Wanna Get Fat? There’s An App For That!

Want to know what song is playing on the radio? There’s an app for that.
Want to mix some fruity cocktails by the pool? There’s an app for that.
Wanna get your rocks off with the same electronic you use for making phone calls? There’s an app for that.

The iPhone has an application for everything, and getting fat is no exception. Because Americans weren’t doing a good enough job of porking up on their own, tons of companies are developing programs making it even easier to access the fat. Ironic, considering all the obese people complaining that their pudgy fingers were too big for the keyboard.

You looking to pack on some poundage? Looks like you need an iFat iPhone.

BURGER KING NOW
Drunk Hungry for a juicy burger? Use Burger King Now to find out how far away you are from one of those Whoppers. Because “fast food” isn’t fast enough for your fat ass, you can create your fatty fried meal right from your phone! (Extra fat, hold the veg!)  Pay for it from the palm of your hand, skip the line and get your grub on.

Dunkin Run
Doing a coffee run for you and your friends before class? Too tired to actually speak your order to the hair-netted lady behind the counter? With this handy app, you can invite your friends, making you “the runner.” You can select your order (one giant coffee and a few Boston Cremes) and your friends will be contacted to do the same (and make you feel guilty because they only ordered a non-fat latte). Then you “run” to get the goods without waiting behind the 20 caffeine-hungry bitches already in line.

PIZZA NOW
This app was definitely created with my 3am drunk ass in mind. I am constantly stumbling home screaming, “PIZZA. NOWWW.” Only I have to wait until I get home to put in my order and then wait another 30 minutes for that greasy deliciousness to arrive. That is not now. This app allows you to find the nearest pizza places (in case you are partying in someone else’s part of town) so you can call and order delivery, or map the directions to walk there and eat that shiz on the way home. Mmmm.

Taco Bell Why Pay More Shaker!
So you’re starving but you only have some loose change on you? Taco Bell is hear to help (and clog your arteries). This app calculates the various $0.79, $.89, and $.99 items on the Taco Bell menu that you can afford. Just type in the amount that you have, and watch the value menu items appear before your eyes so you know your yummy options. (That is, if you consider $.79 meat yummy.)

FastFood Premium
Not sure what you’re craving? Find the closest food places to you and choose from Italian, Chinese, American, Thai food, etc. Call the place for directions and get your fat on.