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10 Reasons We Wanna “Will.I.Am” Perez Hilton
June 24, 2009 Posted in Buzz
Like most people, I thought this entire Perez vs. Will.I.Am sitch would be long over by now. But who am I kidding? This is Perez Hilton we’re talking about. He’s still dragging out the Miss California trainwreck out and it’s been months. Today Perez released an 11 minute video explaining his side of the story. I refuse to watch the video (because looking at this kid for 11 minutes is as painful as getting a 60 minute Brazilian) and even just knowing it exists has made me so angry I’ve been forced to indulge in a spoonful jar of peanut butter just to calm myself.
I know I’m going to get a lot of flack for saying this, but Perez deserved to be punched. I know violence is never the answer, but either is malicious gossip or name-calling. In fact, I’m surprised this is the first time Perez has taken a beat-down. Perez is an awful human being and here are my top 10 reasons (there are hundreds) that I’d totally punch that dude with all my might if I ever had the chance:
1. He’s a hypocrite: He claims he doesn’t speak for the gay community when he uses a derogatory term and pisses off GLAAD, but he acts as their spokesman when Carrie Prejean is involved.
2. He plays favorites: Perez claims to report the gossip on all celebs, but you will never see anything negative on that sh*tshow about Lady Gaga, Katie Perry, or any of the other other celebs he fawns over/stalks to be BFF with.
3. His clothing line: I haven’t seen anything that horrendous since Britney flashed her vadge.
4. His lack of talent: Perez beat the “gossip site” rush with his little “paint a penis on your face” idea, but the guy isn’t funny, witty, or smart. So why is he so successful?
5. Um, he’s annoying? I would love to go one day (ONE FREAKING DAY) without this douche bag stirring up some controversy or doing just about anything to get talked about.
6. He creates drama: You ever have one of those friends that is just surrounded by drama? You never want to be near them because it always seems to follow them/cause someone to cry? Well, that’s Perez. Only he’s a billion times worse. He creates drama (and ruined careers) in other people’s lives but doesn’t “want it in his own life.” You don’t get it both ways, ass.
7. His hair: I don’t know why, but just looking at that mop on his head makes me want to punch him in the throat. Who does he think he is, Kate Gosselin?
8. He’s a pussy: When I say mean things, I expect to hear mean things back. And I definitely knew that beer bottle was coming when I told some girl her highlights looked cheap. But not Perez. The boy can dish it out but he sure can’t take it. Unless “taking it” involves pissing, moaning and making an 11 MINUTE video trying to explain himself (that I refuse to link to, because I don’t want him getting any more traffic.)
9. He’s alive: Seriously, just knowing he’s out there makes me so angry I want to throw this coffee mug at his face.
10. He brings it all on himself: Perez starts everything, including this Will.I.Am business. You talk about people online, it will come back to you. The douche has never talked about me, but if I ever see him, you better believe my giant flower ring will be stamped in his forehead.
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Kim says:
Wed, 24th Jun 20097:49 am
I think he promotes bad self image for girls. A star gains 5 pounds or has a little cellulite and he enlarges it for the world to see. He's fat himself…
Rachel says:
Wed, 24th Jun 20097:52 am
I agree with everything lol good article.
Mary says:
Wed, 24th Jun 20098:04 am
bahahaha totally agree with this.
i feel bad for his dog too; its so damned adorable but has to listen to that guys voice all day, eeek.
Charlsie - Hollins University says:
Wed, 24th Jun 200912:51 pm
While I don’t agree with him getting punched, I do think his role in the media puts him at great risk to experience things like a knuckle sandwich from a manager. Personally, I can’t stand him because as you pointed out, I think he does pick favorites and it’s not fair to the rest of pop culture to be picked on by him simply because they didn’t kiss his ass or go out of their way to befriend him.
Something else to add to the list above too is how he speaks about women. Using words like “slut” and “whore” is inappropriate, especially in terms of young women like Miley Cyrus. So what, she has scandalous pictures … but that doesn’t warrant the title of “slut.” His respect towards women on his website is very low, and for someone who claims that equal rights is so important, I think he is a total hypocrite and an asshole at the end of the day.
indi says:
Wed, 24th Jun 200912:16 pm
ugh, that piece of flab dangling from his chin…
and the way he poses in pictures. i wish people would just get over him & ignore him so that he can fade away and we all never have to hear of him again.
Ralph says:
Wed, 24th Jun 200912:26 pm
Hey man- If you need a baseball bat, I'll give you one for free.
Seriously, this guy acts like an attention craving teenager who will make one thing look like a world wide disaster.
Garrett says:
Wed, 24th Jun 20091:54 pm
WHY. IN. THE. FUCK….. Does everyone start commenting on this douchebag with, "While I don’t agree with him getting punched," or "Violence is never the answer."
There are certain people who are douchebags and no amount of hand-wringing or explaining or ignoring will make them stop. With this type of person, it just empowers them to defend their douchbagginess with more douchbagginess.
Sometimes you just have to give them "five across the eyes" to wake them up. THAT is their reset button.
For this particular "person" it is going to take the punch, PLUS the realization that so many people disapprove of his comments and behavior.
Sheesh, what's with the emasculation of the males lately? I've had my ass handed to me before and was actually (later) glad for it a few times.
g says:
Wed, 24th Jun 20092:05 pm
Here's the problem with your article; it gives more attention and press to someone who you feel doesn't deserve it. I'm not saying he hasn't been mean on occasion, sometimes he's downright cruel. But more often then not, I find myself agreeing with his opinions. Perez is funny and what he writes is a BLOG and should be treated as such, its not the end all be all of the world. If no one cared what he wrote about, would we still find it as cruel? Celebrities might have a right to feel insulted or hurt…but NO one has a right to violence. To resort to a physical altercation is to disregard other avenues of resolution. Besides the person he is when he writes his piece is somewhat of a persona, just as I would assume that if you saw him you wouldn't march up and take your giant flower ring and stamp it in his forehead
ashleigh says:
Wed, 24th Jun 20092:30 pm
This article makes you sound ignorant. If you think he is so vile, why would you devote this much time to do exactly what you are criticizing him for? At least he's making a ton of money doing it. You just sound rude.
It's his job. There is obviously a market for it. People eat it up. I don't see you complaining about all the people behind the tabloids.
He also has the right to free speech. If he doesn't like someone's music/outfit/haircut whatever, he can say so.
People need to chill out and take everything he writes with a grain of salt.
This article makes me sad, because I really like most of your other articles. Except maybe the Leighton Foot Job one. I could have done without that. It seemed a little "Perez" ish if I do say so myself.
jess says:
Wed, 24th Jun 20092:52 pm
that guy's a douche & i'm glad will i am punched him. perez definitely deserved it.
Jillian says:
Wed, 24th Jun 20093:42 pm
I agree completely with this article. I don't like Perez, however, because I think just like Heidi and Spencer he's promoting a negative image that is especially popular among high school girls who are still finding themselves and being backstabbing bitches in the process (ex-backstabbing, ex-high schooler, ex-bitch speaking here). He's an exhibit in how to be rich, famous, and loved for bad behavior. Whether explicitly or implicitly, Perez is causing a greater proliferation of the gossip culture prevalent in many American schools.
Linda says:
Wed, 24th Jun 20097:42 pm
AGREED 100%.
ian says:
Thu, 25th Jun 200912:07 am
HE CALLED A RAPPER A FAGGOT!!!! WHAT DID HE EXPECT??? I DONT GIVE A SHIT WHETHER VIOLENCE IS THE ANSWER OR ANY OF THAT GAY SHIT. ITS SIMPLE CAUSE AND EFFECT! I DONT KICK PIT BULLS IN THE FACE CUZ I DONT WANNA GET BIT!! THATS THE SAME REASON WHY I DONT CALL BLACK GUYS FAGS. HES LUCKY IT WASNT 50 CENT.
Laura says:
Thu, 25th Jun 20096:19 am
If you don't pay attention to him, he won't annoy you.
Garrett says:
Thu, 25th Jun 20096:28 am
"If he doesn’t like someone’s music/outfit/haircut whatever, he can say so."
You are exactly correct. If he says my haircut makes me look like a homo, I can give him a black eye.
Cause an effect (Ian) – don't fuck with me and I will leave you alone. He instigated it. I don't give a shit if it's his job, he'll have to deal with the risks and consequences of choosing that "profession," just as a soldier / firefighter / police deal with theirs.
Riko says:
Thu, 25th Jun 20097:08 am
He got what's coming too him. It's easier to hide behind a computer and talk s**t. there are consequences for your actions, buddy
thetruth says:
Thu, 25th Jun 20097:16 am
Hopefully, next time (and there will be a next time) the person will use a gun.
Orion says:
Thu, 25th Jun 200911:18 am
Who is this guy?
I guess it's a good thing that i don't know who he is.
bella says:
Thu, 25th Jun 20094:24 pm
This is brilliant! Retweet, for sure.
Ednonymous says:
Thu, 25th Jun 200910:15 pm
He wasn’t properly punched.
If he didn’t need hospitalization (I mean full ICU care) then he wasn’t hit hard enough.
P says:
Fri, 26th Jun 20095:00 am
HE DESERVED IT. Dont talk shit and you wont get punched. simple as that. He thinks just because he's some sort of d-list celebrity he's exempt from a good ass whooping.
Bruce says:
Fri, 26th Jun 200911:41 pm
11. The first step in treating a psychological problem is admitting that you have one. Legitimizing Perez enables those suffering from histrionic personality disorder in avoiding their treatment.
Melissa says:
Sun, 28th Jun 200911:15 am
He's a fucking retard. He's a fat, whining little pigface (take a look, seriously, his annoying, upturned little snout in the center of his playdough face) who will deplete celebs for gaining like 4 lbs. Sure, he lost a bunch of weight but he's putting it back on, you can already tell. He sells shirts on his website that have "I'm a Teddyholic" printed on them with a picture of his dog. He actually thinks the majority of people actually give a fuck or even know who his (ugly) dog is. Then his Hot Topic line-or wherever it was sold…..look like dollar store t-shirts with fucking stars and heart sand lightning bolts, then he has the nerve to rag on Avril Lavigne for wearing shit that looks like it could have come right out of his tacky collection. People get pissed off and say "stop hating on perez, if you don't want to come to his website then don't!" Well I'm not anymore. It's become about him, not celebrities. I will stick with Dlisted, which is a fuckload funnier and not all about the blogger anyway. You are SOOOO right, there is no reason he should be successful. He's not funny at all, he's extremely unintelligent, he is late to report things and is offensive to basically any category of sexuality/race/age etc at one time or another. He sucks Lady Gaga's ass while if someone like Lindsay Lohan showed up with fucking wanna-be geisha painted black lips, THAT FUCKING IRRITATING TEACUP, fake English child voice and "artsy couture" spaceship outfits that show off her man-clit, she's be hailed as a montrosity. FUCK PEREZ you whiny fat pigboy crybaby, I hope every celebrity you know punches you, I can only hope their fists won't get stuck in your jello belly Homer Simpson style.
sarah says:
Tue, 30th Jun 20097:34 pm
when kristen bell got caught with cellulite in a bikin, he was like "a little cellulite is healthy!"
what a bs!
like his thighs are better!
iki says:
Thu, 23rd Jul 20096:27 am
omg it's so true!
you forgot the part that he loves to comment on celeb's fashion, but knows nothing about it!
example: he called emma watson's RODARTE dress cheap, a CHANEL purse a granny purse and told Kim kardashian to not put a t-shirt under her dress, while the t-shirt is actually part of the PROENZA SCHOULER dress;
he's a fucking retard and I laughed so hard at his ridiculous WIll.I.Am debacle, he should've got punched ages ago.
"Violence is never the answer", he probably thinks he's been through severe violence, GOD!
Jenny says:
Mon, 14th Dec 20091:03 am
I have been followingthi sthread for a while, Keep it going
mollination says:
Sun, 3rd Jan 20109:33 am
You forgot the worst three
1.) He got famous for reporting on stories others had already broken, and steals other people's pictures/jokes.
2.) MK from http://www.dlisted.com is the funniest person in the entire world, and Perez gets the recognition that guy/website deserves. Perez is so bland and unfunny. blech.
3.) He is the most pathetic, hyprocritical, thinly-veiled, two-faced fame monger of anyone on the planet. more than speidi.