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Celebretard Showdown: Mariah Carey vs. Jennifer Lopez
June 26, 2009 Posted in Entertainment
I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not. Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later. However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.
Everyone loves a diva. Well, not really. They just think that everyone loves them, despite having no real talent or anything to offer to society. When you say “diva,” two women jump to mind – Mariah Carey and Jenifer Lopez. The glitz, the glamor, the bad acting and the attitude (ohhh the attitude) define who they are. Where would we be without these ladies? Probably in a much less annoying world, but let’s make a list just to be sure…
Career
Mariah Carey is a machine, pumping out annoying hit after annoying hit. Yes, I hate her music. No, I can’t stop myself from trying to sing along with her in my car. However, I categorically refuse to watch Glitter or any of her other attempts at “acting.” Most of the rest of the world seems to refuse as well.
Jennifer Lopez used to be a good actress (Selena! I was so down with watching that movie every day in fifth grade…in between Titanic showings, of course). Then something terrible happened and she started making movies like Angel Eyes and Monster-In-Law. Her music isn’t great either.
Point: Mariah Carey. Every time I sing one of her songs, I die a little inside. Plus, you can’t beat Selena.
Diva Stock
Mariah Carey is infamous for her diva-like tendencies, from canceling TV appearances at the last minute to traveling with her own furniture. She’s had highly publicized emotional “break downs” and reappeared in the media, batting her eyelashes, almost instantly once she got the attention she craved. Really, Mariah? You’re from Long Island. Calm yourself.
Jennifer Lopez has earned plenty of diva status with her pages of requests that are sent anywhere she intends to roll into with her entourage (which, btw, includes her hairstylist and personal chef). I just can’t see what would make her think she can order people to change entire lighting schemes just to make herself look better…although that is an amazing idea and I will so start to require complimentary lighting wherever I go.
Point: Jennifer Lopez. Jenny from the Block? I’m so sure. Let’s see what happens if you roll up in the Bronx with your entourage and list of demands.
Camera Whorishness
Mariah Carey loves her some photography. And by photography, I mean she loves when people take pictures of her (and talk about her and admire her and etc., etc.). Unfortunately, the camera doesn’t love her back and we’re all stuck with unfortunate results plastered all over our gossip mags and blogs.
Jennifer Lopez also loves the spotlight, but thanks to the influence of her intensely-private husband, seems to be stepping back more often. I mean, her face is still everywhere, but I don’t see it even when my eyes are closed anymore. Win.
Point: Mariah Carey. Just…stop.
Love Life
Mariah Carey has been tied to quite a few celeb dudes in her time (was anyone else supremely amused by the whole Eminem thing??) and was married early on in her career. Now she’s married again and to Nick Cannon. Was he drugged? I feel like he’s a pretty chill and funny dude…what’s he doing with that diva??
Jennifer Lopez moves from high-profile relationship to high-profile relationship (by relationship, I mean marriage…she’s had a lot of those) with alarming (but somewhat impressive) speed. From her time spent with Puffy (there was a pretty gangsta gun fight in there somewhere, I think) to her participation as half of the beast that was the original Bennifer.
Point: Jennifer Lopez. Oh, Bennifer. How you used to amuse me.
Celebretard Prize Goes To: Mariah Carey. Aging divas are generally unpleasant creatures, but Mariah takes the cake (and definitely eats it, too) with her sliding career and increasing amount of attitude. Unfortunately, that won’t prevent me from belting out “Touch My Body” in my car the next time it comes on the radio. Fail.
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Keightee says:
Fri, 26th Jun 20097:24 am
"…but Mariah takes the cake (and definitely eats it, too)"
Kind of a shitty attitude for a website aimed and college-aged women. Let's make fun of a woman who is an icon for many for finally looking like a 'normal' person.
I'm not a Mariah fan, but I don't have anything against her.
I am actually glad to see her settle down and get comfortable – lots of people gain weight when they're in relationships they feel good about. I personally think she is more of a positive role model now than when she was constantly half-clas in the 90s. So, let her eat cake.
Keightee says:
Fri, 26th Jun 20097:24 am
*half-clad
Frannee says:
Fri, 26th Jun 20098:48 am
Wow, so you must be really shallow or something, huh, Katie? Stop pretending you know these women, because you don't. While I can't speak for Jennifer Lopez, I know a lot about Mariah's past and she has definitely worked hard for everything she has achieved during her long and successful career. Between your downright bitchy attitude toward these women and your apparent stereotyping of people from Long Island (what DID you imply from the comment, anyway?), it's amusing that you even attempt to degrade these women. You imply that Mariah is ugly, but if your own physical appearance reflects even a tiny fraction of the ugly, horrible attitude in this article,then you better take another look in the mirror before you speak about somebody else.
jeffrey Watson says:
Fri, 26th Jun 200912:21 pm
Your just envious of Mariah, don't hate on one of the biggest selling female recording artists in history, this woman has more human qualities in the harsh world of entertainment than you will EVER know, so just keep you opinions to yourself!!!!!
Chelzz says:
Fri, 26th Jun 200912:26 pm
Why do people hate other people for being successful? It's not liked they haven't worked hard to get where they are. I mean I can understand they can be snobby.
Just because YOU don't like them doesn't make them bad people.
And though I do think Mariah should cover up more, I fucking love her songs.
Katie, your articles always suck.
Bethany Jane says:
Fri, 26th Jun 20093:12 pm
Calm down kids. It's just a blog.
Sam says:
Fri, 26th Jun 20093:14 pm
This was pretty lame, since it's pretty evident you dislike Mariah. Perhaps if you were less biased it'd be better, but yeah, no luck with that.
jaqui says:
Fri, 26th Jun 20097:37 pm
Mariah IS really annoying but she is a GREAT singer. However, Jlo is REALLY annoying and pretty talentless – flop after flop. How can you compare them both??????
Winnie says:
Fri, 26th Jun 200910:33 pm
No more of these articles please.
Renee says:
Sat, 27th Jun 200912:48 pm
Wow, I'm glad I'm not the only person in the world who despises Mariah Carey. Not only is her music and acting terrible, she dresses like a 14 year old. Now that's a FAIL.
emily says:
Sat, 27th Jun 20097:20 pm
People are so uptight about every single article written on this blog that it makes it shitty for me to read.. it's a joke article, there is no need to take it so seriously. And it doesn't matter how hard Mariah or Jennifer worked bc their both spoiled selfish diva bitches now.
sarah says:
Sun, 28th Jun 200912:35 am
Haha! Keep on writing the type of articles that annoyingly PC people feel the need to be self-righteous about.
This can be the anti-jezebel. Jezebel comments are the worst, so boringly party line.
Melanie - Northeaste says:
Sun, 28th Jun 200910:46 am
These are hilarious! Katie doll, keep it up. You're honest and hysterical.
Frannee says:
Fri, 17th Jul 20097:51 am
Okay Renee, keep thinking that. You know, even though Mariah's 18 #1's verify her as the greatest solo artist of all time.
Oh and Emily, I'd love to hear about when you met JLO and MC. If you are so confident that they are selfish bitches, surely you've taken the time to get to know them right? You're not just basing this off tabloids, YouTube interviews, etc. Correct? Yeah that's what I thought, you fuckin cunt.
gia says:
Mon, 20th Jul 20091:49 pm
wow ur a bitch and to rene a 14 yr old doesnt wair a 5 grand dress with 10 carrot ring and high heels get ur facts straight and j lo and mc r not bad u dont even kno them WOW ur really a bitch…. ok i was just mad but my point is dont talk shit about ppl tht u dont kno and maybe u dont like them but millions ( maybe billionsm not sure but doubt it ) like these women
gia says:
Mon, 20th Jul 20091:50 pm
ok ur not a bitch im sorry if i hurt u i was just mad u can rite watever u want so forgive me if i hurt u
gia says:
Mon, 20th Jul 20091:51 pm
and to malanie from watever univesity iher article wasnt funny
gia says:
Tue, 21st Jul 20091:42 pm
i agree with franne
othfan says:
Thu, 10th Sep 20091:08 pm
i dont agree with you jennifer lopez is way better than mariah carey
annana says:
Tue, 29th Sep 20094:52 pm
god that's a def that jlo is better than mariah jk their both coollll duhhhhh.
anika says:
Thu, 1st Oct 20096:47 pm
both ladies WERE really good,about the diva thing, it's just the idiot we all have inside, they are not my idols, never were but I respect them, in some ways they represent today's powerful women
MARIAH IS AN ANGEL says:
Mon, 19th Apr 20106:05 am
I think Mariah songs her eternal. Her voice is very powerful and angel like. I believe she is a strong with a sensitive side. i think she may have had some emotional issue because of the some ugliness within people she encountered in world..aahmm guys.., we come across in world. yes, she may seem a little off on tv here and there but so does other actors– can u imagine how it feels to be a celeb, who is true friends?..i'd never know. anways.. BUT SHE NEVER PUT PROBLEM ON OTHERS. She always comes back with even more colorful songs to keep us wishing we could sing like her. I love singing her songs. i dont like her in movie glitter but just in "precious".
I like JENNIFER FOR HER STYLE AND DRESS UPS BUT THAT IS IT!!!. not even close to comparable with mariah. not even with jessica simpson.. hehe..
Enjoy ur day. understand that we dont live celebs lives.. we dont know much. just enjoy their talents thats all.
MARIAH WINS WITH FAR GREATER RANKING. sorry Jennifer.
Hershel Sankovich says:
Sun, 5th Sep 20104:15 am
Mariah,,,wow! I adore your music! I really like that song called bye bye! it is a great song! but it sometimes makes me wanna cry!
Calem says:
Thu, 27th Jan 201111:08 am
The person who wrote this was an idiot and so completely rude. All you have to do is look at the success of these two women, not that they really care what a nobody writes about them, but still who are we to make judgements? Mariah is the best!
maria says:
Thu, 10th Mar 20116:28 am
i think that mariah carey sings way better than jennifer lopez of course, and that mariah doesn't has as much talent as jennifer in making movies,but in attitudude wise, i think that jlo has much more ruffness than mariah, meaning i think jlo will kick mariah ass in fighting.
R.U says:
Fri, 18th Mar 20111:19 am
I like Mariah than any
others hahah
nothing could
take her
place as
no. one!!!
R.U says:
Fri, 18th Mar 20111:20 am
I LOVE YOU
SO MUCH
Mariah…
bijan says:
Thu, 19th May 20115:40 am
mariah can sing better than jlo. that is true fact, but wait a minute, Jlo can sing, dance and act while mariah can only sing. and when it comes to physical appearance, no doubt dat jlo is far much beautiful than mariah and even more famous. even my 80 year old granmother knows who is jlo. so when it comes to divaness, i think that jennifer lopez won.