Overheard: Boyfriend Rental Service

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(A girl and her boyfriend at a large restaurant table.)

Girl: He’s really wonderful. He doesn’t speak a lot of English, though. Right, honey? Not so much English?

Boyfriend: *shrug, smile of confusion*

(Sad girl, on the phone.)

Girl: I know. I should really stop dating boys when I realize they’re evil overlords.

(A bunch of people sitting around a campfire.)

Girl 1: Marshmallows are kinda gross, when you think about it.

Girl 2: I think it’s a good kind of gross. Like tiny, edible fat people.

(A cell phone is ringing.)

Girl (answering phone): I’m running circles around you! Say goodbye to your kneecaps, chucklehead!

(Boy, girl, sitting on couches.)

Boy: And what’s really great about Michigan is that you can always take a train from Hartford to Chicago.

Girl: I’m sorry, but what are you talking about?

(In a deserted parking lot at 2 a.m., a guy pokes his head out of a car.)

Guy: Hey… hey! Are you guys eating Taco Bell, too?

(Gym employee greeting a student.)

Employee: All right! The gym! Are you ready to kick some ass?

Student: Um, sorry? Do you need my ID?

Employee: You gotta kick ass, bro!

Student: I don’t know. Sorry.

Employee: Okay, fine, let me see your ID. Go do pilates or whatever.

(Couple at a restaurant.)

Waiter: What can I get you started with?

Guy: Could I just have the bruschetta?

Girl: I’m fine. I don’t eat. I mean, I’m not hungry.

(Two guys in an office.)

Guy 1: Okay. Joke. What’s the most important part of comedy?

Guy 2: Uh, I don’t -

Guy 1: *kicks the guy hard in the shins*

(Two girls, at a lunch table, with sandwiches.)

Girl 1: So… what do you think?

Girl 2 (chewing sandwich): Oh my god.

Girl 1: Teddy Grahams, right?

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: Yeah, it’ll be fine, you guys can come over. My dad’s drinking again.

(Two girls, planning… something.)

Girl 1: I think we can do it. We’ll just have to move the ducks.

Girl 2: God. Your brother is such a jerk.

(A couple yelling from across a pond.)

Girl: CAN YOU ALL PLEASE STOP FISHING? I’M TRYING TO GET NAKED IN NATURE!