Overheard: Nobody Knows

By John

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Middle-aged couple in a diner.)

Man: I can’t do this sudoku.

Woman: You’re looking at it upside down. And that’s the crossword.

(Girls, in a video store.)

Girl 1: We should just take every women’s studies class and replace the curriculum with “Tank Girl.”

(Girl, shouting from a kitchen)

Girl: Who wants some kitten pie?

(Girl and guy, talking in a restaurant.)

Girl: You remind me of Seth Rogen. Like, it’s kinda weird.

Guy: How so?

Girl: Well, like, I feel like you’re probably both into the same weird fetishes. You know?

(Two guys, sitting in a class.)

Guy: Dude, this is so sad. My friend just texted me asking what “IDK” meant. I texted him “I don’t know” and he texted back “MAN NOBODY KNOWS!”

(Girls, reading at a sign hanging in a goth club.)

Girl: “Beach night?” So what’s beach plus goth?

Girl 2: Pirates who weep openly into their lattes?

Girl 3: Pirates who live in their parents’ basement?

(Girl, talking to her friend in class.)

Girl: So, do we have to, like, pay to get on the Dean’s List, or what?

(People on a couch, somewhere behind a crowd.)

Guy: Our grain is gone! The peasants have stolen our grain!

Girl: They need it for their decadent orgies!

Other guy: What the f**k are you guys talking about?

Other girl: That’s how they have sex.

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: My boyfriend’s mom came in at 8 a.m., shrieking “where’s my little princess?” Then she sat on me. I don’t think we’re breaking up yet, but it’s close.

(Girl and a guy, getting into separate cars.)

Guy: Call me first, I don’t want to be indisposed when you come over.

Girl: So, f***in’?

Guy: No, I mean, like, taking a shower or walking the dog. I don’t even have a dog.

(Guys, sitting on the patio of a restaurant.)

Guy 1: Yo, so who all’s coming tonight?

Guy 2: Um, buncha folks. You know.

Guy 1: I don’t think I can make it.

Guy 2: S***. Well, now nobody’s coming.