Gradvice: It’s OK To Cry

After the novelty of college graduation (and all the great gifts that came with it) wore off, I spent a year crying myself to sleep. And I’m not exaggerating. While being done with school after 16 years was pretty liberating, not knowing what was coming next scared the sh*t out of me. And the fact that no one ever warned me how difficult being an adult would be made things a whole lot harder.

By CC Staff

I went through a lot that first year – looking for a job, moving to a new city, ending a long relationship, and learning how to care for myself, to name a few – all by myself and now feel that I have the experience and knowledge to advise others on the transition. Because it’s a hard one and every college grad should know that they are not alone. Come back every week for another nugget of information to help you survive in the big, bad world.

My commencement speaker, like most commencement speakers, spent 25 minutes telling my graduating class about the endless possibilities in the real world. He spoke of our bright futures, giving back, and making the world a better place.  The speech was inspiring, but now that I’m on the other side of the cap and gown, I wish he had gone in another direction.

Perhaps he could have taken a more realistic approach and warned us of how hard that first year after college was going to be. And that it was OK to be really, really unhappy.

When you’re a college senior, life after college seems like a glamorous world filled with an awesome new job, an awesome new city, and a bright, successful future. You see all those people who graduated before you living it up and enjoying their new place in the real world.

The reality, though, isn’t quite so bright and cheery. The truth: that first year out of college isn’t always so easy. In fact, it’s pretty sh*tty.

College is a big tease. Someone up above plopped you onto a playground and introduced you to tons of really great friends. You had 4 years to play around, get into trouble, and worry about no one but yourself. Fast forward to graduation and it’s all taken away. Your friends are spread all over the country, you (hopefully) have a 9-5 job, bills, and a lot of new responsibilities.

Let me tell you: it’s overwhelming, it’s hard and it’s pretty effing awful. And it’s totally OK to feel that way. In fact, the hardest part about my first year out of college was the fact that no one ever warned me. Here I was, living in New York City, crying myself to sleep every night. I felt like a loser, like the only person in the world who couldn’t seem to find my place.

But that wasn’t the case at all. The truth was, everyone was feeling that way; we were all just too scared to admit it.  Ask anyone now – 4 years after college – and they will tell you that the first year was the hardest they’ve ever had. All those changes, all those rejections, and doing it all completely alone.

Why am I telling you this? No, it’s not to scare you. It’s because I truly believe that I wouldn’t have spent 6 months spontaneously crying on a New York City subway if someone had warned me; if others shared their experiences with me so I didn’t feel so alone; if I had any idea that it was OK to be a college graduate with no freaking clue what I was doing.

Because it is.

As much as college prepares us for careers in the real world, it doesn’t prepare us for real life. Feeling lost is ok. Feeling confused is ok. Not knowing what you want to do with your life is OK. All those feelings are completely normal and I promise you are not the only one feeling them.

The college-to-real-world transition is a difficult one. For everyone. You aren’t the only one totally stressed out about finding work, finding friends, or finding your place. You aren’t the only one doing a job you know you are overqualified for. You aren’t the only one wondering if you made a mistake when you chose your major in college. That is all completely normal.

Just breathe, take it one day at a time and, before you know it, you’ll be a fully functioning adult. I didn’t believe it would happen either, but here I am, dry eyed and happy. You will make it, and if you cry along the way, that’s totally OK.