Life After College: I Need Patti Stanger

My grandparents are determined to get me married off  to someone with a respectable profession before I’m 23. They’re convinced that if I haven’t met the right corporate lawyer or hedge fund banker by then, I’ll recieve a one-way nonrefundable ticket to spinsterhood. So it was a huge surprise to me that it took two whole weeks in New York before my grandmother’s friend’s law-student grandson “asked for my number.”

Considering I had never met the guy, I had my doubts that he asked for my number. Nonetheless I gave my grandmother permission to give it to him. Then I promptly forgot about the whole yentil-style-matchmaker-ambush and went back to my daily life of interning and unsuccessful haggling with street vendors.

And then, a few days later, like a missed call in shining armor, I received the following voicemail. Try not to swoon.

“Hi Jenni, this is Ben, my grandmother is making me call you, I don’t know what the hell is going on. I guess call me back at 867-5309. You know what, or don’t this is so awkward.”

It’s almost unnecessary to say but after that charming message, we began dating, one thing led to another, and we’re getting married in the Plaza over the fourth of July weekend. Slash NOT.

I have yet to return the call. I don’t remember this happening to anyone during Fiddler on the Roof and that’s the only experience I have with being set up by my elders. I’m tempted to just text him this blog link, but then again he is my only prospect at the moment (sure he’s playing a little hard to get) and I don’t want to ruin my chances.

After all, I’m not in college anymore and I can’t just meet guys and immediately classify them by their fraternity affiliation. I have no idea who anyone is or how to tell the difference between a genuinely awesome guy and one who meets and murders girls off of eHarmony.

Am I going to have to depend on being set-up by friends (not relatives) from now on? Even worse, do I need to get professional head shots taken so I can use the Millionaire Matchmaker service (and make my grandparents proud)?

Another thing I’m going to have to figure out.