Duke It Out: Sex With the Ex

June 5, 2009 - 9:00 am By Lauren H - The New School

ex sex intro[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site.  We love a strong woman, so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

It’s one of those debates that has raged for… well, for as long as human beings have done the date and break-up thing. Is fooling around with an ex strictly off limits or a little habit that’s OK to indulge in?

As much as we all wish that our exes would be magically transported to some remote island in the Pacific (ok, maybe the Arctic – why should they get a tropical vacation?),  just like a bad penny, they have a bad habit of turning up again, usually when you’re not wearing makeup. If you have the same friends or go to the same school, odds are good that you are going to run into that old flame somewhere and you know how it is with old flames; they tend to catch fire all over again.

It’s easy to fall back into things with an ex; after all, there was a reason you were together in the first place, right? Plus, you know each other, you know the likes and dislikes and there’s none of the awkward “just starting out” stuff. You get to enjoy all of the heat and passion of doing something taboo, with someone who knows how to “do” you right.

On the other hand, there’s probably a reason you aren’t together anymore. And there is such a thing as knowing each other too well; the romance and variety tend to go out the window when you know exactly what moves you need to make. Plus, sex with the ex brings up all of that icky break-up stuff all over again, making you wonder if you’d really like more than a roll in the hay.

So what’s the verdict, is re-dating (or re-bedding) OK, or is the old flame something that should be extingushed permanently?

12 Comments   Posted in Features, Relationships
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12 Comments on "Duke It Out: Sex With the Ex"

  1. Mallory says:
    Fri, 5th Jun 200911:29 am 

    If sex is all the two of you want, then why not?

  2. Lucy says:
    Fri, 5th Jun 20095:25 pm 

    It ENTIRELY depends on what each person wants. Usually, the girl wants a relationship and thinks that sex will make the ex want her back but that almost never happens.

    I’ve had sex with my ex purely for the sex, and it worked for me but that’s just because we both knew we didn’t want to date.

  3. Talia says:
    Sat, 6th Jun 200910:34 pm 

    after me and my boyfriend split up on like, mid december last year, we couldn’t break the habit of acting like we were still going out and ended up properly hooking up on new years eve. then we got back together. haha. i guess that counts (or counted as) sex with an ex.

  4. Bethany Rosser says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20097:41 am 

    It’s gotta be a definate NO for me. If you both just wanna get laid, that’s great but only if that’s the understand you both have about the situation. I would love to hook back up with my Ex on occassion, no strings attached but the bugger is still in love with me so it cannot happen.

    Hooking up with the Ex is kinda like that whole, Friends With Benefits crap. When you’re both on the same page it can be a wonderful arrangement but usually someone gets their feelings involved and it never ends well! Quite frankly the whole ordeal will probably just end up with another break-up.

    You wouldn’t go back to a sinking ship would you? So why do people keep going back to their Ex’s? It’s the same theory. You’re not together for a reason and eventually all those old reasons will resurfance.

  5. Stephanie says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 200911:51 am 

    Nope. No sex with the Ex for me. My Ex-Boyfriend and I broke up because he has to sort out his problems before he can be in a relationship. So obviously, we still like each other (a lot/too much/more than “friends” should.) We hung out/hooked up and both regretted it. We have hung out since then, and started getting frisky agian, but we knew better that time and I sent him on his way. Afterwards I got a text from him that said “We did the right thing.” And I wrote back “I know :) ” It feels really good to have self-control.

  6. peterpuussyeater says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20091:06 pm 

    Baby, you want to fuck my 14″ cock??? I’ll be your ex…mmmm

  7. Melanie - Northeastern University says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 200912:58 am 

    Ex sex? I’m all about it.

  8. eamon says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 20095:58 pm 

    My ex-girlfriend and I broke up last year. 4 months afterwards when the smoke had cleared my ex and I had lunch. The sexual tension was there and we ended up back at my place. I couldn’t help but to make a move and we ended up sleeping together. After a couple of more sessions over the next few weeks we ended up having a good talk about it. I made it clear to her that I didn’t want to get back with her but still wanted to have sex with her. The sex was always the strongest part of our relationship. It turns out that since we broke up she had about 4 guys chasing her and although she had no intention of getting with any of them she was loving the attention. She basically said that she was in NO hurry to go back into a relationship with anyone, so she was fine with a Friends with Benefits arrangement. That was four months ago and we’re still having sex about once a weekend. I thought it might end up being complicated but surprisingly it hasn’t. I’m sure such an arrangement couldn’t work for everyone but in this case it seems to have worked. My advise to anyone that ends up in this situation, be up front and have that talk. Guys, tell the girl straight up in plain English that you want to have sex with them and nothing else. Don’t send any mix singles and if she wants to proceed then she knows where she stands.

  9. S says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 20096:02 pm 

    if you get back together, sure. otherwise it’s kinda sad…

  10. Jessica says:
    Tue, 9th Jun 20095:13 am 

    only if its within 72 hours

    this gives enough time in case there may be a possibility you two will get back together, or enough time to have intimate closure, or one more steamy love session before you’re both done with eachother all depending on how both partners feel and how the whole thing ended, either way ending a relationship is no fun with just a ‘goodbye’

  11. ThatGirl says:
    Fri, 7th Aug 200911:29 am 

    Wellll I came insanely close to sex with the ex last night. But we’re in that awkward stage atm where we haven’t talked at all… we just let whatever we wanted to happen, happen. He’s not only my ex but my best friend which concerns me, i don’t want to lose him. But i don’t know if i can do the friends with benefits thing… i’ve had guys offer before, but i’ve always said no. I’m just so confused right now…I guess i just need to tlk to him.

  12. thatonechick says:
    Tue, 22nd Sep 20094:34 pm 

    me and my ex broke up mid december 08′.it was a really bad break up for me, and with him living 2 houses down it was real hard to see him everyday. to make matters worse he eventually got another girl. it hurt me but i tried everything to get over it.well one day he came over to use our computer. things got flirty and hot and we eventually ended up hooking up that night. i loved it. it was the best sex ever. the passion was there and it was such a bitter sweet moment. of course i tried to play it off like it was no big deal but my feelings arose once more and i was back to square one. i knew he didn’t want more so the next day when he tried to go in for the kill once again, i said no. of course we had that awkward talk and we of course didn’t get back together. sex with an ex is good if you eventually get back together but it sucks when they dont want more and you do. i cant say im proud of it, but it felt good to take back what was mine for a night!! instead of that gross hoe he was with…. ugh

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