As I was exploring the joys of StumbleUpon with a good guy friend of mine, I happened upon this site: the 21 ways to be a gentlemen.
Seriously, click that link and read it. Then join me as I ask, “Um, really?” The list is chock full of some pretty asinine and totally dated characteristics of a “gentleman.”
A gentleman eats the garnish on his dinner plate if he so desires? Waits until a lady at the table lifts her fork before he takes his first bite?
Yeah, I don’t think so.
I’ve decided to revamp this list of 21 ways to be a gentleman, geared toward your typical college bro. Chivalry might be dead and douche bags abound on every campus, but these 21 rules shouldn’t be too hard to follow.
1. Always offer to pay for drinks, even if you know she’ll refuse.
2. Never layer collared shirts. Even more importantly, keep those collars down.
3. Don’t blow her off for video games. Real sports games? Acceptable with a forewarning. Impromptu Madden tournament? Not so much.
4. Even if her best friend is a perfect 10 smoke show? Don’t let on that you think so. Ogle her on Facebook instead.
5. Don’t text at dinner.
6. Open doors. Pull out chairs. Let her order first. Simple manners.
7. Don’t make her walk of shame home at 4 AM, shoeless and in a ridiculous outfit. Even worse if it’s a slutty Halloween costume. Would you like to be traipsing home in the wee hours wearing nothing but a slutty school girl kilt and tank top after getting tossed out of some dude’s bunkbed? Not. Cool.
8. Let her watch “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” or whatever girly show she likes without mocking it the entire way through. Bonus points for putting it on your DVR.
9. No, she doesn’t look fat in that dress. Yes, even if she does.
10. Do not ever, EVER push her head or hand downtown.
11. Don’t be ashamed of her in front of your buddies, even if she’s sipping wine coolers instead of Bud Light when you’re all hanging out.
12. Even if you don’t care, ask her about family/friends/shopping excursion. You’ll make her smile, guaranteed.
13. Farting isn’t funny, but occasionally tolerable. Dutch ovening? Never acceptable.
14. Please warn her before you bust. Surprises in the form of gifts are nice, but not so much when they are hot sticky ones in her eye.
15. Once in a while, suggest she wears something that you like to see her in. She’ll be impressed and flattered by the compliment, provided you’re not asking her to wear lingerie out on the town.
16. Plan something. Anything. Even just a dinner and a movie. Pull some weight in the social planning, even if it’s just once in a while.
17. If she, you know, for lack of a better term, slobs on your knob (thank you 3 6 Mafia), return the favor please! Unless she’s not a fan, in which case, prove to her that she should be one.
18. Messed up? Apologies are always better with chocolate.
19. Kiss her on the cheek in public once in a while. A little PDA isn’t awful and reminds her how much you care about her. Just no sloppy make outs. That’s just gross.
20. Keep your word. Don’t say things you don’t mean. If you promise something, stick to it.
21. No socks with sandals. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
What would you like added to the list? Anything dudes can do to step it up to gentlemen status nowadays?
Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie