allegations, restraining orders and public screaming matches don’t exactly promote a healthy image.

Point: Lindsay Lohan. I don’t really think anybody should be looking up to Lindsay Lohan right now.

Branding

Miley Cyrus has Hannah Montana stuff EVERYWHERE. I don’t think I’ve ever went shopping without seeing that big toothy smile. She has DVDs,  wigs, make up, handbags, backpacks, dolls, CDs, books, boardgames, toilet seats… Yes, I said toilet seats. Need I continue?

Lindsay Lohan had her own line of leggings, but right now she’s sticking to spray tan. It sounds like a cruel joke but it’s true – the queen of orange glow is taking her spray tan wisdom to the public with Sevin Nyne.

Point: Miley Cyrus. I know she’s probably raking in the cash, but nobody should ever put their face on a toilet seat. Seriously, she’s just asking to be pissed on.

Fame Whore Parents

Miley Cyrus is the daughter Billy Ray Cyrus (you know, Achey Breaky Heart, Billy Ray Cyrus.) When your dad was once a famous country singer (with chaps and a mullet) who is no longer in the limelight, you are already in danger of crossing into crazy stage-parent territory. Add in that Miley’s dad co-stars in Hannah Montana with her and you have a full fledged fame whore dad. It probably doesn’t help that Billy Ray has that very creepy Joe Simpson vibe going for him either.

Lindsay Lohan’s family loooooooves publicity. Doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, Dina and Michael Lohan will take any opportunity to talk to a tabloid, call a radio show, or write to a website. I’m surprised they haven’t hired sky writers yet. Like Billy Ray, Dina claims she attempted her own career as a rockette. She settled for a reality show and status as a fame whore parent instead.

Point: Lindsay Lohan. Let’s just say the Lohans are a little more involved in their daughter’s life. And by “involved” I mean “get drunk with her and call the paps to be outside when they leave.”

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Lindsay Lohan. As much as it pains me, I really can’t hate on Miley this time.

22 Comments on "Celebretard Showdown: Miley Cyrus vs. Lindsay Lohan"

  1. Chelzz says:
    Fri, 22nd May 20097:58 am 

    Can people leave Miley alone. No body has real reasons to hate her, she is SIXTEEN!!

    Its kind of hard trying to be a role model for damn near ever litle girl when you're trying to grow up yourself.

    And what makes people think they have the right to post these pictures of her around? Its kinda gross. She is young.

    Im sure she got in enough trouble for taking the damn things

    Funny how the law doesn't even apply to her, cause I think they arrested a kid for taking nude-like pics…Idk. But the kid is around with gross old papparazzis photographing her all the time and I think she is doing the best she can. She's going to learn from her mistakes… It's Lindsey that didn't learn and this soceity destroyed her.

    Just give Miley a break. She doesnt need people 6-10 years older than her hating her because she's living a life because of Disney. It's like highschool *100 this kid can really break like this. And end up like Lindsey

  2. Sarah says:
    Fri, 22nd May 20098:22 am 

    Chelzz needs to chillll.

  3. michelle says:
    Fri, 22nd May 20091:11 pm 

    chelzz: comment is too long.

    this website is amazing. its my new perezhilton

  4. Dee says:
    Fri, 22nd May 20091:34 pm 

    Boring article. Old stuff rehashed over and over so many times. Tsk,tsk,tsk.

  5. rii says:
    Fri, 22nd May 20093:03 pm 

    this list is supposed to show how they are wreaking havoc. but all the points that miley got for wreaking havoc arent even bad compared to what lindsay got points for. having a successful disney career and merchandise is suddenly scandalous? just reading the differences between these two clearly shows miley is actually really tame.

  6. Stacy says:
    Fri, 22nd May 20093:05 pm 

    I agree with Chellzz completely

  7. Rebecca says:
    Fri, 22nd May 20098:22 pm 

    Lindsay is not a role model, but whether or not she is has nothing to do with her being a lesbian. By mentioning her sexual orientation in the role model category you are implying that there is something wrong with it.

    You try to cover it up by saying that she could have been a model for the gay community but honestly since when do we require that celebs become models for any "community" they represent? And does her being gay/bisexual automatically force her to represent a community she might not even relate to? Sexual orientation does not define your appartenance to a community. Besides that, you mention the "stereotypes" associated with the gays and lesbians. I don't really see how LiLo could have fixed stupid people's prejudices.

    I agree that Lindsay has not the cleanest past but I don't understand how her being gay has anything to do with that.

  8. BigBubba says:
    Fri, 22nd May 200911:29 pm 

    yous in college? stop righting this Bs and go do your fucking homework. Close your legs, stop fucking every other guy and stop spending mommy and daddys money on this crap.

  9. Chris says:
    Sat, 23rd May 20095:18 am 

    Sheesh, everyone's getting catty. Can we have a nasty commenter showdown next?

    To Rebecca: I think the point of mentioning sexuality is that Lindsay is just fueling stereotypes. So many people think bisexuals are just promiscuous whores, and Lindsay sure is one of those! No, not every gay celebrity has to be a role model, but it's possible to be gay and not fuel stereotypes that harm the community. Lindsay is just making it seem like a) we choose our sexualities, b) gay/bisexual people love harmful relationships, and c) bisexuals are whores. None of which should be true.

    Anyway, Miley will always win (lose?) this showdown to me. See, I've managed to ignore Lohan for months by not watching celebrity TV/reading tabloids. Miley is EVERYWHERE. She's like a sick, sick plague, and it's impossible to avoid her. Every 15 year old girl around has her face taped onto something they're carrying.

  10. Chelzz says:
    Sat, 23rd May 20099:32 am 

    I didnt mean to make it so long, I jut think the poor girl could just crack and be the next Lindsey… It's like watching people torture her. She's just a kid is all I was trying to say. I was an emotional mess at 15 and 16 when people would spread rumors, she has that x100.I wouldnt be surprised if she comtemplated suicide, if anything someone should be showing how strong she is. I mean she's done a damn good job of being so successful.

    I just pray Lindsay finds herself, the self she lost in this soceity.

    Sorry, this is long too.

  11. Gabby says:
    Sun, 24th May 20094:29 am 

    I say bring back the old disney stars like tinkerbell and thumper.. at least with a name like thumper the nicknames would be cheeky and cute, not whorish and f*ing clownshoes.

    I never buy that crackout montana shite except once on accident my kid picked out a pair of her shoes. A rare pair that didn't have her pic on it, just her name on the heel small that we noticed a little later. We decided that wasn't enough to completely ruin the shoes and all was ok. Seriously sick of seeing that shit though and that makes her ten times worse than loca lohan could dream of being. And yeah she can help it, stop signing up to put your name on a damnn toilet seat and twatever else.

  12. Talia. says:
    Fri, 29th May 20099:32 am 

    i agree with chellzz.

    what has miley done wrong?

    i mean, come on, half of the teen girls here take photos like that and i dont see them on here.

    she probably didn't choose how to do that vanity fair pic either (:

    she seriously has nothing to be hated for :/

  13. Peter says:
    Sat, 30th May 20097:54 am 

    Loool. Why do people care about celebrities soo much? It makes me feel ill..

  14. 100ns says:
    Mon, 15th Jun 20098:41 pm 

    bueno por lo que veo soy la unica que no finge en hablar ingles….

    si naci venezolana,,, venezolana me quedar jajajaja

    arriba miley……

    teeeee quieroooooo muchooooooo

  15. MERCY says:
    Thu, 23rd Jul 200911:08 am 

    T APOYO ARRIBA LENDSAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I LOVE YOU LENDSAY!!!!!!!

  16. MERCY says:
    Thu, 23rd Jul 200911:15 am 

    ARIBA LENDSAY! !

  17. nikki says:
    Thu, 30th Jul 200911:13 pm 

    first able the miley picture is not so bad as the lindsay pictre lindsay looks like somebody sacred her out of the forest and the animals there made her like that

  18. amairani says:
    Mon, 7th Dec 20097:11 pm 

    I LOVE YOU MUCH LINDSAY LOHAN TU ERES LA MEJOR!

  19. amairani says:
    Mon, 7th Dec 20097:14 pm 

    tee amooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

  20. sextape download lin says:
    Sun, 17th Jan 201010:28 am 

    Look forward to seeing more like this!

  21. sheen says:
    Sun, 18th Apr 20108:18 pm 

    go..miley

  22. lindsaylohanandmiley says:
    Mon, 20th Sep 20108:46 am 

    oh god leave lindsay and miley alone.they are both young,talented and famous.miley is just seventeen and must too still grow up herself!and yes lindsay is too a role model,look her in the movie THE PARENT TRAP!, or in LABOR PAIN,or in FREAKY FRIDAY and all her other movies.she is totally talented!maybe she makes too much party,but hey shes young and wanna have fun.that is not bad,i think that when she has the chance she can make party.AND that is her privat-life we are just the public who just must say if she has talent or not.and when she has talent and can show that its alright and she is role model!she tries to stop taking drugs!do you all think that is easy?(to stop?)AND her life is hard her family is not normal(cuz they always have problems to each other.)and she is famous.all around you paparazzis!,that is not easy.

    and that with miley,she is too talented and still young.everybody makes mistakes!she should live her life,cuz she has already show us that she has talent!AND is a role model.that is too just her own thing please live her alone.BOTH OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!

    i love they both,please do the same.

    LINDSAY!)

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