Warning: Do Not Mix With Alcohol

drinking intro

I’m not good at much – just ask my IM volleyball team – but if there is one thing I’ve mastered in my lifetime, it’s the art of drinking. It’s not like it came naturally; I’ve devoted much of my adult life to hitting the bottle. It’s been a lot of hard work, dry heaves and hairs of the dogs that bit me, but I am finally a boozing master.

And being that I am a self-proclaimed expert in the subject, I think it is imperative that I share some of my hard earned knowledge with the world. You see, drinking is a difficult task and there are many things to know in order to truly be good at it. Namely: the things that don’t mix well with alcohol.

You may feel the need to go out and try these combos for yourself, but just trust me on this one and stay far, far away from the following mixers:

1. Cereal: Lucky Charms and Baileys sounds like a delicious combo, but it is not. Especially before a long day of classes.

2. Automobiles: Obviously, everyone (well, everyone besides those morons in Hollywood) knows that driving drunk is dumb. But so is riding in the back of a cab. With a window that doesn’t work. You never know how far vomit can splash until you are in that situation.

3. Going commando: There is something about the combination of alcohol and the desire to constantly lift one’s skirt that just doesn’t quite work.

4. Serious talks: If you need to have it out with someone you know, doing it while drunk is not a good idea. Unless, of course, you like screaming/crying/punching/hugging in the middle of a busy street.

5. Cameras: Dropping it and watching the screen shatter while doing the worm in the middle of a dance floor is the least of your problems. In fact, after realizing the sh*tshow that is documented on that memory card, it may just be the solution.

6. Bunk Beds: Top or bottom, you will get injured.

7. Fine Dining: You may think a fine meal isn’t complete without a (few) bottle(s) of wine, but I’m sure the bus boy who has to wipe up your vomit from under the table would disagree.

8. Tights: They look totally hot with that mini, but aren’t so wonderful after you break the seal and have to pee every 10-12 minutes for the rest of the night.

9. Fire: No explanation needed.

10. Slides: “OMGEEE IT WOULD BE SO FUN TO SLIDE DOWN THAT RIGHT NOW…FACE FIRST,” says the girl who now is missing the skin from the right side of her face.

True story. All of them. Just heed my advice and be careful out there.



  1. Mazuba says:

    I would agree with the tights.And I guess u could add in wearing a long necklace that can get caught in your belt.You wanna pee so bad then it gets stuck in your belt and you have no choice but to yank it off.And thats how I watched the beads of my fave necklace fall to the floor.And actually went on my hands and knees trying to pick each and every bead .While drunk.

  2. Kathryn S says:

    To #1: Making Macaroni and Cheese with Pina Colada mix (the kind with booze already in it) is another bad recipe.

    #2: Riding in someone's trunk so you don't have to take two cars isn't too smart.

    #3: Yeah, going commando ain't so smart… but imagine wearing spanx so you look hot, looking hot enough to get the dude, and then having to explain them in the middle of a drunken, steamy, makeout sesh.

    #9: Two words: Flaming Sambuca. Not the kind you light on fire in the glass. The kind you light on fire in your mouth.

    #10: Rolling down hills will have similar effects. Thanks.

  3. Chelzz says:

    Drinking and Parents, because as much as you try not to seem drunk, you're still wasted.

    Drinking and Bathrooms, you will miss the door. You will manage to get your clothes dirty, and you will suddenly hate the person who was supposed to cllean the floor.

    Drinking with Family, because they use this as your vulnerable time and try to get you to answer questions you would never tell them, and you tell them.

    Or is this just me????

  4. Erin says:

    I totally agree about tights and spanx, while both are needed after a couple of drinks and a sketchy bar with a small bathroom you look like a flailing moron in the stall as you struggle to get your spanx or tights up. Love looking good and love going out but sometimes it's better to wear something more simple and something you don't need spanx for.

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  6. Sandra Rivers says:

    Not all alcohol is bad for your skin. Read here: http://goodskincare.info/2010/02/do-you-avoid-alc

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