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GOOD Advice Men Get: The Female Orgasm
July 1, 2009 Posted in Relationships, Sex
While searching for bad advice articles for this week’s column, I came (teehee) across one article that I loved so much I had to share it with all of you. The article is about female orgasm and it packages some of the best sex advice men can get into a relatively short and easy-to-read article. While this article gives me hope that guys might be learning something out there in the big world of men’s mags, it also worries me that those same guys will internalize everything they catch on these sites.
But, what can I do about it? If dudes are learning how to please a lady, who am I to argue?
Ladies, read this article with your partner!!
This Week’s Article: 10 Lessons About The Female Orgasm by Men’s Health.
Some highlights:
Men’s Health Says:“Just as you’re concerned about lasting longer, many women are so self-conscious about taking too long that they end up faking orgasm or deciding to go without.”
I Say: YES! This is one of my biggest insecurities during sex, but I didn’t realize it was so common!
Men’s Health Says: “Talent—more than rugged good looks or a chiseled midsection—is a powerful aphrodisiac, according to research by my colleagues at The Kinsey Institute.”
I Say: This is so true. A passionate, talented man is SO much more attractive to me than a blonde model-boy.
Men’s Health Says: “During foreplay, gently brush the tops, bottoms, and sides of her breasts; these areas are actually more sensitive than an unaroused areola and nipple.“
I Say: I HATE when boys go straight to the nipples and start pinching and twisting. I’m not a radio that needs tuning! Please, focus on the entire boob. Both of them!
Men’s Health Says: “Lie next to her, lightly bracing the heel of one hand just above her clitoris. Now run your ring and middle fingers along the length of her outer lips. Graze the skin at first, adding pressure as the tension builds. Cup the area around her clitoris with your palm to add indirect stimulation—most women are too sensitive to receive direct contact early on…”
I Say: Yes, yes, and yes…
Men’s Health Says: “We love it when you try new things, and it’s important to vary your technique, but once you’ve found a winner, stick with it until she crosses the finish line.”
I Say: There is nothing more frustrating then being RIGHT THERE and having you change the rhythm or angle and losing it completely. Of course guys only have the best intentions, but if the lady is enjoying herself it’s always good to stick with what works until we initiate a change.
Men’s Health Says: “A woman’s orgasm threshold drops after her first one, so it’s often easier to bring her to climax through penetration after she’s already had one. How does that sound for an encore?”
I Say: I didn’t know this but I’m glad I do now. Bring on the multiples!
There are even more great tips in the article, so get your ass over to Men’s Health and read it!
Do you ladies have any more suggestions for pleasing a woman in bed?
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Thomas says:
Wed, 1st Jul 20099:16 am
I have long been frustrated at not finding specific information on how a guy can stimulate a woman's clitoris, so much information is vague in this regard. After much looking around the best info I have found is a book on Extended Massive Orgasm from Drs Bodansky's and dvds on Deliberate Orgasm from Welcommed Consensus. Both are excellent sorce of this info and are even better together. I know so because my girlfriend says so.
Ricki says:
Wed, 1st Jul 200910:15 am
Okay I love this article, but here is the issue:
How do I show this to my guy without being like…you could use a little bit of work here?
Candie says:
Wed, 1st Jul 20094:33 pm
Ricki – I've found that sometimes it's best to take a direct approach and literally guide his hand (or whatever body part) where you want it. And when he does something right, accidentally or otherwise, give positive feedback. Like "that feels good, keep doing that" along those lines
falvo says:
Thu, 2nd Jul 20095:24 pm
the second to last one: i have encountered this problem. i think it's because men are the opposite. if you do the same thing to them for too long they get bored and desensitized. so they assume the same is true of us. the only way to get what you want is to TELL HIM. usually they are more than happy to oblige as long as you don't say it in a critical or offensive way.
Mad Malk says:
Mon, 10th Aug 20094:04 pm
Regarding #2 up there how does one get to the bedroom without the looks…You can have all the skill in the world, but without an invite it's worthless.
thegnu says:
Tue, 11th Aug 20097:20 am
@Thomas, Nina Hartley's DVDs on how to give good oral sex, etc, are fantastic as well. She gives great advice for pleasuring both men and women, and she's not overly clinical about it. And her models are cute. But the best way to learn how to give a woman oral sex is to ask for negative and positive feedback ("I don't like that much, but I really liked what you were just doing") as early in the relationship as possible.
Anyway, I notice a trend with people who are bad lovers is that they seem to be self-centered. Sometimes, it's a result of being nervous, but sometimes they just don't care. Other times, they don't even know they're being selfish, and you just inform them, and it makes a difference.
On the other hand, the best sex I've had, I knew the girl for something like 2 years before we started dating, so we knew each other pretty well. We'd talked fairly openly about sex, and flirted a little.
@Mad Malk, though I don't really recommend the pick-up artist (PUA) community as a life goal, they have lots of information on how to overcome that mind-set, and be able to communicate effectively and be successful with women. I would recommend reading Neil Strauss's (aka Style) The Game. He covers a lot of life-changing material, from NLP to different people in the PUA community. It's complete with cautionary tales not to become a shallow husk of a man seeking only self-gratification.
After reading The Game, I would watch both Style's Annihilation Method (clever and laid-back) and The Mystery Method Video Archive 5 Volume DVD Set (pretty aggressive and flashy). Google them. Mystery's DVDs, you can get at Amazon.com. Style's, I can't find where to buy, but there are torrents.
If anyone wants to belittle or debase the value provided by the PUA community, I'm down for a debate. I can assure you, I've thought longer and more deeply about this subject than you probably have.
Dutchdude says:
Tue, 11th Aug 20098:44 am
@Ricki
Usually you don't have to worry about that. Your man will probably be very happy with the help you give him. The way I was "tought" by my girlfriend was during foreplay, I asked her what she liked and she told me. You could just tell your man during foreplay it would be nice to try something different. If it works he will feel like he has accomplished something, which will encourage him to do it more often and be open for more advice. Just encourage him a little bit… It will do the trick!
Brad says:
Mon, 16th Nov 200911:28 pm
y can my girlfriend only come when she is on top?
Jessica says:
Mon, 3rd Oct 201110:43 pm
Seems like a lot of people have different ideas about what the female orgasm really is and how it works. What I have read is a very technical view of a very passionate subject. When it happens without pain, it is good.