Celebretard Showdown: Megan Fox vs. Kristen Stewart

I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not.  Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later.  However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.

I’m a fan of movies.  Netflix is my homie and I try to go to the movie theater every week.  Every movie is like a 2-hour escape from reality.  Every movie is also 2-hours that you have to spend with the actors and actresses who are trying to convince you that the movie set they’re running around on is actually another planet instead of a back lot in L.A.  Sometimes, those actors and actresses get a little annoying…and sometimes they get a lot annoying.

Today we’re going to look at two pretty annoying actresses – Megan Fox and Kristen Stewart.  Which one makes the title “actress” more of an irony than a career?  Which one is more ridiculously over-hyped? We shall let the list decide.

Career
Megan Fox is enjoying a successful career of acting and posing for provocative photos.  Unfortunately for her acting career, she seems to be much more successful at posing semi-nude for just about any camera that flashes nearby.  Oh well, at least we have such gems as Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen to fall back on.

Kristen Stewart is young, but has already been thrown into some pretty serious roles…most of which have already been forgotten (sorry, but I was way distracted by Adam Brody to even notice little ‘ole Kristen in In The Land Of Women).  Maybe if she sparkled like her vampire boyfriend I’d actually pay attention to her while she murmurs her lines.

Point: Megan Fox. Kristen is younger and not quite as skanky as Megan Fox, so there is a chance that she’ll pull some sweet movies in the near future.  That is, if she can speak above a whisper.

Cultishness
Megan Fox has fans like you would not believe.  Most are of the geeky, slightly chubby, and introverted class, but she has a nice proportion of Maxim-reading fraternity brothers avidly following her career as well.  She’s gotten to the point where even her thumbs are famous on their own (toe thumbbssss).

Kristen Stewart shares some of the same fan base with Megan Fox, but she definitely has the pre-teen, vampire-loving market cornered.  Every boy who secretly wishes he was a vampire also secretly wishes he had Kristen Stewart by his side, constantly touching her hair and mumbling something unintelligible.

Point: Kristen Stewart. Sorry, but Megan Fox is ranked way higher on Google Trends (and in every guy’s spank bank).

Pre-Teen Cred
Megan Fox fights robots.  Rad!

Kristen Stewart dates vampires.  Hot!

Point: Kristen Stewart. Yeah, every pre-teen girl (okay, and pretty much every other girl) loves Twilight.  But the reason they love it are those hottie sparkling vampire dudes, not sweet, unassuming Bella.  Megan Fox is hot AND she gets down with the autobots.  Win.

Love Life
Megan Fox isn’t dating anyone at the moment (I think), but she’s romantically interested in just about everyone, women included.  All those Comic Con geeks might actually have a chance after all…

Kristen Stewart is dating (pretty quietly, too, I might add) the cute little dork from her movie, Speak.  Sorry, aspiring vampires.  Guess you’re going to have to find your own Bella.

Point: Megan Fox. She needs to calm herself and just pick a sexual orientation already.

Press Coverage
Megan Fox is all over the internet (and high school lockers).  We’re talking mass coverage here.  So much so that if I see one more blog post about any part of Megan Fox’s anatomy, I will seriously consider turning my computer off for a full three hours.

Kristen Stewart is, surprisingly, well covered in the media.  Apparently, the gossip hounds love Twilight, too (or their children do…).  Otherwise, I can’t come up with an explanation for the countless hours of coverage on her love life, her hair, etc.  Really? I mean…how interesting can her hair possibly be?

Point: Megan Fox. Seriously, we get it.  She’s hot.  Enough already.

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Megan Fox. Girl, you were in Transformers and some crappy Lindsey Lohan movie.  Why don’t you put down the bottle of sunless tanner and try reading a script that doesn’t cater to lonely men and geeky teenagers?