I Just Don’t Want A Baby

June 7, 2009 - 5:00 pm By Elizabeth-Baruch College
baby

Aw, so cute! Thank god she belongs to someone else!

I have this problem and it seems as though other girls I know simply don’t have it.

The problem: I don’t want a baby.

Earlier this morning, I watched a two-year-old (with an English accent!) walking around and laughing, and he was hilariously cute. I smiled. I said things like, “Aww…he’s so smart!” And I truly meant the things I said. I truly thought he was adorable. But seeing a kid and thinking that kid is adorable doesn’t make me want one.

I love being an aunt. My niece and nephew are absolutely amazing and I, like many proud aunts and uncles, think they’re flawless godsends. There’s nothing they can do to make me love them any less than I already do.

But I just don’t want any babies of my own.

Most of the girls I’m friends with seem to have a problem with this part of me. They tell me that I’ll change one day, that motherhood is the most beautiful experience in the world, that I just need to wait until I meet the right guy, etc.

Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s the case.

I am admittedly way too selfish for a kid. I never want to give up my career, my passion for travel, my friends, my ability to live my life randomly, or even my money for a baby. I just don’t want a baby badly enough to make those sacrifices.

Is that so wrong?

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78 Comments on "I Just Don’t Want A Baby"

  1. emma says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20095:43 pm 

    i agree

  2. Leese says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20095:54 pm 

    No, that is not wrong. Good for you for knowing yourself and what you want. Too many people don’t realize they don’t want kids until they’re pregnant and have them.

  3. crazy0122003 says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20095:54 pm 

    I know how you feel

  4. Sheila says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20095:55 pm 

    Of course it isn’t wrong. Feminism should be the chance to live your life as you want. It’s not a ‘you need to have it all (ie career and babies)’ thing, but a fight for freedom. So fight on!

  5. Jess says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20096:44 pm 

    No it definitely isn’t wrong. Just like college and other avenues aren’t for everything, motherhood isn’t either. It’s so much better to know this prior to having a child. To each their own.

  6. Erin says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20096:48 pm 

    I for the longest time didn’t want kids and you know what I support those who don’t want children. Good for you! Not everyone is meant to have children, it’s no longer a necessity and don’t let anyone make you ashamed. I eventually came to the decision that I wanted to have children for my own sound personal reasons, but for those who don’t, who cares, it’s no one’s choice but yours and there is no need to change a life style that suits you and makes you whole to bring children into the world that you don’t want and will resent, later in life, especially if your partner wants it more than you, children aren’t stupid they can feel that stuff. Not every one has that need to reproduce and sacrifice their life to a child and in no way should they be abused and forced by well meaning friends to think other wise. Stand strong.

  7. M says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20097:22 pm 

    There’s a lot of people who don’t want children untill they are in their late 30’s or even later. You say that you will want to concentrate on your career, travel and friends. Eventually your friends have families of their own and will spend less time with you anyways. Travel and career can be juggled with kids as well. I’m not saying you should have kids or anything like that but eventaully it comes to a point where you will feel like an outcast for not having kids.

  8. Kay says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20097:23 pm 

    i feel EXACTLY the same way, and I am constantly chided/lectured for my feelings. Not that I don’t LIKE children, i just don’t want my own.

  9. Kelly says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20097:50 pm 

    ME TOO! Seems as if society has set out this rule that all women must reproduce and those who think otherwise are “weird” or “cold-hearted”. Um…Don’t we have enough unwanted children, why add more to the mix? Also, as for feeling like an “outcast”, you’ve got some serious issues if thats the reason you have children. I almost feel like there should be some kind of required education for many people to even CONSIDER reproducing. Harsh but true. Letting society decide for you is a recipe for disaster! Dogs are better anyways (adopted of course!). Rock on mamas, without you we would not exist (Thanks MOM!) but rock on even harder for staying strong with YOUR OWN decisions.

  10. D. says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20098:34 pm 

    Isn’t that the most irritating thing ever? I’ve never wanted to have kids and people still tell me I’ll change my mind. I doubt they’d like it too much if I went around telling people who have always wanted children that they’ll be changing their minds soon enough!

  11. Lenna says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20098:42 pm 

    I feel the same way. I can’t wait to be the awesome aunt for all the kids my brothers and their future wives will have, but I don’t want to have any part in having kids myself.

  12. beth says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20099:00 pm 

    Amen- I don’t want kids of my own, nor do I like other peoples’ kids…

  13. anon says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20099:07 pm 

    I think it’s wonderful and very UN-selfish that you realize that your career and other things are more important to you than “having a family.” Many parents in the world today think it’s possible to juggle everything and do it well. In my opinion, it is not… at least not until your children are older.

    As someone who can’t wait to be a mom, and stay home with my kids, and put everything else before my kids, I can’t stand people telling women they NEED to reproduce. It should be something you want with all your heart, and if you don’t… do not have children. Please. So kudos to you. =)

  14. Jenny says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20099:14 pm 

    Oh, hooray! I was hoping a childfree post would come up on this site sooner or later. :)

    To be blunt, I just don’t like children. I want to focus on my (high-stress) career, travel around the world, own nice things, devote my time to help animals in need, and of course, have some down-time to hang out with my friends. Kids just don’t fall into my life plan.

    To M: That’s a really disrespectful thing to say. While it’s true that some people will eventually change their minds, many won’t, and it’s not cool to dismiss their stance like that. Like D said, we don’t go around telling people who want kids that they might change their mind someday – how is this reproductive choice any different? And as for the outcast statement – there are quite a lot of people who are CF out there. You’d be surprised!

  15. PK says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 20099:37 pm 

    Seriously. Equal rights means the right not to have kids if you don’t want ‘em. I like maybe 15% of children, and after about 4 hours, it’s time for them to go home and leave me to my peaceful, quiet, tidy house full of breakable things. The rest of the horrid little stompables can find their own grocery store.

    I’m tired of being told I’ll change my mind – as I’ve gotten older I’ve slid more and more away from wanting kids. I’ve been told I’m selfish to deprive myself and the world of my progeny. Hilarious, considering the overpopulation in the world and resource issues. I’ve been told my husband will divorce me if I don’t give him kids – which I’ll worry about when it comes out of his mouth instead of someone else’s.

    I wish more people would just ease up off the party line that everyone wants kids. I’m a fabulous auntie with no desire for one of my own. Plain and simple.

  16. Tory says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 200910:05 pm 

    I totally agree!

  17. Lucy says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 200910:19 pm 

    What a godsend it is to realize so many other women don’t want children too! My family and friends harass me as well, and don’t believe me when I say that I don’t want children. It took me a long time to get used to my own nephew. I’m uncomfortable around children and I also realize that I am way too selfish and impatient to deal with children. It is unfortunate that many people regard childless women as worthless because they didn’t reproduce. Ugh!

  18. bubba says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 200910:40 pm 

    shit, you bitties was puts on duh earth to fuck and have some little babies. jus do it..

  19. Amy says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 200911:01 pm 

    Wow! I thought women who didn’t want kids are pretty rare, but apparently there are a ton of us. Regarding the whole “you’ll want kids later” thing: I know so many people who either changed their mind later in life, or got pregnant accidentally and ended up being very happy with it. I can’t comprehend it myself, but that theory does have a lot of evidence going for it.

  20. Casey says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 200911:30 pm 

    I completely agree, and am also shocked by the number of women who don’t want children. I am with you jenny, I really cannot stand children. I love my boyfriend nephews, they are adorable, but one’s five and although he is adorable I just can’t stand to be around him for too long. Children irritate me. The other one is an infant and the happiest cutest little baby ever! But that does NOT make me want children. I am torn though, my boyfriend is wishy washy about children, I know he wants them eventually, and he would be such an amazing dad that I feel it’s not right of me to take away his opportunity to be one.

    Not to mention his mother told me “If you don’t want children then that is fine for you, but you WILL NOT be involved with my sons life if you don’t, because he IS giving me grand kids and you’re not going to come in the way of that.” But she “loves me” so I guess she said that out of love.

    I have never wanted kids, I just want so much more out of life and I see how unhappy children make a lot of couples, and how hard life is with a family. I don’t want to put my body through childbirth I don’t want saggy tits, a stretched out hole, and the flabby saggy skin that comes with it all of which I swear is what makes couple who have children’s sex lives so bad. (I realize my body will not be perfect forever, but I don’t want to make it go to the shitter early than need be!) Not to mention I don’t want to spend the money on raising kids, or miss out on the opportunity to just get up and go where ever, or not have to worry about taking care of a young defenseless child, or all the things that parents have to worry about. I want to live my life for me, and my husband, and not hve to worry about anything else in life.

    Not to mention the earth is sooo overpopulated as it is, I have family diseases that I DO NOT want to pass down to children (my grandfather had the worst case of psoriasis ever recorded in history, my sister has epilepsy, my mom is diabetic, both of my parents have bi-polar disorder, and my sister has an undiagnosed mental disorder, lung cancer has killed off 15 members of my family) I would feel horrible if I passed any of those things to a child. There is also the problem of the perversion in this world. I don’t want my children to grow up in a world like this. And I don’t like the way society is heading so why would I raise kids in this world? I wouldn’t.

    I’m just hoping that I am sterile so I have a valid excuse for not having children. Sad I know, but I probably am anyway. I had unprotected sex nearly every day for 5 years (in monogamous relationships!) and never got pregnant or had a scare. So here’s hoping!

  21. Megan says:
    Sun, 7th Jun 200911:38 pm 

    I agree with you. I have never wanted children and I have so many people telling me that I’ll change my mind, the motherly hormones will kick in someday and I will want a child. But whenever I see children, I just cringe at the thought of having one of my own someday. I am selfish too. I don’t want to give up a career or an independent lifestyle. To me, getting through college & having a career comes before a family.

  22. sarah says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 20092:15 am 

    yeah, me too

  23. Erin says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 20094:54 am 

    Not only is it so cool to see that others don’t want children but it’s nice to see so many people agree on something that we many of us thought that only a few felt the same way about.

  24. Epic says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 20098:05 am 

    we are selling babies at http://dailynoz.blogspot.com/

  25. babybear says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 20099:22 am 

    PK –I totally agree with you, and the OP as well!

  26. Rozy says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 200911:21 am 

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with how you feel. I’m on the fence about it still (obviously don’t wanna have kids NOW, but MAYBE in the future things depending), so I just hate it when people are like, “ohhh you’ll change your mind later.” No. Feel good, girl! At least you’ve decided. =)

  27. Ace says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 200911:36 am 

    No! I feel the same way! My parents had children and had to give up their lives because of it and ended up resenting us. And if they didn’t give it up then we had to and because of it I was moved all over the world for several rather traumatic years. Having a baby, if you want that, is great. But it just isn’t for me. Mind you, saying and knowing that makes it much harder to find a man.

  28. Talia says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 200912:54 pm 

    haha, i know how you feel. i don’t want kids.
    i don’t want the responsibility of another human being resting on me for the rest of my life :) at least not for another 10, 20 years..

  29. totallyunderstand says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 20094:10 pm 

    at least you realize NOW that you don’t want a child, and not when you see that little pink plus sign.

    condoms are so much easier than having to deal with child birth.

    I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY!!!

  30. Jackie says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 20095:39 pm 

    How dare you say that? What gives you the right to not want a baby? Change your opinion before you embarrass yourself anymore.

  31. S says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 20095:57 pm 

    you’re in college, of course you don’t want a baby, that’s good. but people change and so does their brain chemistry so you never know. my mom said she couldn’t stand kids when she was in her 20s…

  32. paddy says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 200910:35 pm 

    The only part of your article that concerns me is when you state: “I am admittedly way too selfish for a kid.” You are in fact no selfish. You simply have desires different from what society, strongly, suggest you should. A much more selfish move would be for you to have a child simply to placate the anxiety of yourself or others. There is nothing wrong with not wanted children. The tone of your article suggests that you are rather self-confident and I am sure that your willpower will outclass the pressures of society. Good luck. For what it is worth I’m a man who is mostly certain that he does not want kids. I know a few others like myself; so your inclinations need not be an impediment to finding a partner. Good luck.

  33. chellechelle says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 200910:51 pm 

    dude theres nothing wrong with that AT ALL, shame on them(your friends) for thinking alll women want babies. i kinda get how you feel but i do want kids, it is scary thinking about giving up your “me” time as soon as you have little buggers. which is why i’m a little stressed about being pregnant, part of me is terrified to lose my “me” time. but i’m also excited for my babeee.:) so there you go. but totally NOTHING wrong with you chica

  34. Nina says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 200911:22 pm 

    i don’t want children either. my boyfriend has a son and i’d be more than happy to become his stepmother but i do not want children of my own. a large part of it is that i have worked very hard for a long time to have the body that i have and i like it and i am confident with it, and i feel like i would never get it back if i had a child. does that make me selfish? most likely, but i don’t care. i love kids but they just aren’t on my agenda.

  35. lily says:
    Mon, 8th Jun 200911:59 pm 

    i just wanted to say i feel the same way as the author, and everyone who posted. who knew there were so many of us?? maybe we can all solve the overpopulation problem together.

  36. Jackie says:
    Tue, 9th Jun 20094:05 am 

    Women were put on the Earth to have kids. How in the hell would society have continued if they didn’t? How would you have been born if your mother decided not to have kids? The idiotic view of not having kids runs completely counter to what women were put on the Earth to do. It is so sickening it makes me want to puke.

  37. Erin says:
    Tue, 9th Jun 20095:23 am 

    Wow Jackie you sound like an ignorant asshole, this is the 21st century there are so many people on earth that there is now over population and starvation in many places like China and India. Perhaps you would like to take a look at what not having a choice in reproduction looks like and realize that those who don’t want children are expressing their rights and ideas by not contributing to overpopulation even here in the US and increasing pollution. Stupid bitch. Maybe you would like to pull out some antiquated bible verses to go along with that brainwashing bullshit?

  38. Mikey says:
    Tue, 9th Jun 20098:29 am 

    Actually the world is not overpopulated. Take a geography class, it’s actually less boring than you’d think. Also starvation happens not because of a lack of food, but because of access to food. There’s a lot of food produced but is only available to certain regions of the world. If everyone in the world ate as much as North Americans or Europeans there would be food shortages, this is not the case however. There’s like 5 of you who used this point to argue your case when you are in fact very wrong.

    As for what I think, yeah I’m a guy, so yeah “oh noez,” he must be an idiot. I think we need more university educated people to reproduce or in a few generations the world will be ran by kids of octomoms or those guys who knock up 10 women for child benefit money. I’m actually serious here. You don’t really hear about this on the news because it would be a controversial topic to say that too many dumb people are reproducing and breeding dumb kids. I know I will not get any support on this view here.

    Also, I know 3 couples, friends of my parents, who are in their 40’s who were saying they didn’t want children for the longest time and now have newborns. People change eventually. Right now you are thinking, gotta finish college, find a job, climb the corporate ladder, find someone to marry(or not), see the world, etc. etc. there’s no time for a baby. I bet a lot of you who agreed with this article will change your mind one day.

  39. Alexa says:
    Tue, 9th Jun 20095:07 pm 

    I agree with Mikey’s bit about overpopulation. True, the world may have a startlingly large population but it is not, as many would like you to believe, actually overpopulated. The problem is that food and other resources are not equally distributed. The US and many other affluent nations have enough food to feed the poor and hungry, but that’s not how things work sadly. Basically, there’s a lot of power in few hands and as they say, 80% of the wealth is controlled by 20% of the people, but the planet is not yet at its carrying capacity.

    That said, I think the decision to have or not have children is a personal one and yeah, maybe you will change your mind down the road but it is no one’s business to tell you that you will (as if that makes you want to listen to them anyway).

  40. Irene says:
    Wed, 10th Jun 20099:34 am 

    I totally agree…I can;t even stand next to a crying child on the subway without giving his mom a dirty look lol. I have a little brother and I feel like that’s enough! I MIGHT consider having a surrogate when I’m 37+, but only if I have 4 nannies and a mansion where I don’t hear the crying.

  41. Lena Chen - Harvard says:
    Wed, 10th Jun 200911:54 am 

    I don’t think it can be said often enough how enormous a responsibility parenting is. Because people assume having children is the norm, they don’t even consider their options outside the norm. Not only does that leave them unprepared to deal with the sleepless nights and financial drain of parenting, but that also eventually breeds resentment when children get in the way of achieving goals.

  42. XF says:
    Wed, 10th Jun 20098:40 pm 

    Actually Mikey, the world is overpopulated, take a biology/ecology class. Every ecological enviornment has a threhold- a limit- to how much life it is capable of supporting and the earth as a whole is rapidly aproaching it’s own limit. Just because we have the space to put more people doesn’t mean anything!

    And to the OP I there’s nothing wrong with you! I think it’s great that you’ve given this thought before you’ve actually had kids. I don’t think enough people do that!

  43. Chelzz says:
    Fri, 12th Jun 200912:54 am 

    I completely agree with you. I got called a lot of names when I said how this world could be such a disqusting place and theres just so much hate here. Why would I want to bring a child here, when I can’t protect him from almost everything.
    Like that teenager who beat and raped and killed a 8 month year old. Or the GRANDFATHER who did the exact same thing.

    http://newsone.blackplanet.com/nation/teen-accused-of-raping-killing-8-month-old-baby/comment-page-19/

    And all of the racism, and disqustingness, I couldn’t deal with anyone hurting my child.

  44. Eli says:
    Fri, 12th Jun 20096:16 pm 

    There is something very wrong with you, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Do you feel ashamed? Of course not. So why did you bother asking the question?

    If other girls give you a hard time, just tell them they can raise your kids for you. I don’t want kids either (I’m 30, so old enough to KNOW) and I still hear that sometimes. I just tell them that I’m not even a good parent to my dogs, and that if I change my mind when I’m 50 and lonely, I’ll adopt.

  45. a girl from germany who surfes during class after this blog says:
    Sat, 13th Jun 20095:42 am 

    YOU ARE SO RIGHT
    i mean i dont learn and work my ass off to work only three years and then end pregnant and in hoodies in a supermarket, while a hot woman in a sexy business outfit rushes in grabs a bottle of wine and condomes and rushes out by saying things in her earpiece like : Yes, i said tokyo the’re out if they dont follow my instructions…

  46. Twin XL says:
    Sun, 14th Jun 20095:02 pm 

    Fanstastic and good for you that you are smart enough to have priorities and taking steps to ensure you aren’t making a mistake.

  47. Alexa says:
    Sun, 14th Jun 20095:35 pm 

    No, Elizabeth, it is not wrong. I sincerely hope that you do not allow yourself to be pressured into motherhood by family, friends, or a man you are in love with. Please stay true to yourself and remember that the only thing worse than wanting a child and not having it is having it — and not wanting it.

  48. kayla says:
    Sun, 14th Jun 200910:03 pm 

    I get crap from my sister, who wants 5, about not wanting children. I’ve not said never to children, but it just doesn’t look that great for me. i love kids and love bein around a house full, but i also understand the responsibility required and its more than i wanna take on. im barely responsible enough for taking care of everything i have going on on a daily basis and just dont want to only be known as MOM. i love my mom and i give props to all moms, but i just dont think its my thing, at least for 10+ years.

  49. Star says:
    Mon, 15th Jun 200910:13 pm 

    Whether it’s overpopulated or not, there’s certainly no shortage of humans, and a woman’s “job” is not to have kids.

  50. Star says:
    Mon, 15th Jun 200910:14 pm 

    I mean that as in it’s her choice. She doesn’t have to have children if she doesn’t want to.

  51. NedNoD says:
    Tue, 16th Jun 200910:31 am 

    You go girl! Me neither. I love the hell out of my nieces and nephews. I can do a drive by afternoon aunt abduction when I’m wanting to be with kids (of course, sis in law is always thrilled), enjoy the benefits with very few negative aspects, and return them when I’m tired or they are, which is about the same time since we wear each other out a lot. I don’t like the idea of pregnancy, child birth or child rearing for that matter!

    It slays me when the women at work (my age) gripe about their children and how they have no money, and how they have to do this and that and their child did this or has that and go on with a laundry list of grievances, but two minutes later tell me that I should have a kid and I’d make a great mom. No thanks! When you talk about labor difficulties, pains, stretching parts, ripping (!!!!) parts, GIANT NEEDLES, I’m turned away quickly. That sounds more like medieval torture if you ask me. That and I’ve never been one to coo over infants. Not human infants anyway. Not interested until they are two, that’s when they get fun!

    So really, I’m not very maternal. I know how to instill good values and ideals with people (for instance, ‘Ewww! An ant! Squish it!’ “Don’t due that, you’ll hurt him! Would you like being squished?” ‘…No. I don’t.’ “Besides sweetie, I’m an aunt. Does that mean I get squished?’ “No!!! I love my aunt Nicole!”), so it’s not like I whisk the kids away for some bad language or crazy bad behavior. I just don’t have the patience or want for full time kids.

  52. Epic says:
    Tue, 16th Jun 200911:40 am 

    Seriously… we sell babies dailynoz.blogspot.com .. buy one get one free on twins!

  53. JohnE says:
    Tue, 16th Jun 20095:27 pm 

    We have always been told we are supposed to have kids. If you don’t want kids or the responsibility that goes with it you owe it to the rest of us not to have them. Look at all those whiny, self-centered, child indulging, anything to shut them up parents who just can’t stand to hear their child whine and complain. I have three kids, two 17 year olds and a 12 year old. It sucks. It is expensinive and consumes all of my time. That said I have no regrets. There is a certain sense of accomplishment you can’t get anywhere else that you get from raising well adjusted children. Again it is difficult and the rewards are almost completely internal so if you don’t think you want them don’t have them.

    Thank You

  54. marcia says:
    Tue, 16th Jun 20095:32 pm 

    It is good that yall know what you want. I came to this site in hopes to find that one message that states that someone is pregant and they want to give it up. I have a son and he is my world but i had to have an emergency surgey. That left me with pain in my heart. We have always wanted more chidren my husband and I. WE have been married for over 9 years. +When my son was 3 years old we had the chance to adopt they where family that was giving the baby up. We paid the lawyer fees and had everything set on go. We went to Dr visits and everything we had her room set up and even gave her a name. The day that she was born we was there we held her and then we cried. my cusins girlfriend decided to give her to her mother. That was the hardest thing to deal with in my life. We tried to keep in touch because when she was born she was addicted to meth… Yes her mother did drugs while she was pregant… But we just wanted to give her everything that she needed to get healthy. Our son wants a brother or sister he is 8 years old now and I just got back to the ready point where I am ready to try again. Thanks for listening

  55. Courtney says:
    Wed, 17th Jun 20092:25 am 

    Ah shit. Not having a kid if you don’t want one is a great choice. There are far too many worthless scum babies and mothers who are uneducated and are fat and ugly. The world doesn’t need any more of that filthy scum. If you don’t want a baby, don’t have one. That is the smart choice. I am glad everyone agrees with me.

  56. Glisten says:
    Wed, 17th Jun 200911:58 am 

    I didn’t want kids in my 20’s. Didn’t want them in my 30’s. People kept telling me I’d change my mind, but now I’m in my 40’s and am happy without children. The only thing you have to watch out for is other overbearing mommy types who constantly ask you why you never had children. Those types of women are way more annoying than their kids.

  57. grogette says:
    Wed, 17th Jun 20092:35 pm 

    Nice post, Elizabeth.
    And for the few of you bleating on about how we’ll just change are minds later… actually, no, we won’t: http://bikegroggery.blogspot.com/2009/05/why-noim-not-idiot-but-thanks-for.html

  58. grogette says:
    Wed, 17th Jun 20092:37 pm 

    our minds, even.

  59. April says:
    Thu, 18th Jun 200911:32 am 

    I don’t understand the rush to be pregnant and have kids. No one ever likes having the flu for a week so why would anyone want to endure morning sickness for 3 months or more? No one wants to have a few extra pounds or have love handles but women gladley get pregnant and gain 40 lbs with stretch marks. No one likes to lose sleep because it makes them stressed and less productive but everyone wants kids. People don’t like to be in pain eg-breaking a leg, having kidney stones etc but women want to endure 9 months of pregnancy with pinched nerves,swollen feet and toxemia (which almost killed my mother). No one likes to be fired from their job or have their car clunk out but people have no problem quitting to raise children or upgrading to an SUV. I could go on and on but I don’t see the point in children.

  60. Rossy says:
    Thu, 18th Jun 20098:36 pm 

    Probably the number one thing I hate about informing people that I don’t want children, is how they automatically assume one of two things (or sometimes both):

    - I am admitting that I hate children.
    - I am admitting that I know I would be a bad mother.

    Very rarely can anyone grasp the concept that I think children are great, I just don’t want to give birth to and raise any- but that I would strive to be the most awesome mother on earth if for some reason I was forced into the situation. Given the fact that I’m now married and my husband has had a vasectomy, that’s pretty much an impossibility, though. Thank Goodness.

  61. ren says:
    Fri, 19th Jun 20092:03 pm 

    I agree with most of you girls, and don’t need to add anything else cause you really made your point.
    I’m glad there are other women like me.
    Oh And I like what Alexa said, ‘Please stay true to yourself and remember that the only thing worse than wanting a child and not having it is having it — and not wanting it.’
    Go girls :) )

  62. Emily says:
    Sat, 20th Jun 20095:42 am 

    i’m having a whole litter of them to preserve my genetic perfection on this earth :p

    you should have kids.

    devil’s advocate?

    haha

  63. Lisa says:
    Sun, 21st Jun 200910:09 am 

    I feel the same way. I’m fine the way I am now. My husband wants a child, though. I love him with all my heart, and I’d be OK with a kid, I guess, if I had to, but I just don’t have that urge to have one that society says I should have. I felt very alone, and it’s comforting to know other women understand how I feel. Thanks for the article.

  64. Ashley says:
    Sun, 21st Jun 20097:18 pm 

    Truly, I am the same way. I have said for many years I don’t want children. One reason I don’t want children is because I don’t have patience. I’m honestly 100% afraid of hurting my child, and I would never want to put anyone into that kind of a situation. I also don’t want to (like said in the article) give up my life, my money, my career, etc. And I look at all those kids (people my age.. I’m 19) who are pregnant, and wonder why they are ruining their lives. But I’ve gotten a lot of flack for not wanting kids; I guess I don’t hate them. But I sure as hell don’t want them.

  65. Tia says:
    Mon, 22nd Jun 20094:20 am 

    Feeling like an outcast is NOT a good reason to have a child. Nor is boredom, nor is “because everyone else does.” Kudos to you for realizing that.

  66. Eden says:
    Tue, 23rd Jun 200911:31 pm 

    Hey,
    First off, good for you. Women who don’t want children are not cold and they should not be looked down upon by anyone for making this decision. I’m a twenty year old college student who has been with the same guy for four years. Before I met him, I thought kids were really annoying and messy and I didn’t understand why anyone would actually think they were cute. After being with him for about 2 years, I realized that I am actually quite fond of them. But I constantly go back and forth between wanting them and not wanting children. I know for certain I am not ready to take on that reponsibility. You have to be so selfless for 18 years! I’m glad there are people like you out there who aren’t just going to have kids because it is the next step to be completed on the checklist of life. Anyone can have kids(well… almost anyone). It takes a lot more to be a good parent. Thank you for renewing my faith in society.

  67. Cecilia says:
    Wed, 24th Jun 20097:13 am 

    no,it´s your life,so it´s your decision.
    Maybe you just don´t feel ready.
    I always tought like you until I got pregnant…
    but there´s nothing wrong with wanting to live your life

  68. likeminded says:
    Fri, 26th Jun 20099:27 pm 

    It’s great to see that there are quite a few women that don’t want children – quite a relief to know that I’m not alone. I am in my late thirties and have NEVER felt the urge or need to have a baby. I have been married for well over a decade but my husband is now pressurizing me to have a baby.

    It’s a dilemma that I have no resolution for..

  69. Joe the Drunk says:
    Sat, 27th Jun 20098:38 am 

    I agree with your decision not to have a baby. Mainly because you’re an idiot, just like all the other writers on this blog with their moronic posts, and there’s no need to pass on your idiot genes to the next generation for the human race to suffer. You are doing your species a favor by not propagating your DNA. We already have way too many stupid, useless, resource-draining and polluting humans on this earth.

  70. Floyd says:
    Sat, 27th Jun 200910:37 pm 

    Preach it sister! I’m almost 40 and both my wife and I never, NEVER wanted one. They get sick, they get stolen, they cry, they back-talk, they steal your stuff, wreck the car, then they move out. BUT, they move back in 3 years later.
    Yeah, HHHEEELLL No.

  71. Cassie says:
    Wed, 1st Jul 20097:41 pm 

    Right on! Ignore The Idiots Like Jackie and Joe the Drunk. Im So Tired of people telling me that i will change my mind when i won’t!. I love my freedom i wouldn’t trade it for a child. i don’t care what people say , children are EXPENSIVE.

  72. Ray in the uk says:
    Thu, 13th Aug 20097:03 pm 

    It makes more sense not to have children tha to have them.Look at the state of the world we live in.Lots of children are pissed off ,that’s why they drink and do drugs.

    The thing is all these people who tell you to have kids are just saying it to copy everyone else,no one has their own view because they are sheep.

    The people who choose not to have them are the small minority of people that have common sense.Everyone else just copies everyone else.

    Why do you think crap records get to number 1? Because the media tell them to buy it ,so they do !

    Do what you want in life.If people don’t like it,tell them to balls !!

  73. Rachel says:
    Wed, 19th Aug 20095:45 am 

    Congratulations, a women who knows her mind and isn’t afraid to say how she feels.
    I find other peoples attitudes really tiresome, people who think they have the right to patronise, and infer what others ’should’ do or how they ’should’ feel. I think there is a terrible amount of pressure on women to be everything to all people. Especially when it comes to some missplaced idea, that to be a real women you must be maternal and hancker for the bundle of joy!
    But my attitude is women should be valued for themselves not there reproductive potential, shelf life to procreate. There’s enough dumb teenagers and bored housewives pushing out children, without women who don’t want the miracle of motherhood to happen to them.
    I totally agree with the womens point of view in this article. I have enjoyed renewed pressure from my boyfriends relatives who are happy to talk anout the only thing worth doing in life is having children, even if that means your forced into financial strain…add to that forget your life. Give over all your needs to that of your child and family, become a non person, a mother only. Why ? Why do that to yourself? You stick to your truth lass. Because if you listen to your daft friends and their glib advice you’ll regret having the babies you didn’t want. And they will miss out on the chance to have a mum who loves and wants them. Live your life and tell your friends they should respect your view, and life choice. X

  74. Aly Marconi says:
    Fri, 4th Sep 20092:40 am 

    I would EXTREAMLY like to talk to u!!!
    please get back with me..i would LOVE to have a baby
    but i can’t! :( if you could help me out i would appreciate
    it!!!! but i don’t have that kind of money to addopt..
    so if we can work something out..i’d really
    appreciate it!
    thank you so much!

    ALY

  75. peggy says:
    Sat, 19th Sep 20091:26 am 

    hey.I kmow you ont want a baby,but would you be willing to have a baby for someone else??I hope you read this.I want a baby so bad,I have been trying for four years,with no luck,I have 4 older kids but I want another baby,would take really good care of it,and you could see it later on if you decided you wanted to…anyway I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU,BUT IF NOT IF ITS JUST THAT YOU DONT WANT TO BE PREG i UNDERSTAND,BUT YOU WOULD BE GIVING THE gift of life to someone who really desires a baby thanks for reading this

  76. Sue Velazquez says:
    Fri, 16th Oct 20096:37 pm 

    I support the OP. Strangely enough, after many years of not wanting a child, I did an about turn at 37 and had one at 39. Even so… until then I put up with all the pressures/comments that you do. Just do what feels right for you.

    If you became a parent, the comments would not stop – you’d just get a whole new load of crap on how to bring up your child.

    In reply to some of the comments in the posts, I can verify in fact that childbirth does not have to be hellish (my experience was fascinating) or involve huge needles (mine did not) or leave weight gain or ’stretched holes’ (my body is just fine, thank you). Hopefully I will bring up my child not to be a ’sheep’,being a bit unconventional myself and doing things my way and in my time.

    Having seen the other side of it, actually being a parent can be UNIMAGINABLY HARD IN THE EXTREME, especially when you do not have the luxury of family support around you. And yes, expensive. Many would-be parents or die-hard breeders would do well to keep that strongly in mind. Please do not romanticise parenthood. It will push you in directions, spiritually, you never dreamed, and not always in a good way. And a huge paradox is that on many occasions you will have to resist what society is saying in order to do the best thing for your child. Parenthood is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration (and yes, my child is the most wonderful creature in the world).

    Lastly, I think those who are child free, can contribute a great deal to society. Carpers, lay off them and look into yourselves to question whether your bleating is down to envy, cowardice, small-mindedness.

    Rock on, OP. I appreciate you.

  77. bruny says:
    Tue, 10th Nov 20096:48 pm 

    You want kids? Have them
    You dont want kids? Don’t have them, you can change you mind, and if you change your mind you will have them.
    Freedom is the best thing in the world.
    My two cents.

  78. Lynn says:
    Sun, 15th Nov 20097:48 pm 

    I agree!!! I am 27 and I still do NOT want children and I honestly do not think that will ever change. I get sick of people who do have kids getting offended with my decision like me NOT having kids make them look like they made a bad decision. Hey have your kids ill support you but don’t criticize me when I say I don’t want them. Its funny too cause people will say I am selfish….um yes I am BUT I would think knowing to not bring a child in this world knowing I would still be pretty focused on myself is very selfless! You have women who have children all the time who really are not fit to be mothers but go through with it to receive some type of benefit at least I know what I want and I wouldn’t want to bring a child in the midst of that. So I support all you ladies who are woman enough to know what you want you are not alone. Now don’t get me wrong if I should fall pregnant )heaven forbid) then I will take responsibility for my actions BUT because I know I do NOT want children I am also responsible enough to take precautions to make sure that does not happen.

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