emma says:
Sun, 7th Jun 200912:43 pm 

i agree

Leese says:
Sun, 7th Jun 200912:54 pm 

No, that is not wrong. Good for you for knowing yourself and what you want. Too many people don't realize they don't want kids until they're pregnant and have them.

crazy0122003 says:
Sun, 7th Jun 200912:54 pm 

I know how you feel

Sheila says:
Sun, 7th Jun 200912:55 pm 

Of course it isn't wrong. Feminism should be the chance to live your life as you want. It's not a 'you need to have it all (ie career and babies)' thing, but a fight for freedom. So fight on!

M says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20092:22 pm 

There's a lot of people who don't want children untill they are in their late 30's or even later. You say that you will want to concentrate on your career, travel and friends. Eventually your friends have families of their own and will spend less time with you anyways. Travel and career can be juggled with kids as well. I'm not saying you should have kids or anything like that but eventaully it comes to a point where you will feel like an outcast for not having kids.

Jess says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20091:44 pm 

No it definitely isn't wrong. Just like college and other avenues aren't for everything, motherhood isn't either. It's so much better to know this prior to having a child. To each their own.

Erin says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20091:48 pm 

I for the longest time didn't want kids and you know what I support those who don't want children. Good for you! Not everyone is meant to have children, it's no longer a necessity and don't let anyone make you ashamed. I eventually came to the decision that I wanted to have children for my own sound personal reasons, but for those who don't, who cares, it's no one's choice but yours and there is no need to change a life style that suits you and makes you whole to bring children into the world that you don't want and will resent, later in life, especially if your partner wants it more than you, children aren't stupid they can feel that stuff. Not every one has that need to reproduce and sacrifice their life to a child and in no way should they be abused and forced by well meaning friends to think other wise. Stand strong.

Kay says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20092:23 pm 

i feel EXACTLY the same way, and I am constantly chided/lectured for my feelings. Not that I don't LIKE children, i just don't want my own.

Kelly says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20092:50 pm 

ME TOO! Seems as if society has set out this rule that all women must reproduce and those who think otherwise are "weird" or "cold-hearted". Um…Don't we have enough unwanted children, why add more to the mix? Also, as for feeling like an "outcast", you've got some serious issues if thats the reason you have children. I almost feel like there should be some kind of required education for many people to even CONSIDER reproducing. Harsh but true. Letting society decide for you is a recipe for disaster! Dogs are better anyways (adopted of course!). Rock on mamas, without you we would not exist (Thanks MOM!) but rock on even harder for staying strong with YOUR OWN decisions.

D. says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20093:34 pm 

Isn't that the most irritating thing ever? I've never wanted to have kids and people still tell me I'll change my mind. I doubt they'd like it too much if I went around telling people who have always wanted children that they'll be changing their minds soon enough!

Lenna says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20093:42 pm 

I feel the same way. I can't wait to be the awesome aunt for all the kids my brothers and their future wives will have, but I don't want to have any part in having kids myself.

beth says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20094:00 pm 

Amen- I don't want kids of my own, nor do I like other peoples' kids…

anon says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20094:07 pm 

I think it's wonderful and very UN-selfish that you realize that your career and other things are more important to you than "having a family." Many parents in the world today think it's possible to juggle everything and do it well. In my opinion, it is not… at least not until your children are older.

As someone who can't wait to be a mom, and stay home with my kids, and put everything else before my kids, I can't stand people telling women they NEED to reproduce. It should be something you want with all your heart, and if you don't… do not have children. Please. So kudos to you. =)

Jenny says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20094:14 pm 

Oh, hooray! I was hoping a childfree post would come up on this site sooner or later.

To be blunt, I just don't like children. I want to focus on my (high-stress) career, travel around the world, own nice things, devote my time to help animals in need, and of course, have some down-time to hang out with my friends. Kids just don't fall into my life plan.

To M: That's a really disrespectful thing to say. While it's true that some people will eventually change their minds, many won't, and it's not cool to dismiss their stance like that. Like D said, we don't go around telling people who want kids that they might change their mind someday – how is this reproductive choice any different? And as for the outcast statement – there are quite a lot of people who are CF out there. You'd be surprised!

PK says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20094:37 pm 

Seriously. Equal rights means the right not to have kids if you don't want 'em. I like maybe 15% of children, and after about 4 hours, it's time for them to go home and leave me to my peaceful, quiet, tidy house full of breakable things. The rest of the horrid little stompables can find their own grocery store.

I'm tired of being told I'll change my mind – as I've gotten older I've slid more and more away from wanting kids. I've been told I'm selfish to deprive myself and the world of my progeny. Hilarious, considering the overpopulation in the world and resource issues. I've been told my husband will divorce me if I don't give him kids – which I'll worry about when it comes out of his mouth instead of someone else's.

I wish more people would just ease up off the party line that everyone wants kids. I'm a fabulous auntie with no desire for one of my own. Plain and simple.

Tory says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20095:05 pm 

I totally agree!

Lucy says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20095:19 pm 

What a godsend it is to realize so many other women don't want children too! My family and friends harass me as well, and don't believe me when I say that I don't want children. It took me a long time to get used to my own nephew. I'm uncomfortable around children and I also realize that I am way too selfish and impatient to deal with children. It is unfortunate that many people regard childless women as worthless because they didn't reproduce. Ugh!

bubba says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20095:40 pm 

shit, you bitties was puts on duh earth to fuck and have some little babies. jus do it..

Amy says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20096:01 pm 

Wow! I thought women who didn't want kids are pretty rare, but apparently there are a ton of us. Regarding the whole "you'll want kids later" thing: I know so many people who either changed their mind later in life, or got pregnant accidentally and ended up being very happy with it. I can't comprehend it myself, but that theory does have a lot of evidence going for it.

Megan says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20096:38 pm 

I agree with you. I have never wanted children and I have so many people telling me that I'll change my mind, the motherly hormones will kick in someday and I will want a child. But whenever I see children, I just cringe at the thought of having one of my own someday. I am selfish too. I don't want to give up a career or an independent lifestyle. To me, getting through college & having a career comes before a family.

sarah says:
Sun, 7th Jun 20099:15 pm 

yeah, me too

Casey says:
Sun, 7th Jun 200911:30 pm 

I completely agree, and am also shocked by the number of women who don’t want children. I am with you jenny, I really cannot stand children. I love my boyfriend nephews, they are adorable, but one’s five and although he is adorable I just can’t stand to be around him for too long. Children irritate me. The other one is an infant and the happiest cutest little baby ever! But that does NOT make me want children. I am torn though, my boyfriend is wishy washy about children, I know he wants them eventually, and he would be such an amazing dad that I feel it’s not right of me to take away his opportunity to be one.

Not to mention his mother told me “If you don’t want children then that is fine for you, but you WILL NOT be involved with my sons life if you don’t, because he IS giving me grand kids and you’re not going to come in the way of that.” But she “loves me” so I guess she said that out of love.

I have never wanted kids, I just want so much more out of life and I see how unhappy children make a lot of couples, and how hard life is with a family. I don’t want to put my body through childbirth I don’t want saggy tits, a stretched out hole, and the flabby saggy skin that comes with it all of which I swear is what makes couple who have children’s sex lives so bad. (I realize my body will not be perfect forever, but I don’t want to make it go to the shitter early than need be!) Not to mention I don’t want to spend the money on raising kids, or miss out on the opportunity to just get up and go where ever, or not have to worry about taking care of a young defenseless child, or all the things that parents have to worry about. I want to live my life for me, and my husband, and not hve to worry about anything else in life.

Not to mention the earth is sooo overpopulated as it is, I have family diseases that I DO NOT want to pass down to children (my grandfather had the worst case of psoriasis ever recorded in history, my sister has epilepsy, my mom is diabetic, both of my parents have bi-polar disorder, and my sister has an undiagnosed mental disorder, lung cancer has killed off 15 members of my family) I would feel horrible if I passed any of those things to a child. There is also the problem of the perversion in this world. I don’t want my children to grow up in a world like this. And I don’t like the way society is heading so why would I raise kids in this world? I wouldn’t.

I’m just hoping that I am sterile so I have a valid excuse for not having children. Sad I know, but I probably am anyway. I had unprotected sex nearly every day for 5 years (in monogamous relationships!) and never got pregnant or had a scare. So here’s hoping!

Erin says:
Sun, 7th Jun 200911:54 pm 

Not only is it so cool to see that others don't want children but it's nice to see so many people agree on something that we many of us thought that only a few felt the same way about.

babybear says:
Mon, 8th Jun 20094:22 am 

PK –I totally agree with you, and the OP as well!

Epic says:
Mon, 8th Jun 20098:05 am 

we are selling babies at http://dailynoz.blogspot.com/

Talia says:
Mon, 8th Jun 20097:54 am 

haha, i know how you feel. i don't want kids.

i don't want the responsibility of another human being resting on me for the rest of my life at least not for another 10, 20 years..

Rozy says:
Mon, 8th Jun 200911:21 am 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with how you feel. I’m on the fence about it still (obviously don’t wanna have kids NOW, but MAYBE in the future things depending), so I just hate it when people are like, “ohhh you’ll change your mind later.” No. Feel good, girl! At least you’ve decided. =)

Ace says:
Mon, 8th Jun 200911:36 am 

No! I feel the same way! My parents had children and had to give up their lives because of it and ended up resenting us. And if they didn’t give it up then we had to and because of it I was moved all over the world for several rather traumatic years. Having a baby, if you want that, is great. But it just isn’t for me. Mind you, saying and knowing that makes it much harder to find a man.

totallyunderstand says:
Mon, 8th Jun 200911:10 am 

at least you realize NOW that you don't want a child, and not when you see that little pink plus sign.

condoms are so much easier than having to deal with child birth.

I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY!!!

Jackie says:
Mon, 8th Jun 20091:39 pm 

How dare you say that? What gives you the right to not want a baby? Change your opinion before you embarrass yourself anymore.

S says:
Mon, 8th Jun 200912:57 pm 

you're in college, of course you don't want a baby, that's good. but people change and so does their brain chemistry so you never know. my mom said she couldn't stand kids when she was in her 20s…

paddy says:
Mon, 8th Jun 20095:35 pm 

The only part of your article that concerns me is when you state: “I am admittedly way too selfish for a kid.” You are in fact no selfish. You simply have desires different from what society, strongly, suggest you should. A much more selfish move would be for you to have a child simply to placate the anxiety of yourself or others. There is nothing wrong with not wanted children. The tone of your article suggests that you are rather self-confident and I am sure that your willpower will outclass the pressures of society. Good luck. For what it is worth I’m a man who is mostly certain that he does not want kids. I know a few others like myself; so your inclinations need not be an impediment to finding a partner. Good luck.

chellechelle says:
Mon, 8th Jun 20095:51 pm 

dude theres nothing wrong with that AT ALL, shame on them(your friends) for thinking alll women want babies. i kinda get how you feel but i do want kids, it is scary thinking about giving up your "me" time as soon as you have little buggers. which is why i'm a little stressed about being pregnant, part of me is terrified to lose my "me" time. but i'm also excited for my babeee.:) so there you go. but totally NOTHING wrong with you chica

Nina says:
Mon, 8th Jun 20096:22 pm 

i don't want children either. my boyfriend has a son and i'd be more than happy to become his stepmother but i do not want children of my own. a large part of it is that i have worked very hard for a long time to have the body that i have and i like it and i am confident with it, and i feel like i would never get it back if i had a child. does that make me selfish? most likely, but i don't care. i love kids but they just aren't on my agenda.

lily says:
Mon, 8th Jun 20096:59 pm 

i just wanted to say i feel the same way as the author, and everyone who posted. who knew there were so many of us?? maybe we can all solve the overpopulation problem together.

Jackie says:
Tue, 9th Jun 200912:05 am 

Women were put on the Earth to have kids. How in the hell would society have continued if they didn't? How would you have been born if your mother decided not to have kids? The idiotic view of not having kids runs completely counter to what women were put on the Earth to do. It is so sickening it makes me want to puke.

Erin says:
Tue, 9th Jun 200912:23 am 

Wow Jackie you sound like an ignorant asshole, this is the 21st century there are so many people on earth that there is now over population and starvation in many places like China and India. Perhaps you would like to take a look at what not having a choice in reproduction looks like and realize that those who don't want children are expressing their rights and ideas by not contributing to overpopulation even here in the US and increasing pollution. Stupid bitch. Maybe you would like to pull out some antiquated bible verses to go along with that brainwashing bullshit?

Mikey says:
Tue, 9th Jun 20093:29 am 

Actually the world is not overpopulated. Take a geography class, it's actually less boring than you'd think. Also starvation happens not because of a lack of food, but because of access to food. There's a lot of food produced but is only available to certain regions of the world. If everyone in the world ate as much as North Americans or Europeans there would be food shortages, this is not the case however. There's like 5 of you who used this point to argue your case when you are in fact very wrong.

As for what I think, yeah I'm a guy, so yeah "oh noez," he must be an idiot. I think we need more university educated people to reproduce or in a few generations the world will be ran by kids of octomoms or those guys who knock up 10 women for child benefit money. I'm actually serious here. You don't really hear about this on the news because it would be a controversial topic to say that too many dumb people are reproducing and breeding dumb kids. I know I will not get any support on this view here.

Also, I know 3 couples, friends of my parents, who are in their 40's who were saying they didn't want children for the longest time and now have newborns. People change eventually. Right now you are thinking, gotta finish college, find a job, climb the corporate ladder, find someone to marry(or not), see the world, etc. etc. there's no time for a baby. I bet a lot of you who agreed with this article will change your mind one day.

Alexa says:
Tue, 9th Jun 200912:07 pm 

I agree with Mikey's bit about overpopulation. True, the world may have a startlingly large population but it is not, as many would like you to believe, actually overpopulated. The problem is that food and other resources are not equally distributed. The US and many other affluent nations have enough food to feed the poor and hungry, but that's not how things work sadly. Basically, there's a lot of power in few hands and as they say, 80% of the wealth is controlled by 20% of the people, but the planet is not yet at its carrying capacity.

That said, I think the decision to have or not have children is a personal one and yeah, maybe you will change your mind down the road but it is no one's business to tell you that you will (as if that makes you want to listen to them anyway).

Irene says:
Wed, 10th Jun 20094:34 am 

I totally agree…I can;t even stand next to a crying child on the subway without giving his mom a dirty look lol. I have a little brother and I feel like that's enough! I MIGHT consider having a surrogate when I'm 37+, but only if I have 4 nannies and a mansion where I don't hear the crying.

Lena Chen - Harvard says:
Wed, 10th Jun 20096:54 am 

I don't think it can be said often enough how enormous a responsibility parenting is. Because people assume having children is the norm, they don't even consider their options outside the norm. Not only does that leave them unprepared to deal with the sleepless nights and financial drain of parenting, but that also eventually breeds resentment when children get in the way of achieving goals.

XF says:
Wed, 10th Jun 20093:40 pm 

Actually Mikey, the world is overpopulated, take a biology/ecology class. Every ecological enviornment has a threhold- a limit- to how much life it is capable of supporting and the earth as a whole is rapidly aproaching it's own limit. Just because we have the space to put more people doesn't mean anything!

And to the OP I there's nothing wrong with you! I think it's great that you've given this thought before you've actually had kids. I don't think enough people do that!

Chelzz says:
Thu, 11th Jun 20097:54 pm 

I completely agree with you. I got called a lot of names when I said how this world could be such a disqusting place and theres just so much hate here. Why would I want to bring a child here, when I can't protect him from almost everything.

Like that teenager who beat and raped and killed a 8 month year old. Or the GRANDFATHER who did the exact same thing.

http://newsone.blackplanet.com/nation/teen-accuse…

And all of the racism, and disqustingness, I couldn't deal with anyone hurting my child.

Eli says:
Fri, 12th Jun 20091:16 pm 

There is something very wrong with you, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Do you feel ashamed? Of course not. So why did you bother asking the question?

If other girls give you a hard time, just tell them they can raise your kids for you. I don't want kids either (I'm 30, so old enough to KNOW) and I still hear that sometimes. I just tell them that I'm not even a good parent to my dogs, and that if I change my mind when I'm 50 and lonely, I'll adopt.

a girl from germany says:
Sat, 13th Jun 200912:42 am 

YOU ARE SO RIGHT

i mean i dont learn and work my ass off to work only three years and then end pregnant and in hoodies in a supermarket, while a hot woman in a sexy business outfit rushes in grabs a bottle of wine and condomes and rushes out by saying things in her earpiece like : Yes, i said tokyo the're out if they dont follow my instructions…

Twin XL says:
Sun, 14th Jun 200912:02 pm 

Fanstastic and good for you that you are smart enough to have priorities and taking steps to ensure you aren't making a mistake.

Alexa says:
Sun, 14th Jun 200912:35 pm 

No, Elizabeth, it is not wrong. I sincerely hope that you do not allow yourself to be pressured into motherhood by family, friends, or a man you are in love with. Please stay true to yourself and remember that the only thing worse than wanting a child and not having it is having it — and not wanting it.

kayla says:
Sun, 14th Jun 20095:03 pm 

I get crap from my sister, who wants 5, about not wanting children. I've not said never to children, but it just doesn't look that great for me. i love kids and love bein around a house full, but i also understand the responsibility required and its more than i wanna take on. im barely responsible enough for taking care of everything i have going on on a daily basis and just dont want to only be known as MOM. i love my mom and i give props to all moms, but i just dont think its my thing, at least for 10+ years.

Star says:
Mon, 15th Jun 20095:13 pm 

Whether it's overpopulated or not, there's certainly no shortage of humans, and a woman's "job" is not to have kids.

Star says:
Mon, 15th Jun 20095:14 pm 

I mean that as in it's her choice. She doesn't have to have children if she doesn't want to.

NedNoD says:
Tue, 16th Jun 20095:31 am 

You go girl! Me neither. I love the hell out of my nieces and nephews. I can do a drive by afternoon aunt abduction when I'm wanting to be with kids (of course, sis in law is always thrilled), enjoy the benefits with very few negative aspects, and return them when I'm tired or they are, which is about the same time since we wear each other out a lot. I don't like the idea of pregnancy, child birth or child rearing for that matter!

It slays me when the women at work (my age) gripe about their children and how they have no money, and how they have to do this and that and their child did this or has that and go on with a laundry list of grievances, but two minutes later tell me that I should have a kid and I'd make a great mom. No thanks! When you talk about labor difficulties, pains, stretching parts, ripping (!!!!) parts, GIANT NEEDLES, I'm turned away quickly. That sounds more like medieval torture if you ask me. That and I've never been one to coo over infants. Not human infants anyway. Not interested until they are two, that's when they get fun!

So really, I'm not very maternal. I know how to instill good values and ideals with people (for instance, 'Ewww! An ant! Squish it!' "Don't due that, you'll hurt him! Would you like being squished?" '…No. I don't.' "Besides sweetie, I'm an aunt. Does that mean I get squished?' "No!!! I love my aunt Nicole!"), so it's not like I whisk the kids away for some bad language or crazy bad behavior. I just don't have the patience or want for full time kids.

Epic says:
Tue, 16th Jun 20096:40 am 

Seriously… we sell babies dailynoz.blogspot.com .. buy one get one free on twins!

JohnE says:
Tue, 16th Jun 200912:27 pm 

We have always been told we are supposed to have kids. If you don't want kids or the responsibility that goes with it you owe it to the rest of us not to have them. Look at all those whiny, self-centered, child indulging, anything to shut them up parents who just can't stand to hear their child whine and complain. I have three kids, two 17 year olds and a 12 year old. It sucks. It is expensinive and consumes all of my time. That said I have no regrets. There is a certain sense of accomplishment you can't get anywhere else that you get from raising well adjusted children. Again it is difficult and the rewards are almost completely internal so if you don't think you want them don't have them.

Thank You

marcia says:
Tue, 16th Jun 200912:32 pm 

It is good that yall know what you want. I came to this site in hopes to find that one message that states that someone is pregant and they want to give it up. I have a son and he is my world but i had to have an emergency surgey. That left me with pain in my heart. We have always wanted more chidren my husband and I. WE have been married for over 9 years. +When my son was 3 years old we had the chance to adopt they where family that was giving the baby up. We paid the lawyer fees and had everything set on go. We went to Dr visits and everything we had her room set up and even gave her a name. The day that she was born we was there we held her and then we cried. my cusins girlfriend decided to give her to her mother. That was the hardest thing to deal with in my life. We tried to keep in touch because when she was born she was addicted to meth… Yes her mother did drugs while she was pregant… But we just wanted to give her everything that she needed to get healthy. Our son wants a brother or sister he is 8 years old now and I just got back to the ready point where I am ready to try again. Thanks for listening

Courtney says:
Tue, 16th Jun 20099:25 pm 

Ah shit. Not having a kid if you don't want one is a great choice. There are far too many worthless scum babies and mothers who are uneducated and are fat and ugly. The world doesn't need any more of that filthy scum. If you don't want a baby, don't have one. That is the smart choice. I am glad everyone agrees with me.

Glisten says:
Wed, 17th Jun 20096:58 am 

I didn't want kids in my 20's. Didn't want them in my 30's. People kept telling me I'd change my mind, but now I'm in my 40's and am happy without children. The only thing you have to watch out for is other overbearing mommy types who constantly ask you why you never had children. Those types of women are way more annoying than their kids.

grogette says:
Wed, 17th Jun 20099:35 am 

Nice post, Elizabeth.

And for the few of you bleating on about how we'll just change are minds later… actually, no, we won't: http://bikegroggery.blogspot.com/2009/05/why-noim…

grogette says:
Wed, 17th Jun 20099:37 am 

our minds, even.

April says:
Thu, 18th Jun 20096:32 am 

I don't understand the rush to be pregnant and have kids. No one ever likes having the flu for a week so why would anyone want to endure morning sickness for 3 months or more? No one wants to have a few extra pounds or have love handles but women gladley get pregnant and gain 40 lbs with stretch marks. No one likes to lose sleep because it makes them stressed and less productive but everyone wants kids. People don't like to be in pain eg-breaking a leg, having kidney stones etc but women want to endure 9 months of pregnancy with pinched nerves,swollen feet and toxemia (which almost killed my mother). No one likes to be fired from their job or have their car clunk out but people have no problem quitting to raise children or upgrading to an SUV. I could go on and on but I don't see the point in children.

Rossy says:
Thu, 18th Jun 20093:36 pm 

Probably the number one thing I hate about informing people that I don't want children, is how they automatically assume one of two things (or sometimes both):

- I am admitting that I hate children.

- I am admitting that I know I would be a bad mother.

Very rarely can anyone grasp the concept that I think children are great, I just don't want to give birth to and raise any- but that I would strive to be the most awesome mother on earth if for some reason I was forced into the situation. Given the fact that I'm now married and my husband has had a vasectomy, that's pretty much an impossibility, though. Thank Goodness.

ren says:
Fri, 19th Jun 20099:03 am 

I agree with most of you girls, and don't need to add anything else cause you really made your point.

I'm glad there are other women like me.

Oh And I like what Alexa said, 'Please stay true to yourself and remember that the only thing worse than wanting a child and not having it is having it — and not wanting it.'

Go girls )

Emily says:
Sat, 20th Jun 200912:42 am 

i'm having a whole litter of them to preserve my genetic perfection on this earth :p

you should have kids.

devil's advocate?

haha

Lisa says:
Sun, 21st Jun 200910:09 am 

I feel the same way. I’m fine the way I am now. My husband wants a child, though. I love him with all my heart, and I’d be OK with a kid, I guess, if I had to, but I just don’t have that urge to have one that society says I should have. I felt very alone, and it’s comforting to know other women understand how I feel. Thanks for the article.

Ashley says:
Sun, 21st Jun 20092:18 pm 

Truly, I am the same way. I have said for many years I don't want children. One reason I don't want children is because I don't have patience. I'm honestly 100% afraid of hurting my child, and I would never want to put anyone into that kind of a situation. I also don't want to (like said in the article) give up my life, my money, my career, etc. And I look at all those kids (people my age.. I'm 19) who are pregnant, and wonder why they are ruining their lives. But I've gotten a lot of flack for not wanting kids; I guess I don't hate them. But I sure as hell don't want them.

Tia says:
Sun, 21st Jun 200911:20 pm 

Feeling like an outcast is NOT a good reason to have a child. Nor is boredom, nor is "because everyone else does." Kudos to you for realizing that.

Eden says:
Tue, 23rd Jun 20096:31 pm 

Hey,

First off, good for you. Women who don't want children are not cold and they should not be looked down upon by anyone for making this decision. I'm a twenty year old college student who has been with the same guy for four years. Before I met him, I thought kids were really annoying and messy and I didn't understand why anyone would actually think they were cute. After being with him for about 2 years, I realized that I am actually quite fond of them. But I constantly go back and forth between wanting them and not wanting children. I know for certain I am not ready to take on that reponsibility. You have to be so selfless for 18 years! I'm glad there are people like you out there who aren't just going to have kids because it is the next step to be completed on the checklist of life. Anyone can have kids(well… almost anyone). It takes a lot more to be a good parent. Thank you for renewing my faith in society.

Cecilia says:
Wed, 24th Jun 20092:13 am 

no,it´s your life,so it´s your decision.

Maybe you just don´t feel ready.

I always tought like you until I got pregnant…

but there´s nothing wrong with wanting to live your life

likeminded says:
Fri, 26th Jun 20094:27 pm 

It's great to see that there are quite a few women that don't want children – quite a relief to know that I'm not alone. I am in my late thirties and have NEVER felt the urge or need to have a baby. I have been married for well over a decade but my husband is now pressurizing me to have a baby.

It's a dilemma that I have no resolution for..

Joe the Drunk says:
Sat, 27th Jun 20093:38 am 

I agree with your decision not to have a baby. Mainly because you're an idiot, just like all the other writers on this blog with their moronic posts, and there's no need to pass on your idiot genes to the next generation for the human race to suffer. You are doing your species a favor by not propagating your DNA. We already have way too many stupid, useless, resource-draining and polluting humans on this earth.

Floyd says:
Sat, 27th Jun 20095:37 pm 

Preach it sister! I'm almost 40 and both my wife and I never, NEVER wanted one. They get sick, they get stolen, they cry, they back-talk, they steal your stuff, wreck the car, then they move out. BUT, they move back in 3 years later.

Yeah, HHHEEELLL No.

Cassie says:
Wed, 1st Jul 20092:41 pm 

Right on! Ignore The Idiots Like Jackie and Joe the Drunk. Im So Tired of people telling me that i will change my mind when i won't!. I love my freedom i wouldn't trade it for a child. i don't care what people say , children are EXPENSIVE.

Ray in the uk says:
Thu, 13th Aug 20092:03 pm 

It makes more sense not to have children tha to have them.Look at the state of the world we live in.Lots of children are pissed off ,that's why they drink and do drugs.

The thing is all these people who tell you to have kids are just saying it to copy everyone else,no one has their own view because they are sheep.

The people who choose not to have them are the small minority of people that have common sense.Everyone else just copies everyone else.

Why do you think crap records get to number 1? Because the media tell them to buy it ,so they do !

Do what you want in life.If people don't like it,tell them to balls !!

Rachel says:
Wed, 19th Aug 200912:45 am 

Congratulations, a women who knows her mind and isn't afraid to say how she feels.

I find other peoples attitudes really tiresome, people who think they have the right to patronise, and infer what others 'should' do or how they 'should' feel. I think there is a terrible amount of pressure on women to be everything to all people. Especially when it comes to some missplaced idea, that to be a real women you must be maternal and hancker for the bundle of joy!

But my attitude is women should be valued for themselves not there reproductive potential, shelf life to procreate. There's enough dumb teenagers and bored housewives pushing out children, without women who don't want the miracle of motherhood to happen to them.

I totally agree with the womens point of view in this article. I have enjoyed renewed pressure from my boyfriends relatives who are happy to talk anout the only thing worth doing in life is having children, even if that means your forced into financial strain…add to that forget your life. Give over all your needs to that of your child and family, become a non person, a mother only. Why ? Why do that to yourself? You stick to your truth lass. Because if you listen to your daft friends and their glib advice you'll regret having the babies you didn't want. And they will miss out on the chance to have a mum who loves and wants them. Live your life and tell your friends they should respect your view, and life choice. X

Aly Marconi says:
Thu, 3rd Sep 20099:40 pm 

I would EXTREAMLY like to talk to u!!!

please get back with me..i would LOVE to have a baby

but i can't! if you could help me out i would appreciate

it!!!! but i don't have that kind of money to addopt..

so if we can work something out..i'd really

appreciate it!

thank you so much!

ALY

peggy says:
Fri, 18th Sep 20098:26 pm 

hey.I kmow you ont want a baby,but would you be willing to have a baby for someone else??I hope you read this.I want a baby so bad,I have been trying for four years,with no luck,I have 4 older kids but I want another baby,would take really good care of it,and you could see it later on if you decided you wanted to…anyway I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU,BUT IF NOT IF ITS JUST THAT YOU DONT WANT TO BE PREG i UNDERSTAND,BUT YOU WOULD BE GIVING THE gift of life to someone who really desires a baby thanks for reading this

Sue Velazquez says:
Fri, 16th Oct 20091:37 pm 

I support the OP. Strangely enough, after many years of not wanting a child, I did an about turn at 37 and had one at 39. Even so… until then I put up with all the pressures/comments that you do. Just do what feels right for you.

If you became a parent, the comments would not stop – you'd just get a whole new load of crap on how to bring up your child.

In reply to some of the comments in the posts, I can verify in fact that childbirth does not have to be hellish (my experience was fascinating) or involve huge needles (mine did not) or leave weight gain or 'stretched holes' (my body is just fine, thank you). Hopefully I will bring up my child not to be a 'sheep',being a bit unconventional myself and doing things my way and in my time.

Having seen the other side of it, actually being a parent can be UNIMAGINABLY HARD IN THE EXTREME, especially when you do not have the luxury of family support around you. And yes, expensive. Many would-be parents or die-hard breeders would do well to keep that strongly in mind. Please do not romanticise parenthood. It will push you in directions, spiritually, you never dreamed, and not always in a good way. And a huge paradox is that on many occasions you will have to resist what society is saying in order to do the best thing for your child. Parenthood is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration (and yes, my child is the most wonderful creature in the world).

Lastly, I think those who are child free, can contribute a great deal to society. Carpers, lay off them and look into yourselves to question whether your bleating is down to envy, cowardice, small-mindedness.

Rock on, OP. I appreciate you.

bruny says:
Tue, 10th Nov 20091:48 pm 

You want kids? Have them

You dont want kids? Don't have them, you can change you mind, and if you change your mind you will have them.

Freedom is the best thing in the world.

My two cents.

Lynn says:
Sun, 15th Nov 20092:48 pm 

I agree!!! I am 27 and I still do NOT want children and I honestly do not think that will ever change. I get sick of people who do have kids getting offended with my decision like me NOT having kids make them look like they made a bad decision. Hey have your kids ill support you but don't criticize me when I say I don't want them. Its funny too cause people will say I am selfish….um yes I am BUT I would think knowing to not bring a child in this world knowing I would still be pretty focused on myself is very selfless! You have women who have children all the time who really are not fit to be mothers but go through with it to receive some type of benefit at least I know what I want and I wouldn't want to bring a child in the midst of that. So I support all you ladies who are woman enough to know what you want you are not alone. Now don't get me wrong if I should fall pregnant )heaven forbid) then I will take responsibility for my actions BUT because I know I do NOT want children I am also responsible enough to take precautions to make sure that does not happen.

Maddi says:
Sat, 28th Nov 20096:28 pm 

I agree, and my reasoning is this:

Family history: I come from a long line of children who don't get along well with their mothers

Big family: My family is huge, and I hate that their are so many children around

Money: My parents could be really rich right now if they wouldn't of had so many kids.

Success: I want to enjoy any success I have in life, with myself and my husband. I don't want to have to share my life with more than one person, and I don't think that's so much to ask

Children: Are messy, and I'm a little bit of a neat freak, and I don't want to me one of those crazy psycho moms.

My body: I didn't spend all these years coming to terms with it just to ruin it.

Mom: I know I'm not cut out to be one.

thats my two cents.

Sophie says:
Sat, 28th Nov 20098:45 pm 

The thing that annoys me most about society is that most women think that if you don’t want children you’ll “change your mind” and just “haven’t met the right guy yet”… yes, that’s exactly my point! In my experience men have no idea about the realities of raising a child.

My main reason for not wanting children is that I feel that if you truly want kids you have to accept that as a woman you will bear the majority of the responsibility from pregnancy and giving birth to breastfeeding and taking care of it. Even when the father wants to be involved, they just don’t want to deal with the day-to-day responsibility of how much hard work it is. While a lot of men like the idea of having a child, in my experience all they think about is how much fun it would be to play with the kid with perhaps the odd bottlefeed or nappy change. Kids just don’t affect men’s lives the same. It really depresses me because the sort of guys I like always seem to want kids but I know that if I ever had a kid it would destroy my relationship with my partner because I would end up resenting him for how easy he would have it.

The problem is that most people assume that women are just naturally ‘better’ at looking after children and that it’s ‘hard’ for men because they weren’t born with the instincts required. To me that just seems like an excuse not to try, I personally feel that I wasn’t born with these ‘motherly’ instincts either. But that’s the part nobody ever mentions because it’s seen as taboo. All-to-often I’ve seen disappointed women who have kids then find that their partner didn’t consider the full implications of having to bring up a child and so it’s all left up to mum to do all the hard work. And I’m not talking about money. It’s just assumed that women will have kids then go back to and hold down the same sort of career as men while the men just think that earning money is enough. It’s such a one-sided set-up in my eyes.

Find me a guy who’s capable of dealing with a completely equal share of responsibility (and by that I truly mean 50% of everything except pregnancy, including cooking dinner, working, sorting out education/hobbies/dental appointments for kids etc) then I might change my mind but I’ve never met one yet!

lisa says:
Fri, 4th Dec 20099:41 am 

Im 40. I have always KNOWN I didnt want children. It was always a fact. Never liked to play with dolls, I liked stuffed animals. I would say that I'd never have kids, and other girls would too. But,I knew I was the only one who really meant it.

Dont believe the people who say youll regret it. I dont. Every day I live I am more happy about my decision. I am so happy and free with my life. When most women my age are working on their second or third marriages trying to support their kids, Im in Baja surfing. And I look damn hot in a bikini.

Dont worry, poster, when you get to be forty, people will stop asking you about it so much.

lisa says:
Fri, 4th Dec 20099:43 am 

p.s. Sorry about the bad grammar and punctuation, I didnt proofread!

Crystal says:
Wed, 9th Dec 20098:51 am 

Sounds like me lol. I'm a magnet to little kids, everytime I go to my bf's grandparents house (which always has at least 3 little grandkids there) they flock to me, and I love them all to death. But the idea of pregnancy and having a kid that I can't give back…. *shiver* Uh NO.

I actually WILL NOT hold a baby under 2 months old, they freak me out a little for some reason when they're that small.

And I get the same responses everytime, even from my bestfriends "You'd be a great mom." "Kids love you." "Why WOULDN'T you want one?"

Why WOULD I want something that screams for no apparent reason, will wake me up constantly for months, do horrid things to my body, and make me puke from the smell everytime it's diaper time…. It's infuriating…..

kira says:
Wed, 9th Dec 20091:37 pm 

I am really happy that there are more women that think like me as well. This past year I just really evaluated my life and decided…I really don't ever want kids. Love the nephews and nieces..but for me I don't want a kid. For the same reason, because I am selfish and I just want to be responsible for me. No one else. Also the whole birthing process is not my cup of tea, and watching some youtube videos of it…yeah…I am sorry …I don't want to do that to my body. But even with that I don't think I would be a very good mother. I am in college at the moment, and even after I graduate…I don't want them. And I rather realize it now than have a child and be a horrible mother. Because it would not be fair to the child.

deep_dark_secret says:
Fri, 11th Dec 20093:05 am 

I'm right there with you. I'm 21, and I have met the right guy. We're getting married in 6 months. (we've been together 4 years) It hasn't changed a thing. I still have absolutely zero desire to have kids, today, or 10 years from now. However, my fiancé wants kids one day. He's always wanted to be a dad. He'd be great at it, i know it. He's the most loving, patient man. I'm not like that though. But I love him more than anything in the world. I love him more than I love myself. He would do anything for me. So even though it isn't the feminist thing to do, I'm going to have his children one day. And I'm never, ever going to tell him I'm doing it for him. I would take a bullet for this man; so I will take the inconvenience and sacrifice that comes with being a mother. It is the most difficult decision I've ever had to make. Just like deciding to marry me, even though i told him I may never change my mind about wanting children is the hardest choice he's ever had to make. It's totally irrational, but that's my secret proof of how much I fiercely love this man with all my heart.

opal says:
Tue, 29th Dec 200910:19 am 

I agree with Sophie. The day when men actually give 50% and do everything a woman does then I might think about it. It's really one sided and I don't understand how other woman don't realize it before it's too late. Wouldn't it be easier not to have kids at all and just spend YOUR life making decisions based on YOURSELF? You wouldn't have to worry about the stress (emotional or physical), time, money, careers, your body etc. I see kids as a project that I'm dreading and can't wait to get over with so I'm not sure if I even want to tackle it at all. My boyfriend would do all that he could and be there alot but lets face it-it mostly is all on me and affects me the most.

Claire says:
Mon, 4th Jan 20109:12 am 

I am 34 and have never wanted kids.

People often patronised me and said "You'll change your mind", or "How could you never want kids?" or "You just havent met the right person yet".

No. It is none of those things. My father pressurises me into having grandchildren. Sorry, it's not going to happen. To me, that is selfish of him. So what, I should have kids just because he wants a grandchild? That would not be healthy for me. I have never even had unprotected sex before (I view it as too risky…STD's, unwanted pregnancy etc…) so why on earth would I have a kid?

I just don't want one.

I like my freedom,figure, and identity too much.

I don't hate kids (although I do not like boys as much as girls), and I don't mind other poeple's but I do not want my own.

They kind of bore me.

I know some people that have had "mistakes" (as they put it) and that sickens me. A child should never be a "mistake". All kids should be wanted.

One poster said that it would be harder to find a man if you didn't want kids. That is not true.

I have known many men who don't want kids.

Another poster here that said all women are good for is having children is insulting and diminishes us a human beings. It makes a mockery of everything feminism strove to achieve. There are many options open to women and motherhood is only one.

Andrea says:
Tue, 5th Jan 20105:51 pm 

Thank you for posting this! I agree with everything 100%. I have twin nephews who I would give my life for if it came to it. I respect people's decisions to have children, but I think that alot of them weren't (and still aren't prepared) to have them. I've never been one to want to have kids or to be married. At one point in my life, I thought that I was weird for not wanting to start my own family and I couldn't understand why I didn't want to be like everyone else. I don't need children and a husband to make me feel "whole." I can do that just fine all by myself. The day I have to rely on a man, is the day my life has just become worthless.

Melissa says:
Sat, 9th Jan 20106:06 pm 

I WISH I could BE you. To me, having kids is the one thing I want most in the world & I feel like it will never happen (infertility issues & such). I seriously wish the desire would just leave me so I could finally feel content with my life. I have tried to convince myself, but my heart just won't let it go. So let me tell you, there is at least one person (me) who really admires you & wishes she could feel the same.

c says:
Tue, 12th Jan 20104:11 pm 

WE WANT TO Adopted A BABY UP TO 3 years old

c says:
Tue, 12th Jan 20104:14 pm 

want to adopted a new born up to 3 years old

c says:
Tue, 12th Jan 20104:19 pm 

WE ARE OPEN TO A PRIVET ADOPTED A CHILD ASAP PLEASE IF YOU KNOW ABOUT A CHILD WE WILL LOVE TO ADOPTED WE ARE OPEN TO RACE AND Twins and boy or girl

Aisha says:
Sat, 16th Jan 201011:45 am 

I can see that the women who left a comment here have a choice but most women dont, they are forced to have children, are told they are worthless if they dont have children and that their husbands will leave them. Their parents in law make things worse. Infact I know so many women who have 5, 6 children not out of their own will but because they were forced t by their husbands/inlaws. Once the child is 2 years old, inlaws start saying "Its time to give your child an older sibgling" and it goes on with some reason or another till the women has had 5,6 children.Its sad, because I think women should atleast have a choice about how many children they want.

This is basically a way of keeping women under control of their husbands because the more children a woman has, the more dependent she becomes on her husband and cannot think of leaving him if shes not happy in the relationship. My friends father in law said that he wont meet her until she concieved again so she had, in order to keep things normal in the family.

Mothers in law in many cultures are happy seeing their daughter in laws suffering at the hands of their offspring.

Its terrible but I hail from that part of the world so I know what Im talking about.

Lynsey Dow says:
Fri, 22nd Jan 20104:50 am 

I am 32 now and have known since I was 16 that I do not want kids. I have thought about it, planned how I would bring them up and have great opinions on how to be a Mother but I just think that the effort it would take to do it the way it should be done is not viable for me. I like to work, go the gym, I dont cook and like to spend a lot of time on my own. Me time.

Is it not more important to find love with a great guy who treats you right instead of dropping sprogs right left and centre with no family stability. That to me is selfish – the number of broken homes is rising and you are not telling me that is good for kids.

Its a lovely dream for 5 minutes but the reality is a hell of a lot different.

Dont push it on women – we are perfectly normal!!!!!!!!

Bella says:
Sat, 23rd Jan 20105:47 pm 

I just turned 35, got married a couple of yrs ago & I've never felt I wanted a baby. My sis is 2 yrs younger & a friend is 36 & they're even more 'anti-kid' than I am. What I'm wrestling with lately: I've never had that urge but what if down the road I get it & have regret that I didn't have one when I could have? I seem to be hot & cold on this one lately & it bothers me. My hubby says he doesn't want them now either but never say never. I still feel I don't want them but then what if I miss the boat? I hear that it is that it is the most meaningful/rewarding but challenging thing a woman could ever do. Keeping in shape is so important to me so gaining weight/losing my figure is a real concern. Am I being selfish?My doctor told me by 37 is the magic #. I guess I'm realizing there is a dwindling time frame & how to deal w/my on/off feelings on the subject? Any advice/help?

Maya says:
Wed, 17th Feb 20108:46 am 

I feel exactly the same. Deciding not to have a baby is the most noble thing to do, considering that the world is a very difficult place. Do you want to create just another slave office worker factory worker for Godspolitical leader of your country?. A baby will stay baby only a few years. After that it will be trained in schoolcollege to be good slaveworker. I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT TO CREATE A NEW LIFE WHO WILL BE TRAINED TO BE A GOOD SLAVE.

If children were brought into the world by an act of pure reason alone, would the human race continue to exist? Would a man rather have so much sympathy with the coming generation, as to spare it the burden of existence? Or at any rate not take it upon himself to impose that burden upon it in cold blood.

~Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)

Sufferings of the World 1851

http://www.vhemt.org/biobreed.htm

dave says:
Sun, 21st Feb 20101:27 pm 

Its about time someone has called it like it is.

I have absolutely no use for kids…I'm 36 years old and i LOVE my life!!!…

I like to do what i want, when i want and i feel VERY strongly about it.

Taking care of a screaming poop-machine(s) dosen't do it for me.

If that makes me selfish so be it.

I live so much happier life, than my friends who do have kids… full of traveling, hanging out with friends, sleeping when i feel like it and having lots of money…

For those who say "who's going to take care of you when you're old"…i have one thing to say:

For the amount of money i save by NOT having a kid, i will be living in some luxurious hotel somewhere in the caribian and i will have a hot nurse taking care of me…

Jonathan says:
Wed, 24th Feb 201010:04 pm 

I'm 32, never been married, and have no kids. There are a lot of ignorant, one-dimensional douche bags who love to get on my case about that. I've been told that I am a good looking guy, and that not passing that on would be a shame. I also have an aunt who is on her second marriage and has two kids that are COMPLETELY out of control – and she didn't have the first one until she was in her 40's. However, every time she sees me, she always has to ask me when I'm going to get married (of course! How could I forget?? Let me run down to the store and pick out a wife so I can get her to start shitting out kids! That's what you want, right??? You fat, annoying, ignorant twat!!!!!)

So do you know what I do? I completely ignore them. I let them talk all the shit they want to, because I know that the more they try to chide me about being childless, the more miserable their lives are. They wanna hate because they envy me, having the freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want.

They wish they could sleep at night without waking up to change diapers.

They wish they could go to the bar without having to go through the long, drawn-out process of finding a sitter. They wish they could have nice things in their house.

They wish they had a house that didn't smell like dirty diapers and baby formula.

They wish they could enjoy some peace and quiet.

They wish that they could listen to the music that they like without having to worry about the lyrics.

I could go on all day and night for reasons NOT to have children, but I can't find one logical reason to make the decision to have one. Lately, I've been considering getting a vasectomy as a safeguard. Will I ever have kids? I haven't ruled it out completely, but it appears very unlikely.

For anybody who is considering having children to appease others, consider this – what are those people willing to do for you?

Bella says:
Thu, 25th Feb 20108:29 pm 

Here here! Sometimes I feel like I'm the only gal out there who is ok w/not having a kid. Sometimes I feel like some sort of a freak of nature…like as a woman there must be something wrong w/me that I seem to be born w/o the mothering gene/ache to reproduce.

My rapidly becoming former BFF was a virgin who rarely dated but wanted a baby so badly that she hooked up w/my from out of town cousin at my wedding(after he hit on all my other GFs. She lied numerous times to me about their 'relationship'. They live nine hours apart by plane and he has no intention to move here but she got pregnant and didn't tell me until six mths in (only because she couldn't hide it anymore) Nice…

Sorry for venting but if it were any other guy it wouldn't bug me but now this kid is my 2nd cousin. How f**ked up is that? I'm involved/tied to this when I want no part of it. Can someone say AWKWARD!!

Danica says:
Sat, 27th Feb 20108:25 am 

I been dabating for a while now whether I want children or not. I know I would be a good mom but then again I don't want to give up my freedom. I love coming home from work and just relaxing. I also love doing things when I want and not have to worry about a child. I love children, in fact, I'm a teacher. I spend more time with children then most parents spend with their own children. Its nice to come home and feel like I have " me time" Yes, I feel selfish saying this but its better to know this then be like some of my friends that are mothers. They have babies and can't stand them. They take them to daycare on their days off and just go home. I had one of my friends go to work, go out with her friends, and left her baby at daycare for 12 hours. It wasn't like she working all of that time. It really bothers me some of the things they tell me. They make being a parent sound like a prision. I don't ever want to feel like that or make a child feel like they are unwanted just because a parent is overstressed. Overall, I think making the choice not to have children or to have children depends on the person. I wish it was more socially acceptable to not have children so people wouldn't judge your choice to be a selfish one. I actually think that the choice not to have children can be one of the most unselfish choices someone can make.

nory yetter says:
Sat, 27th Feb 20107:44 pm 

I do understand what it is your saying but there are people like me out here that would be there to take a baby if things went wrong in your plans. Not because we are messsed up just because we cant and thats what we want more than any thing . So if in your web site you were to hear that a young woman is thinking about of doing the worst to have a life let her know its ok. have that baby call or email me or any one of us who will take that child. And learn not to mess up again Iam a 48 year old woman that cant have a baby. I was born 63 miles from where I live and was raised. A small town in Wy. I own my own house ,have a job that Icould take care of and raise a child. I don t make enough to adopt through an agentice. It just hurts to hear news of young wemon who killn there babys because they feel thats the only way out for them but it isnt were here people like me.

bob says:
Mon, 1st Mar 201010:11 pm 

wow hundred bucks says your all white, and another 100 that most of you are walking corpses with no future

Jonathan says:
Wed, 3rd Mar 201010:27 pm 

Well, Bob, I AM white, but I am also very much alive, attending school, and am electing not to have children because I am thinking about my future. Better yet, I know the difference between "your" and "you're." Anything else you would like to pass judgment on?

Katrina says:
Thu, 11th Mar 20109:28 pm 

I really appreciate this post.

For me… I have many reasons for not wanting children. The biggest? Even my nieces and nephews drive me insane. Of course I love them, but children simply grate my nerves. I have a really hard time tolerating people who cannot grasp simple things, and even though I know a child is a child and it's not their fault, I can't help it. If you can't quote classic literature or speak other languages or discuss particular philosophical theories I don't even want to be your friend, let alone be responsible for you.

I've never seen a cute kid. I do not have any maternal instincts. I am entirely independent and if I couldn't travel because I had to wipe my kid's butt, I'm going to be honest here and say I'd 100% commit suicide.

So for all the people who try to pressure me into having a child, and all the people who say that it's a woman's only job, my response is this: I find it would be far worse to have a child and commit suicide as a result, don't you? Knowing you inadvertently killed your own mother is a form of resentment you can't even pretend didn't happen.

Ally says:
Tue, 30th Mar 20104:52 am 

Well done to you for not letting the social pressure get to you- I only want one child, I've always only wanted one child, my hubby feels exactly the same but I once mentioned it to a friend and she ate the head off me saying "you should have more! Your child will be so lonely and weird! That's so selfish of you!!"

I'd rather have no kids than be pressured to pop out loads of sprogs just because other people think they can tell me what to do with my life!

Ranu says:
Tue, 30th Mar 20109:41 pm 

I just don't seem to find one good reason to for a kid. I don't feel social pressure at all. And, I certainly don't want to makeany decision just because "everyone else does it".

Glad to see so many people feeling the same way. For me though, it's not the money or career or travel or personal time.

Sara says:
Tue, 30th Mar 201011:44 pm 

I feel the same way as the majority who responded on here. I’m 26 years old, married, and a college graduate. I don’t care either way if I’m able to have a baby or not. If I can get pregnant, fine I’ll deal with it and be a really good mom. If I can’t get pregnant, I’m not going to pump myself full of fertility drugs and try to make my body do something that nature did not intend for me to do! There are a lot of babies/children who are in foster homes looking to find their new family. Why not adopt if you can’t have kids yourself?

I always was on the fence about having children for the same reasons that was described prior to my post, but I’m open to getting pregnant once and only once! Why…mainly for the experience of it all and also for my husband who wants only one as well. I never really had the maternal instincts to have a baby. I know I would be an excellent mother when my child gets older, but something about the baby years makes me freak out. I just do not like babies or toddlers at all and I don’t like noise in general.

I don’t have family pressure at all mainly because my mom already knows my issues with having children. But my friends are a different story, they’re always telling me that I’ll feel differently about only having one and that I’ll change my mind. Hell no! One is more than enough, if my child gets lonely, he/she can walk to the local park and make friends. If that makes me selfish, so be it.

I can definitely relate with the body remarks. It took me 2 years to lose the college fat I gained and now I look hot, why would I want to ruin that?! I lost 60 pounds in two years and am now a slim 3/4 in juniors. Just today I was trying on dresses in a department store and a teen was also trying on dresses. It made me happy to know that I was in a slimmer size than she was and I’m 11 years older!

The way I see it, there are lot of women who may not even be able to conceive. If it’s meant to be, then I’ll do my part and be a great mom, but if not, I’m not going to induce self pity on myself. I’ll be happy with whichever way my life happens to go. Kuddos to the author for knowing what you want and sticking with it!

tj says:
Tue, 30th Mar 201011:16 pm 

i'm so happy someone wrote an article about this. i find it really throws guys off when i mention the not wanting kids though, and has definitely gotten in the way of a few relationships. i'd love to someday be a foster mom, possibly? but the idea of labour and all that just doesn't appeal to me. and i cannot stand when people are like "oh you'll change your mind" maybe theyre right, maybe i will, but right now, i'd really like my opinion to just be taken seriously.

Bilbo Baggahoe says:
Tue, 30th Mar 201011:30 pm 

If the world was much larger, there would be nothing wrong with having a shitload of kids. But unfortunately, the retards of the world are having kids at exponential rates, and we all will pay the penalty for their lack of education, nourishment, and room.

brandi says:
Wed, 31st Mar 20101:54 am 

Thank you! I’m 20, I feel my life hasn’t even started yet my friends are all having babies at this age. One of my friends just had her second baby – she’s 20! I couldn’t fathom taking care of someone else, I still feel like I’m a child myself. I have so many goals – writing career, college, grad school, maybe a Ph.d – I’d just feel like I wouldn’t want to give all that up. What’s selfish is people who have children and pawn them off to their parents – that’s a trait that runs in my neighbor’s family. And when I tell my mom that I might never want children it’s almost like she is challenging me to have them when I give her advice: “Wait until you have children.” Its ridiculous. I don’t think men have to deal with this.

Jean says:
Thu, 1st Apr 20101:07 pm 

I'm 50 and childless. I am so glad I stuck to my guns and didn't let in-laws pressure me into having kids. My husband and I am sooo happy. We are like 2 teenagers. I give all my attention to him. With no kids our marriage bloomed. I think kids can stress out a marriage and cause divorce. We are retired now and do what we want to. Nobody needs us to keep kids or give them our money. Think before you have kids.

A young woman in TX says:
Sun, 18th Apr 20102:20 am 

I surfed to this page because I’ve been needing some big-time emotional support and inspiration to stick to my guns about the decision to remain CF. Next month I will be turning 30, and although I am going to be the first person in our family to ever graduate university with honors and with an exciting job in Asia lined up after graduation, my mother cruelly lords the fact that “I don’t understand or know her because I am not a mother” over my head. And that I will remember how I’ve treated her when I have my own children someday. I never say anything disrespectful back to her, I just calmly say OK, and stay silent. But I am so hurt inside over this. She’s been a bit of a bully about this issue as well as throughout my life.
Alot of the women in my family have already had 1-2 children by the time they were 19. Babies having babies.
One of the posters on here really got my goat when he/she said that most of the posters on here were probably white. I am a hispanic (Latina) and feel VERY alone in my decision to not have kids. I have been through a divorce over this and several other issues, and have endured countless sacrifices and pain in my life to get to where I am today. And the truth is I have no problem with kids or my family really. I am genuinely myself when I am with them as I’ve always been. When I look inside myself I think I find a lovable person despite these decisions. Besides, I am compassionate and patient-I am a vegetarian, love animals, I am a sub for my district, and a doting aunt to my nephews.
However, my experience growing up in this huge (largely working class family) was that-I figured that all my mother wanted was for me to make her proud with my accomplishments and my career. I really do try.
When I was 8 years old, she sat me down and carefully described to me the whole process of the “birds and the bees”. As I watched her wide eyed and terrified, I slowly started forming the decision in my young mind to not have children. I don’t know why the idea of motherhood just repulsed me all my life, it just did. I know I’ve incurred judgement as I’ve dealt it, but I realize that all I seek in my life is to be a good woman and set a good example for the future generations in my family. I want peace with my family, with myself, and with the whole issue. Because if I am truly not going to be alone any longer in my decision, I need to be more positive and open-minded to as many sides of this very personal issue as possible. So thanks all of you who’ve posted-the devil’s advocates, the supporters, even the insult givers. I am just glad I am not alone in discussing and exploring this issue. Thanks for sharing.

Holly says:
Mon, 19th Apr 20109:20 am 

I find it funny (and scary) that the negative posts are by people who can't spell or use complete sentences while they are calling the women who don't want children "dumb" and "morons". Not only have these women articulately stated why they do not want children but they are citig reasons like pursuing advanced degrees and climbing the corporate ladder. Yep, they must be real idiots

Holly says:
Mon, 19th Apr 20109:22 am 

*citing*

A 26 year old virgin says:
Tue, 27th Apr 20107:33 pm 

I don't think you are selfish at all. I've been single since the day I was born and will always stay single cuz I love myself.

A 26 year old virgin says:
Tue, 27th Apr 20107:37 pm 

Mother Teresa – single

Is she selfish??????????????

NO! =)

virginia says:
Wed, 28th Apr 20106:28 pm 

Hi

I m from hong kong and i married 5 years..We trying very hardly to have a baby and see many many DRs….Please if anyone have baby and don't want a baby pls pls pls Let me know and Don't ectopic pregnancy…

Thank's alot

hk-virginia hotmail.com

Joan Paco says:
Wed, 5th May 20101:50 pm 

I don't want kids, never have. I'm 28 years old and am adored by my nieces and nephews. Nice thing is I can send them home.

Jamie says:
Thu, 6th May 201012:47 pm 

I completely agree. I'm the oldest of 6, and I basically raised my siblings. One huge thing I've learned, it's a huge sacrifice. If someone wants to be a mother, wonderful! I'm not a mother, but I hear it's the most beautiful thing in the world. But you have to WANT to be a mother. If you don't want to be it, you're not gonna be a good mother. I'd rather be a great aunt, loving wife, and the best godmother! I simply don't want it…

20 year old doesn&#0 says:
Mon, 10th May 201012:36 pm 

Im 20 years old, still in college and living with my boyfriend. He owns the house, pays all the bills, and for some reason he wants kids now. I am so emotionally hurt by the constant explaining I have to do to both his mother and him on why I don't want kids. I tell him it will be hard, and he says no it will not but that is what they tell you to deter young people from having kids. I KNOW it would be hard, because four of my cousins are parents (young 18-23) and they are not doing much with their lives. They have quit school because it was too hard or some are just working low income jobs. I don't want that now and my boyfriend and his mother judge me. His mother says I am depriving him of the right to be a father, and I told him what about my right to want to be successful first. He overanalyzed it and said what is he not succesful ( he works, dropped out of school, and makes about 40,000 a year and supports both of us). Everything I say or try to explain gets judged and I am tired of explaining. Im so hurt and I don't know what to do. I need advice.

Susan says:
Tue, 11th May 20108:21 am 

I completely agree with you, and I have felt that way for years. I am now 35 and don't plan on ever changing my mind. I love my life without kids, and my husband loves it too. He gets my undivided attention! The world is TOO full of people, and the attitude that it's "unnatural" to not want kids is quickly becoming a thing of the past. In 10 years, we're going to have a jaw-dropping 9 billion people on this planet, the planet simply can't handle it. We are going to wipe ourselves out with too much breeding.

@20 year old needing advice says:
Wed, 12th May 20109:42 am 

This is for “20 year old needing advice”. I am going to share something with you. (I just turned 30).
I always say “If I could go back in time and introduce my 30 yr old self to my 19 yr old self, I would not have recognized myself at all.” Meaning, you have all the time in the world and should not have anyone-anyone-pressuring you to grow up too fast or enter into something you’re not ready for. I read your entire post, and, sad to say, that this issue about kids is not something you can ignore. It will cause a huge rift in your relationship that will potentially undermine other things (as you can see with fights happening with the mother-who in my opinion is acting out of line, and with your boyfriend becoming defensive every time you assert yourself).
When I was 20, I was in the service overseas and I married too young. I have to admire that you are addressing the issue of children early before you jump into marriage or an engagement, because back then, I didn’t, and 5 years later, my marriage ended, and my ex cited the whole “don’t wanna have kids” thing as a big difference in values that caused our marriage to sour anyway. It hurt for him to throw that in my face, because, I made the decision after careful thought and feeling, but in a way I have to thank him for not pressuring me to live an unhappy life. All in all our divorce was peaceful, but again, just an example as to how the issue with children is both very personal, but not a completely solitary one when in a relationship.
There once was a time that me and my ex agreed to disagree and promise to revisit the issue in 6 years. We planned this timeline so that we could project completion of school and landing of a stable job for us first.
Our marriage ended before we could ever have that discussion, and 4 years later I’ve completed my degree with honors, am traveling to an exciting job in Asia, and I thank my lucky stars every day that I never had a child with him.
I wish you the best of luck and what life has to offer, but you can’t let this issue go unnoticed, and I am sorry, but we are still too young, pretty and full of life and youth to let even negative relationships get us down, which means you might have to take a stand and let your guy know this could be a deal breaker for you.
As for the mother, sounds like you need to set some boundaries and get some privacy and respect in your relationship.
Oh-and one more thing. One thing my ex in-laws loved to say about me behind my back whenever I talked about going for my education (even though I am the first to ever graduate university from a poor Latino working class family)–
“That I was selfish”.
My motto today? “Live well. It’s the best revenge.”
Keep on keepin on!
I wish I had this advice when I was 20!

A 26 year old virgin says:
Sat, 15th May 20104:02 am 

Girls~ don't worry about that ['you'll change your mind / you haven't met the right guy yet'] crap…..

Whenever ppl tell me I will 'change my mind', I would just take out a piece of paper and say, "If I change my mind I'll give you $50,000 BUT if I DON'T then you'll have to give me $500,000,000 Deal?"

Do the same thing and I'm sure they'll zip their mouths n walk away.

Tom Smith says:
Sun, 16th May 20109:56 pm 

Kids are the biggest pain in the ass imaginable.

Your entire life will be taken over by them,

your choices and options on how to live your life will be severly limited.

As a woman, you will mostly likely be burdened with the most unpleasant tasks of child rearing, like dirty diapers, vomit, and runny noses, not to mention pregnancy and birth, complete with nausea, pain, and the ruination of your body.

Your relationship with your spouse will permanently change,

to namely, divying up the workload,

and your sex life (and sex drive) will be curtailed.

Some women, whether thru biology, or social and religious pressures, are geared up for having kids.

If you are not one of them, don't have kids, and enjoy your life.

Jonathan says:
Fri, 21st May 20101:20 am 

This is for the 20 year old needing advice. Here is my take on things – if they truly cared about you, they would not be using guilt and lies to pressure you into doing something that you do not want to do. If you are in disagreement now, then dragging kids into the equation is only going to make matters worse. It sounds to me like they want you to have kids so they can control you. If I were you, I would end it and move on, because you are NEVER going to get respect in that family – especially if they don't respect you now. And that's my two cents.

skin says:
Fri, 4th Jun 20107:55 am 

my boyfriend really wants a baby i agreed with a csection when i turn 27 i really care adout him and he said he wouldnt let me ruin one of his main goals and he would leave i know children annoy me alot and so expensive i know i wont love it its just not in me he thinks it will bend us togeather but for me it wouldnt help me stay since i dont really care for children i feel really angry he also expects me to breast feed even well i dont want i feel its replusive he says thats the whole reason you have breasts and if you dont use them romove them

20 year old doesn&#0 says:
Tue, 8th Jun 20109:50 am 

Thanks for all who responded. That day was my all time low and I poured out everything to my boyfriend and he hasn't mentioned anything since. His mom has not either, but I suspect that's because she knows I am not giving in or because he told her to stop. All is well for now.

Nic the BLACK Chic says:
Wed, 9th Jun 20104:19 pm 

I read thru several posts and am happy to see that the majority at least make sense. The one that irked me the most is the comment about race.What does that have to do with anything? I am black and I do NOT want children. I am in the same boat as everyone else who has migrated to this page, probably searching for other like-minded individuals (females that don't want children). I have one friend out of twenty that has stuck it out with me. We are well educated and working on graduate degrees and careers. That is NOT the only reason we don't want children – when we were younger we actually talked about being moms ALL THE TIME. However, with each year we are moving more and more away from being a parent. So understand naysayers and ignorance spreaders, people change their minds all the time, but not always to the side of having kids. See I have way more respect for the women and men who don't want kids and don't have them then the dumb ones that have them because their mate wants them, or because of outside pressures. Being 26, it is harder than ever when ignorant people ask a single professional woman "what are you waiting for to have kids". Well for starters maybe if I wanted to have a family I would want to be married or in a stable relationship first. Babies are becoming an accessory and I am so glad that there are still some level-headed individuals who are thinking before acting. There is nothing wrong with you, you have support and anytime you are feeling frustrated and/or pissed of, just visit this post and read through the comments. I know I will.Stay strong, stay motivated, stay positive!!!

Jonathan says:
Fri, 11th Jun 20101:33 am 

This message is for "skin." I don't know where the hell you've been, but you can't "choose" to have a C-section – it is used when there are complications during delivery. It also leaves a large, disfiguring scar on your abdomen that will never go away. And you say you're going to do it for your boyfriend even though you don't want to???? Do the world a favor – DON"T DO IT!!!!

Jonathan says:
Fri, 11th Jun 20101:52 am 

And this post is for "20 year old who doesn't want kids RIGHT NOW." Kudos to you for standing your ground and telling them how you feel. I hope all stays well for you. Best of luck in your life and your future.

Liam says:
Fri, 18th Jun 201010:46 am 

I find the level of maturity and intellect contained in so many of these posts very heartening. In a way, it's a shame that so many of you don't want children because if you did I'm certain you'd be a damn sight better than many of the parents I hear about nowadays. There is a chronic lack of self-awareness in society and insofar as that extends to parents it depresses me. Too many parents have children for selfish, shortsighted or plain ignorant reasons. If you want a child, do it for the child, and ONLY for the child. Please?

I'm currently 21 years old, and despite the fact that I haven't even been in a serious relationship yet, I definitely do want to have a child, though preferably just the one and never more than two. My emotional reserves are finite and the last thing I want to do is contribute to global overpopulation.

I'd love to say I'm open minded about the matter, but I'm really not if I think about it. For an otherwise laid back and lackadaisical person to feel so passionately about something suggests to me it is non-negotiable. Should I miss out on the chance to introduce a new life to this world and show it the heights of beauty and glory, I could never forgive myself. After all, as put most eloquently by Max Ehrmann, "With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world."

I'm wholeheartedly in support of those of you who don't want children and so don't have them. Society can mind its own fucking business, you know yourself best. Don't let anyone else ever suggest otherwise.

musician:-) says:
Sun, 20th Jun 20109:19 am 

Like so many other young women on here, I've NEVER wanted children (I'm 25). My mother always complained about how difficult I was and that I will get "payback" WHEN I get my children (as if I even WANTED them). I'm returning to college AND pursuing a career in music production. My mind is on my career… until I get sick of traveling,money, my degrees, my personal space, and a general life for myself.. I won't be having any.

ps. my 1/2 sister has 6 children.. It's enough for the both of us right???

Manny says:
Wed, 23rd Jun 201010:46 pm 

Social group pressure is so strong. I gather we all played a role in the society. We do something we enjoy. If making baby and raising up baby is not what you want, you just choose to do something else. We have freedom to choose.

Mike says:
Sat, 3rd Jul 20108:18 am 

I'm really glad that there are women who feel like this because I truly don't want children! All of the women I have had serious relationships with have wanted a child or two, I have never been able to understand why it seems to be a foregone conclusion in society that one should want to have kids??? I like all of the things I currently am able to do so why would I deny myself all of those hard worked for pleasures by inviting a screaming/time consuming/expensive baby into my life?!?!

Tornadochik says:
Fri, 9th Jul 201012:45 pm 

This doesn't make you feminist, true feminism in today's world is as stupid as racism… knowing that you don't want a baby is a good thing. You're not selfish for it. Knowing that you would be a selfish parent and choosing not to be one means that you're not selfish.

Don't feel bad, just be open and honest with any boyfriends so they don't enter into something thinking you'll "Grow out of the phase."

Brian Fowler says:
Mon, 12th Jul 201010:43 pm 

Hi, all!

I am a 20-year-old BLACK MALE (for that comment regarding race) college student and I myself have just chosen not to have kids in the future. I never had the patience for children; I can’t stand the sound of a crying infant; and for icing on the cake, I am a horrible babysitter. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t hate kids. I like kids to a certain point, and I love my nephew (he’s six) unconditionally, but I just don’t have what it takes to be good with kids. I know for a fact that something could go wrong if I were responsible for a child, and I don’t want to cause that pain; I don’t want to bear it. It really frightens me when I’m held responsible for a child’s life because I KNOW I will mess up. The one time I would be comfortable with kids is if I were giving them bowling lessons. Yes, I’d still be held responsible for their safety, but it would be a little easier because I would be working in a bowling alley, and I would not have to worry so much about feeding them as much as if I had to babysit. I can’t change a diaper, I can’t do baby formulas, and it will almost be seven years since I held my nephew when he was an infant (I was a kid myself back then). So, I have chosen to either remain single or find a good Christian girl who can put up with me who also does not want children.

To the OP–we ought to go on a date someday. haha Seriously, I have mad support for you. And don’t EVER think that your situation is a problem, and no, it is not wrong to choose not to have kids. You are doing a great thing by standing up for yourself against this baby-crazed society and saying “No!” You know yourself very well, well enough to know that you could turn out to be a not-so-good mother, and you made a responsible choice. For that, I give you props. You are not selfish; in fact, you are selfless for making that choice, and much more immature than these people out here that have kids just to please society and not take care of them. I have always had suspicions that I would not be good with kids when I was a little boy, but now that I am a young man who has done his part in the family as babysitter, these suspicions have been confirmed. I just don’t know how my family will react once they want to know and I tell them. My folks seem a little judgmental towards some decisions I make, though I expressed these thoughts to my mother and she seemed okay with it. But things could change, and I have to remember to stand up for myself no matter what. I want to be happy and successful, not just successful. If I can’t live my life, make my own decisions, find my independence, and be happy, then what’s the point of me living?

To the 20-year-old young lady needing advice: Do your boyfriend and his mother TRULY care about your desire as well as his? This seems like a complicated situation and I don’t want to be part of an ugly breakup, but if he loves you, then he would be accepting of your desires, no matter how much they differ. I know you love him, even when he doesn’t give you that love back–and you should. But if he really wants kids and you don’t, then you should find someone who will accept you 100%–whether or not you want to be a mommy. You and I are the same age; I think we should talk. haha

Honestly, there are people out here that should not even HAVE children because of their irresponsibility. And you wonder why there are so many bad parents, runaway kids, neglected kids, and all this crap in this world? People cannot think for themselves on what they personally believe are wise decisions. Worse, since many of us (like myself) are God-fearing Christians, mainstream churches are using God and the Bible to force their members to procreate. This is one of my reasons for turning away from these big, strict churches and religion in general; I do not want man to control my life and make me live in fear of the consequences of my choices. Then I found that Christianity is not the religion made by man; it is a faith, a personal relationship with God through His Son Jesus. Last time I checked, God gave us free will, demonstrated by Adam and Eve disobeying Him. When Jesus died on that cross, that free will extended to grace, which opened so many new doors for us. And I accept God’s Grace by accepting Jesus in my life, and I am using my free will to say to society that I do not have to have kids if I don’t want to, and it’s my personal choice; no one can control me to do otherwise. Thank you all, and may God bless you all, even the authors of the negative comments on this topic.

Brian Fowler says:
Tue, 13th Jul 201012:53 pm 

Above comment, second paragraph: I meant you are more MATURE than the people who have kids just because when they really did not want any. Sorry about that error. You're mature.

Loli says:
Fri, 16th Jul 20105:57 pm 

My husband and I thought long and hard about having children. We saw that after our friends gave up everything and how unhappy they always tell us, but lie through their teeth about how children are a blessing.

Then we ultimately decided not to have children… so far, we been traveling, have Bachelor Degrees, and spend extra money (aside bills coming first) to do whatever we want. Don't get me wrong, we do have nieces and nephews – and we spoil them rotten… this way the parents have to deal with the hyper kids, not us! LOL

Sam B says:
Sun, 18th Jul 201012:30 pm 

Last paragraph: did discuss*

Sam B says:
Sun, 18th Jul 20105:27 pm 

Wow, it is such a relief to find so many people that feel the same way I do about the pressure to procreate.

At some point or another I have dealt with every single feeling that each of you have stated- and listed every single reason why having kids may not be the best choice for me.

These days, it comes down to a realization that I feel that I am meant to play a different role in society than a typical parent. Along with all the reasons of personal freedom, career, fear of hating parenthood, lack of a desire to be a “mom”, etc., I realize that what I would rather be is an influence in other people’s- and other children’s- lives. I don’t want kids of my own because I would rather help the ones that are already here. I don’t like kids much, though the older they get (and, admittedly, the less like “kids” they get) the more I feel like I would like to talk to them.

The only argument in favor of having kids that has ever resonated with me was “wouldn’t it be great to have someone to teach, someone to pass your experiences on to?” That got me thinking. My answer to that question was “yes,” but the answer to the question of having my own kids was still “no.” So why can’t I be a mentor instead? A teacher? A friend to a kid who needs one? I might even want to be a foster parent, if I decided later on that I could A) handle that immense responsibility and heartache and B) feel okay having a child around all the time. I just feel instinctively that I’ve got something different that I need to do in life than be a parent.

I’m happy with that conclusion; I find it suits me rather well. I don’t feel that I need to have my own kid to be able to reap the better rewards of being around one.

Even as satisfied with that decision as I am the question still comes up once in a while. My in-laws are pretty adamant about wanting- nay, expecting- grandchildren out of my husband and I. I won’t even go into how much having their grandkids sounds like a bad idea. My husband on occasion says that maybe someday he’d actually want some of his own. As much as I know my own feelings on the matter, I still get thrown into turmoil when he says that. We’ve been married for only four years, and I’m ridiculously happy with him and our marriage and would love for it to continue for many years to come, but when this comes up I don’t know what to say. I’d love to talk him out of it and my instinct is to rattle off all the reasons why I don’t want them, but I’m afraid that saying all of that would somehow make him want them more (he has a tendency to want the things he knows he can’t have..like cookies..).

I came to this site because I was searching for answers on how to deal with this. I may not have found them, but I definitely feel better realizing I’m not alone. I still think he’s caving to pressures from his family and friends to want them. I don’t think that he really wants them himself, much because he’s adamantly said “No!” to the idea many times before, but that may be me in denial. I’m afraid that if I’m wrong and it IS something he wants someday that it will be the end of an otherwise beautiful marriage. I’ve always been against divorce, but I’m also against taking someone away from what they truly want.

UGH. This is hard, guys!

And yes, we did discussed the idea fully before getting married. Both of us had said that we didn’t want them, but both of us said maybe we’d do what everyone says and change our minds someday, and that if that happened, we’d figure it out then. I’ve only become more reassured over the years that I don’t want them. He wavers from time to time. What do I do if he DOES change his mind? Not much frightens me more.

Single 1984 says:
Sun, 1st Aug 20104:23 am 

m just gonna raise two Siberian Huskies n three golden retrievers !!!!! DUN noe how to raise a human baby …..

ND girl says:
Sat, 14th Aug 201011:42 am 

For years and years I thought that the only thing I ever wanted to do was have a whole gaggle of children and be a stay-at-home mom.

I recently got married, and we both agreed beforehand that we wanted kids–absolutely!! But in the months leading up to my marriage I spent a lot of time with my and his nieces, as well as friends’ babies. I found that I wasn’t a fan of the screaming, whining, and bodily-fluid leaking that comes with babies. And the older ones are brats, IMHO.

I also saw how stressed and tired my sister is all the time, mainly because she never gets to sleep!! Me, I’m an absolute *bear* if I don’t get my 8 hours of sleep.

When I mentioned my concerns to family, friends, and fiance, I got the resounding “it’s SO different with your own” and “you’ll be a great mother” answers. (So, human feces will all of a sudden become ‘cute’ to me when it came out of my own kid’s butt??)

The more time I spend with children (especially babies and small children), the more I realize I DON’T have the patience, I HATE screaming, and most kids are brats by the standards I hold.

I also have an obscenely long list of hobbies that includes riding my horse and being in a local band. These are absolute passions for me, and I can’t imagine giving them up.

I know I could send my kid to day care every day and try to spend as much time as possible away from them, but then why would I even have a child? In my experience these are kids that know they’re not wanted and end up messed up!!

All my aunts and uncles chose NOT to have kids, so I am familiar with child-free families. I used to feel sorry for them because now they don’t get to enjoy grandkids, but then I see them actively pursuing hobbies, traveling, etc., and I see my parents’ house getting torn up by grandkids, sooo….

I have been hinting to my husband about it, and we actually got in a long discussion about it last night that left us both heart-broken. He said that if I didn’t want kids, I married the wrong guy…but the thing is, I DID want kids…so badly, but now that I see what it really entails I’m getting less and less certain…but I hate to see how it hurts my husband!!!

Jonathan says:
Wed, 18th Aug 20109:54 pm 

Well, ND Girl, it is unfortunate that your decision put your marriage in a tough spot. But look on the bright side – you came to that conclusion BEFORE you had any children. By doing so, you saved yourself and the children you didn't have a lot of pain and heartache. I only wish more people could have that type of foresight BEFORE bringing children into the world without being able to handle them.

Crat says:
Sun, 22nd Aug 20108:17 pm 

Women who don't want to be mothers but decide to anyway make the worst mothers.

Your defective alleles are merely being culled. Future humans will be better for it.

panthera says:
Mon, 30th Aug 20107:10 am 

I got one and he is cute but I miss my life, traveling, friends, career and I think becoming a mum was a wrong choice, I am not motherly type at all and I´ve never felt this overwhelming love to my son.I love him but I am not happy since I know I am able to achieve a lot in my life but that won´t happen anymore or if it will then my son gonna be alone or with babysitter all the time and won´t see me often.

When I was a kid I hated babies but when i became pregnant i believed all those stories about overwhelming love to your baby as soon as u see it and how awesome is to be mum…I don´t think so

panthera says:
Mon, 30th Aug 20107:12 am 

I agree with crat

sara says:
Fri, 3rd Sep 201010:30 pm 

Having a child just never was, nor will be, a part of what I want out of life. Tell us we 'are wrong' and 'we are missing out' all you want but it isn't going to change our minds.

( I'm looking right at you, Jackie. I don't mean to be a sass mouth but you made yourself sound like a twat I am merely agreeing with you that you are one. )

We may still may just be animals but I like to believe we are at a point in the evolution of our society where we can openly disregard whatever programming we came with.

.

haneen says:
Sat, 11th Sep 20102:29 pm 

Hi Eli,

I share a very similar experience here. I fully understand what you feel. And I dont think you are selfish, I am sure you are not! Selfish people who get babies and they dont truely wants them, who are not qualifies to raise them up, they have babies, just because they are expected/supposed to !

I respect you!

My problem is bigger than yours ! I found the guy I love, and we got married ! bcuz I was simply in Love !!!

he is not a pushy person or anything ! But I know he wants kids ! and I hear things form my in-laws … like ''nice'' wishes for future plans,and each time I think my mind 'this is the worst thing that could happen to me'

blue says:
Sun, 19th Sep 20109:30 pm 

i feel really sad im worryed that noone will want me if i dont want a child and i feel with my issues im afraid my prevous relationship will ruin my chance to be happy it seems impossible to find someone who is not in love with children it makes me so mad that people think if you dont have a baby togeather them your nt in love

amma says:
Sun, 26th Sep 20103:32 am 

i am 26, married 4 years and i do not want to have kids. I don't regret that i didn't have a child when i was 22. Why should i regret when i ll be 40 or 50?

Aimee says:
Wed, 29th Sep 201012:40 am 

umm… to be honest I don't relate to your mentality at all!!! I definitely want to have kids – it's pretty much the meaning of my whole life – to settle down and have kids of my own.

Now that we have effective contraception people with your mentality will die out of the gene pool pretty quick due to heavy and prolonged use of contraception (which was not around 60 yrs ago).

And natural selection will see a new human population emerge: those that are broody and genuinely want babies and want more of them than others do, that want to experience 'unprotected' sex, and pregnancy, to have a little life grow inside them.

Just remember in choosing not to have kids, you are the end of the line. Your ancestors survived since the beginning of evolution through trumendous feats and obstacles, and you are the result of that. They never gave up, they survived to reproduce, and then took care of their babies. Without that you would not be here.

I also think that most women in love want to reproduce with their partner, because they want so badly to see a mini him emerge, and to create that new life with him because they're obsessed with him and love him.

nicolenightmares says:
Wed, 6th Oct 20103:09 pm 

I'm 21 one single for now but I've never ever wanted offspring! in any way at all! I've never liked playing with dolls as a girl unless you count the barbie-doll BBQ i had as a child lol! but when people tell me i'll change my mind when they hear my view on not needing kids but It don't bug me anymore I love animals and my heart swells with love when i see a new born kitten puppy, and I love raising them but when i see a human baby I feel nothing and to tell the truth they are the ugliest little suckers I've ever seen I can't stand being around children from ages infant to 6 years older children not as bad to be around but that constant crying of a baby is like a car alarm! and the crappy dippers are hell! I'll stick with furred children they make life so much better and some day I'm going to get me another pit-bull puppy and that'll be my last child lol

Michelle says:
Thu, 7th Oct 20106:12 pm 

Thank you for this post. I also do not want children and I never have. I've babysat, taken care of my brother, and seen my friends have children (who I do adore), but I'm just about as sure as possible that I don't want them for myself.

When I first brought this up with my friends, you would think I told them I had a secret eyeball on the back of my head. Then it turned into "Well, you'll change your mind someday." My mom looked like she was going to cry when I told her…

It's ridiculous that it's treated as taboo to not want children when the world is already overpopulated as it is. I've actually gotten reactions so negative that now, I just lie and say "Haha maybe one day!" or try to avoid the subject altogether. It's really not fair, because I know so many women who regret having children.

I've worked hard my entire life to get good grades, get into a top-notch university, get my degree, pursue my career dreams…why should I feel forced to give up 23 years of my entire life's hard work just like that? Why should I be shunned for really thinking it through thoroughly and objectively, and REALLY deciding what I want, rather than just following societies wishes, my own desires be damned?

It all just seems ridiculous. For such a modern society, we're still so medieval sometimes.

dxo says:
Fri, 8th Oct 20109:55 am 

It's not "selfish", and I think that society's definition of selfishness is narrow-minded. I prefer to call it "self-interest", meaning that you know what your goals are in life, and you have made plans to allow yourself to attain those goals. If your goal is to be career oriented, then that is as valid as another's goal to have a family. Both of these options have some form of "self-interest" attached to them. You decide not to have kids because you want your career. They decide to have kids because THEY want a family, not because making a family is "the best thing for the children". They're unborn, and they have no opinion on the issue, so it is the parent who is making a self-interested choice. If you prefer to use society's current terminology, then that parent is as "selfish" as the person who chooses not to have a family.

Alycia says:
Fri, 15th Oct 20108:35 am 

All my friends had kids between the ages of 16-21. I have 2 friends left who haven't gotten knocked up and of course not one of them were wanted, all unplanned pregnancies. I feel so bad for my friends that decided to have children young. Their life is not easy and in my opinion not very pleasurable either. They tell me all the time how lucky I am because I don't have kids. How I can just leave my house without notice and do basically whatever I want, whenever I want. Their life is their children..they want so desperately to have a life outside of them but they can't. Seeing my friends being taken away from me..going from hanging out with them everyday, having fun and doing whatever we wanted on a moments notice to not being able to leave the house without a baby attached at the hip is frusterated and makes me not want children, ever. It makes having a baby not very enjoyable and it looks like torture. I LOVE being able to go places and I don't want to have to get a child ready or wonder who is going to watch the child while i'm out. No, thanks. I am lucky I guess and I dont think I ever want a child. Life is too much fun without them. =)

Britny Eberhard says:
Wed, 20th Oct 20101:22 pm 

I have wanted children…but not biologically. I have always wanted to adopt my little ones because it is not about passing on genes (for all those who are happy that our non child wanting genes will die out) it is about accepting and helping another human being grow. Parenthood is hard (i am in high school and there are some messed up kids) and really i don't know if i want to adopt anymore or be child-free but I guess I will find that out when I am older. If my in-laws or parents or husband boyfriend whatever have issues with not having another generation well, then they need to SUCK IT UP! If my boyfriend and I do not agree on the children thing then we were not meant to be… and that is ok. I have a mother who supports me and my friend, although they want children biologically, support me too. There is more to life than starting a family. I totally support those who want families and those who don't. Those who do not want families and for some who do are UNselfish.

Monique says:
Tue, 2nd Nov 20101:31 pm 

My husband has been pressuring me to have a baby. I'm 35 and I used to want to have kids. When he married me 2 years ago, I felt someday I would want kids…that someday has not happenned and now I feel that I really don't want them. The way the world is plays a huge part of why "I want to spare them from the pain of this world". The talk we had last night made me very sad…he said that if I don't want kids, it's a dealbreaker…he told me that he wants to be a father and it sounded like if not with me than with someone else. That made me feel like I was not even important to him at all…just a baby making machine. Other than this issue we have a great life with a few pets and I'm happy with the way things are. Today he made an appointment with a fertility Dr. to check his sperm count and see if he has any genetic disorders he could potentially pass on (this is another one of my concerns). Now he is getting serious and I'm getting scared! Please help

kirsty says:
Wed, 3rd Nov 20108:41 am 

Hi there

I am a student journalist interesed in talking to people who do not want children now or in the future.As everyone seems to be having babies like they are going out of fashion I am would like to hear your experiences and reasons for not having children, please email me your thoughts to eclipse14713@hotmail.com

Lost says:
Wed, 3rd Nov 201010:23 am 

Monique, I feel the same way and it's heartbreaking. I'm madly in love with my boyfriend of 7 years. Our relationship is near perfect, and I want us to be partners for life because we make eachother very happy. I know he wants kids and he knows I don't. I try to talk about it but he keeps putting it off or says "we'll see what happens when the time comes", and I think he avoids it because he secretly hopes I'll change my mind – though I've told him I won't. I can't end this relationship because it's so right, but at the same time I feel like he's gearing up his life for babies (he just bought a house with a lot of extra bedrooms). When he finally accepts that I won't have babies, I'm afraid he'll just drop me. I'm also afraid I'll never find another perfect guy who'll accept that I don't want kids. And the 'dying old and alone' part is especially scary because I don't have much other family.

The alternative is too horrible to contemplate… me cranking out babies while he's pursuing a fabulous rewarding career; me sacrificing my aspirations to take care of babies with little or no help from him; him cheating on me while I'm home with the kids because his post-preggers wife isn't so sexy anymore; and finally a big messy divorce leaving me to look after the kids with a broken career, while he lives it up with his new fling. And for what? To have babies I didn't want to begin with? Extreme? Maybe. But this whole series of events flashes before me every time I walk into his 5-bedroom house. Yes, 5.

Please help!

Monique says:
Wed, 3rd Nov 20102:54 pm 

Lost, I hope for the both of us that our guys change their minds. I do hear you on all of your fears as I have the same exact ones! Dying old and alone sounds pretty scary…dying period sounds scary. My husband and I are so happy the way things are. I just don't get why he wants to bring kids into the world anyway. Everyone we know with kids are miserable and on the brink of divorce. I don't have much family either, but bringing a baby into the world so I wont be lonely just doesn't feel fair to me. I'd rather be alone than have someone else on the planet go through sickness, despair, depression, etc.

My husband has an appointment tomorrow to check his sperm count…I hope it's low (I know that sounds awful, but it's true).

We will see after tomorrow I guess! If his sperm is good and there are no potential complications on his side, he wants me to go to the Dr!!

Lost says:
Sat, 6th Nov 201010:17 am 

Well… we talked about it again, and more realistically this time. It was horrible. I was hoping for reassurance that babies didn’t matter so much as long as we had each other. I was wrong; it’s a deal-breaker for him, and I understand. But then he said he wants to check with a Dr! Strange timing. As I see it, there’s no happy ending. If he’s got a low count, he’d accept life without babies (because he’s not interested in adopting) and we’d stay together – but I’d be the consolation prize. On the other hand, if I find out I can’t have babies, he’ll leave me for someone who can. He wants me to go to a Dr now too (too see if I’m worth hanging on to?), and I don’t think that’s fair. I don’t like double standards and I don’t want babaies anyway, but I’d do almost anything to keep us together (except ruining other lives by having unwanted babies). I think he should make up his mind about us before making trips to the doctor. Am I being unfair?

Alison says:
Tue, 9th Nov 201012:35 am 

Thank you for validating my lack of urge to have children! I am so sick of people assuming that I want children just because I am female. And when I say "no, I'm not sure I want to have children" people look at me like I have 3 heads and expect me to justify myself. This is a total gender double standard and I find it demeaning.

And for the person who said "you will feel like an outcast if you don't have children", you are completely ignorant! There are a lot of different reasons why people don't have children – they might not be able to have children, due to medical issues. Or, they might not have met the right person – I would much rather wait for the right person than desperately marry the wrong person just because my biological clock is ticking.

My own personal reason for not having children is that I have suffered from severe depression (which runs in my family) for many years and I don't think I am ready for the responsibility or stress of raising children. This doesn't mean I am selfish – quite the opposite. Too many people have children for selfish reasons or the wrong reasons. I am only being responsible. There are many ways to contribute to society without increasing the population. Women are more than baby-making machines, and no women should feel guilty or inferior because she cannot or doesn't want to have a child.

Monique says:
Sat, 13th Nov 201012:20 am 

Lost, it sounds like we are in the same boat. My guy went to the Dr. last week and got a referal to get his semen analysis done, but he has yet to go to the lab! My husband doesn't understand how much having kids would change our lives FOREVER! We are going to pick up our 6 year old nephew in the morning to watch for the weekend and he loves him, but everytime we get to have him for a couple of days he is relieved when we bring him home again. I wish we could have him for like a week or more and maybe then he would start to get it…it's a lot different to have kids full time. You are not being unfair. I think you are only being honest with yourself and with him.

Monique says:
Sat, 13th Nov 201012:21 am 

Let him go to the Dr, otherwise he will resent you later and who knows maybe he can't get you pregnant. In either case…at least you both will know. If his count comes back normal and he wants you then to go to the Dr, that's when I would tell him that there's no point in that since you don't want to try. That's where I'm at right now…I told him I don't want to try and if it happens it happens, but we are beiing careful. So far nothing's happenned and we have been using the pull out method for 3 + years….so either he is REALLY self controlled and super careful or maybe one of us can't have kids. After talking more to him about trying on purpose…he told me he doesn't even think he can try yet anyways since we have been not trying for so long…it's really strange.
Anyways, I really hope this works out for both of us. Just take it one day at a time…that's all we can do. If he leaves you over this, I think He is the selfish one and he will be miserable with his house full of crying babies and not you!

Monique says:
Sat, 13th Nov 201012:28 am 

Oh, maybe you can suggest to "borrow a baby" for a week or more. That way he can see what it would be like. He is probably just in love with the idea of kids. He probably was raised with the idea that you are just supposed to have kids. I know one reason my man wants kids is for his mom…she will not even be around very much anyways! I will be the one doing everything! Why does he tell you he wants kids??

dmasxz91 says:
Sat, 13th Nov 20103:52 pm 

girl, i know what you mean. It's definitely not wrong. God doesn't say you have to have a baby or else! I don't understand how most women and men desire to have a baby so much. I am also to selfish of my own wants to have a baby and make those sacrifices. But I don't think it's just selfish, because that makes it seem bad. It's just a decision like every other decision and it should be respected. I don't think people have the right to predict with such certainty that we'll change our minds cuz when you already have ur mind set, it feels like an insult to ur integrity….atleast it does for me. It feels like they're saying "ur too young to make up ur mind right" when its not a matter of right or wrong. its just hard to find a good man that also doesnt want one. if he is like minded, u can both spend just as pleasurable a life together with 100% focus on the two of u enjoying purely eachother. there's nothing wrong with that

Ibrahim says:
Tue, 16th Nov 20105:47 pm 

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/27

Alice says:
Fri, 10th Dec 20102:28 am 

I always felt that way until I got my act together, had had all my fun and one day I just started to feel restless and started thinking about babies. All my friends were having babies. I went to baby showers, hospitals to see the newborns and slowly I started to lean that way… But it got risky at 40 and the truth is that I didn't think I could go through a pregnancy this old. I started researching and came to a site : http://www.adoptionservices.org, and it was here, after reading their site and then contacting them that I decided to adopt. The process was long enough to know this was something I really wanted to do. So, here I am at a place I never thought I'd ever be at… You just never know!

Maureen says:
Tue, 14th Dec 20108:04 am 

"On the other hand, if I find out I can't have babies, he'll leave me for someone who can."

Leave him. Seriously, leave him. How can he be so selfish? He is living with someone and he claims he loves someone, but checks out if the other person can not have children? I can only be disgusted with his attitude! I understand it must be a huge blow for anyone that wants children to find out their spouse CAN'T. What ever happened to 'let's support the other person while we are receiving devastating news'? I understand someone'se pink and cozy little dream is falling apart on the one hand, but on the other hand….. He should grow up! Life isn't at all easy. You can still adopt or become foster parents. I think he is being disrespectful to you, he should be with you FOR YOU AND YOU ALONE!!! Children are an extra blessing for those who want them, but love is about the connection between two people, not about being a baby production unit. Just my humble opinion!

Maureen says:
Tue, 14th Dec 20108:15 am 

Well, you are going to get a reply from a childfree person… And this is just my little and humble opinion: don't do it. If you are not in it for 100%, don't do it. No matter how fantastic your husband is with children, you are always going to be burdened more as a mother. That's just how it goes in 99.9% of all cases. The very least you should do, is give yourself more time. You already gave the answer: being childfree is more or less in your family genes! I know exactly what you are talking about, because my family is exactly the same! I just think you should definitely, definitely not have a child to please your husband and you desperately need and DESERVE more time. You deserve more time, even if you did wanted children when you married him. Having children is a huge life changing event. If you can't warm up to it within, let's say, a year…. Don't do it. Be true to yourself.

Maureen says:
Tue, 14th Dec 20108:18 am 

part II of my comment: There are plenty of guys that think exactly the same, you will be fine eventually. I once had a relationship with a great guy, but he talked as if he had a uterus himself when it came to having children. He was reall, REALYY pushy! There's no doubt in my mind he left me because I did NOT want to have children. It hurt for the longest time, but then I got over it and realized I might have ended up more miserable for the rest for my life. I did wonder how it had turned out between us, but every time I realize I am just NOT a mother and don't plan on EVER being one. I am disgusted with everything pregnancy and baby and I just don't like to alter my life for the reasons you just gave yourself. I too hate the constant screaming of children, for instance. I am much more of a horse and cat person. =]] There's nothing wrong with it. Sure, being childfree often hurts other people, but we have a right to be that way. It's better to be honest than to be sorry, anyway…. Good luck to you.

Maureen says:
Tue, 14th Dec 201010:06 am 

THIS. I agree 100%!

Maureen says:
Tue, 14th Dec 201010:20 am 

My ex BF is from 'that part of the world' too. So yes, I know what you are talking about. Having children is not a choice, if I am not mistaken. ;p

Maureen says:
Tue, 14th Dec 201010:36 am 

You sound as if you know what controlled evolution itself, as if all there is to the human mind is a hardwired instinct to reproduce. I am sorry, but there is more to the biological perspective- assuming you are actually discussing biology, because I will not venture into the realm of [irrational; illogical; speculative] theology. First of all, people and animals have sex not because they want babies, but because having sex is good. It is usually associated with pleasant feelings and thus people and animals are easily conditioned to have sex. Therefore, reproduction is nothing more than a succesful result of coitus. If you think women (not men) were put on the planet to have children, you are arguing they are here to have sex primarily, thus justifying the contemporary media culture and evertything that goes with it. In most countries, women are still treated as sex slaves. Yes, your comment rubbed me the wrong way. I don't see how your line of thinking is beneficial for this world either.

xxx says:
Wed, 15th Dec 20107:24 am 

Women were put on the Earth to have kids…….what a fucking ignorant this woman is. Society is rotten thanks to people like this who have empty brains. This Jackie must be a non-educated woman, probably a church-goer or something like that, an oldie, and possibly ugly….

echo says:
Sat, 18th Dec 20104:05 am 

If women were merely put on the planet to have children than that makes them nothing more than cattle. I'm not certain what era you are living in but the population has reached 6 billion and growing exponentially. As "stewards of the Earth" it is peoples job to take care of it not create more problems. With more people there is more deforestation, more wars, more disease, if she does not feel the need to have a child than perhaps she is merely following the path of the Lord and not the path of man. Many people these days seem to get those two mixed up.

echo says:
Sat, 18th Dec 20104:09 am 

Beautifully written. Try explaining to a man how much work it is and they never believe you. I dont understand how they can be so oblivious.

echo says:
Sat, 18th Dec 20104:21 am 

Child-Free Zone: Why More People Are Choosing Not To Be Parents [Paperback]
This is a fantastic book that will make you feel like you are no longer a "freak:. Women get choices now, dont let anyone tell you differently.

♥~Mikayla~♥ says:
Tue, 25th Jan 201110:41 am 

No, it's definetly not wrong. I have the same problem. I'm 14..and my friends are always talking about kids, and what their names are going to be. They asked me what my kids' names were going to be. I said I didn't want kids and they all looked at me like I was crazy. It would be nice to be an aunt, I guess. My brother said he wants a kid when he's older. It would be alright to be an aunt, I would probably spoil his kids. But I just don't want to be a mom. My mom told me I'm too young to be thinking about these things and she said I will change my mind when I'm older. I just don't think I will. I have planned things before in life, I told myself in 2nd and 3rd grade that I wanted to be a writer. I still haven't changed my mind about that. I've been writing stories since then and I'm getting ready to get one published. I'm always thinking about the future and what my plans will be. Most people I know don't do that. :/ I want to be a writer, and hang out with friends and do other things in life. I just don't want a kid. So, I don't think it's wrong. You don't have to have a kid. Like dmasxz91 and a few other people said, that's exactly how I feel. :/

LB203 says:
Sun, 5th Jun 201111:28 pm 

I've felt that way since I was an undergrad. And it hasn't changed in 20 years. I still feel like a kid myself.

LB203 says:
Sun, 5th Jun 201111:49 pm 

And the easter bunny is real…you must be really young – my life rocks, I'm 39 and would be a wreck if I was forced to have a kid. blech.

LB203 says:
Sun, 5th Jun 201111:50 pm 

lol. people like you are the reason that ain't never going to happy. gross. lol

LB203 says:
Sun, 5th Jun 201111:53 pm 

Who says were are put here to make babies? What are you nuts? Just because we can? we aren't monkeys. lol…I don't think you need to be concerned about society ending. There will always be people who want kids. I was put on this earth by someone else. And I can choose what I want to do with my body and my freedom. Having kids these days to me is expensive stressful and just plain stupid. And would wreck my health and body. No way.

Anne John says:
Mon, 11th Jul 20114:44 am 

Having a child can be a life-altering experience in more ways than one can possibly imagine. Deciding to either have a child or not is an extremely personal choice and yet people don't realize that! Women who choose to go childfree have to be prepared for raised eyebrows, inquisitive questions, weird looks as well as a phenomenal amount of pressure from both family and society as a whole. If this is the case in developed countries, then the situation is much worse in developing countries like India, where a woman is expected to have a child by default after marriage. Yet there are indeed some women out there who have the courage and conviction to stick by their beliefs. Read about some of them here http://www.womensweb.in/home-health/lifewise/item…

ari says:
Mon, 18th Jul 201110:27 pm 

when a lefty want to be and try to be and change to a righty , the person losses some of it's instincts, sometimes become stammerer. you go against the law flowing in your physique, you grow problems for yourself and also for others. trees never stop flowering and thus fruiting, water flows downward, smoke rises high. these are basics of nature, like a woman is born with the systems in her body that helps bear a baby. do you know why you go through periods every month ? and what is the thing menopause ?studies show that , women with no childbirth mostly falls in ovarian cancer. i am telling the facts of nature. whatever a girl do in modern world, the basic purpose of their life is bringing up a child, as per the law of nature, as the seed is to come in the fruit. now, i believe there is no must in having a bay. as a human being you may have other more important things in life that demands more dedication. i support more than hundred percent , that you should go with whatever mind says good. i personally love kids. they to me are the most precious gifts to the planet. but i donot want to be a typo father. i have seen lot of children all around, who are already on this planet but they don't have a father with them. i want to take any of them and bring up. it's not helping. it's a fatherhood in a different way.

Anonymous says:
Sun, 24th Jul 20115:30 pm 

Hey there,

I'm a nurse who works in complex care and as far as i've observed, most of the time the children do NOT take care of their older parents, don't visit, don't pay for the bills, don't call/write, and sometimes don't even come to say good-bye when the parent is taking their final breaths. Most older people die within company of nurses or care aides, not their children… and family is ALWAYS well-informed when a parent is deteriorating/dying.

So definitely having all that extra money around WILL provide you with much happier/attentive assisted living and later on end of life care; Letting you be at home with hot nurses taking care of you lol

Laruto says:
Sun, 24th Jul 20117:56 pm 

this made me chuckle reading it I feel the exact same way about animal babies and i could ooh and ahh and make baby voices at them and be all excited about them and they make my heart swell with love too and wanna take them all home
…but human babies… mmm i just feel awkward and uncomfortable and i don't get excited or want to touch it at all lol

me and my man plan to have 3 more labs join our current lab and kitty INSTEAD of having kids!
I want one of each lab colour! golden, white, chocolate to go with my current black lab <3

cheers to havin furry kids instead of bald ones hehe

Lucia says:
Wed, 27th Jul 201110:44 am 

When I was younger I thought I wanted kids. Just because that is the way is supposed to be. But now that I am older I have been pretty confuse with the idea of having them or not. Some times I think that It would be very nice to have one. That is when I dont look at the big picture. Of course, having a little me could be cute but when I look at the big picture I am not interested on having them. Like most of the ladies in this post, I am not interested on doing a 360 on my life. I love my life, I love traveling and I dont see myself been sincerely happy putting my life aside. I some times think it sounds awfull but it is the truth. What bugs me is the fear of missing the opportunity and regret it later. That is what my friends say to me. But Ladies, I am not having a child just because. I child is a lifetime project that we cannot try now and decide later if we like it or not. So that is where I stand for now even if I am feeling pretty weird about the whole thing.

Cheri Sweet says:
Thu, 4th Aug 20112:21 am 

will childen full my life with joy and i love them so much and they keep you buzy and it so nice to see them swimming and run and kick the ball at you and hold them to read and just sit holding them and hearing them say i love you mom seen them smile and you know thaat chilen are the greatest joy in the world and i do every thing in the world for my little boy and its hard when he want sume kids to play with but i love playing with him but if i can full my house with the joy of kids i do it cheri sweet &mommyofvic@yahoo.com im on face book

Camden says:
Sat, 10th Sep 201112:29 pm 

I'm relieved to see others who have nearly my exact sentiments (except that I honestly can't stand children). I will even admit that were I have to have children, you'd see a blend of the two most detrimental types of parenting (authoritarian and indifferent). I love my husband but am completely uninterested in becoming emotionally, physically or socially involved with any offspring we could produce. (I would only discipline the hell out of them,-and we are talking full out military style- without any explanation or emotion given to make MY life simpler.) I have God, my family, friends, marriage, career and love of academics which propels my happiness and gives me fulfillment. I get tired of explaining this to people who 'love kids', especially my MIL and mother.

Camden says:
Sat, 10th Sep 201112:34 pm 

Agreed.

Page says:
Tue, 13th Dec 20111:45 am 

I'm childree, female and 22. The same way gay people know they're gay from a young age, I knew I never wanted kids since I was 8. I've had many unpleasant encounters with worthless Christian fundies like Jackie and misogynistic dickheads like Mickey. Who see women as nothing more than a uterus/baby factory. Oh, your 40 year old friend changed their mind and shat out a crotchfruit? Guess what dipstick, your friend and I are not the same person. Don't fucking compare me(a perfect stranger) to your friend who "changed their mind." I paid good money to get sterilized and if by some 1% chance in hell I got pregnant, I wouldn't stay pregnant long enough to be a mom. AKA abortion. I would never throw my life away. I reject societys lifescript and live my life on MY own terms. Deal with it.

James Roma says:
Sun, 8th Jan 201212:48 pm 

I don't think that marriage prepares anyone for the incoming pressure of having kids….. there is no rule that says we must have kids. Most people that tell you " when are you going to have some little ones" its because they are jealous that you enjoy your freedom to do what ever you want anytime. Having kids is way over rated. Having kids is a jail sentence for at least 25 years… if people were not embarrassed to tell the facts, it would be a better world. Sure your proud of your kids but look back and see what you've missed in your active life…. my 2 cents…

Gail says:
Tue, 10th Jan 201212:24 am 

For those who say "who's going to take care of you when you're old"…Really? Is that the reason you're having a child? Maybe these people should have thought more on the idea of children.

Wish_I_Was_Here says:
Mon, 30th Jan 201211:48 am 

Wow, you and I are kind of in the same boat. I have been married for a little over a year now. I never wanted kids, but after my now-husband proposed, he made it very clear that he wanted one someday. This really freaked me out. But this man is the one I dreamed of my whole life, and I couldn't bear the thought of being without him because I loved him so much, so I promised him we would have one.

Almost immediately after we got married, he started pressuring me to get pregnant. We are both in our 30s, so I can't use the "we're still young" excuse to postpone it. I was able to get him to back off for the first year of marriage, but now he is rarin' to go. I had hoped I would feel differently by now, but I don't. Yet I don't feel like I have a choice. Either I have a baby or lose him, completely breaking his heart in the process. I hate the thought of hurting him.

How have things worked out for you? People always say that when you have your own child, you will love it so much and everything will be great, blah blah blah. I hope that's true.

Yousaf says:
Mon, 6th Feb 201210:47 pm 

Not having children is the wisest choice a person can make, for I think this life is a crap and one shouldn't bring more lives to face this crappy and already overcrowded world.

It's pure selfishness that most of us don't like this life deep down and yet we want to bring in innocent people to this problems filled existence just because there is some stupid natural craving to have children or for some other selfish desires.

Although I have had a successful life but seriously I would have been much more grateful if my parents had let me be in non existence.

Luiza says:
Thu, 9th Feb 20128:43 am 

Hello there. Lots'a comments here.

Well, I'm 21 and I've been w/ my boyfriend for 5 years. We talked about this subject several times, and it ended always with this thought: "yup. That's not for us. We love traveling thogether, we want to have enough money to live comfortably and…(well, this might make me sound like a evil witch) we don't like children. Not at all."

And people would come with the argument: "well, but when the kid is yours, you might like him/her".
Good thought! Hey, what about I chop my leg off right now? I may enjoy life as a one-legged person. I mean, if we are gonna let something that will make me responsable AT LEAST for 18 years to chance, why not leave everything to chance? I'm just glad my boyfriend had his vasectomy already.

You guys wanna know why I don't wanna have kids? Here goes:

1. I want to dedicate myself to my carrer. I want to be the best at what I do, and that thakes time.
2. I want to be able to have sex not caring about locking the bedroom door or keep my moans low.
3. I want to be able to watch something like Dexter or Law and Order: SVU without concerning with what some people in the house can't watch.
4. I want to travel a lot. All around the world. Just me and my partner, with no care for anybody else.
5. I hated school. No way I'm going to see math homeworks ever again.
6. My brothers will have kids (they want to). That's more than enough children in my life.
7. No way I'm waking up in the middle of the night with that dreadful sound babies do.
8. No way I'm touching a shit-fulled diaper. EVER.
9. I don't find spit balls cute. Or running noses. Or vomit.
10. No way I'm gonna change my free night program from "videogame" to "watching some stupid cartoon I don't actually want to".
11. No way I'm going trough pregnancy/labor pains.

I could go on and on, but I guess you guys get it already. Oh, and for those who keep saying that "one day" I'll regret my decision and change my mind, that's realy rude, as if my way of life is the wrong one. Well, perhaps I should start telling you that "one day" you'll regret the fact that you had children. How's that?

Cheers from Brazil!

Luiza says:
Thu, 9th Feb 20128:47 am 

Please tell me you're just trolling….

Luiza says:
Thu, 9th Feb 20128:54 am 

"To see a mini him(your partner)". Well, that's a hell of a reason to go trough pregnancy and labor pains, and throw in this wicked world a person that can either do ok, or become a drug addicted. Just to see a "mini him".

I love my fiancé, we've been together for 5 years. I think that just looking at him is great, I really don't need a "mini him".

Tell you what, get a photoshop or something like this and make a version of you and your partner combined. See? There's a "mini him"! And you don't ruin your life for nothing. Yay!

Luiza says:
Thu, 9th Feb 20128:57 am 

I've always felt like an outcast for dressing in goth style. Didn't make me dress like a barbie. Ever.
So, if I ever feel like an outcast for not having children, I don't think I'm going to go though pregnancy and labor and ruin my free life. That's too much conformism.

Luiza says:
Thu, 9th Feb 20129:04 am 

The human race is Earth's disease. A damn infection.

Plus, why should I have a baby? Because I can? Well, I can chop my arm off too, but I'm definately not going to do that.

"It's so sickening it makes you want to puke"? Well, if you want to puke, all you have to do is get pregnant and wait. LOL.

Luiza says:
Thu, 9th Feb 20129:21 am 

So….first there's the abortion taboo.

And now we can't even decide to not get pregnant at all! What will be next? Will people watch us to make sure we only have sex in the missionay position? Will people say you're a whore because you had an orgasm?

All right, I went a little too far now. But seriously, with all this "abortion is wrong" thing, I thought people would at least let us not get pregnant. No. Either you have a baby or you have a baby. These are your options. Choose.

To the hell with that. Im an atheist, I don't believe in the "santity of life" (some people DO deserve to die) and I don't believe that we were put on this world merely to breed.

sarah says:
Mon, 13th Feb 20121:53 pm 

Because it's natural selection if people who use birth control die out.
Funny.

Cecile Z. says:
Tue, 28th Feb 20129:48 am 

I find most of these comments pretty sad…too many of you are judging. Some women I believe simply do not want children. If you do not have the desire, do not feel outcasted, because others are judging. Why bring a child into the world if that is not what your internal clock or innate behavior is telling you to do! Maybe you were put on this earth to do something just as amazing. Being a parent is yes, part of the reason humans were given reproductive organs….but for how many adults…these organs do not work?! I don't understand it myself. I can get pregnant no problem (I am) and am working with the anxiety issues, while I have dear friends who can not conceive at all!

Just because you can get pregnant does not mean you have to. Everyone has a purpose in life and you should find out what that is. Keeping the human race going…well guess what…we have 4 billion people who can help out with that! If 10% of the population focuses on keeping the earth turning and promoting peace, feeding orphans, or keeping the economy stable…well…then we can hope for balance.

Be happy. Think for yourself. Respect others choices.

Chenge says:
Mon, 5th Mar 201211:12 am 

I do not think that one should be concerned with being the end of the line as you say. My siblings are genetically similar to me and they have kids, so my contribution to the gene pool has already been made. Also, if you look at the statistics on global nutrition, it is predicted than in the next couple of generations we will not be able to produce enough food to feed everyone on the planet due to the growth of the population. Its great that you want to have kids and feel that this will give your life meaning, but I think its perfectly fine for others to not want to have kids and be happy living a childless life. There are other meanings to life.

Chenge says:
Mon, 5th Mar 201211:20 am 

That's just rude. People have the right to choose. Who are you to tell other people what to do?

AwesomePerson says:
Mon, 12th Mar 20124:09 am 

Well you can go fuck yourself bitch cause its her body and its her choice. Don't just thing of females as breeding machines. It's her life and you don't have a say. Personally I would hate to be a mother and waste 18 year of MY life raising up a damn kid. Some people are going to be different and are going to life a life without being a mother.

AwesomePerson says:
Mon, 12th Mar 20124:16 am 

I'm not going to lie, I don't like you. DON'T TREAT PEOPLE LIKE A BREEDING MACHINE BECAUSE THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS AND THEY HAVE A PURPOSE OTHER THAN REPRODUCING MORE OF THEMSELVES LIKE THEY CAN FULFILL THEIR LIFETIME WISHES AND ASPIRATIONS AND MAKE FRIENDS AND ENJOY LIFE, BESIDES WHAT WOULD BE THE PURPOSE OF REPRODUCING MORE BABIES IF THAT IS ALL YOU WERE TO EVER DO, HMM, I DON'T KNOW I GUESS THAT WOULD JUST OVERPOPULATE THE EARTH MORON!

Career Woman says:
Sat, 17th Mar 20126:10 pm 

Society is doing just fine, the world is overpopulated, and idiots on welfare are popping out enough kids to make up for those of us who would rather be successful. You are one of the dumbest people I have ever had the displeasure to come across, and you are an embarrassment to career minded females everywhere. Get over yourself and you idiot right wing bullshit.

Eve says:
Mon, 26th Mar 201212:02 pm 

So do I…Many people said I’m so selfish even my friends too. But I have my own decision. I hate being a pregnant woman, the sickness, changing my body and many chaos for that. I like be my self, i can concentrate with my jobs, i can go anywhere without feelings guilty.

Tammi Fewless says:
Mon, 26th Mar 20121:42 pm 

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Rather not say says:
Mon, 2nd Apr 20125:20 am 

I'm a 11 year old, and I am quite offended. Children are a chance to get out and play sport and be active. It's not bout giving up anything. If you want a holiday, get a baby sitter or bring the kid with you. You don't have to give up friend just to have a child! Sheesh! Why do adults think this stuff? It's not even about money. Why do people think money is everything, when it's not? Your right. You really ARE selfish.

Rather not say says:
Mon, 2nd Apr 20125:22 am 

THANK YOU for saying that!

Your a slut says:
Mon, 2nd Apr 20125:24 am 

1 person dies every second retarded slut.

poppy says:
Tue, 17th Apr 20126:36 pm 

As you are a child yourself I can understand why you would be offended by the notion that some adults view children as a burden. However, choosing to have a child is a life changing decision. I have no children myself, but I was a little older than you when my youngest sister came along so I saw and can appreciate the sacrifices adults do have to make for their children. You may not have to give up everything when you have children, but it makes it harder to do many things, especially when they are young. I would imagine that deciding you want to backpack across Europe with a toddler in tow is no mean feat.
Please don't think women who don't want children are being deeply selfish. I think a woman who knows their own mind well enough to say "I have no room in my life for a child right now (or ever)" is being far from selfish. Children need so much from their parents and realising and admitting this commitment is not for you is a brave thing in a society that still generally thinks you are a bit weird if you are a woman who doesn't want kids.
A woman who chooses not to have children and be happy in herself and her life is being far less selfish than one who has a baby because society deems it the normal, and then ends up resenting the poor mite for the rest of its life.

Marissa says:
Fri, 20th Apr 201210:53 pm 

I can't tell you how relieved I am to have finally found some support and feel normal! I am a little young yet (21), and also find other people's children adorable, but my career is in adventure recreation (I am a backpacking guide, and do children's camps at resorts that specialize in rock climbing, etc. in the summer). No way in hell do I want to give up my job (I love it, and have worked hard for it!!!). I adore traveling, and am madly in love with my soon-to-be-fiancee. With so much promise for life to be exciting ahead of me, I really just don't want to bring a child into the world. In addition to ruining my chance at my career, as well as ever having enough money to travel again, I just don't want to be a mom, housewife, or spend all my money on a babysitter who won't raise a child as well as a parent who actually cares. I have amazing, loving parents, and a really cool brother, as well as a deep respect for life, but my mothering instincts don't go farther than my desire to adopt pets. To those of you who are convinced we are less of a woman for wanting a lifestyle that does not include bringing a child I cannot support into this world, consider this: My heart is more open to love than your narrow, mean mind has been reflected to the world on this post. And I pity that you were not blessed with the ability to care enough to teach your child that all people are beautiful and unique. Elizabeth: you are perfectly healthy, and should never let society push you into a conformity that you don't want. You have just as much purpose as everyone else (even if you don't know it yet)! To the 11-year-old who posted: I am young to even have an opinion at 21, and until you have a clue about the responsibility involved in raising a child, you should not be commenting, much-less passing judgement on other people's lives. Don't be the mean girl – it becomes a lot less cool after middle school.

ofoegbu uchechi says:
Fri, 15th Jun 20121:02 pm 

I can't tell you how relieved I am to have finally found some support and feel normal! I am a little young yet (21), and also find other people's children adorable, but my career is in adventure recreation (I am a backpacking guide, and do children's camps at resorts that specialize in rock climbing, etc. in the summer). No way in hell do I want to give up my job (I love it, and have worked hard for it!!!). I adore traveling, and am madly in love with my soon-to-be-fiancee. With so much promise for life to be exciting ahead of me, I really just don't want to bring a child into the world. In addition to ruining my chance at my career, as well as ever having enough money to travel again, I just don't want to be a mom, housewife, or spend all my money on a babysitter who won't raise a child as well as a parent who actually cares. I have amazing, loving parents, and a really cool brother, as well as a deep respect for life, but my mothering instincts don't go farther than my desire to adopt pets. To those of you who are convinced we are less of a woman for wanting a lifestyle that does not include bringing a child I cannot support into this world, consider this: My heart is more open to love than your narrow, mean mind has been reflected to the world on this post. And I pity that you were not blessed with the ability to care enough to teach your child that all people are beautiful and unique. Elizabeth: you are perfectly healthy, and should never let society push you into a conformity that you don't want. You have just as much purpose as everyone else (even if you don't know it yet)! To the 11-year-old who posted: I am young to even have an opinion at 21, and until you have a clue about the responsibility involved in raising a child, you should not be commenting, much-less passing judgement on other people's lives. Don't be the mean girl – it becomes a lot less cool after middle school.

Samantha says:
Wed, 18th Jul 20128:34 pm 

No, I don't think it's wrong in any way. You have full say over yourself; what you want and where you want to be. I think it's only normal to consider your career, friends, travel, and living a nice random life before a baby. Which, yes you do give up quite a bit going through parenthood I'd imagine, as well as what I've heard. Who knows, maybe like EVERYONE says, your biological clock will kick in and you'll be willing to sacrifice anything and decide to pop one out -"Harshly" speaking.

I'm only 17 myself, so having a baby is out of the question I've had those thoughts on what would happen if I had a child years from now -obviously I'd be a mother. But that's it? I feel like if I give up my pride to being childless years on, I'll be taken advantage of as a mother, I'd clean, cook, drive the kids to school, put them to bed, yes there's more to that, but whenever I think of kids, the thought of being exhausted for the rest of my life comes to mind. I won't have that freedom of traveling to Europe and having a stretch mark free body(which mother's say is a token of gratitude to carrying bundles of joy, etc.) Becoming a mother now days SEEMS a bit overprized. They say that it's a beautiful thing, a clump of cells growing into another of them self (so to speak) I don't know ALL that there is to know about pregnancy, and the route to becoming a mother, obviously. There's all of those connections and such that you build as your bundle builds as well. I just find it a burden to have children. I am admittedly selfish as well, and I honestly don't know a lot about it as well, but there's never been a true moment when I WANTED to be a mother, or children. Which my partner is alright with, he's happy to marry and not have a family.

SuperAwesomePerson says:
Wed, 18th Jul 20128:43 pm 

You're kidding, right? Having kids is no longer the sum of our purpose if it ever was. She has all the right to decide whether she does or doesn't want to have children during her life, and that's perfectly alright. Go back to your mormon lifestyle and get out of others.

Diamond says:
Tue, 24th Jul 201212:29 am 

Look sweetie there is nothing wrong with not wanting children. I am 19 and Im starting my sophomore year in college and honestly I feel the same way you do. I am Christian myself and the Bible does say to be fruitful and multiply but it also says that kids arent for everyone. Dont feel bad….maybe one day you will change your mind, but its a free country hun and you may do as you please. AND WOMEN WERE NOT JUST PUT ON EARTH TO POP OUT BABIES WE ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT!!!!!!!!!

Guest says:
Fri, 7th Sep 20128:40 am 

As you say, you are a child, so you do not know at all what you are talking about. Raising a child is nice but also a HUGE burden, it can be so tough to be pregnant, to give brith, an now mothers are forced to breastfeed, which is very painful, exhausting, then comes the bringing up itself, a lot of patience, not much sleep, a lot of money as the kid grows into a teenager…you are absolutely naïve and should not participate in the conversation. Period.

Guest says:
Fri, 7th Sep 20128:46 am 

Put on earth BY WHOM? God I suppose…? Religion should be out of the equation as far as the debate is related to female rights. Are you aware there are TOO MUCH people on earth? There will always be too much foolish women that do not control their fertility or believe in fairytales. Nobody ever criticize people
that are immature and have no financial and emotional resources to bring up a child. Still they do it!!! THEY ARE THE PEOPLE THAT SHOULD BE CRITICIZED…not a resonable woman that has the strengh to decide what her priorities are. She is clever.

Anne says:
Tue, 16th Oct 20125:50 pm 

Yes, maybe, but better no mother at all than a violent mother, or a mother who doesn't love her children. Anyway there are many women in the world who have not 1-2 babies, but 10 or 12 so, some of the women are Ok without.

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