It’s Friday night and you throw on your hottest little black dress, toss back some shots with your girlfriends and then hit the club, bar or, everyone’s favorite, the kegger.

Soon you’re in a first class seat to Blackout City (population: who the eff knows? You’re seeing double), and the next thing you know, you’re waking up topless in a strange bed, wearing someone’s boxers and one high heel. You turn over slowly, silently pleading that at least he’s good looking.

But regardless of what you see (there’s no turning back now, sister!), there are 10 major things you don’t want to hear:

1.    “You’re on birth control, right?”
(OhMyGodPleaseLetThereBeACondomWrapperOnTheFloor…..)

2.    “That video is going to get so many hits online”

3.    “What was your name again?”
This problem is two-fold. One: he put his P in your V and he doesn’t even know your name?! What a sleaze. Two: Sh*t! What name did you give him last night!?

4.    “Thank God those warts went away!”

5.    “I love you.”
You knew you were good, but that good? Read More »

The weather is getting warmer, and I don’t know about you, but my feet are itching to get into some flip flops.  Is it summer yet?

Personally, I just survived one of the harshest winters in years (if you live in a warm climate, I hate you), combined with a crapload of work and stress.  Once summer hits, I’m going to call Benjamin Linus and ask him to freeze time so I can stay in July forever (pardon the Lost reference- I’m kind of obsessed).  I am currently making a To-Do list to make sure I enjoy every possible moment during the upcoming summer months. Read More »

My future is totally effed!

College Life. A show not worth watching. This is fact. I could list off a million better things to do with those 30 minutes. Like listing off a million better things to do with those 30 minutes. Or listing all the reasons why I’m so glad I did not have a camera following me around in college.

Since it takes place at my Alma Mater – University of Wisconsin – I always envision the kind of crazy fun I would have brought to the show if it was around while I was in college. I would have ROCKED the over-priced Juicy Couture socks off that show. (Really, Juicy Couture SOCKS?)

But let’s face it:  had I broadcast those best four years on national television, I would have had a lot of explaining to do to my Grandma. And my dentist. And my mailman. And I probably wouldn’t have a job. And then there is always that chance that an annoying nickname would be made up for me by Perez or some other media blogger. Or that MTV would force me to re-create my fights with those long awkward stares and silences that just make everyone uncomfortable.

So instead of watching College Life (or working out, cooking, doing my laundry, or catching up on my reading), I chose to spend my time making a list of the reasons why I am SO happy that I never had the chance to even consider going on it. Read More »

A trip to the campus bookstore is an exercise in self-assurance. When you spot an intriguing book that you cannot wait to read cover to cover, you may or may not have the cajones to bring it up to the counter. Why, you ask? Hmm, maybe because its entitled The Going Down Guide: Tongue Tips and Oral Techniques for Men and Women!

Sure, it may be full of exclusive tips that you are dying to learn and try out on your man, but can you really muster the moxie to pay for it along with a bottle of water and box of pens?

“What if the cashier thinks I have an oral-fixation that I need to feed in between classes by learning how to properly fellate a fellow?” The embarrassment would be akin to buying the economy-size box of tampons at the grocery store while still in your PMS PJs.

But, now I wonder: what other hidden treasures can I find in the bookstore that I’m too scared to plunk down the cash for in public?

Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both
What it’s about: So, do you think that by hooking up you’re being sexually empowered and going after what you want for a change? Not so, says Laura Sessions Stepp. She “follows three groups of young women over the course of an academic year to discover what hooking up is all about. She attends class with them, parties with them, and listens to them talk about their sexual encounters – coming away with some enlightening and disturbing insights into sexuality.”

What it tells the cashier: I am sorta slutty and I want to know the repercussions.

Read More »

Here’s a question: How many things do you have lying around that you don’t use anymore? How many things do you have that you’ve never used?

I’m betting it’s more than you think. When you’re done reading this article, go take a peek in the back of your closet or the depths of your dresser drawers. It’s no secret: they’re filled with crap.

Everyone has junk they don’t need. One person’s trash might be another person’s treasure, but really, it’s probably just a piece of junk. So in honor of spring-cleaning time, here are some ideas for moving your junk out of your home and into someplace other than a landfill.

Thrift Stores:
Duh, we all know how awesome thrift stores are. If you have a few pieces in your closet that you don’t wear but can’t bear to part with, maybe you can give them the thrift-store treatment by finding accessories that go with them or using them to enhance other thrift-store finds (using a great fabric to sew patches onto jeans, for example). Or just donate your crap. It’s probably stylish to somebody.

Consignment Shops:
These stores are popping up all over the country right now thanks to the economy, and they are the perfect way to get rid of last season’s clothes (or the last five seasons if you haven’t cleaned that closet in awhile). Simply pull everything you no longer wear out of the closet, make sure it’s all clean and in good shape, then take it to the local consignment store and sell it! You can get anywhere from 35-50% of what they sell your stuff for, which is a great way to make room in your wardrobe for new duds….and the money to buy ‘em. Read More »

Forget what those commencement speakers say, this is the real deal.

Oprah apologizes to James Frey!?

This is a sad way to lure in customers.

Adam Lambert hits eBay.

Oh no, Jennifer Hudson. No, no, no!

The 4 worst hangover remedies.

The recession hasn’t been pretty. It’s annihilated our jobs, put a hold on our affair with Prada shoes, and turned budgeting into an unfortunate obsession. But evidently, it did bring one great thing: free food.

Yup, thanks to the genius and generous marketers at Mars Chocolate, we’ll all be jumping for joy real soon. The “Real Chocolate Relief Act” is here.

Starting this month, and continuing through September, the company will be doling out a quarter-million tasty treats on what they call “Free Chocolate Fridays.” ‘Free’ and ‘chocolate’ in the same sentence? Now that’s something to smile about.

Just register (in two seconds) here and wait for your mouthwatering coupon to arrive. Note: the coupon is not edible. DO NOT EAT THE COUPON. Instead, walk (or sprint) to the nearest drug store, bodega, gas station, etc. to pick out your very own FREE Snickers, Dove Bar, 3 Musketeers – whatever tasty treat you fantasize about (or am I the only one who daydreams about silky, smooth, cocoa-y goodness melting in my mouth?).

Oh, and more good news: this isn’t one of those one-time only things. You can request a coupon every Friday. So get out of bed, sign up for some free chocolate, and wipe that frown off your face. Tomorrow is the weekend and you can celebrate with free effing candy bars!

Life. is. good.

We’re back with another edition of G.W.W.E. (Guys We Wanna Eff)!

Nothing beats a night of chillin’ with my boys (and girls), catching a b-ball game, and having a beer. Ok, I take that back. There is one thing that beats it and that is when the Denver Nuggets are playing and my eyes are trained on the moves of Carmelo Anthony.

This man could turn anyone into a basketball fan.

Right now, Melo‘s sitting pretty awaiting the start of the Western Conference NBA Semifinals, but he’s had an illustrious basketball career thus far. After leading the Syracuse Orangemen to an NCAA National Championship his freshman year in 2003, Melo went pro with the Nuggets. And though the small forward has helped Denver make the playoffs each year during his NBA career, this is the first season in which they’ve made it past the first round.

If things are heating up on the court, you know they will be in the bedroom…

Oh, and did I mention Melo is a two-time Olympic medalist?  He brought Team USA to the medal podium in Athens in 2004 (for a bronze) and last summer in Beijing when they won the gold. Are those Olympic medals in his pocket or his he just happy to see me?

It’s clear that Anthony has been really effin’ successful, so it’s no wonder he’s engaged to MTV VJ, La La. The two had a son in 2007, but they’ve apparently been engaged since 2004. After five years, what’s the wait? Maybe he’s sick of her courtside outbursts? Maybe he can ponder his options with a little road-game effing. Next time you’re playing the Knicks, Melo, give me a call!

[So, tell me. Who are some of the guys you wanna eff?]

Even if you’re still finishing up finals, there’s no harm in daydreaming about the 4 fabulous months to come. So put down that Econ 101 textbook, grab a towel, and layer on the sunscreen.

Summer’s almost here, and it’s time to celebrate!

To help pump you up, we’ve put together a list of the 35 greatest things about summer. Here are our top picks: Read More »