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Jizz On Your Face?

facial

Mmmm sperm!

So apparently all those frat guys during my last four years of university had it right all along – sperm really does have many health benefits.  A Norwegian company called Bioforskning (which sounds like the owner may have had a mouthful of something when she was asked to name the company) has developed a facial treatment to minimize wrinkles and smooth skin utilizing spermine, an element in human sperm.

Human. Sperm. WTF??

First of all, let’s just sit back and appreciate the thought process that had to have gone into this product.  Who came up with it?  Who was sitting around and thinking, “Oh you know what, I bet jizz is really good for your skin, let me test this out and then sell it for hundreds of dollars”??  I tell you what, when sperm is that close to my face, my skin care routine is usually the last thing on my mind.  The first thing?  “Argh, point that thing somewhere else!”

Secondly, this “treatment” can cost up to $250 per session.  Seriously? What happened to the days when jizz on your face was an unhappy accident after a night of too many free (and probably warm) beers in the basement of a fraternity house on the side of campus you usually avoid? And instead of thinking, “Oh hey, I should probably let this sink into my skin and give it a second to see if it does anything beneficial,” weren’t we all (those of us who were “blessed” enough to be in the beta stages of this beauty regimen) thinking, “Where’s my face wash??”

Although Botox and  plastic surgery get a lot of flack, I feel a bit more warm to the idea of someone injecting pig fat or whatever it is into my face now that I know a sperm facial (didn’t that use to be a euphemism for something?) is the alternative treatment.  At any rate, I hope this development doesn’t leak to those frat guys (or really, any sexually active male), otherwise this fall’s crop of freshman girls have a whole new thing coming to them (all puns intended).

    Comments

    Comments

    1. Steven says:

      That is the most disgusting, and coolest thing I have ever read!!!! Hail to the creative human mind! I guess there is a useful purpose to the "male" condition of thinking with their little finger.

    2. Lauren - University says:

      Dude, who would pay $250 for that shiz? You can get it for free!

    3. Erin says:

      I've heard jizz really does make your skin soft, but the whole wrinkles area is new to me. Screw paying money!

    4. […] Norwegian company called Bioforskning developed the treatment to minimize wrinkles and smooth skin. I have so many questions about this project that I’m […]

    5. Chelzz says:

      Haha, Im gonna be waiting on the guys who are all gonna be selling “Let Me Jizz On Your Face”

      In all seriousness, Im not a big fan of that stuff.

    6. […] you say when assembling something from Ikea -Signs you’re at a white-trashtastic wedding -Another reason to convince your lady to take your load in her face -6 things that absolutely suck at the movie theater -What an inappropriate sponsorship (funny pic) […]

    7. […] J*zz On Your Face? (College Candy) […]

    8. Funnier the first ti says:

      Old. The other sites that also stole this article had better pictures.

      Fail.

    9. […] are perfectly pedicured for flip-flops, and we’re going to head to the spa for a luxurious sperm facial (Note: don’t Google that…).  Then we plan to head home, settle in under our Snuggie […]

    10. Dom says:

      Um. See, I don't think it's that disgusting for my boyfriend to come on my face, as long as he asks first. It's a bit unpleasant as a suprise, but when I'm prepared, it's not *un*enjoyable.

      Just not that disgusting. If you can suck a dick, you can get a a litte jizz on your face. Get over it.

    11. Chayce-LA Tech says:

      Yo Steven. I read ur comment and this is the first thing that came to my mind. IDK bout u but i dont call "it" my little finger. Mines bigger than all my fingers and I think its pretty sad that urs isnt. Jus saying.

    12. DJF says:

      People ask me all the time why i am 44 & look 30. Guess my secrets out. lol! I dont think I would want anyone besides mine on my face. thats gross. what about womens “Juice”? Oh yah, I dont have a 9 inch finger thats big around like a soup can either. :)

    13. sarah says:

      Btw. Bioforskning means something like biological research… That "spermine" is good for the skin, has been known for more than 300 years.. But it hasn't been taken in use for real until now.

      Norway.

    14. […] EWWW BEAUTY – Bioforskning has developed a facial treatment to minimize wrinkles and smooth skin uti… […]

    15. Viltsu says:

      I jizz in my pants

    16. never-to-return says:

      Sorry, not really a novel concept. This was a plot device on the television program "Nip/Tuck" some years back. Who knows where else the idea has been used before or since that time – fictionally or otherwise.

    17. Paul Wall says:

      What a good reason for Megan Fox to allow me to anoint her. Actually, in ancient Rome, this was standard practice for younger looking skin.

    18. Malcolm says:

      For all the girls that do read this , will give u a facial for free, as it does have benefits for both u and me. We can fool around after if u want to.

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