Tuffy Luv Engages In Conversation

By Sara

Got a question for the Tuffster? Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and get that shiz answered!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’ve been with my boyfriend – let’s call him P – for three and a half years. We graduated college together and have been dating since senior year. We moved in together right away – our college was in a town that neither of our families live too near – and we both have decent jobs with salaries. My question is, I really want to get married soon, or at least get engaged, but he doesn’t seem like he has any plan to do that. I don’t want to ask him to marry me so please don’t suggest that, because I want it to be traditional and because HE wants to! What should Ido?

Clare

Dear Clare,

Well…

Okay, I’m just gonna say it. TALK. TO. HIM.

I know, I know. It seems like such an easy answer, and I know you don’t wanna do it. But, honey, there’s no other way to know. Does he know you want to get married? I mean, let’s face it, men are not exactly the most perceptive of beings. (No offense, menzos, but let’s face facts.) Maybe the thought genuinely honestly has not crossed his mind. Gently, maybe over dinner or something equally neutral and nice, be all, “Hey, babe, you ever give any thought to getting married? Not right now–but, like, what’s your time line?”

And, of course, he’ll freak out. BUT! At least you’ll have opened the door. My advice to you, girl, is that on this particular occasion when you first bring it up, do NOT press the issue. Let him think about it, say whatever freaked out thing he’s gonna say, and then drop it completely. Then you can bring it back up maybe a couple of weeks later, again in a very nonchalant way. If you make this at all stressful, you’ll have ruined the whole thing for yourself for at least a year. The way to do this is gently and little by little.

On the other hand, he may have given it thought and realized (a) he’s just not ready, or (b) you’re ultimately not, for whatever reason, the girl he sees himself ending up with. If this is the case, it is going to suck ass for you. But better to know now, right? Especially if you want to get married soon. If he doesn’t see himself with you, like, ever-ever, then it’s time to let it go.

Hopefully this ain’t the case. Let me know, girl!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv