21 Ways to be a Gentleman in the 21st Century

gentleman 2As I was exploring the joys of StumbleUpon with a good guy friend of mine, I happened upon this site: the 21 ways to be a gentlemen.

Seriously, click that link and read it. Then join me as I ask, “Um, really?” The list is chock full of some pretty asinine and totally dated characteristics of a “gentleman.”

A gentleman eats the garnish on his dinner plate if he so desires? Waits until a lady at the table lifts her fork before he takes his first bite?

Yeah, I don’t think so.

I’ve decided to revamp this list of 21 ways to be a gentleman, geared toward your typical college bro. Chivalry might be dead and douche bags abound on every campus, but these 21 rules shouldn’t be too hard to follow.

1. Always offer to pay for drinks, even if you know she’ll refuse.
2. Never layer collared shirts. Even more importantly, keep those collars down.
3. Don’t blow her off for video games. Real sports games? Acceptable with a forewarning. Impromptu Madden tournament? Not so much.
4. Even if her best friend is a perfect 10 smoke show? Don’t let on that you think so. Ogle her on Facebook instead.
5. Don’t text at dinner.
6. Open doors. Pull out chairs. Let her order first. Simple manners.
7. Don’t make her walk of shame home at 4 AM, shoeless and in a ridiculous outfit. Even worse if it’s a slutty Halloween costume. Would you like to be traipsing home in the wee hours wearing nothing but a slutty school girl kilt and tank top after getting tossed out of some dude’s bunkbed? Not. Cool.
8. Let her watch “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” or whatever girly show she likes without mocking it the entire way through. Bonus points for putting it on your DVR.
9. No, she doesn’t look fat in that dress. Yes, even if she does.
10. Do not ever, EVER push her head or hand downtown.
11. Don’t be ashamed of her in front of your buddies, even if she’s sipping wine coolers instead of Bud Light when you’re all hanging out.
12. Even if you don’t care, ask her about family/friends/shopping excursion. You’ll make her smile, guaranteed.
13. Farting isn’t funny, but occasionally tolerable. Dutch ovening? Never acceptable.
14. Please warn her before you bust. Surprises in the form of gifts are nice, but not so much when they are hot sticky ones in her eye.
15. Once in a while, suggest she wears something that you like to see her in. She’ll be impressed and flattered by the compliment, provided you’re not asking her to wear lingerie out on the town.
16. Plan something. Anything. Even just a dinner and a movie. Pull some weight in the social planning, even if it’s just once in a while.
17. If she, you know, for lack of a better term, slobs on your knob (thank you 3 6 Mafia), return the favor please! Unless she’s not a fan, in which case, prove to her that she should be one.
18. Messed up? Apologies are always better with chocolate.
19. Kiss her on the cheek in public once in a while. A little PDA isn’t awful and reminds her how much you care about her. Just no sloppy make outs. That’s just gross.
20. Keep your word. Don’t say things you don’t mean. If you promise something, stick to it.
21. No socks with sandals. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

What would you like added to the list? Anything dudes can do to step it up to gentlemen status nowadays?

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie



  1. t says:

    I'm sad that this list needs to exist, but thre are PLENTY of guys out there who would benefit from learning these basics.

  2. Jeff says:

    Thanks to the sexual revalution its a two way road at least ty to be lady like

  3. Sarah says:

    It's revolution, dumb ass.

    Maybe she'll learn how to be "lady like" when you learn how to spell.

  4. hana says:

    its is impolite and unkind to make fun of someones spelling

  5. Aiko says:

    Thank you, Hana.

    Sarah, that was uncalled for. A friend of mine actually has a disorder that makes her fail at spelling. Also, the English language is very difficult in the spelling category. Spanish and (romanized) Japanese are much easier because they are phonetic.

    That said…this is a nice article full of things all guys should do/know. Not that every guy should do all of them, but they are SUCH a bonus!

  6. Aiko says:

    Also, after reviewing the article this one responds to, guys knowing #15 would make my life. Really, that's like a deal-maker.

  7. Joe the Drunk says:

    always let her orgasm first .

    i agree let her know before you cum in her face. at least cum on her tits if you dont want to warn her, for chrissakes.

  8. Madison says:

    What about cutting some cheese in the jacuzzi? I can't be the only one who thinks that would impress a girl. Am I right? Those bubbles are just so cool.

  9. Hugo says:

    I'm British but I was taught always to stand when a lady enters a room, pull out her seat at the table, open car doors etc. I presume these are still appreciated?

  10. Sara says:

    You know what, guys? If you are unsure, do the polite thing. It's better to be safe than sorry, and no girl is going to stop liking you for being polite (though she will if you are a rude douchebag). My god, I can't emphasize enough the "don't EVER push her head down." I really think guys have NO IDEA HOW INSULTING THAT IS. If she is going down there voluntarily, why the need to force her head?????? For girls, it brings to mind a little bit of the rape idea (forcing a sexual act) even if they went down there on their own. If you want a girl to enjoy and keep on giving you head, do not force hers. Sweet jesus. Playing with hair is cool.

  11. danyell says:

    jeff could have dyslexia.

    maybe you shouldn't be so rude.

  12. jeff says:

    close i have disgraphia

  13. nyota0uhura says:

    I appreciate it when I am offered a coat when I'm cold.

    I especially liked the "never be ashamed of her" point, that one is very true.

    However: why tell guys to mean the things they say to us but at the same time, advise them to ask about our friends/family etc "even if you are not interested"? That is a complete contradiction. Don't ask me about anything you are not truly interested in, how else do you expect me, if not to fancy you, to respect you? In a nutshell: never say or *ask* anything you don't mean/want to know. You're wasting our time if you do.

    Finally: yeah, don't push our heads or hands down south first. HOWEVER: as far as I'm concerned, if I'm already down there, you are totally allowed to guide my head/hand, etc, within reason of course. What we don't like is if it feels like you are trying to give us a lesson. But some guiding and pushing? I think it's hot and there's no "rape element" in it per se.

  14. Keith says:

    I have a roomate with a disability also. She can't read or spell and maybe even write. Or should I call it an excuse? Yeah, I think I'll just call it an excuse instead. Disability are a reason for slower learning. Simply not caring when you're 21 and always asking someone else. That's just plain stupid.

    That being said.

    Typos are different from being stupid. Everyone makes typing mistakes.

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  17. Kim says:

    I guess I'm strange because I like when guys push my head downtown and I want to be surprised when they burst. I think instead, guys should just ask. Jeez.

  18. Jen says:

    I love it when guys do cute little things. If I'm shivering in the movie theater, restaurant, or wherever we are…. offer me your jacket (even if it is a girl that's just a friend). If you're going out to eat, let girls go first in ordering. It makes us feel important for some reason. It's like you're saying "Hey… I'm hungry but you're more important than that." The car door thing every once in a while is just adorable. I don't like it if it's every time, but if it's just an out of the blue occasion I will remember it for a while. Got a girlfriend who had a bad day at work? Surprise her at the end of her shift with some flowers and take her to get a treat or go back to your place and watch a movie with some ice cream (homemade ice cream is even better!). When you are hanging with your girl and your friends, let the guys know that she's going to be kind of your focus for the night. I'm sure they'll understand. Y'all can have guy time later. And don't invite her to hang out with you and the guys if the guys HATE her being around, it makes her feel awkward and the night a total bust.

    I may be weird… but I grew up around guys and I've always had guy best friends so the whole farting thing… I find it funny. I giggle.

    P.s. After you've hung out with her, send a little text that's sweet like "You looked gorgeous tonight." or "I wish I could hug you all the time." Girls like to keep those texts and look at them when she's having a bad day.

  19. knuckles says:

    Ha, this was a pretty amusing article, it should be common sense for us guys, but not everyone has that (or she wouldn't have had to write this :) I agree that the "acting ashamed" one is totally dick.. Even when I feel like my girl is doing something absolutely retarded, I stand by her and smile at her, but that's just love. (and she does the same for me I'm sure)

    The only one i didn't quite follow was #7… shouldn't that one be added to the "How to be a Lady" list and simply shortened to "Don't be a Cum-Dumpster"? I mean, jesus, if a girl is doing the 'walk of shame' in a slutty halloween costume… that's HER fault… and she's a disgusting whore… and the 'dude' in that situation is already not a gentleman for sleeping with said whore and acquiring all her crotch bugs.. gross

  20. MD says:

    Typical…. right up there at #1 is 'pay for stuff for us'.

    Most of these aren't about being a gentleman…. this is more like a recipe for how to get walked over and end up in the 'nice guy but wouldn't date' category.

    Her list reads like 'me me me me me… do as i want…. me me me me me… treat me like a princess, whilst i treat you like a walking wallet…. me me me me me.'

    what a load of bollocks…. treat all people with respect, but don't just hand yourself and your dignity over to them on a plate.

  21. Darwin says:

    I agree with MD on #1. Doing that for a date or girlfriend is one thing, but it shouldn't be for any gal. Then again, we're the 21st century with independent. Going Dutch is reasonable sometimes.

    Otherwise, guys should be hitting a huge majority of the other 20 things. They're pretty common sense. Learn some manners.

  22. Michael says:

    Dear Melanie,

    I recently stumbled upon this site and find it very interesting, especially this article. As a loving boyfriend, I am always looking for better ways to be a gentleman. However, I was shocked at how narrow-minded some of these views are, and have a pleasant beef to have with you over a few of them, if you don’t mind…

    3. Don’t blow her off for video games. Real sports games? Acceptable with a forewarning. Impromptu Madden tournament? Not so much.

    I roll my eyes and want to curse everyone who has this mindset. That videogames are some sort of evil concoction, and real sports are something acceptable. Another one similar to this is “Pay attention to her when watching The Game” What if I don’t give a rat’s flying ass about sports? Let’s take a wildcard: what if my true passion is videogames? Geez, can’t play games when the girlfriend comes around. Then she seems more like a nuisance, and both of us know it! Instead of close-minded approaches, like “no videogames, yes sports”, you should try something like, “try not to get too caught up with a hobby when the girl is around and blatantly ignore her. But better yet, it can be fun for both of you if you can get her involved!” This also happens to be related to my next beef:

    8. Let her watch “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” or whatever girly show she likes without mocking it the entire way through. Bonus points for putting it on your DVR.

    Ok, so we aren’t supposed to play games, and have to check in for other activities, but she gets to drag us in to watch some mindless twaddle on TV, without us complaining? I’m thinking of a word…”double”…and wait, here comes another…”standard”. No matter how many articles I read on males and females being nicer to each other, the males are ALWAYS EXPECTED to try harder. Since when did the notion of equality ever ring through a relationship? A relationship consists of two different people, meaning they have different likes, dislikes, etc. Just because they are “dating” does not mean they get to ruin each others lives. Making your date do something they don’t want to do, over and over, will just make them more and more upset until something bad happens. Instead, you can still do stuff you like to do on your own in that fashion, but the two of you should should do stuff you BOTH enjoy doing together, and turns out it might make both of you happy in the end. Last one coming:

    9. No, she doesn’t look fat in that dress. Yes, even if she does.

    For reference, my girl wears about a size 9 pants (and not the kind that give her a muffintop, either) Every time she asks me that, I tell her she is fat. That she’s the fattest thing those pants/dress/whatever have ever seen, she should be arrested for cruel and unusual punishment to fabric. That gets her to know better than to ask stupid, asinine questions like that. She knows that I think she is beautiful, and I let her know it when I want to, which is often enough. Asking if she is fat is the
    way to say “Tell me I’m pretty, or else.”, which is pretty douchebaggy if you ask me. This is a trick question, anyway. Girls and their boyfriends are both aware of “how fat” she is, and either way guys answer is horrible. Either the girl is fat, in which case the guy has to be honest and say “yes” at which point will ruin her mood, or cringe and say “of course not” which really doesn’t solve anything because, well, she’s still fat. Obviously this guy sees something in who you are, and loves and accepts you as a person instead of a bathroom scale readout and you should stop trying to get him to clean the undersides of your shoes with his mouth. This really pisses me off when skinny girls ask this, because, well, THEY’RE NOT FAT. They have no reason to ask such a question in the first place.

    End of rant. Sorry if that terribly offended anyone, but that’s just my opinion. Otherwise, the rest of the list is decent and boyfriends should follow it better.

  23. Laura says:

    I Love This List!!

  24. Prince says:

    I think who write this article needs to be a gentle because its not something to learn,its a habit.

  25. Caitlin says:

    If a guy stood up when I entered the room, I'd be EXTREMELY impressed. Manners are make or break. Treating a man like a gentleman and appreciating his thoughtfulness is a good way to elicit good treatment in return.

    If you want a woman to act like a lady, treat her like one.

  26. Ashley says:

    Concerning the thing about video games, I have to disagree with Michael. I don't mind if my boyfriend plays video games, and in fact there have been several occasions where he would rent a game to play and I would watch (get the right storyline and it's like a movie!). Sometimes, though, it can get really annoying if I call, and he's in the middle of a game, and I have something really important to talk with him about. He can't pause the game to hear me out! I'm trying to have a conversation with him and all I get is, "Uh-huh," "Whatever, I'm really busy," and other things that make it appear as if the video game is an extremely important, essential part to his survival.

    The other thing I wanted to mention was about texting. Texting during dinner IS rude, but I also think texting others (especially other women) while on a date or hangout with your girlfriend is rude. A few is okay, but when you start having long conversations, it can make a girl feel a little neglected!

  27. David says:

    I won’t even begin to say that this or that makes you a gentleman. I would say that if your values include consideration, thoughfulness and decent treatment of others and are typically how you act in public and private, your likely a gentleman, atleast in principle.

    Of the above, I believe thoughfulness is a fundimental game-maker in a relationship. What are we looking for in a relationship, but to be with someone that considers our views and interest and substantially wants to be apart of our lives, however periodic and situational?

    I have but a couple suggestions to the list.

    1. A single welcome touch is magic to many. Take a moment of shared pleasure in an initial held hand, a carress to the side of her face and a soft pair of hands on her shoulders when helping her on with her coat. The physical contact more subtle, are so often so much more meaningful. Men need to rethink the addage.. “Size does matter, though in some instances less is more” or the popular, “Once a knight always a Knight, though once a night’s enough” (figure it out for yourself fellas)

    2. Words from feelings usually come out wrong for us guys. It’s linked to the prostate fellas, so you might as well find additional ways of getting your feelings across. Try instead to simply don’t.. speak. Admit that your not up to expressing yourself in words. Instead take time for find a moving image, flower, piece of music and send it to your lady. “I don’t do words well, but something of what I want to say you can see in this. (whatever it is that moves you). Let her decide for herself what the message should read. You might be surprise how intuitive the lady may be. Truthfully its more important that you took the time, and that your attempt was to communicate some feeling in some way other than a spent prophy.

    My time up yet? Well let me try one other suggestion. Say thank you. Not tough.. doesn’t require a huge emotional investment. Try to say Thank you when you recognize the lady has gone out of her way for you. If she get dressed up for dinner, “thank you, you look spectacular”. If she goes out of her way to be with you w/ the guys, “thank you, I’m glad your with me today.” When the lady tells you she loves you for the first time, “Thank you, I hope I can earn your affection”

    Is that what this article was about, or just about good manners and whether to hold open a car door. Damn I should pay more attention before I contribute.

    Good luck fellas.

  28. Michael says:


    If you had read my post properly, you would see "try not to get too caught up with a hobby when the girl is around and blatantly ignore her." As in do not blatantly ignore her, for whatever reason, as guys would expect the same back. I agree there's nothing wrong with pausing a game, that's why the feature was invented, and it should be used. Just wanted to clarify.

  29. Paul says:

    It's sad that us guys need this reminder. Im a teenager and I was always taught to respect women. It's terrible how often guys take advantage of girls and treat them like sluts. Women are people just like the rest of us and should be treated with the utmost respect.

  30. john says:

    The notions of chivalry and honor aren’t dead, but they’re not thriving either. Not only will conducting yourself as a gentleman get you girls, it will give you something about yourself to be proud of.

    Good hygiene is a must. Don’t just use a bar of soap, but do scrub yourself. Make sure ears have no wax in them and that privates and facial hair are clean and at least trimmed nicely. When applying deodorant or cologne, don’t use a lot. Also, make sure you don’t use too much hair gel (it’s sticky).
    Pay attention to how you look. Wear clothes that fit your body well, eliminate flashy clothing and avoid fashion “faux pas” (i.e. baseball hats cocked slightly to the side). A simpler wardrobe will keep the emphasis on you, not your clothes, which will change your outlook. Get regular haircuts.
    A true gentleman is polite to everyone, in action and words. Always be aware of how you can help people. Wait an extra few seconds to hold the door for the person behind you. Offer to help an old or pregnant person get their grocery bags to the car. You don’t have to be paranoid or risk killing yourself (i.e if you’ve got a precarious grip on something heavy, don’t open the door for someone) but respect is paramount. Even if someone is being stupid, be polite and respectful.
    Be prepared to ask questions or make statements of courtesy, like “may I help you?”, or “let me get that for you”, or “I’ll take care of that”.
    Don’t swear. Ever. Don’t speak of vulgar matter.
    Don’t stare at and ogle women or say anything degrading to or about them.
    In public, don’t: fart, belch, speak too loudly, be overly demanding/offensive, or drink heavily. A gentleman is always in control of himself, body and mind.
    Give girls a little extra respect. Don’t be obsequious, but neofeminism has kind of gotten rid of some basic politeness that they’ll appreciate, such as opening car/building doors, etc. Don’t put every girl on a pedestal (we’re all human), but they’ll really appreciate it if you do them favors, like giving up your seat on the bus even though they’re not carrying anything heavy.
    Don’t talk about yourself much. On the other hand, girls like to know a little bit about you so they can understand what you are talking about sometimes. In addition to making you a much more desirable conversationalist, it will make you seem more mysterious to not share too much, which many women find attractive. Get a basic idea of what’s going on in music, sports, and politics.
    Learn to either avoid politics and religion until you know someone better, and learn how to be neutral if someone else brings it up. A simple shrug will do wonders. A gentleman doesn’t make other people uncomfortable.
    Pay attention to the fact that the world is more threatening for girls: they’re automatically targets at night or in bad neighborhoods. Walk her to her door (or car) if at all possible. It doesn’t matter how strong she actually is, if you’re a girl people will go at you first, whereas by virtue of being male you’re safer. If your girl has to park far away from her dorm or home, always offer to drive her to and from your destination. She will appreciate how caring you are about her safety.
    Remember to keep doing nice things for your girlfriend when you’re around her. If she’s carrying something, pick it up when she puts it down and always kindly let her know by saying “oh, let me get that for you”, whatever the object is. Remember, being selfish is not attractive. If you are watching television with your girl and you know she likes a particular show or sporting event, leave it there. She will appreciate that little bit of selflessness more than you know.
    Show up with a card or a flower and not just for holidays. Expensive and showy doesn’t matter, it’s the effort. In fact, a rose, a little love note left on her pillow, or a heartfelt kiss will keep any girl happy for days.
    If in love, be sure to tell her often that you love her and make it sound meaningful. Be open about yourself to her and share with one another, making sure you laugh and keep things upbeat. Don’t be a stiff bore.
    There are some things you shouldn’t talk to girls about. These include how hot other girls are, or anything at all of that nature. If she’s not into sports or video games, you can say a few things but then move on to something she’s into. Girls tend to be more interested in books and music than in sports and video games, though there are plenty of exceptions to every rule. It’s fine to talk about that stuff with your guy friends, but a gentleman doesn’t do that.
    Stand up for your girl. Don’t go around punching everyone who looks at her sideways, but if anyone’s giving her looks or unwanted advances, intervene. Put your arm around her shoulder and move yourselves away, or go to her and speak up for her. The physical contact reassures her and lets the aggressor know that he’s got to deal with both of you.
    Always have a straight posture (nobody likes a sloucher).
    Do not talk down to women ever. It’s ok to tease but being cruel is not the way to go.
    Avoid fighting, as it isn’t the best way to solve problems, however a real gentleman never backs off when he’s challenged, always standing up for himself and his values. Remember to prioritize and not sacrifice your values for someone who is clearly just picking a fight with whomever will join in. If someone is simply embarrassing himself by offending you, don’t sink to his level, but walk away.
    If you do decide to fight, keep the straight posture, even if your rival is taller than you. Be reasonable, never use weapons, such as guns, knives and the like, as this kind of “chivalry” is from the old days and might end up seriously damaging you. And never, never fight in/against a group, for a gentleman only duels, do not try to be Chuck Norris. If your opponent is down, that means you made your point and it’s time to stop fighting. Offer him a hand to get up, always expecting a bad reaction, as he might not have the same values as you have.
    When walking on the sidewalk or on the side of the road, gentlemen should walk on the outside(closer to the road), whereas the lady should be on the inside, protected from oncoming traffic.

    Be sincere.
    Basic hygiene is important but a gentleman should go a little farther. Carry a pocket comb and keep your hair neat. If you have a more tousled style, keep it out of your eyes.
    Loving her means always giving (do not take this literally) so keep that in mind while you are with her. Always give (love, time, words of affirmation). Just don’t give so much that you resent her. It’s okay to also spend some time with your guy friends.
    Looking good doesn’t mean you can’t keep wearing jeans, T-shirts, and sneakers, it just means that they should all be clean, unwrinkled, look good on you, and not be offensive. However, at the end of the day, it’s the guy inside the clothes that counts. It’s also good to wear a belt, it can do wonders.
    It’s not as hard as it sounds.
    Truth walks side by side with men. And so do falsity. Being a gentleman it’s not necessarily about looking like one.
    If a girl doesn’t respect you if you are a true gentleman, she is not worth it. If you have made yourself worthwhile, the person you are with should treat you like it.
    Lead by example that means being considerate of others and talk about things that people can relate to like the economy etc.. This shows interest of people in their immediate surroundings.

    Don’t use illegal drugs or drink alcohol to excess. They will impair your judgment, and a true gentleman is in control of himself at all times.
    Gentlemen have dignity and honor by their sides, yet they are humble and thoughtful. You’re not better than anyone else just because you’re doing this. Don’t think it, don’t act like it.
    While being helpful is nice, don’t be overbearing.
    A gentleman can recognize it when he loses a fight. Know the difference between standing up for yourself and being a fool.
    general etiquette
    Always be polite
    Even if you don’t like someone, there is no need to lower yourself to their level. Be polite and courteous; show that you’re the better man.

    Do not curse
    Swearing is a big no-no. It shows that you don’t have the vocabulary to express your thoughts appropriately. Furthermore, it is always very crude and impolite to be vulgar.

    Do not speak loudly
    When you speak loudly, it raises the stress level among company. It always implies that you can’t reason with people and rely on “brute force” to get your point across. It also draws attention — negative attention.

    Do not lose your temper
    When you lose your temper, you are showing everyone that you can’t control your emotions. If you can’t even control yourself, then how can you possibly control anything else? Keep your cool at all times (it won’t be easy but it is worth the effort) and people will take positive note of your levelheadedness.

    Do not stare
    Ogling someone is the equivalent of psychological aggression. You don’t want to intimidate people for no reason.

    Do not interrupt
    Let people finish what they are saying before adding your comments. Interrupting others is a sign of poor etiquette and a lack of social skills. If you want to come across as egotistical, you can do so by constantly interrupting.

    Do not spit
    A lot of men do this almost subconsciously. Spitting is very crude and not too pretty to look at. Do not spit in public unless you want to look like you were raised in a sewer.

    Respect your elders
    In fact, you should respect others as you would like them to respect you. I am specifying elders because it seems that today, young men think they know it all. Well, they don’t. Just think of yourself five years ago… you’re much smarter and experienced today, aren’t you? Of course, yet you thought you knew it all five years ago.

    Do not laugh at others’ mistakes
    This is perhaps one of the cruelest things one can do. When you mess up, the last thing you want is for someone not only to bring it to your attention, but to ridicule you on top of that.

    Remove your hat indoors
    This rule seems to have gone out the window these days. You should remove your headwear upon entering a building. Furthermore, never keep your hat on while at the dinner table. It reflects very poor etiquette.

    Wait for seating before eating
    When sitting down for a meal, you should wait until all the guests are properly seated and ready to commence the meal before eating. Everyone should start dining at the same time; this is a subtle but very important rule.
    the basics of chivalry
    In addition to the aforementioned rules, gentlemen (in training) should follow these additional rules when in the presence of a lady. Chivalry may be on life support, but it is not dead yet. Be one of the few to keep this flame burning for many years to come.

    Always open doors
    This is perhaps the most basic rule of male etiquette out there. It is also one of the easiest to follow so you have no reason to forget it. Whether she is about to enter your car, restaurant, club, or anyplace with a door, you should always hold it open. If there are many doors, then hold them open one after the other.

    Put on her coat
    Always help a lady put on her coat or overgarment. This is a simple but powerful action.

    Help with her seat
    If an unaccompanied lady is sitting next to you, it is important that you help her be seated by pulling her chair out for her and gently pushing it back into place, with the lady seated of course.

    Give up your seat
    If a lady arrives at the table and there are no available seats, you should stand up and offer yours to her.

    Stand at attention
    Always stand when a lady enters or exits the room. This rule has been somewhat relaxed, so you can stand upon entrance but remain seated upon exit. Nonetheless, if you can do both, you should.

    Give her your arm
    When escorting a lady (that you know) to and from social events, you should offer her your arm. This is a little more intimate, but serves well when walking on uneven ground — especially if she’s wearing high heels.

    Ask if she needs anything
    This is one that most guys already do, but helps complete the gentleman in all of us nevertheless. When at social events, make sure to ask the lady if you can get her something to drink (or eat, depending on the event). Show her that you care about her comfort and needs.

    Gentlemen, if I may call you that, these are the rules of etiquette you should observe in everyday life. Elevate yourself above the rabble and display the mannerisms of a true gentleman. The world will appreciate such a rarity and your career will most definitely benefit from your good manners and savoir-faire.

    basic good manners
    Don’t flaunt your riches
    Nobody likes a braggart. Keep your assets vague if you have to discuss financial matters. You can wear expensive things without blowing your own trumpet.

    Never let others see you looking at your watch
    When you’re amid company, ask for the time or look at your watch only if you’re ready to leave right that instant. When others notice you glancing at the time, it can be interpreted as boredom. Be inconspicuous.

    Never groom yourself in public
    This includes picking your nose, chewing your nails and picking your teeth. These areas should only be ventured in private. Committing these acts overtly is a colossal mark of a lack of class.

    Be punctual
    Perhaps the greatest sign of respect, which is what a gentleman is all about, is being on time. Having people wait for you is the equivalent of telling them that you don’t care about them.

    Shake hands firmly
    Your handshake should mirror your personality. You want the other person to think of you as someone resolved, concrete and positive. But it shouldn’t be a test of your strength; don’t hurt them. Your grip should be the same for women.

    Apply constant verbal grace
    Use “excuse me” or “I beg your pardon” for all occasions. An extension of politeness, you should always use these expressions, whether it’s to get someone to move out of your way, to apologize for your upcoming journey to the men’s room, or simply to signal your interlocutors that you’re about to start a sentence.

    Tip well and discreetly
    Only tip when it’s called for, as opposed to those occasions when it’s simply awkward (i.e. hospital nurses or business messenger). When you do tip, don’t be cheap. Respect the 15% gratuity for restaurant tabs and nothing less than $10 for a significantly useful maitre d’.

    Project high moral values
    Even if you know that deep down you’re not, appear as if you were virtuous. A real gentleman always comes out of everything smelling like a rose.

    party etiquette
    The following tips apply for those occasions when you are venturing out into social events and get-togethers. God forbid you didn’t know how to act like the gentleman you are.

    Acknowledge your acquaintances
    Don’t play hide & seek with the people you know, even if you don’t feel like talking to them. Bite the bullet, initiate the mandatory greetings, and get it over with.

    Address new acquaintances by their title and last name
    Doctor and military ranks are important to the people who have these titles. Mr. and Mrs. should be used for the others (if you’re unsure about a woman’s marital status, use Ms. when addressing her). Wait until they ask you to use their first name before doing so. There’s nothing more irritating than someone who uses your first name two minutes after having met you.

    Look at your interlocutor
    Your attention should always be focused on the person you are talking with. Always look at them when listening as well as when you are in control of the conversation. Again, it’s a question of respect.

    At dinner, address those on your left and right
    Unless it’s a frat house keg fest, don’t shout across the table — concentrate on those closest to you. This will keep the proceedings calm and orderly.

    Never remove coat or necktie when in company
    By keeping your clothes on, you show that you consider the other guests important enough for you to remain fashionably tip-top.

    Only talk when you’ve been formally introduced
    Which is why the phrases “Have we met?” or “Have we been introduced?” are so handy. If you feel like speaking to somebody, find a person the two of you have in common and arrange a proper introduction.

    Let your social superiors address you first
    Unless you are on intimate terms, always let your social superior address you. This may seem archaic, but think of it in modern terms. You see Bill Gates at the party; do you go talk to him? Not unless you want his bodyguard to intervene. It can be clumsy, so arrange an introduction.
    feeling gallant?
    You know how to act around the ladies, don’t you?

    Never smoke in the presence of a lady unless invited to
    In this age of political correctness it has almost become a given. While she may not ask you to, make sure you do request her permission.

    Remove the cigar from your lips if a lady passes by
    This one is pure common sense. It’s a security measure as well as an indicator of high regard.

    Offer your seat to women
    Classics are always fashionable. Some feminists would certainly have a fit, but most women will definitely value the gesture.

    Always carry a woman’s packages
    Let’s face it; today’s women would probably shoot you a puzzled fleeting look, so at least offer to do so. This lets her know you respect her and are courteous enough to inquire as to her comfort.

    Finally, while excessive chivalry is what drove Don Quixote to madness, good manners are never uninvited in this era of fast business and faster relationships. Remember that behaving like a gentleman brings out the lady in every woman.

    Courtesy & Consideration
    Don’t “kiss and tell”
    Discretion, honor and integrity are of paramount importance in developing and maintaining your reputation as a gentleman. Details of your love life should remain private. Similarly, if a colleague has too much to drink at a party, be discreet. Never break a confidence and don’t participate in unkind gossip.

    Interrupt politely
    Etiquette dictates that you should never interrupt, but that’s not always practical. Interjecting your comments while someone else is speaking is definitely impolite, unless there is an emergency, or other good and valid reason. If you must interrupt or leave a conversational group, be sure to say, “excuse me” or “I beg your pardon.” Being polite means treating other people’s situations, opinions and feelings with respect.

    Be prudently punctual
    It’s important to be respectful of people’s time. Arrive on time for meetings, business functions and social events. If a meeting is dragging on later in the day than planned, a gent will ask if there are any time conflicts. A true gentleman also recognizes when it’s time to leave a party.
    Suave Communication
    Practice good etiquette
    Being courteous and respectful extends to how you handle your oral and written communications. Letters and voicemail messages should show that you are well-mannered and professional. In addition, practice e-mail Netiquette and cell phone etiquette.

    Be a gracious guest
    Thank the host at a social or business function. At a company party, always seek out and thank the most senior management in attendance, plus your own boss and the party organizers.

    Thank others
    Send handwritten thank-you notes for any gifts you receive, whether they are from suppliers or clients, or even your great-aunt Martha. Thank your server at lunch, the doorman at your building and your colleague who brings in donuts. Recognizing other people’s thoughtfulness demonstrates your good breeding.

    Don’t be politically incorrect
    The difference between a gentleman and a boor is class. Show you have it. Avoid off-color jokes and gossip. A few cheap laughs at someone else’s expense will tarnish your image, both socially and professionally.

    Practice small talk
    Whether you’re at a wedding reception or business conference, how you make conversation will boost the impression of your refinement. Charming conversationalists mentally rehearse small talk on a variety of topics, avoiding religion, politics and sex. A gentleman listens attentively, making eye contact, showing interest and graciously drawing other people into a conversation.
    Carry a handkerchief
    Plan ahead. Have a clean handkerchief in your pocket, especially when you attend a funeral. It’s also a great idea to have a hanky handy for a lady friend to dry raindrops or tears.

    Share your umbrella
    It’s very gallant to offer your umbrella to a lady. On a chilly evening or if the air conditioning is high, your wife or date might appreciate the loan of your suit jacket and others will notice your thoughtfulness. However, this gesture may be viewed as patronizing in a business setting, so don’t do it for a female colleague unless hypothermia is imminent.

    Cough thoughtfully
    If you’re overcome by a fit of coughing or sneezing, excuse yourself and leave the meeting or dinner table for a few minutes. Return quietly and apologize again as you take your seat.

    Pay the bill discreetly
    When you invite someone for lunch or dinner, accept the bill discreetly and without fanfare. When you’re the guest, you may offer to pay your share or to buy the wine but it is ungentlemanly to argue about who will pay the tab.

    Civility & Social Skills
    Maintain eye contact
    At a party, maintain eye contact with whomever you are speaking with. You may be the most well-mannered man, but if someone feels you’re scanning the room for someone more important to talk to, your image will be shattered.

    Make introductions
    Show your good manners when introducing people by telling them more than each other’s names. “Hal, I’d like you to meet Phil Brown, he’s a pilot with Delta. Phil, this is Hal Black. He recently returned from the Gulf with the military.” Many people have difficulty remembering names, and will appreciate your thoughtful manners if you say “George, you remember Alan, don’t you?”

    Engage people
    Be gracious. Make conversation with those on the sidelines, particularly at business functions. Your good breeding and kindness will be remembered. Invite people to become involved, whether it’s in a group discussion at a conference, a baseball game at the company picnic or a conga line at a wedding reception.

    Follow the host’s lead
    At a business dinner or dinner party, don’t sit until your host does, and don’t begin eating until they have lifted their fork. Wait to drink your wine until your host proposes a toast or takes a sip. Do not smoke until everyone has finished, and then only smoke if it is clearly permitted and once you have asked permission of your tablemates.
    Table Manners
    Never speak with food in your mouth
    No one wants to see what you’re chewing or listen to you talk with a mouthful of food. If you’re asked something and your mouth is full, signal your apologies and, if your dining partners are refined, they will patiently wait until you’re able to reply. Unless there’s a valid reason to wolf down your food and bolt from the table, eat slowly and converse with your tablemates.

    Don’t reach across someone
    When dining with others, don’t reach over; politely ask someone to pass the bread. When they do, take the tray or basket and offer the passer a piece of bread before taking one. If the bread is in front of you, pass it to the person beside you and, if they are knowledgeable about good etiquette, they will offer it to you before taking their own.

    Put down your knife
    Unless you’re expecting an attack from a pack of marauding wild animals, put down your knife after cutting your food and before eating it. It demonstrates good table manners, slows down the process of eating and allows you more time to showcase your talents as a scintillating conversationalist.
    Women & Chivalry
    Open the door
    In a business context, opening the door for women can be a contentious issue, so don’t make it too obvious. If there are men and women in the group, hold the door for everyone. In a social context, a gentleman will always hold the door for a lady. In addition, go around to open the car door and wait there until she is seated.

    Retrieve dropped items
    When someone drops something, pick it up and hand it back, whether it’s a glove, a file folder or a twenty-dollar bill. Make sure you bend at the knees, not from the waist.

    Walk beside a lady on the stairs
    Never walk behind a woman on the stairway, especially if she’s wearing a miniskirt. Walk beside her or slightly ahead of her on the stairs. When exiting a subway station in a crush of people, a gentleman will avert his eyes from the thighs ahead of him. The same principle applies if you are walking on the streets; don’t follow any woman you don’t know too closely.

    Walk on the outside of a sidewalk
    This allows your lady to be farther from the traffic. This way, if someone is going to be splashed, it will be you, not her. I know, I know… but that’s the price to pay if you want to be a gentleman.
    uncommon courtesy
    As author John Bridges says, being a gentleman requires “a little logic, a bit of forethought and a great deal of consideration for others.”

  31. logic says:

    yeah john that is a whooole lot of words just to say 'don't piss people off for no reason.' Really, it's all subjective.

    And there is noooo way I'm paying for a stranger's drink unless they do something really impressive.

  32. […] for you. I mean, ultimately, chivalry is as much manners as anything else, and what’s wrong with expecting a guys to have manners?! There’s nothing inequitable or anti-female about wanting and expecting a certain level of […]

  33. QUEEN says:

    @ SARA


  34. Hunter Reed says:

    dyslexia is not that debiliating but it is somewhat limiting to the kind of job that you can get~~-

  35. […] I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months. He’s great, really into me and always doing anything he can to make me happy. At first, all the “you’re so beautiful and perfect” blah blah comments were cute and […]

  36. Patrick says:

    I don't think that any of the guidelines in the list that you linked are "Dated" at all, unless you consider dated "two years ago". Many of them are just actions which fall under manners, which you may not be familiar with and don't actually come up that often. A lot of them deal with how to dress, especially formally, and you may feel that doing those things doesn't make a genlteman, just try to picture the guy showing up to a black-tie dinner that doesn't follow any of these guidelines and then try to describe him as a gentleman. Not easy.

  37. Patrick says:

    All but about three of the guidlines that you've come up with specifically target how a guy should treat women, and almost all of those target a girlfriend or date specifically. You might better title your article: "How to be a good date" or "How to woo a girl." The actual guidelines for being a gentleman include how to act around everyone. Men, women, coworkers, strangers, friends, girlfriends, wives, people you might affect but won't even meet, etc. That is what being a gentleman is about. The fact that this carries over into making you more attractive to girls is just an added bonus.

    Also, Part of being a gentleman is not having sex with a woman before marraige. Not sure that anyone here mentioned that yet.

    1. Norman Lowe says:

      Not having sex before marriage has nothing to do with being a gentleman. That's a personal choice, likely based on some narrow religious expression. Each to their own by all means…but a lady or a gentleman is not defined by their religion or culture.
      A gentleman would be defined by never demanding or forcing sex, as a lady would be defined by never inviting it purely to lead a man on. What consenting adults do in privacy is their business…a gentlemen would be responsible enough to educate himself on STD's and contraception – even if he intends to wait until he is married as would a lady.

  38. […] that chivalry existed until now, or if I should blame all the men out there for lacking the know-how and desire to step up, but either way, I’m happy someone has taken the […]

  39. […] that chivalry existed until now, or if I should blame all the men out there for lacking the know-how and desire to step up, but either way, I’m happy someone has taken the […]

  40. Johnny W says:


    I had a long discussion with some close friends of mine last night and we discussed a lot about the problems you face today beeing a gentleman and acting with high morale. We discussed a lot about things you should and should not do, how to act correct and what is expected of you. We are kind of a brotherhood of well performing young men in a world where gentlemen has disappeared, but we refuse to yield for the new ways and choose to live by a more (in our views) correct way for a man.

    I liked reading your list, specially the one with the sandals as we actually laughed like heck last night as that was brought up, but for us the list is different, first of all we live in Sweden. And our society is quite different from the american way of life. I have worked quite a lot in the US the last few years and gone on a few dates and really ran into the "culture issues" between Sweden and the US. As we are a very equal society when it comes to genders a lot of things that are expected in the US is quite far from our way of life. Paying for drinks is a good example, many of us of course pay for our dates etc if we invite them do dinner etc. But this is not expected overall in the swedish way of life.

    It is not expected that the man pays for everything when courting a lady, even if we often do. Otherwise, the list you have. It is common sense for any man worth half his name. But good that you put this up, as it seems as beeing a man is becoming a lost art in this world.

    I do apologize for my lack in the english language, I probably come off as a slob myself. Tho I hope this is not the case.

    Kind Regards

    Johnny, Sweden

  41. Johnny W says:

    I hope I did not actually lose my long answer I wrote.

  42. Johnny W says:

    Well, seems I did.

    I will just write it again. I had a long discussion with my close friends yesterday about this as we often do. We are kind of a brotherhood that stand for old values when it comes how a man should act. Beeing correct, have morale and of course be a gentleman. This is sadly a dying breed in society nowdays.

    Tho, I found your list and found it very interesting and I agree to most of it. What I want to point out tho is a culture issue that can arise. We are from sweden and we have a very different society than you have in the US. I have been working a lot last few years in Boston and NYC and gone one a few dates. It is quite obvious that I am not really an american there. I know how to act towards a lady and do so quite well. I make sure she is comfortable at all times and act as an gentleman should. Tho, what is a big difference in sweden compared to the US is that we have a very equal society when it comes to gender. The part where the man pays for everything whilst courting a lady is long gone in our society, we belive in equality between the genders and this is seen all over the society.

    Of course, most of us do pay for the dinner and drinks etc, but it is not a must as it is in the US. There been many discussions over the years about this. Some compare the man paying for everything as a kind of "prostitution" etc as they really are showering the lady with money to court her. Tho, many of us still do pay for everything when we take a lady on a date, it is not expect in anyway overall if you date a scandinavian woman.

    Was just a side note.

    Great list and glad to see you are helping out men with things like this that should have been common sense.

    Good luck in finding your gentleman!

    Johnny. Sweden

  43. Allan Nana says:

    hey guys
    am actually from Uganda in Africa… Well,the list is amazing but i guese there are some fews points you actually forgot,points like “laugh at her jokes even if they are not really funny”( i wonder if gentlemen fake their emotions)..

    “open the door,smile and then follow her inside”;
    In case she comes at your apartment,DON’T open the door and then quickly go back to your sitting room to catch up with the tv programme you have been watching,it makes her feel unwelcomed and probably makes her think that her presence doesnt really matter to you..

    “visit her family sometimes,most especially her father and brothers”; visiting her family will be a sign of commitment and will actually create a friendly atmosphere between you and them and remember if her family likes you, she will like you more..

    “tell her about your plans and ask what she think even if its not really needed” this will show how much you consider her in everything you do..

    “don’t ask so much quetions about her past relationsips”.. tell her that thats history,you the present

    “don’t forget to mention her in your speech at the ceremonies in case she is around”

    “say things which you are sure of,don’t brag around” make promises that you will fulfill..

  44. Christopher says:

    When I read your introduction I was little worried you would be tearing on some poor old man, who attempted to document his life's advice after getting reminiscent with a couple glasses of scotch and some Frank Sinatra…

    I was glad to see that wasn't the case, solid job adapting the basic precepts of an old code to modern times. Being a gentleman is all about creating an atmosphere of comfort around yourself and those you're with and some of those antiquated gestures just make you look weird and the people around you regret your company.

  45. zoot suits says:

    we must take great care in the way we dress, and what we consciously or sub-consciously choose to label ourselves…

  46. web says:

    It is the best time to make some plans for the long run and it’s time to be happy. I have read this publish and if I could I want to counsel you some attention-grabbing things or suggestions. Maybe you could write subsequent articles regarding this article. I wish to read even more things about it!

  47. Cody says:

    You can tell the author is a real lady…what lady uses the term douche bags and stumbles out of a guys bed in a slutty costume.

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