Overheard: The Story on the Street

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(A crazy guy on campus trying to sell joke books.)

Crazy guy: Does college make you want to sh*t your pants?

Scared freshman: Um … no?

(A professor, reminiscing in-class.)

Professor: I just, you know, kinda grab nearby papers sometimes. I have many squirrel-like tendencies. That’s what my mom said.

(Girl, angry, on the phone.)

Girl: … because you’ve got the personality of a tennis ball! A tennis ball with acne!

(Girl, complaining to her friends.)

Girl: I mean… okay, how often do two sorority chicks turn into one Asian guy named Steve?

(Students reading papers.)

Guy 1: Oh, cool. Campus Cargo Cults for Christ. Check it out.

Guy 2: Oh, woah! Seriously?

Guy 1: No, dumbass.

Guy 2 (crestfallen): Oh. Too bad.

(Girl, poking her head out of a bathroom door)

Girl: Hey! Does anyone want to join me in the bathroom?

(Professor and students in a class.)

Professor: Are you going to be taking a seat?

Guy (leaning on windowsill): Nah, I think I’m fine here.

Professor: Okay. You know, you’re going to do great things.

(Guy, at a birthday party.)

Birthday Guy: I can’t believe I’m 23. It’s like, this … this pudding, right here, with a cookie in it. That’s 23. Cookie pudding.

(Two guys on an apartment balcony.)

Guy: It’s true. Watch this. (Yelling.) I JUST JIZZED ON A BOAT! (Turns back to friend.) See? I’m totally safe.

(A woman, on the phone in the parking lot.)

Woman: I don’t want my neighbors to think I’m creepy. All I do is sit in my car and smoke boys up.

(Girl and guy, yelling in a noisy gym.)

Girl: Woman climbers usually use their legs more, since they don’t have the same arm strength.

Guy: Yeah. Oh, I get it. You guys always need to be tied up.

Girl: Excuse me?

Guy: Sorry, I’m not sure what you said.

(Two guys, walking through campus.)

Guy 1: You eating anything exciting tonight?

Guy 2: Nah, you know. I’m gonna wrestle a manatee.