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OMG, Where Did The Condom Go!?
June 6, 2009 Posted in Reality
After countless years of sex education and awkward lectures from our parents, we all know to use condoms. They are the cheap, safe way to keep your uterus empty and your lovely vag disease free — but we know that already.
So you bring home a (somewhat) nice guy one night and decide to get your freak on. Two horny willing participants? Check. Place to do the deed? Check. Condom? Check. Congratulations, you’ve done the responsible thing.
Things get heated up, and you’re too busy blissing out to notice anything, until your man-of-the-night pulls out and says “Um, I don’t know where the condom is…” (actual quote from a friend of mine). Yep, that thin latex bugger slipped off, exposing you to both his swimmers and any potential diseases he might have. Now what?
1) Breathe. Don’t panic. Accidents happen.
2) Find the damn thing. Check the bed, the sheets, the wall? If those locations turn up nothing, take a trip to the bathroom and check out yourself. Yes, there. Sounds gross, but chances are, that’s where it’s ended up.
3) Make sure you’re on the pill. While, of course, it’s not going to protect you 100% from getting knocked-up, it will help ease your nerves. Still freaking out? Continue to step 4…
4) Take a trip to your local pharmacy and pick up some handy-dandy Plan-B. It’s available over the counter in most places, so you should be able to pick it up at any Walgreens or CVS. Follow the directions (or ask a pharmacist) and you will be on your way to ensuring your belly stays baby free.
5) As most STIs don’t show symptoms for weeks, your only real option here is to wait it out. Of course, having the awkward “So.. have you been checked?” talk wouldn’t hurt. Best course of action is to go get yourself checked out, symptoms or not. It’s the best way to get some peace of mind.
6) Celebrate. Then pray that little guys stays put the next time around.
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Mallory says:
Sat, 6th Jun 200912:45 pm
Ugh, this happened to me before.. except apparently he said he was putting it on and didn't.
Casey says:
Sat, 6th Jun 20093:18 pm
This happened to me the very first time my current bf and I hooked up. We got halfway through and then I hear "umm, where is the condom?" we looked everywhere and he told me maybe it was inside me. I checked, but couldn't find it. We continued anyway since I was on BC and he continued to check his room for the next couple days. 3 days later while I was in the shower I got a dull pain in my abdomen and sure enough there it was! (gross I know). The next time we tried to use a condom the same thing happened (except I found it right away this time since I knew it could get stuck in there.) He's really big so i'm assuming the condoms are too small for him (and they get stuck waaaaay up in there.) So we just don't even bother with them anymore.
itscarniecreek says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20097:11 am
I love reading stuff like this..everyones so serious these days. Its nice to see a light-hearted side of things. And Casey you can get condoms in loadsa different sizes
Bubba says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20097:54 am
jus stuff a condom up dem holes wid a cucumber an he blows duh load in their
seymourtotti says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20098:07 am
You got to keep your eye on those little buggers.
Girls really should help a guy get them on properly. When they're on squiffy is when the risk of them coming off inside is greatest. Now a fellow can get them on easily when he is alone in his bathroom but in the heat of battle an extra pair of hands, and eyes go a long way towards ensuring the things are on straight and tidy.
And don't use too much lube or you'll just lube the damn things off again.
peterpuussyeater says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20098:11 am
baby you will want my 14" cock with no rubber – I only fuck all my girls natural..
Jess says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20098:29 am
Geez, what is with all the annoying posters anymore?
Casey says:
Sun, 7th Jun 200910:22 am
I hear you Jess! ugh! do people not have anything better to do with their time?
sara says:
Mon, 8th Jun 20094:30 pm
Yeah this happened to me to, we didn’t realize until after we were done, and it was still inside me. We went and got Plan B since I wasn’t on the pill (which sucked, because we were both 17 at the time, and you have to be 18, plus it was $45 bucks!)
Ace says:
Wed, 10th Jun 20098:57 am
Urgh this happened to me the first time I had sex with this guy. Thankfully we realized it came off and stopped but seriously, how do those little buggers get up there? Worst feeling ever.
IKnowItAll says:
Wed, 5th Aug 20095:17 pm
Yawn. Please just share these little cautionary tales with your pledge sisters and stop polluting the Internet. You have absolutely nothing relevant to say.
Deter says:
Sun, 9th Aug 20097:30 pm
IKnowItAll, with all due respect (which is little, if any), it is my firm belief that the comments you have made on this up and coming posters articles are the things polluting the internet. The beauty of the internet is that you don't have to go to pages you don't like, and if you don't like the posts by Ness, don't read them.
Now I'm not saying you don't have the right to free speech and I'm not speaking for everyone else here (although I'm sure most will agree), but Trolls like you are the ones destroying the internet for others, not someones well written articles, but if you must troll go be with you own kind, 4chan is a nice place to start. So please leave this site and stop polluting the Internet. You have absolutely nothing relevant to say.