Tuffy Luv Benefits A Friend

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By Sara

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So for the past two months I’ve been hooking up with a friend of mine. It evolved slowly since he was my first at pretty much everything, so we only started having sex a couple weeks ago. We hang out most nights a week, though sometimes we hang out with other friends too so we don’t hook up then. And sometimes we hang out and do other stuff instead of hooking up. That has been happening more and more lately, and in situations where we could be hooking up, and it’s kind of been frustrating me.

We used to have the TV on so no one would hear us (we both live with our parents), but lately we’ve just been actually watching TV and not actually hooking up. Sometimes he says he’s “too tired” to do anything or to even hang out.  I don’t get it. Why would a guy choose not to have sex when he knows he could and he claims he wants to? I think I’ve been really cool about this whole thing, in terms of not getting clingy/weird/emotional, which I know guys are supposedly scared of in non-committed sexual relationships. I straight out asked him, “You’d tell me if you didn’t want to do anything anymore, right?” It wouldn’t be the end of the world, I’d just rather he be straightforward with me. However he said it wasn’t that at all, it’s just he felt like watching TV. Really? We haven’t had sex in over a week, yet we’ve hung out multiple times since then and he texts me and calls me almost every day and still asks to hang out. I don’t get it! Isn’t it supposed to be the guy who always wants to have sex, and the girl who says she’s not in the mood?

-Friend Without Benefits

Dear Friend Without Benefits,

Girl, he wants to be more than just friends with benefits! Boy is trying really hard to date you without actually letting you know he wants to (and thereby not risking getting rejected). Don’t you watch Seinfeld?! Or am I really dating myself here?

ANYway, sounds to the Tuffster like that. Cuz, I mean, he wants to hang out with you. Right? You say he’s calling and texting every day and shiz. But you’re confused because he wants to, you know, actually hang out with you and not just treat you like the booty call you thought you were. I’m not really seeing the downside.

You have a couple of plans of actions here. First of all, you gotta decide: Would you even want to date him? If you’re maybe interested in dating him, you should continue as you’re going and in a month or two, ask him if maybe there’s more than just hooking up going on, because maybe you’d like there to be.