Why Are Politicians So Stupid?!


"Bring that camera over here, mistress. Rarrr."

We’ve long known that celebrities do stupid stuff.  Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton (does she count as a celebrity?) and countless others entertain us with their amusing and slightly horrifying behavior.  However, they’re not the only ones who like to get drunk and go a little crazy.  No, no my friends – the political arena is where all the craziest stuff happens.

This worries me slightly.  Why are our elected officials giving Pamela Anderson a run for her money?  Perhaps if you are in public office, you should learn to keep your partying on the D-L (and maybe your dick in your pants).  Of course, just because you’re an elected official doesn’t mean that you have to live the life of a monk, but maybe not signing up for that prostitution club would be a good idea.

Here’s a list of some of the stupidest politicians in recent years. Let’s hope the public humiliation provided by the 24-hour news cycle of the obsessed American press will deter them from making any more stupid choices. (Editor’s Note: You are not invincible, leaders of America!) And if not, maybe it’s time we, the American people, start choosing our leaders more wisely (i.e. more women).

John Edwards –  Fresh from admitting he had an affair, the former presidential candidate has now leaked a sex tape.  Unlike the Leighton Meester sex tape, I have no interest in watching this guy bump uglies with anyone.  I can only imagine the pale floppiness…and then my brain commits suicide.

Mark Sanford – Not only did Mark Sanford have an extramarital affair, he had an Argentinian extramarital affair.  The man flew all the way down to Argentina to have (presumably hot and steamy) sex with his Argentinian mistress.  I mean, that’s pretty baller, but I think Mark may have forgotten that he is not 007, but the Governor of South Carolina.  They are not the same thing.

John Ensign – Senator Ensign lambasted President Clinton when he was on trial for his affair with Monica Lewinsky.  Fast forward a few years and we find John Ensign in an extramarital affair with the wife of a close friend (both of whom were working on his campaign).  You stay classy, John Ensign.

Sam Adams, aside from having a sweet name (connections to beer and politics – can’t beat that), Mayor Adams also lied about having sex with an 18-year-old male intern.  I feel like if you’re going to use your office as a place to pick up potential lovers, you might wanna keep out of politics.  It doesn’t really ever seem to work out.

Kwame Kilpatrick had a big reputation to live up to as Mayor of Detroit.  What Kwame ended up doing was having an affair with his Chief of Staff (and possibly another woman), lying about it, and subsequently being proven a liar by evidence of racy text messages between the two.  Nice.  At least Detroit’s still got it.

Vito Fossella, a politician from New York, was caught driving under the influence.  He then confessed to having a long-term mistress with whom he had a three-year-old love child.  At least he wasn’t talking on his cell phone while driving, right?  He got somethin’ right.

Robert Allen was caught soliciting an undercover officer in a public restroom.  Apparently, the Florida State Rep. offered to perform oral sex and pay $20.  Seems like a deal, no?  Apparently, this is Robert Allen’s way of responding to black guys.  He’s now claiming that he only acted that way out of “racial panic.”  Um…what?

Robert Packwood missed his true calling in life.  Since 29 women came forward to accuse of him of everything from sexual harassment to abuse and assaults, I’m thinking he should have been a pimp.  Apparently Senator Packwood thinks so, too, because although he initially denied any wrongdoing, he was proven wrong by his own, boastful diary.  Bravo, sir.  Bravo.

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  1. Ana says:

    While I agree that some of these men are pure scum, I think you're missing the bigger issue here. The point of some of these affairs are not, in fact, the affairs themselves. What politicians do in their personal lives really have little to do with their ability to run a country. Winston Churchill was a raging alcoholic, FDR had many affairs, whereas Hitler was a vegetarian. Sex doesn't matter either. More women would mean less affairs? Really? Have we learned nothing from female teachers who molest their students? From Hollywood? Or would we rather have our woman who does not have affairs, but misinterpret the Census, like Michele Bachmann? Not to say women don't belong in the government. I greatly respect Nancy Pelosi and Secretary Clinton, but I would rather have a woman who understood the issues better than her male opponent rather than a woman for a woman's sake.

    The issue with some of these men is that they let down their constituents in the way they went about the affair. Sanford left South Carolina without telling anybody, leaving him untraceable. What if something had happened? The lt. Gov had no authority to act should something bad had happened. Other men used government funds to conduct their affair.

    Seriously, why isn't Clinton on your list? Why hasn't Bill disappeared from the political spectrum, even though he had a very public affair and "lied" under oath? Because it was none of our business.

    Also, you imply that Edwards himself "released" the sex tape…the tape has not, to my knowledge, been released, but it was his former aide, not Edwards himself, who says that the tape exists. But then again, this guy has had a streak of lying, claiming that he was the actual father of Edwards' mistress' child. Can we believe him?

  2. snarktastic says:

    they're not elected as moral beacons. the media eats it up because sex sells.

    sexual assault and lying about it? not okay. affairs? not my business.

    and i wouldn't think these would be the "stupidest politicians of recent years". how about marion berry – the crack-using mayor? abramoff scandal? those are REAL problems. sexual exploits? unless they involve kids, not an f-ing problem. get over it.

  3. […] However, they’re not the only ones who like to get drunk and go a little crazy.  No, no my friends – the political arena is where all the craziest stuff happens. […]

  4. The Truth says:

    Thats because the average age of a politican especially a Senator is 60+…. They always say the older you get the more child like you brain becomes… You have 80+ men completely out of touch with the world… There so old they crap themselves and get spoonfeed by there mistresses… There needs to be a age cap… you can't be older than 62… Force a retirement age…. average age should be 40… These old farts are to fucking stubborn.

  5. B.B, says:

    Politicians have to take a IQ test.They can`t score higher then 3 ,lower is better.Politicians besides being stupid and idiots also,have to be drunk, stoned and head in a paper bag or all the above.

  6. B.B, says:

    I sent a letter to Majority Leader.I ask him how much did the auto makers pay the politicians to pass the cash for clunkers bill,no answer yet.Cash for clunkers is going to be disastrous.

    It has hurt a lot of people already.

  7. B.B, says:

    They only way the idiots(politicians)are going to help anyone.You have to contribute to their campaign fund.They could careless about the average person.They are money grubbers.I e-mailed my representative and said the cash for clunkers was hurting the poor people.I got a stupid response it said to find more about the program go the web site What in the world are these people smoking.These politicians are living in the twilight zone.They are completely out of touch Their are a lot of people trying to get get out of poverty.No help there are a lot of programs that don`t work They talk about creating jobs how are people going to get there Cash for clunkers killed that one.The automakers sure could help.They could supply a couple cars

  8. Qian Richard says:

    Might 21, 2006· there were many popular football participants. Several not really for that very good from the sport. We’ll talk over some of the extremely popular including the a single name …celebrities

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