Jess says:
Sat, 30th May 20097:54 am 

You do have a way to stop it – don't act in such a negative manner, earn others' respect. Maybe then they wouldn't talk about you like that. Seems like you did it to yourself.

sloan says:
Sat, 30th May 20098:05 am 

i've absolutely experienced this, just one time though, but it was bad enough to scar me for awhile.

it was a one-sided wall convo [i'm almost thankful i didn't have access to the other half of the conversation]. this guy wrote on his buddy's wall about how i called him one night, and if i had come over he would have had to do me. he made it sound like it was the worst thing in the world.

hi, YOU came up to me when we first met, YOU asked for my number, i didn't even come on to you, i was just seeing if you wanted to hang out after feeling bad that i bailed on your bday party and wasn't able to return your voicemail msgs after going through a hectic school week.

thanks buddy, you sure know how to make a girl feel like a piece of trash. after reading that, i wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear for a while. and bawled my eyes out that night. great.

Jess says:
Sat, 30th May 20099:24 am 

People are dumb I guess they just don't realize that wall posts aren't text messages or emails?

michelle says:
Sat, 30th May 20099:44 am 

nobody DESERVES to be facebook blasted no matter their behavior, but since it's a possibility that it can/will happen, then i think it's a wise decision to give people less to talk about.

Casey says:
Sat, 30th May 200912:04 pm 

Umm "slandering" means saying things about you that aren't true. You DID hook up with the guy many times, you WERE drunk every time you hooked up with him, so the guys comment, although hurtful,was not slander.

If you don't want people to talk bad about you then don't do things that make you look like an "alcoholic nympho" because if that's what you do then that's exactly what you are.

Did you ever think that maybe your behavior isn't exactly lady like? The reson there is a double standard about sex is because we are supposed to be LADIES. Women are supposed to have more self control than men, we are supposed to have manners, and be mysterious. When you go and sleep around, while you're drunk, and tell everyone about it (or hookup with douchebags that you don't know who tell everyone about it, or simply douchebags that you do know who tell everyone about it) then you EARN those bad names. You deviate from the perfect image of a lady and become "that slut melanie" or "that crazy alcoholic nympho melanie"

I'm not saying this is deserved, but this is how it is, and knowing that promiscuity, drunken behavior, etc. EARNS you those bad names and tarnishes your reputation, you should have been a little smarter about how you presented yourself in public.

Sorry you're being bashed, but hate to say you earned it.

Amy says:
Sat, 30th May 200912:46 pm 

Since people seem to be blaming you for bad behavior, I had to comment.

People are acting like you had sex…by yourself. Um, hello? It takes two. If she's a slut, so is the guy! And I highly doubt he was totally sober every time himself. She wasn't being promiscuous–he was one guy, not five.

It's pretty sad that we still blame the woman when the man is equally guilty.

Erin says:
Sat, 30th May 200912:51 pm 

No, Casey I disagree, I really think that sex between two people is confidential and that there is never any need to tell your Buds about it. It's still rude and makes that person a D-bag. Lady or not does not excuse people from being rude. There is never any need to do that to people or if you really don't like someone un-friend them on both peoples sides.

Casey says:
Sat, 30th May 20094:41 pm 

Erin, what are you disagreeing too? I think sex should be between two people as well, I never implied that I thought anyone's sexual experiences should be shared with anyone. I said "DON'T sleep with someone and then tell everyone about it, and DON'T sleep with douche bags who are going to tell everyone about it" so I am confused as to what you are disagreeing with.

And Amy, I did not act as though she had sex by herself. I am not "blaming the woman" I will refer you to the same section of my comment that I referred Erin to DON'T, "hookup with douche bags who tell everyone about it" I DID call him a douche bag. I am NOT discounting his fault in the matter. But we are not talking about Mr. Douche bag that she slept with, we are talking about HER. The article is about HER. I am implying that she take some ownership in her actions and realize that it's not "the guys fault" for being a douche bag, but also her fault for sleeping with him in the first place.

Casey says:
Sat, 30th May 20094:46 pm 

(sorry accidentally hit enter)

Just as you say it's not JUST the woman who is to blame, it is also not JUST the man.

Melanie - Northeaste says:
Sat, 30th May 20095:50 pm 

Casey,

I did not just blame the man at any point in this article. I simply raised the question of sh*t talking on Facebook. Admittedly, sleeping with someone who you don't have an "official" relationship is always less than ideal. However, I'd been with this guy for a while and believed I could trust him. This article is not addressing my morality, it's about the decency of others, why publicize my behavior? Everyone makes mistakes. Does facebook serve as a "tabloid" for our colleges? Is this fair?

I appreciate your input and opinion, however I never condoned my behavior. Yes, I slept with someone. Yes, I drink, but does that make me an alcoholic nymphomaniac? I don't think so, but you're entitled to your opinion, Casey.

Thanks for reading, stay fierce,

Melanie – Northeastern University

Beth says:
Sat, 30th May 20096:01 pm 

Casey has a point- sleeping w/someone who turns out to be a d-bag can have awful consequences, and the only way to avoid that is to avoid the behavior that gives people anything to talk about.

But– like you said, he hadn't given you reason to believe he'd do that in the first place. Kudos to you, Melanie, for your classy, truthful reply, instead of doing what a lot of CC bloggers do and getting all defensive and rude.

Hard lesson learned.

sarah says:
Sat, 30th May 20099:22 pm 

yes, only once. they were calling me annoying and stuff (but this particular girl is mostly disliked in our grd, so i ddn't care (if you understand indo, she's "banyak gaya" to be exact)

but this one friend of mine also got fb-blasted (by the same ppl)

and i can honestly say she was really hurt. i mean, internet. even ur mom can see.

Ruby says:
Sat, 30th May 200910:04 pm 

I never really comment on these things but I hope all things work out for you Melanie. It's ridiculous how some people can just take the lack of accountability on the internet for granted and say whatever they feel like.

Never experienced Facebook hate to your extent myself but when FB reminds me that a girl I was once close with has invited everyone I know to some shindig (sans moi) – I do get a little disheartened. All in all, I try and let things like this slide – you'll always feel better in the morning.

Ayla says:
Sun, 31st May 20095:20 am 

"Did you ever think that maybe your behavior isn’t exactly lady like? The reson there is a double standard about sex is because we are supposed to be LADIES. Women are supposed to have more self control than men, we are supposed to have manners, and be mysterious… You deviate from the perfect image of a lady and become “that slut melanie” or “that crazy alcoholic nympho melanie” "

I call bullshit. That isn't WHY there is a double standard, that IS the double standard. I'll just say right now, fuck that. It's sexist crap, and I, for one, refuse to live by it. If men aren't going to be held to the standards of "gentlemanly behavior," why the hell should I be a lady?

Melanie, I don't think you did anything wrong at all. I will say, think of the sad name callers as razz, and ignore your bad press.

texas buddha says:
Sun, 31st May 20096:06 am 

To all the folks leaving comments excusing the lame facebook comments for one reason or another, think of it this way: The same reason you shouldn't post pictures of yourself sucking on a bong Michael Phelps style on your facebook account is the same reason you ought not to leave nasty comments about other people.

Remember most employers search for people on these social-networking sites now. Your snarky comments are a window to your soul. In this economy where employers have a wide range of people to choose from they are going to opt for the nice normal employee over the one with obvious issues every time.

So go ahead and tell yourself that whoever it was you dissed online deserved such treatment. Really what you are doing is making excuses for your own bad behavior.

No matter what you think you know about somebody else it doesn't give you the right to broadcast it to everyone else. Most people, if they were being honest with themselves, could probably come up with a long list of things they've done that they would rather not have people chatting about online.

Grow up people. You're supposed to leave this stuff behind in grade school.

brilliantmindbrokenb says:
Sun, 31st May 20096:54 am 

I am really disappointed by the number of people who seem to think that the sexual double-standard is acceptable and good.

No.

That's a nasty patriarchal view, and I'm really sad to see women buying into it and perpetuating it.

We, as women, should be the equal of men. It's not just about equal pay for equal work. It's about being people in our own right, which means that our sexual behavior should be no more shameful than a man's sexual behavior.

It's bad enough that you want to hold yourself as less than, Casey, but worse that you want to drag other women down with you. I highly suggest reading a little basic work on feminism (google feminism 101 and you should find some good sites).

~Kali

Sam says:
Sun, 31st May 20097:00 am 

Why should she "give them less to talk about"? It's her life, and she should be able to live it any way she wants, without having to worry that some a**hole is going to sh*t-talk..

I don't understand how anybody can say the comment was warranted or that she "deserved it". Everybody I know does things or believes things or says things I don't agree with. Does that make it permissible for me to say terrible things about it? Does it make them "deserve it"?

The worst part of it is the fact that it's facebook. Talking about a person in a group or on the phone keeps it within a limited network of people seeing the gossip. The fact that it's on facebook makes it viable for anybody to read, search for Melanie through Blake's friends, find her and perpetuate from there..

keith says:
Sun, 31st May 200910:55 am 

if you like good music and great talk radio go to Zsounds.com its a great time

LaQuisha says:
Sun, 31st May 20093:05 pm 

HAY GURLLL HAY!!!! IM YA NUMBA ONE FAN HOLLA @ ME HAAAAAYYY@@@!!!!

Casey says:
Sun, 31st May 20095:49 pm 

Umm no, I am not saying that she "deserved" it (if you read my comments I made that PERFECTLY clear!) And I am not saying women should be considered less than men. Infact I was saying we are considered MORE HIGHLY than men. Because we have to live up to this standard that we are LADIES people EXPECT men to be dogs. But people EXPECT us to be ladies and personally, I don't think that's a bad thing. I want to be considered a lady. I don't know what woman doesn't. But you people need to grow up and realize that we need to be accountable for our actions. "double standards" should not be an excuse for women to behave poorly. "men can behave badly and get away with it why can't we?!" really?! You people honestly think that way. That is pathetic! Why don't you turn that twisted way of thinking around and say "men can behave badly all they want to, but I'm going to rise above" Because I don't think when the feminist movement was started that's what they had in mind. But what do I know I "need to do my research" right. Ugh! Disgusting!

Melanie, my comment wasn't directed at you, I am sorry if it came across that way. I know you weren't blaming the guy, or condoning your actions. But thank you for your courteous reply.

Willy says:
Sun, 31st May 20097:17 pm 

http://www.bullysrule.com

Sam says:
Mon, 1st Jun 20091:34 am 

The thing that annoys me is, we as women, expect it from guys and call them man whores and other names for similar actions. However, if we do the same behavior and get called names we're outraged. Accept what goes with it.

Ashamed of your actions becoming public knowledge? Maybe you shouldn't be doing them then.

Casey says:
Mon, 1st Jun 20098:02 am 

Kali, I don't hold my self as less than. Like I said I choose to rise above the poor behavior that categorizes men as "man whores" "players" "dogs" and other derogatory terms. If YOU and other women choose to live the way men do and be called names equivalent to those aimed at men, then that is your decision. But don't try to drag me, and other women down with you. We would like to continue to be respectable ladies with clean reputations. And I think I have a more level headed grasp of what feminism really means than you do. So maybe you should refer to your own advice.

DMB088 says:
Tue, 2nd Jun 20096:05 am 

I had a similar thing happen to me with Juicy campus, my name was ALL over the internet (and by all over I mean 2 posting of people who I clearly knew who wrote it) but still, my name was on the internet, and I was horrified. I know exactly how you feel, if people can't say it to your face, grow up.

Star says:
Tue, 2nd Jun 20099:40 pm 

I think people like Casey are the reason that women have a double standard in the first place. They say, that it's "not fair, but that's the way it is" and that society wants us to be "lady like". To hell with the way it is. Women deserve to sleep with whoever they want just the way men do and be judged no differently. I'm not going to act like a perfect "lady" just because society expects me to, otherwise things will never change.

Star says:
Tue, 2nd Jun 20099:42 pm 

Also if she had said no to sex with him and acted "lady like" his friend probably would have commented on his wall about how she was a stuck up b*tch who was a flirt, or something else made up because his friend didn't get laid. It's a double edged sword.

JohnE says:
Wed, 3rd Jun 20096:39 am 

This "problem" is all in Melanie's head. She is single and in college with no attachments. If she want's to have drunken hookups no big deal. The problem is she thinks it is something shameful and doesn't want anyone to know when she's drunk and horny she calls this guy for meaningless sex. She did it, she should own it. The proper response would have been to go to the party looking as hot as possible and make sure he knows he blew his chance at more quality sex with his indiscreet behaviour.

Casey says:
Wed, 3rd Jun 20098:28 am 

star, please re-read comments before you make judgments about people. My comment certainly did not say "it's unfair, but that's how it is" Are you that thick headed that you don't realize the playing field in this situation is level? Well according to this comment "Women deserve to sleep with whoever they want just the way men do and be judged no differently." You are.

We call men who have random hookups "players" "man whores" and "dogs" (like my fucking comment said! read damnit!) They call us "sluts" "whores" etc. How is that not level? Where is the double standard? The fact is if you do it NO MATTER WHAT GENDER YOU ARE you are going to be called names! But you are being judged no differently than men are. SO WHERE'S YOUR DOUBLE STANDARD!?

In fact, the ONLY difference and the ONLY ones making it an uneven playing field (or keeping it uneven I should say) are women! I mean open your fricken eyes! Do men call each other the sames names we call them when they have a random hookup? NOPE! Do women call each other the same names men do when they have a random hook up? SURE AS HELL DO! So it's clearly women who are keeping that double standard alive, NOT men. It is looked down upon no matter what gender you are. If you do it you're going to be called names, it's something you've got to learn to deal with. And me STATING THE OBVIOUS is not furthering any stereotypes.

So get off your high horse, open your eyes, and realize that the world is changing, you're just getting left behind wasting time on dead double standards that don't even exist anymore.

BSD says:
Thu, 4th Jun 20097:35 am 

Casey, I don't think you understand how this double standard works at all. Your problem stems from the fact that you don't seem to realize that most guys would consider "player" or a "man-whore" compliments (even if not all of us would admit to this). I haven't met one girl who'd appreciate being called a slut, at least not in public .

The double standard lies in the fact that if a guy can sleep with a lot of girls he's awesome (yes, it's not considered a bad thing, I don't know what planet you're living on. Or maybe you go to a Christian College or something…), but if a girl sleeps with a lot of guys she's a trashy whore.

I understand your whole "I take pride in denying my baser instincts" logic, but thinking that only one gender should be rewarded for doing so is what perpetuates inequality between the sexes, and good luck convincing guys that they'll be cool if they practice abstinence.

Casey says:
Thu, 4th Jun 20096:12 pm 

BSD, your points really are not logical. College age men, and the men who call each other "players" and "man-whores", and take those names as compliments, are not general society. And Sorry, no I have not been living in "planet college" I have been living in the real world and trust me, in the real world (ie.the professional work force) it is NEVER ok to be considered any of those things, for men or women. It makes you look bad no matter what sex you are. Women could just as easily change their mind sets about the name calling and consider it a compliment, the same way men do, but just because the men consider it a "compliment" does not mean that everyone else does. I know plenty of MEN (not college boys) who find it completely unacceptable to have that kind of reputation. (and no, I do not go to a Christian college)

And I didn't say I don't have sex, or sleep around (when I was single) But I was very careful about who I slept with and who I told things too. Sex is and should be a private thing. If you choose to do it. That is where the problem lies, you get that reputation when you're careless about your sex habits, not because you engage in it.

But also a majority of the time it's girls who start the name calling, it's girls who call each other sluts and whores. Most guys, unless you have done something to hurt them (in which case the name calling is vengeance and completely uncalled for), could really care less. (unless you've slept with an entire frat house/ group of best friends/ etc.) Then the guys start the name calling.

I understand the "double standard" completely. I think some people just don't want to take responsibility for their mistakes. (like blabbing their sex life to the entire world/ trusting people you shouldn't) If you have random hookups you're basically playing with fire, because you never know if you can trust some random guy that you're not in a relationship with, so when the names start flying, you have no one to blame but yourself, because no "double standard" is going to change human nature.

Al says:
Fri, 5th Jun 20092:13 am 

Kindly remove the image hotlink from the front page of this article (jigsaw4u).

Jigsaw4u Site Administrator.

brilliantmindbrokenb says:
Fri, 5th Jun 20094:52 pm 

No, Casey, you're missing the point.

This is an issue of ownership of sexuality. It's not 'they can be as bad as they want, so can we!' it's 'women shouldn't be penalized for having sex'.

When you say a woman should be 'ladylike', you're referring to an image of male-owned sexuality. A woman would be a virgin (or at very least, highly secretive and selective) until marriage, her sexuality 'protected' by her father, until she married and her sexuality was 'owned' by her husband.

If what you meant was 'when you don't choose your partners carefully, rumors spread', that is not what you said.

Don't point to 'not being a lady' as the problem. Trusting people you shouldn't? Okay, I have no argument there, we all trust someone we shouldn't at some point or another…and that's not a gendered, patriarchal issue. But as long as 'being a lady' means 'being sexually unavailable', we're still leaning on an image of women who don't own their own sexuality.

The fact that I own my sexuality doesn't mean I'm 'as bad as they are'. It means that I choose if and when I will have sex – not because society frowns on a woman having sex but because I do or do not want to have sex.

Women deserve to own their sexuality, and to have or not have sex according to what they want – we should not be trapped in this ugly idea that we are either 'ladies' or 'sluts'. I suggest reading up on the Virgin Mary/Mary Magdalene division, becasue you're alluding to the same thing here – either we're good little girls or we're sluts.

How about just being women?

~Kali

Casey says:
Sat, 6th Jun 20097:07 pm 

Kali, I understand that that is how it WAS. But that certainly is not how it is today, so I don’t know why that point is being argued. The only people who have that mindset in today’s society are religious, and you will not change their minds on anything no matter what. However, since general society is not comprised of super religious people, that mindset is long gone. I can attest to that, my father is a devout Roman Catholic, but he has known I have been having sex consistently since I was 16, he has never had an issue with it or felt “protective” of me. He was never the “father with the shotgun” type of dad.

When I said “ladylike”, I was not alluding to some patriarchal constraint on women’s sexuality. I meant do not go and screw a bunch of frat guys, or tell everyone your business and give them something to talk about. Women in today’s society are certainly able to have sex with whomever they want whenever they want to. (or not, if they don’t want to) But if you spread your business around then people are going to talk about you, and that includes more than just sex.
The more people you have sex with the higher your chances of catching an STD become. When people hear that you have slept with high numbers of people they assume you are dirty, whether you are a male or female. I certainly do not want to have sex with a guy that’s been with 50 some people. Despite the fact that they may be “experienced” They may also have some nasty diseases, have commitment issues, not to mention have some complex where they think they can control women (I mean they are wracking up the number left and right, that is bound to build some complex where they think every woman wants to sleep with them). You ever seen the movie “What Women Want” with Mel Gibson? Yes, it is a movie, but it is very realistic to the situation. Notice the difference between the women who are so quick to sleep with him, and the ones who hold out. And notice the attitude that EVERY woman has toward him. It certainly is not a positive one.

In fact, you can get the same “experience” while being in a long term relationship, and guys who have been in a couple long term relationships I have found to be much better in bed than those who just randomly hookup with vast amounts of women. They are also more caring, and there’s a better outlook for a lasting future with the person. So men who are known to “sleep around” are jut as disgraceful as women who are known to do the same.

I am certainly not denying that their USED to be a double standard, but I honestly don’t think it still exists today. From what I have seen/ experienced it is perfectly acceptable for either sex to sleep with whoever they want, as long as it is kept within the confines of the two individuals partaking, otherwise people are going to look at either sex in a less than favorable light. But that is a completely different issue than the “double standard” that is being discussed in this thread.

Kellie says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20091:05 pm 

Being only fourteen, I have little experience, and therefore my points probably should not be taken as seriously as those above, but I just had to say something.

Casey, I would have to say that you seem to think wrongly, on several levels.

Personally, I think your reactions to others comments, though very detailed, are quite unladylike. I believe several of your points have led away from the main point, and the comments from both parties (meaning, those who oppose you and agree) are no longer related to the article in any way.

It was about the fact that someone was talking about a fellow woman, in an extremely public place, that was neither nicely put, gentlemanly, or thought out.

No matter what the reason behind it, that is unacceptable and says more about the man saying it than it does about her.

Having sex, no matter what, will always be talked about. You cannot expect a man to have a passionate night out, and then come back and refuse to tell his friends. The same goes for a woman. Simply talking about sex, how good/bad it was, or how drunk the partner was, is not a thing that should be frowned upon. But insulting a woman, and calling her crazy, and mental, and then expecting her to have sex with you again??

That should not, and will not be tolerated.

Casey says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20097:27 pm 

whoops, my bad, I just re-read my first post, and I did bring up the double standard. (give me a break, it's been awhile since I wrote that. I just couldn't remember!)

But what I was referring to as "unladylike behavior" was the spreading your business around" issue. And trusting people you shouldn't. What I meant was, it is perfectly ok to DO it. But when you tell everyone about it, and trust some random guy to not say anything, that is where the issue starts. Keep your private life, well, private and no one will have anything bad to say about you.

(not sure where my mind was with the "ladylike" issue, cause now that I went back and re-read it it doesn't make sense to what I was originally thinking, so sorry for that everyone) :

Casey says:
Mon, 8th Jun 200912:16 am 

Kellie, while I do agree with the fact that mine and others comments have led away from the main point of the article, it is not unusual that articles on this site spur tangents in the comments. The comments don’t always have to stay in accordance with the main ideas of the article.

However I don’t see how my comments were “unladylike”. If you meant they are not feminist views, you’re right, they aren’t and I don’t claim that they are. I think a lot of feminist views are backwards and extremely contradictory, which is why I don’t entirely support feminism, if at all.

Although, I do agree with you on this point, “It was about the fact that someone was talking about a fellow woman, in an extremely public place, that was neither nicely put, gentlemanly, or thought out. No matter what the reason behind it, that is unacceptable and says more about the man saying it than it does about her.”

It is always unacceptable for people to talk badly about someone else. There was never any denying that. But my initial post addressed the fact that if you do it, you’re going to be talked about, because that’s how society is. (how that led to the debate on the “double standard” I still don’t quite understand, because I never even referred to that, people always love to take my comments completely out of context on this site).

From my experiences, talking about sex in general is not frowned upon. For instance, if you were to get into a discussion with your girlfriends about a specific topic related to sex, then people don’t seem to take issue with that. What is frowned upon is when you personalize your experiences and give detailed recaps of your nights of passion. Don’t go into work and share with your co-workers “OMG I got so drunk at happy hour Friday night and went home with Johnny from accounting!” It’s the same thing when you’re in high school and you go on a date with “Matt the star football player” and you go back to school and tell your BFF “OMG Matt took me to the movies Saturday night and I gave him head in the car afterward!” You know she’s going to go tell EVERYONE she can find and say “OMG! Kellie gave Matt head Saturday!” People love gossip and drama, and gossip and drama no matter what it’s about, has the potential to ruin your reputation, no matter where you are or what gender you are. That was all I was trying to say, was you have to realize that people talk, and it’s not always good, so when you give people something to talk about, be wary of the consequences.

Basically, people are assholes, they don’t care who they hurt for a little gossip, or put down. How often do you trash someone just to give you and your friends something to talk about? It’s called starting drama and sadly everyone does it, just not always to such an extent. But it happens, (you can’t control what other people do) and you need to be cautious of it, and watch what you do. Or just not care when it happens to you.

Melanie - Northeastern University says:
Wed, 10th Jun 20092:48 pm 

Kellie,

Your candidness is admirable and your maturity level is clearly well beyond a fourteen year old’s. Props for speaking your piece. I appreciate you bringing up the issue of being called mental, a point in the article that seems to have been overlooked. I was genuinely more disturbed by the “straight jacket” part of the comment than any other accusation.

Thanks for reading!

Mary says:
Fri, 26th Jun 200911:16 am 

In the world of social networking technologies what you can control is what *you* post. The posts done by others is a reflection of them, not you.

If an employer (or potential employer) is Googling you or checking you out on Facebook they are going to mainly look at the way you portray yourself or "ahem" how you comment about others.

Hopefully you can stand behind how you have put yourself out there in cyberspace.

Remember, it doesn't matter if your writings are personal, professional, academic or whatever…it's all one online presentation of you.

I think it is the guy (and his friend) who look really bad, not you. And I think judging by the comments most folks would agree with me on this.

You did the right thing by not engaging these guys on Facebook.

vadya says:
Sat, 27th Jun 20095:37 pm 

PuhWx4 this http://www.google.com is google

yep says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20093:05 pm 

melanie i totally feel you. people have been talking about me on collegeacb for months, and it absolutely sucks. since the moment i saw my name up there i havent checked the site again because i dont need that kind of negative bs in my life. and for all you people that are going to say i probably deserved it, the stuff people are saying is COMPLETELY untrue. and melanie can act however she wants, she shouldn't have to not have drunk sex because people will call her crazy and talk about it! fuck that.

artchick says:
Tue, 1st Sep 20091:49 pm 

I'm getting kind of sick of all this 'just avoid that kind of behaviour' crap – seriously? people will talk shit ALL THE TIME. It doesn't matter what you do or don't do, if they feel like talking, they will. You ultimately have no control. All you can do, is do what you believe is right, and ultimately call people out on their shit and keep defending your name. In RL and on FB.

sam says:
Fri, 1st Oct 201010:52 am 

I straight up didn't read a lot of the comments but just doing a quick scan– Melanie, you don't have to apologize for anything you did. You weren't in the wrong. You are an adult and you are allowed to do whatever you want with whoever you want, whenever. On the other end, when it comes to hooking up, there is a natural respect both parties should have for each other–if not as partners, then as people. He disrespected you completely by (1) telling exaggerated stories to his bros (2) allowing them to disrespect you (3) doing so in a public and humiliating way.

When it comes down to it, people are supposed to respect each other. So simple. And with all the sexual liberation stuff, it comes down to the golden rule. He would be upset if you did the same exact thing to him. Unfortunately, there will always be people in this world who will violate basic respect for one another, out of all kinds of motives. In this case, your hookup is self-conscious enough to brag or misportray you. The only way to avoid it is to only sleep with guys you trust. You seem to have trusted this guy, and he is again wrong for violating that.