Technology Makes Me Hate People

I’m addicted to technology. If I’m not at my computer something is very, very wrong with me then I’m checking my Facebook/email/Twitter/stock updates on my iPhone. I text when I drive, when I work, and even when I’m in the same house as my roommates. I can’t even fight with a friend face to face anymore.

Yes, I have a problem.

But there are some things about technology that drive me crazy. Mostly, the things other people do (because I’m perfect). Things that make me truly hate the person enough to un-friend them. And not just on Facebook. And I’m not just talking about sending me invites to awful Facebook applications (“Send me a drink!”) or people who confuse “your” and “you’re” in a status update; I’m talking about real technology offenders.

So here is my personal list of 5 technological straws that break this tech camel’s back:

1. Mass Text Messages: It is totally cute and thoughtful of you to think of me on a holiday, an anniversary or when you pass by something that reminds you of me (like the vibrator store…seriously), but not so much when I find out that 14 other people happened to get the same thoughtful message. Why do we all remind you of vibrators? Wasn’t that our thing?

2. Plans via Text: I love texting. It’s a pretty benign form of communication when you wanna flirt and the perfect way to talk sh*t about someone who happens to be in the same room. What I don’t like is when you try and make plans with me via text when it would take 1/100th of the time to do it on the phone. If it is going to take more than 3 texts, call me! You’re giving me carpal tunnel and bumping up my phone bill.

3. The “Ok” text: Speaking of annoying text etiquette…maybe you don’t pay per text message, but I DO. There is no need to respond to my “I’ll be there in 5″ text with an “Ok.” That “Ok” just cost me $.10, so cough it up, chump.

4. Un-funny away messages: I know that I have really high expectations for the people in my life when it comes to humor, but if there is one thing that gets totally under my skin it is people who put up status/away messages that just aren’t funny. I am not reading your away message because I care what your class schedule is; I’m reading it because I’m procrastinating on a paper (or bored on the toilet) and need to be entertained. If I liked you enough to care where you were at any given moment (or to care that your bus was 26 minutes late this morning and it’s going to be a really bad day), I would know about it. Trust me.

5. People who answer the phone when they can’t talk: Seriously? Did you have to pick up the phone in the movie and whisper, “I’m in a movie. I can’t talk!”?  Not only are you annoying the people around you, but you’re annoying me. I don’t want to sit there and listen to your whispers/imagine your hot breath on my ear. Ew. Just don’t answer it.  That is why god invented voicemail.