I know that most people are excited for beach trips, suntans and reading for pleasure this summer, but what’s getting me revved up for the next three months is the totally rad summer TV lineup. After all, sometimes we need to take a break from road trips, slip and slides, and parties and soak in laziness.  Agreed?

And with all the amazingness that summer TV has to offer, kicking back with a Diet Coke and some Smart Pop (and probably some aloe to rub on that “I’m having so much fun I forgot to put on sunscreen” burn) will be just as good as a day at the wave pool. Actually, considering the amount of chilren that pee in that place, this is a whole lot better.

Secret Life of the American Teenager
June 22

The Secret Life is back, baby!! When the season ended, Amy delivered baby John, Ashley moved in with her dad, Grace + Jack = 4-ever, and Adrian ended up alone.  Season Two brings more baby mama drama for Amy, and SOMEONE WILL DIE! (Duh duh duuuuuh.)

Army Wives
In Progress

Think being a soldier in the army is hard? It is. But the Army Wives have their own troubles: falling out of love with their husbands stationed in Iraq, starting a career, kissing a doctor (boss), getting a motorcycle, sending their sons off to war, having an affair… it’s a rough time!! And that was only one army wife.  This circle of women is tough! They fight off stalkers, tend to husbands with PTSD, deal with the death of family members, and battle the vicious tongues of the other prying wives. This show is incredibly moving and drama-rific; perfect for a summer night.

Nurse Jackie
In Progress

Oh yeahhh! Edie Falco is back on the tube. Unfortunately, she is no longer Carmela Soprano.  Instead she plays Jackie O’Hurley, an emergency room nurse in New York City.  Jackie is brilliant, sarcastic and witty, but super flawed and abuses meds to get through the days.  I smell drama.

(PS. For those looking for a Twilight fix, Peter Facinelli plays a doctor on the show! Hotness.) Read More »

It seems that these days, everybody is obsessed with vampires. Since “Twilight” burst onto the literary scene, an entire genre of vampire fiction has emerged. However, Charlaine Harris with her Sookie Stackhouse novels (as they are known) was present long before Stephanie Meyer. And for those of you who enjoy a slightly supernatural twist on your reading, but feel a bit too mature for “Twilight,” Harris will fill that void.

You may recognize the name Sookie Stackhouse from the popular HBO series “True Blood,” which was inspired by Harris’ series and characters. The book and the TV show are very similar; same characters, same situations. However, as I often find, the book is better than the television or theatrical interpretation.

Sookie is a completely lovable character. Living a simple life in the simple town of Bon Temps, Louisana, her whole world is twisted when a vampire enters the bar where she works. In Sookie’s world, vampires have “come out of the closet” and live among humans, sometimes peacefully, sometimes……not. Sookie takes a particular interest in vampire Bill and soon enough, they develop a relationship.

What I found intriguing about this novel is that Harris parallels real-life relationship struggles with the vampire-human relationship, such as the ever-present issue of different races and religions. Harris uses the vampire platform to demonstrate how couples of different races or religions face criticism from their community and their family and friends.

I found myself completely and totally lost in “Dead Until Dark.” Harris is a great writer; simple, but to the point. I could not put down Sookie’s story and often imagined myself walking along with her and Bill. As with all of my summer reads, the story and language need not be complicated for the book to be entertaining. I fully enjoyed “Dead Until Dark,” and recommend it to anyone who is looking for a more mature “Twilight” or just a supernatural summer read!

Because wiping was so difficult before!

For all the crazy cat ladies out there – get fit!

Bret Michaels is a real martyr.

People really hate Chris Brown. Duh.

Will Ferrell can’t handle the Twitter heat.

Wow, Kate Gosselin really effed up this time.

Who loves Friday? We do, we do!

The clock has officially struck 5 (for us, at least…sorry West Coast), the booze is officially in hand, and we’re ready for the weekend! And, quite frankly, we deserve it. It’s been a busy week around here and we are really effing tired.

We learned what doesn’t mix well with alcohol, and that beer is really good for us!

We figured out why we can’t stop eating. (Though we still wonder why we can’t stop drinking…)

We spent a lot of time looking in the mirror; we are too narcissistic for anyone else to love us, after all.

We screamed at people for annoying us with their technology, and learned what is appropriate and what is not when it comes to using it.

We contemplated abstinence (sorta…), but only because we just do not want a baby and the birth control pill can kill us.

We tried to get our BF to cuddle with us by indulging his very naughty sexual fantasies.

Oh yeah. We also entered the CollegeCandy contest to see No Doubt for free.

And now we’re dunzo. And drinking. There is nothing quite like a delicious summer weekend. Especially when you know the cure for hangovers.

While shopping at the mall with friends last weekend, my breakfast of Kashi Go Lean Crunch! came back to haunt me. And by “me,” I mean “everyone within a 10 foot radius.” Yeah, it’s true – I had a horrible case of the farts. So bad that I couldn’t even stand myself. I tried to hold it in – really, really hard – but they just kept coming and it was impossible for me to walk around a giant mall with my ass cheeks clenched together.

So I did what any normal woman would do: I walked away from my friends and left some smelly bombs in store corners and mall walkways. Poor shoppers didn’t know what was coming.

The entire ordeal was mortifying (especially when the guy bringing my shoes walked through an exceptionally offensive gas cloud and got a very sour look on his face) and could have been completely avoided had someone informed me about these special panties. Now, I am not one for granny panties (especially of the Hefty variety), but a pair of panties that could mask my gas?

Where do I sign up?

I’m not sure how they work, but as long as they don’t create a virtual dutch oven in my pants thus releasing the foul odor of a day’s worth of farts and knocking me out the moment I take them off, I don’t really care.  The mere thought of enjoying a fiberous breakfast and then flatulating all day without anyone knowing (I’m a master of the SBD) is enough to lure me in.

We’re back with another edition of G.W.W…

…well, sort of.

I’ve got a healthy libido and a short attention span, so my celeb crush turnover rate is pretty high. But every once in a blue moon, my ever-wandering eye is caught by someone so despicable, so nasty, my sexual drive is dashed in an instant.  This week, let’s talk about a G.W.D.W.E. (Guy We Don’t Wanna Eff)–Phil Spector.

Phil’s career as a music producer is perhaps as illustrious as they come–he’s worked with The Ramones, The Righteous Brothers, and The Beatles.  But just last month, he was sentenced to 19 years to life for the murder of  Lana Clarkson.  Witnesses at his trial said he had a ghoulish habit of “bullying” women with guns.  Great songwriter? Maybe. Soulless, gun-wielding psycho? Definitely.

But the pièce de résistance of Spector’s uneffable resume is his God-awful  puffball hairdo. Seriously? Look at this thing! It looks like someone stuck his pecker in a socket and transplanted his putrid pubes onto his head. Looking at this photo for more than three consecutive seconds triggers my vom-in-my-mouth reflex. Yuck! And worst of all, the ‘do is a wig! Spector has been known over the years to fancy all sorts of alternative hairstyles, but this one takes the fashion-disaster cake. Who voluntarily chooses to look like that?

Philly, shame on you for your nasty updo. Double shame on you for murdering an innocent woman. Triple shame on you for wasting your legendary talent. Don’t expect any conjugal visits from me.

I don’t get the appeal of the expensive beach babe. First of all, budget beach babe just sounds better. Second, I simply don’t understand the point of spending so much on a bathing suit just because the piping is plaid. What is the point of spending that much on something that isn’t even original. You look down the row of lounge chairs at a hot Miami hotel and it’s like Burberry drank too much last night resulting in a major hangover and then vomited all over the sunbathers.

There are SO many cute bathing suits, cover ups, sunglasses, totes, etc., out there that are muy cheapo but look muy expensivo. Plus, not only do you look like a beach babe, you look like an original that-girl-has-mad-fashion-sense one to boot.

Just don’t forget your SPF. Even I can’t make a person-turned-lobster look cute. Read More »

“Yeah, I’ll have turkey on white with cucumbers, tomato and….hm…extra cum, please!”
One word: WTF?

I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not.  Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later.  However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.

Those of us who have little sisters know how annoying they can be (haha, love you Chloe!).  Those of us who are humans who participate in society know how annoying famous little sisters can be.  The most annoying of these are probably Ashlee Simpson (okay, the older sister is just as annoying…if not more so) and Jamie Lynn Spears (well…ditto).  But which one is more of a fame whore?  Which one can even be called a valid human being (j/k…sort of)? Read More »

OMG. Drooling.

While walking to the gym the other day, I found myself walking behind a group of boys en route to the bar for some afternoon drinking. Well, I assume that was where they were heading. I didn’t hear much of what they were saying after I noticed one of them was wearing a pair of Sevens that hugged his butt just right and lay perfectly atop his pair of vintage-inspired sneakers.

I was so caught up in my imagination (read: those jeans piled up on my floor) that I didn’t notice when the boys stopped for a red light…and I walked right into them. If that wasn’t embarrassing enough, I literally had drool dripping down my chin.

What can I say? There are just some things I can’t resist, and a hot pair of jeans is one of them. Everyone has their vice, so this week I asked the CollegeCandy writers to share what makes them weak in the knees. What’s your weakness?

Alex – Lakehead University: I can’t resist a pair of thick, black glasses and a great smile. I like happy nerds.

Sara C – Fordham: I love a man in a suit. There’s something about a clean-pressed shirt and tie that makes me want to rip all the clothes right off!

Norah – Drake University: Intelligence – and an Irish accent. Irresistible.

Leah – Ryerson University: I’m a sucker for a guy who can play guitar and sing.

Kathryn – University of Wisconsin-Madison: Piercing blue eyes and really long eyelashes. Guys always seem to luck out and get naturally long lashes while girls try every mascara under the sun to get that extra “oomph.”

Liza M – Minnesota: Nothing is better than a guy who smells good! Bonus points if he’s wearing Aqua De Gio instead of Axe. Read More »