Bibs, Binkies and Other Things We Wish They Made in Our Size

I am a notorious people watcher and window shopper.  Whenever I’m walking around, I’m constantly evaluating the products I see.  For example, if I see a pair of shoes in the window of a store, I pick out three outfits in my head that I could wear them with.  Same goes for electronics, appliances, etc. – I always imagine when or where I could be using them.

The other day I was taking a little stroll through the city and I passed by the window of a baby store.  I had to stop because there is a lot of useful stuff in there!  I mean, who hasn’t been on an epic shopping trip, loaded with bags and stumbling on your swollen feet, and glared at the toddler being pushed around in the stroller?  I want a stroller!  Unfortunately, most things in a baby store are pretty mini.  But what if they weren’t??

Pacifiers - For the people that need some comfort in their lives!  Instead of eating while bored, just suck on a pacifier.  Same goes for drinking.  It could solve so many problems!  And when your girlfriends get a bit sloppy at the bar, just shove one of these in their mouths to protect them from their verbal diarrhea. Or putting something else in there…

Cribs -  Who hasn’t rolled out of bed on occasion? Especially after a night of debauchery? Cribs would solve everything!  Plus, they come with neat little gadgets and art pieces.  Set me up in an adult crib with a holder for my computer, phone, and adult pacifier and I’ll be set like a jet.

Leashes - Baby leashes are adorable.  Put one on a drunk adult and it just becomes necessary, especially for those friends who tend to wander when intoxicated. They would be exceptionally useful at crowded concerts, in a foreign city, at clubs, etc.  Some of them even come with a cute little cartoon-themed backpack (so it doesn’t look so cruel), which would be perfect for storing an emergency flask.

Bibs - Although I love wearing white, it is the bane of my existence.  I either have to avoid eating and drinking entirely when I wear it or just hope I’m magically less clumsy/sloppy on that particular day.  Bibs would completely eradicate this fear and give me the confidence to wear white and enjoy life! Yeah, bibs!

Diapers – Ok, so these do come in adult sizes, but that doesn’t mean they are socially acceptable. I don’t really have any particular need for diapers (in fact, the concept grosses me out), but I have thought on occasion that really, extremely drunk people could use them.  It’s better than peeing/pooing in the street/in the cab/on my carpet, no?  Yes…yes it is.

Ride On Carry On – This nifty little contraption is the solution to all my airport woes.  When going on vacation, I can just strap this sucker on my boyfriend’s carry-on luggage and have him wheel me through the terminal.  I could totally handle a 5am flight if someone just pulled me around while I was unconscious.  I wonder if this thing can be hooked onto anything else?  You know, like the back of a strapping young lad to carry me home when my stilettos hurt too much to take another step.