Fart Freely In These Undies

fart undie

While shopping at the mall with friends last weekend, my breakfast of Kashi Go Lean Crunch! came back to haunt me. And by “me,” I mean “everyone within a 10 foot radius.” Yeah, it’s true – I had a horrible case of the farts. So bad that I couldn’t even stand myself. I tried to hold it in – really, really hard – but they just kept coming and it was impossible for me to walk around a giant mall with my ass cheeks clenched together.

So I did what any normal woman would do: I walked away from my friends and left some smelly bombs in store corners and mall walkways. Poor shoppers didn’t know what was coming.

The entire ordeal was mortifying (especially when the guy bringing my shoes walked through an exceptionally offensive gas cloud and got a very sour look on his face) and could have been completely avoided had someone informed me about these special panties. Now, I am not one for granny panties (especially of the Hefty variety), but a pair of panties that could mask my gas?

Where do I sign up?

I’m not sure how they work, but as long as they don’t create a virtual dutch oven in my pants thus releasing the foul odor of a day’s worth of farts and knocking me out the moment I take them off, I don’t really care.  The mere thought of enjoying a fiberous breakfast and then flatulating all day without anyone knowing (I’m a master of the SBD) is enough to lure me in.

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  1. M says:

    haha, good one. everyone knows girls don't fart. it's all a big myth just like female orgasms.

  2. Jennifer says:

    That looks suspiciously like a pad.

  3. the violator says:

    yeh jen, i think you are right. it probably is some sort of pad/filter.

    it looks like it filters out the stinky gas and will serve as a pad to catch any spare change should the fart turn out to be a shart.

  4. Lisa says:

    Just blow that shit out freestlye and crap right in your pants..

  5. Jay says:

    ow oww…sexy…do they have it in a thong?

  6. Blake Gibbs says:

    Great…so you protect anonymous people from your farts while you're walking the mall but when you come home and take it off you poison your whole family?

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  9. mlc says:

    What do they put in that Kashi GoLean Crunch? Without fail I will get explosive, uncontrollable gas whenever I eat it for breakfast too. Sign me up for some plastic fart bag undies!

  10. Bat says:

    of course we/they/??? leave it all behind. why would we take it with us? It stanks! This one's for U!

  11. Bat says:

    On the other hand, wouldn't the plastic fart bag undies blow up like a big baloon and then float away?

  12. Kez says:

    I think the" violator" got it right with his/her great imigination and sense of humour with the "shart" Kez, from Australia

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  15. jac says:

    i think the “pad” is activated carbon/charcoal that captures the offending, um, emissions.

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