My grandparents are determined to get me married off  to someone with a respectable profession before I’m 23. They’re convinced that if I haven’t met the right corporate lawyer or hedge fund banker by then, I’ll recieve a one-way nonrefundable ticket to spinsterhood. So it was a huge surprise to me that it took two whole weeks in New York before my grandmother’s friend’s law-student grandson “asked for my number.”

Considering I had never met the guy, I had my doubts that he asked for my number. Nonetheless I gave my grandmother permission to give it to him. Then I promptly forgot about the whole yentil-style-matchmaker-ambush and went back to my daily life of interning and unsuccessful haggling with street vendors.

And then, a few days later, like a missed call in shining armor, I received the following voicemail. Try not to swoon.

“Hi Jenni, this is Ben, my grandmother is making me call you, I don’t know what the hell is going on. I guess call me back at 867-5309. You know what, or don’t this is so awkward.”

It’s almost unnecessary to say but after that charming message, we began dating, one thing led to another, and we’re getting married in the Plaza over the fourth of July weekend. Slash NOT.

I have yet to return the call. I don’t remember this happening to anyone during Fiddler on the Roof and that’s the only experience I have with being set up by my elders. I’m tempted to just text him this blog link, but then again he is my only prospect at the moment (sure he’s playing a little hard to get) and I don’t want to ruin my chances.
Read More »

Want your pregunta featured in Tuffy Luv’s biweekly column?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and ye shallllllll re-CEIVE!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So for the past two months I’ve been hooking up with a friend of mine. It evolved slowly since he was my first at pretty much everything, so we only started having sex a couple weeks ago. We hang out most nights a week, though sometimes we hang out with other friends too so we don’t hook up then. And sometimes we hang out and do other stuff instead of hooking up. That has been happening more and more lately, and in situations where we could be hooking up, and it’s kind of been frustrating me.

We used to have the TV on so no one would hear us (we both live with our parents), but lately we’ve just been actually watching TV and not actually hooking up. Sometimes he says he’s “too tired” to do anything or to even hang out.  I don’t get it. Why would a guy choose not to have sex when he knows he could and he claims he wants to? I think I’ve been really cool about this whole thing, in terms of not getting clingy/weird/emotional, which I know guys are supposedly scared of in non-committed sexual relationships. I straight out asked him, “You’d tell me if you didn’t want to do anything anymore, right?” It wouldn’t be the end of the world, I’d just rather he be straightforward with me. However he said it wasn’t that at all, it’s just he felt like watching TV. Really? We haven’t had sex in over a week, yet we’ve hung out multiple times since then and he texts me and calls me almost every day and still asks to hang out. I don’t get it! Isn’t it supposed to be the guy who always wants to have sex, and the girl who says she’s not in the mood?

-Friend Without Benefits Read More »

Want to know what song is playing on the radio? There’s an app for that.
Want to mix some fruity cocktails by the pool? There’s an app for that.
Wanna get your rocks off with the same electronic you use for making phone calls? There’s an app for that.

The iPhone has an application for everything, and getting fat is no exception. Because Americans weren’t doing a good enough job of porking up on their own, tons of companies are developing programs making it even easier to access the fat. Ironic, considering all the obese people complaining that their pudgy fingers were too big for the keyboard.

You looking to pack on some poundage? Looks like you need an iFat iPhone. Read More »

It’s Parent Weekend, or your birthday, or just a Thursday night and you’re craving a free meal a la parentals. Either way, your parents are coming to campus and that means one thing and one thing only: it’s time to clean.

It’s not like your place is dirty – at least by your standards – but something about having mom and dad sit on that couch (where your roommate hooked up last night and – oh! – her bra is stuffed between the cushions) is just not right.
You don’t need your parents seeing the cans from last night’s impromptu party, or the empty Doritos bags littering your
bedroom floor.

You run home from class/work and get moving on the deep clean. You start with your bedroom. You fold all of the clothes that have been piled on your floor for three weeks and put them away.  After you make your bed, you decide some vacuuming is in order. Good idea, too, as you find some less than parent-friendly goodies (your bowl or some empty condom wrappers, perhaps?) under the bed. You remove the dirty dishes (AKA the cereal bowl from last week filled with congealed milk) from your desk and replace them with books and binders. Read More »

Who is going to deliver the giant checks now?

Perez Hilton pissed off the gays.

Who does FHM think are the sexiest ladies around?

Cameron Diaz gets her Hollywood star.

14 tips to look sexier in the buff.

Reebok got fancy!

So, Jon and Kate’s “big announcement” has been the talk of town for days. And while many people ask “Who the hell are these freaks and why do I care?” all I can say is, “THEY ARE JON AND KATE GOSSELIN, DUH! They have the cutest kids ever and I’ve been watching them since they were BORN!!!”

Ok, so maybe I’m a little invested, but I was there for their first dentist appointment that’s what happens when you watch a show for so long and feel like you get to know a family. That is why people care. We’ve been watching the Gosselin children grow since they were born, so we’ve been dreading the announcement and news of what was going to happen to this once seemingly perfect family

As I settled in to watch and heard of the couple’s decision to separate (and Kate claiming that it had “nothing to do with the show”…yeah right), I felt a sudden drop in my stomach. Although I had already been anticipating this news for weeks, hearing it straight from Jon and Kate suddenly made it very real. In many ways, this unfortunate decision seemed inevitable. Any regular viewer of the show could see the tension brewing between the couple for quite some time, but that didn’t make it any easier. Nor did it stop the tears that welled up in my eyes. I know, I’m embarassed.

I had to turn to a Butterfinger bar to make myself feel better.

It’s just hard to watch a relationship fail, regardless of who it is. And feeling so connected to those kids makes it so much worse. What is going to happen to them? How are they going to take the news? And, if having cameras in their faces/paparazzi stalking them/a mom with porcupine hair wasn’t enough, will this totally eff them up in the future? Read More »

Don’t worry; all 5 people living there are OK.

The new Alice in Wonderland looks freaky!

There are baby animals that aren’t cute.

The perfect swimsuit fit…for your personality.

Fashion tips from the latest red carpet walks.

Chris Brown gets probation!?

When I got to college I thought I knew with 100% certainty that I wanted to be an English teacher. I spent my first two years fulfilling all of the requirements for the School of Ed and then spent the next two years preparing for my life in a high school classroom.

Only, upon graduation, I realized that I’d rather die than work with those ungrateful little bastards ever again teaching wasn’t for me.

And that’s when the sh*t hit the fan. You see, my parents’ generation was one where you get a job and do it until you retire at 65. It may not be ideal and you may not love it deep down in your core, but it’s a good job and you do it. You don’t take a year off and think about what you want to do; you don’t try out different fields and see which one makes you happy. You get a job, get off the family payroll and become an adult. Read More »

Geez. The only things I ever worried about with older men were bald spots, wrinkley…you know, hairy backs and impotence. But dating an older guy will kill me?

I’ll just stick with cradle robbery.

Everyone has done it or at least thought about doing it. It’s dirty, it’s sneaky, and it’s best left to professionals.  What I’m talking about, of course, is the period excuse.

Women, being the fragile, emotional creatures that we are, are often incapable of simple activity due to the massive blood loss through our vaginas that happens once a month. You know, so when you park at a meter and don’t put money in, it’s obvs that you’re broke because of your “monthly bill.”

Wrong or right, using your period as an excuse works every time. At least when men are involved. And because thinking is hard when Mother Nature is visiting, we came up with a cheat sheet of excuses to use when you just can’t carry on functioning as a normal human being:

Work:

“I won’t be able to make it in today because I have a really heavy flow, which makes it difficult for me to answer the phone and type things.  You know.”

“I think I’m gonna have to leave early today.  I don’t have any tampons here at work. Would you like me to explain further?”

“I don’t think people would want their food served by someone who has been bleeding for 4 days.” Read More »