Celebretard Showdown: Ashlee Simpson vs. Jamie Lynn Spears

I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not.  Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later.  However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.

Those of us who have little sisters know how annoying they can be (haha, love you Chloe!).  Those of us who are humans who participate in society know how annoying famous little sisters can be.  The most annoying of these are probably Ashlee Simpson (okay, the older sister is just as annoying…if not more so) and Jamie Lynn Spears (well…ditto).  But which one is more of a fame whore?  Which one can even be called a valid human being (j/k…sort of)?

Babies
Ashlee Simpson had a baby (with a really weird name). Ashlee Simpson is a baby.  I feel like if you and your husband both wear skinny jeans and excessively gel/dye your hair, you shouldn’t be having children.  Maybe she should be taking some cues from her sister and get some mom jeans up in there.

Jamie Lynn Spears had a baby.  Wait, she’s legal? Oh…nope!  Anyway, good job on her to take the heat off her crazy-ass big sister by ‘causing a ruckus and getting knocked up all southern style.  That’s dedication.  That’s love.

Point: Ashlee Simpson.  I’m not even sure she remembers she has a baby after all the time she’s been spending screaming at people in clubs and making crappy albums. Also, was anyone talking about her post reconstructive surgery and pre baby? Nope! Nice publicity stunt, Ash!

“Fame”
Ashlee Simpson sang some songs…wait, or did she act in something?  What does she do again?  I forget.  Generally that’s not a good thing if you’re famous and people don’t remember what you’re famous for except for your ability to lip sync, get booed off stages and get nose/chin/total makeover jobs.

Jamie Lynn Spears…does…nothing?  Like, seriously.  What does she do?  I think maybe she sings stuff…and has a Disney TV show.  But who doesn’t these days?

Point: Jamie Lynn Spears. She literally does nothing and all her fame is due to her crazy big sister and her own pregnancy “scandal.”

Family
Ashlee Simpson has a crazy, controlling dad and a seriously misguided older sister (I swear, the buffalo wings thing…).  Ashlee could probably take the prize of being the most well-adjusted and “normal” in that family, considering what she had to deal with while growing up. Although, that might not be saying much…

Jamie Lynn Spears has a crazy older sister (really, really crazy) and a fame-hungry mother.  Considering the level of craziness that Britney Spears operates on, Jamie Lynn seems to have missed that genetic bullet.

Point: Ashlee Simpson. Her sister must have rubbed some of that brainless, fake-talent stuff on to her.

Talent/Career
Ashlee Simpson can’t sing (we all know that) and she can’t act, but apparently she can dance.  She was even admitted into the School of American Ballet.  Too bad she seems to be focusing on the “talents” that she doesn’t actually have, as compared to what she can do relatively well.

Jamie Lynn Spears can act (I guess) on a level that is acceptable for those who perform for the mindless preteens who watch the Disney Channel.  That’s about it.  Oh wait, her reproductive organs seem to be pretty talented…

Point: Jamie Lynn Spears. As much as I hate to admit it, Ashlee Simpson actually had talent at one point. Jamie Lynn Spears just doesn’t.

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Ashlee Simpson. Lack of any remaining talent + big ego + retarded name for baby (Bronx Mowgli??) + 500 other stupid things = Celebretard.  Sorry  Jamie Lynn, you need to be at least half a celebrity to get this prize.