No Diploma For You, Son

I remember my high school graduation like it was yesterday. It was an unseasonably freezing June afternoon. My high school choir sang a very Broadway version of a Bon Jovi song and I sat, shivering under my gown, playing brick breaker on my cell phone as the 412 students in my graduating class got called to walk the stage.

Besides a few unsuccessful bounces of a beachball in the rows and our dorky Valedictorian giving a really boring speech, the graduation was rather uneventful. Until someone decided to streak up and down the aisles with their future school Sharpied onto their butt.

That was awesome.

Naturally, it caused quite a stir, but he got nothing more than an angry finger wave from the Principal and some congratulatory pats on the back from everyone else. Which is why I was a little shocked when I heard about one high school senior who was denied his diploma after blowing a kiss to his mom while walking to pick up his diploma.

Seriously. The kid, who spent 4 years working towards his high school diploma, was shot down for an air kiss to his mama. He passed all the classes, fulfilled all the requirements – now he can’t graduate for showing gratitude to his mother.

I understand not wanting people to make a mockery of graduation, but this is getting a little out of hand. What’s next? Tazing students for excited fist pumps? Arresting them for clapping?

I can only imagine the fate of my streaking classmate at this school. He’d probably be working on a chain gang somewhere right now.